The Man with the Golden Typewriter (18 page)

Again with very many thanks for your delightful letter.

TO MAJOR W. MACLAGAN, Trinity College, Oxford

In the guise of a station officer in the Secret Service, the Senior Tutor of Trinity College pointed out several mistakes in Fleming's recent ‘briefing'. Apart from misspelling the name of Grant's birthplace, he had also mentioned National Service – to which Grant, as an Irish citizen, would not have been subject. Furthermore, setting aside various elementary mistakes about the geography of Istanbul, Fleming had described the Mosque of Sultan Ahmed as containing Byzantine frescoes. ‘It is well known, even among the comparatively ill-informed inhabitants of Istanbul, that this building was only erected between 1609 and 1617 by the architect Sedefkar Mehmet Aga, and contains no earlier work.' But he was relieved to hear that Bond's health seemed to be ‘no worse than that of the former agent S. Holmes after his reported death at Reichenbach'.

30th April, 1957

Dear Sir,

Your minute of April 25th has been referred to the Department concerned. It is unlikely that it will find its way to the already over-burdened desk of M. but I have no doubt that appropriate action will be taken.

As the biographer of James Bond, I am very gratified to know that, in what amounts to a secret report of some 70,000 words, more errors should not have been noted by the sharp eyes and expert brains of the Trinity Station. On the other hand, I must, for my part, express astonishment that an error much more gross than those you detailed is to be found in line 1 of page 18.

Here a printer's error has written “asexuality” that appeared in the manuscript as “sexuality”, thus rendering impossible a true appreciation of the psychology of the agent Grant.

The necessary erratum slip will appear in future editions of this volume but not thanks to the research work, in other respects meticulous, of Station Trinity.

On this occasion “reasons in writing” will not be called for but you, as commanding officer, will no doubt call for a general tightening up in the personnel of the research section.

So far as the welfare of James Bond is concerned, a bulletin from his medical advisors has been issued to the public press and will, I hope, appear this week in the correspondence columns of the “New Statesman and Nation” and “The Times Literary Supplement”.

Yours Faithfully.

TO GEOFFREY M. CUCKSON, ESQ., Nottingham

With some regret as to the lack of bondage, Fleming's steadfast correspondent felt he could say little to match his critique of
Diamonds are Forever.

30th April, 1957

Many thanks for your letter of April 26th and I am delighted that you enjoyed “From Russia, With Love”.

At the same time I am very sorry not to have had something along the lines of your admirable criticism of my last book – far more positive than my reviewers.

Bond is, in fact, suffering from Fugu poisoning (a particularly virulent member of the curare group obtained from the sex glands of the Japanese Globe fish), so I am afraid it is unlikely that a further volume of his biography will appear before next April.

Again with many thanks for your letter.

TO WREN HOWARD

14th May, 1957

Dear Bob,

“From Russia with Love”

I am delighted with your progress with the book clubs and your success in screwing them all up.

I cannot remember how we split the profits from these book club deals before but please follow previous proportions.

Incidentally, you will be interested to know that the Express are desperately anxious to turn James Bond into a strip-cartoon. I have grave doubts about the desirability of this. A certain cachet attaches to the present operation and there is a danger that if stripped we shall descend into the Peter Cheyney class
⁸
which, while superficially attractive from your point of view, has, I think, disadvantages for both of us. Unless the standard of these books is maintained they will lose their point and I think there is a grave danger that inflation would not only spoil the readership, but also become something of a death-watch beetle inside the author. A tendency to write still further down might result. The author would see this happening and disgust with the operation might creep in.

On the other hand, the Editor of the Express, who sees these points, says that they would only do it if they could achieve a Rolls Royce job and he is preparing some roughs for my inspection and I will let you know how things go.

As my literary chaperone, the whole problem is one upon which I would like to have William's view in due course and perhaps you could give him the rag to chew over.

If I was a bit more hard-boiled it would be easy to guy the whole Bond operation in a great splurge of promotion and sales, but somehow it all goes against the grain a bit and I dare say much the same problem faces authors whose books are made into a lot of films.

Perhaps I have an abnormal affection for privacy and antipathy for display!

Anyway, I would welcome and abide by William's decision.

TO RONALD NATHAN, ESQ., Reservations Controller, Elal Israel Airlines, 295 Regent Street, London, W.1.

El Al noticed that of the many flights Bond could have caught from Istanbul, there had been no mention of their own. They sent a detailed brochure to illustrate the connections available. Fleming's reply skirted tactfully round the idea of Bond visiting the Middle East – the region seems never to have caught his fancy.

1st July, 1957

What busy bees you all are to be sure at Elal Airlines and I shall certainly amend the paragraph to include Elal when the book is reprinted.

I am delighted that you enjoyed it and I hope one day James Bond may find himself being borne to adventure on your wings.

TO F. ENGALL, ESQ., 4/28 St. John's Park, London, S.E.3.

A traveller who knew his trains said that Fleming had got Bond's route on the Orient Express wrong. On leaving Turkey the train split south through Greece and north through Bulgaria. Bond, who was on the northern part, would have entered the Eastern Bloc via Svilengrad, rather than Dragoman, which was on the border between Greece and Yugoslavia.

19th July, 1957

Thank you very much for your letter of yesterday's date and I do see that I have slipped up badly over Dragoman. I can't think how this happened. I must have muddled the inward frontier town with the outward one, and I will correct to Svilengrad in future editions.

But I think you are mistaken about the two halves of the train. Certainly when I made the journey a couple of years ago the back portion of the train was detached at the Turkish frontier and took the route through Bulgaria. I happen to be fairly certain about this because Cooks issued me a ticket via the Bulgaria section instead of the Greek, although I had no Bulgarian visa, and in consequence I had quite a lot of trouble on the train.

Your quick eye has missed one grievous error pointed out by another train enthusiast. I gave the Orient Express hydraulic brakes instead of vacuum!

Again with many thanks for your helpful criticism.

TO JAMES KEDDIE, JR., ESQ., 28 Laurel Avenue, Wellesley Hills 81, Massachusetts, U.S.A.

On behalf of the Boston Chapter of the Baker Street Irregulars, his notepaper headed The Speckled Band (Office of the Cheetah), James Keddie
wanted to know if Jimmie Bond was still alive and kicking as reported by the
Herald Tribune.

24th September, 1957

How very kind of you to have written – and on such very exciting note-paper.

I am delighted that you are enjoying the adventures of James Bond but I am perturbed to learn that, through some slip-up in Security, a notice on the bulletin Board in the Secret Service should have reached the public in America.

However, for your confidential information, the details of the leakage published in the
Herald Tribune
are correct and James Bond has returned to duty.

The next chapter of his biography will appear in England, under the title “Doctor No”, in March of next year – to coincide with the daffodil season.

TO DAVID WOOD, ESQ., 75 Kensington Gardens Square, London, W.2.

From Russia with Love
included a great deal of information about the Soviet Union that Fleming knew would be of interest to his Cold War readers. Unfortunately, Mr Wood wrote to say that he had got Moscow quite wrong. A street he described as wide and dreary was in fact narrow and more fun than most, containing as it did two of the city's best cinemas. And no. 14, which Fleming mentioned as being opposite KGB headquarters, was in fact a baker's. As an aside, and with reference to a remark Fleming had made in a recent article, he recalled meeting the spy Alexander Foote, possibly by this time dead, whom he remembered as a bluff-spoken Yorkshireman who distributed Communist leaflets.

24th September, 1957

Thank you very much for your extremely interesting letter, which I was delighted to have.

I was very interested to read what you have to say about Sretenka Ulitsa. My own information came from a Russian spy who came over to
our side and if I ever see him again I shall raise your points with him. For the time being, I can only suppose that the inoffensive baker has been installed as a “front”!

If Alexander Foote is dead it is news to me and, here again, your remarks are most interesting. He was certainly a first-class spy and I was glad to have an opportunity to raise my hat to him.

Again with many thanks for your helpful and factual letter and I am delighted that I have such a perceptive observer amongst my readers.

TO MISS A. D. STEWART, 24 Eglinton Crescent, Edinburgh

25th September, 1957

Thank you very much indeed for taking the trouble to write to me and I am glad that some of the James Bond stories have given you pleasure.

I appreciate what you say about the last book and I agree that Bond made a fool of himself. The trouble is that people do make fools of themselves in real life and unless Bond were some kind of cardboard hero, which he is not, my serious accounts of his adventures must contain the whole portrait – warts and all.

I think you will find, if you have not cast him aside completely, that in the next chapter of his life story, which will be published next March under the title of “Doctor No”, James Bond will have benefited by the sharp lesson he learned on his previous case.

Again with many thanks for having taken the trouble to rebuke me so charmingly.

TO DOCTOR G. R. C. D. GIBSON, Chapel Road, Wisbech, Cambs.

Dr Gibson, with whom Fleming had previously discussed cars, announced that, ‘Being a Scot, I retain a certain disapproval, probably Calvinistic, of authors and books and such works of the devil'. Nevertheless, he was disappointed that his local library had banned
From Russia with Love
as being pornographic and hoped to see Bond back on the shelves soon. He had one
motoring complaint, though: ‘vintage Bentleys are really a bit vieux jeu these days', and if Bond was to be resurrected maybe it could be with an Aston Martin? As to a literary means of restoring Bond to health, ‘how about “with one mighty leap he threw off the effects of the poison?”'.

26th September, 1957

Dear Doctor Gibson,

How very kind of you to have written. [. . .] As to James Bond's motor car, he is in fact in the process of being re-equipped, and the body-builders are now at work on the chassis. For security reasons I'm sure you will appreciate that neither the make of the car nor its speed can at this date be revealed.

To which Gibson replied, ‘obviously the fellow can't be making a large salary, which rules out the exotic stuff like Uhlenhaut's special Merc on a 300 SLR chassis – what about an Aston Martin DB 2 with a 3 litre engine.' Two books later Bond would indeed be driving an Aston.

TO DAVID CHIPP, ESQ., Reuters' Representative in Peking, c/o Reuters, 85 Fleet Street, E.C.4.

David Chipp, a journalist based in China, wanted to know why Fleming had killed Bond. Also, how did the Soviet cameramen know that JB would leave the lights on while making love to Romanova? ‘Not everyone does!'

10th December, 1957

How faithless my readers are. Surely they should assume that if James Bond must one day die it will not be as a result of a kick on the shin. [. . .]

As for your very perceptive P.S., the voyeurs did not expect such rich pictorial fruit. The best they hoped for were one or two pre-prandial, so to speak, snaps which would have been sufficient for their purpose. They could not know, but could conceivably have guessed, that Bond would never be so unwise as to embrace a confessed Russian spy in the dark.

No, the cardinal error in this book was to furnish the Orient-Express with hydraulic instead of vacuum brakes – a gross mistake which the Black Belt grade amongst James Bond's audience have been quick to seize upon.

Incidentally, some of my happiest years were spent in Reuters and I only resigned when I was offered an appointment as Chief Representative in the Far East on a salary, with expenses, of £800 a year – barely enough to cover my opium consumption.

TO H. B. KLUGMAN, 23 Clovelly Road, Greenside, Johannesburg, South Africa

A South African fan felt that James Bond should not have suffered such an ignominious end. These things might happen in real life, but surely a fiction writer could ensure that justice prevailed? That's what most people wanted.

28th October, 1958

Dear Mr., or possibly Miss, Klugman,

Thank you very much for taking the trouble to write to me about “From Russia, With Love” and I entirely see your point.

The trouble is that James Bond has had it all too easy in his previous four adventures and it was time for him to suffer a rebuff and even a rather ignominious one. Even more so as he was altogether too cock-a-hoop about his victory over Red Grant and it was criminally foolish of him to have gone alone to the Ritz.