The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (20 page)

     As I was saying of her she was getting older now and her face and the body of her gave a wooden look to her.
     There was nothing in her to connect her with the past the present or the future, there was not any history of her. They were three daughters to her and they then lived altogether, the mother the man who was a husband to her and the three girls Anna, Cora and Bertha. The only thing that could ever give to any one who knew her the mother of the three of them Anna, Cora and Bertha, the only thing that could ever give to any one who knew her a history of her was as they would see it in the history of each one of the three girls who had been once inside her, not of her then, though they were then inside her. The history of each one of them would never make a history for her, the three of them and each one of them made it that one could know about her the history of her. The history they each one of them went through before her as they went through their living and they were the daughters of her, was the history of her who had once had them inside her, once she must have gone through the changes that each one of them went through as they lived longer, there was no history in her, they never made any history for her, the history of them as they went on in their changing around her, each girl repeating in her in the changes that went on in each one inside in her was the repeating around her what once had been changes in her, they were not for her the history of her, they were not for her any past or present or future, there was not in her anything of history inside her, there was not in her any importance to her, there was not in her anything to hold her together with the three girls around her who went through their changes in front of her the three girls who once had been inside her, there was not in her any history of her, there was not in her any importance to her, there was in her real existence inside her, there was in her a character of her and that was all that was then her, that was all then that was ever in her, there was never any history in her, there was a history of her and that the three girls were living around her, they were having the changes she had had in her and now she was getting older and her face and body was getting to be wooden all through her and existence was always just the same in her, it was all there was of her.
     The three girls Anna and Cora and Bertha went through the changes then and they were living then altogether, they went through their changes, the changes she had had in her, first they were in Anna then in Cora and then in Bertha and they were never to the mother a history of her, they were never to her a history inside her, there was never in her any connection inside her with a past or present or a future, these changes in the girls with her were like all the objects around her, like the making of dresses to her, like the changing of the eating from the green stuff they brought to her, through the cooking that was natural for her to the eating that came after, this was all to her like the changes in Anna and Cora and Bertha, they never made a history for her, they were not to her a history of her, they were the changes around her, and first it was in Anna then in Cora then in Bertha, each one of them had been once inside her, that was not a history to her, they were changing then around her, that, was not history of her in her, she was getting older now and looking wooden, that did not change in her the existence inside her, that was a change like all the others in her, that was not any more of a history to her, existence was always just the same inside her and it would always be so in her until she died and that would be one more change of her, it would not be a change to her and so it was now with the girls around her, they went through their changes before her, they were not a history to her they were not for her a history of her, they were three daughters with her, they went through their changes one after another, they lived there in the small house all together she and the man who was a husband to her and the three girls who each one once had been inside her, and that was not a history to her, that was like all the other changes in her, that was like eating and dressmaking for her and so she had existence in her and she always worked hard and had a character in her and she never had importance for any one around her. She had existence in her like the useful things around her, she had character, she had had changes in her and now she was getting older and there was a little more wooden change inside her and so there would be changes in her until she would be all through with all the changes she had in her and always there would be real existence to her and always there would be character to her always there would never be a past or present or a future connected with her, always there would be existence in her, there would be changes, there would never be any history of her to her.
     The eldest daughter of them Anna had come then to be a rather beautiful woman. No one thought it about them that all three of them would have that as a change in them. No one thought it about her the mother of them that she had had once a change in her like this change in them before she had borne any one of them. The eldest one had beauty then, now when she was grown to be a woman, all three of them one after the other came to have in them as one of the changes that went through them, beauty in them when they were not any longer children. Not one of the three of them had any signs in them of such a thing going to happen to them until it had happened in them. The one of them, to any one who began at any time to know them, the one of them who had come to be a woman then and to have this change into beauty which happened to each one of them, had it that this had already happened to her then, to any one who came then to know them it was a fact then that this one was a beautiful woman but this never made any connection for them to the other or other ones who had not had the change in them, the beauty in the one that had it then was like existence in the mother of them, it was in them one after the other of them as if it had always been in them, it had no connection in them with a past or future in them, it had no connection in them to any other changes that had been or could come to them, it had no connection with the others of them who were then with or without beauty in them, it had no connection with the mother of them, with the change she once had which was like the change in each one of them but nothing made any connection between any of them, to the mother of them, nor to the father of them for he had not any real existence in him to any one of them.
     The change then came in each one of them and now it was Anna the eldest of them that was a beautiful woman to everybody around them then. The beauty in her then to any one who came to know all of them was, as beauty came to be in each one of them, a thing that when it was in any one of them then, was to any one who knew them then, something that was always in them always to be in them, always had been in them, in the others of them then there was not any sign of any such a change ever to be in them, in the mother of them there was nothing then that connected her with any such a change in them, there was nothing in her then to connect her with that one or with them, when there were more of them that had then this change in them, there was nothing in her that made it true for any one who knew her then that she had had in her any such change to connect her with that one or with them who had it then, that she had had it in her before she had borne them. How any one knew it about them that the mother had had such a change in her before them, how any one knew it about them that the others of them would have such a change in them, that, no one who knew them could ever answer in them. Perhaps it was the existence the mother had inside her for all of them, perhaps it was this that gave to every one who knew them no feeling of surprise in them that each one of them and the mother before them had, were having and were to have such changes in them, there was not anything to connect them together then except the existence in the mother of them, existence that was real in her for every one who came to know them, that never made her important to them but that made her a real thing to them, and this was what made it natural that all of them should go through, each one of them, the changes in them that every one of them had in them, this is what never made one think it about them that they would have such changes in them, that is what never made it a surprise to any one of them that they had such changes in them, it was the existence in the mother of them, this is what made real the changes in them to every one that knew them. The existence in the mother of them is what made the change that was then in any one of them a final thing in each one of them, and the mother of them, to any one who knew them then. The existence in the mother of them, at the time then when one knew them, made it, the change that was then them, to every one who knew them then, a thing that was forever in them, it was the existence that the mother of them had in her then that made whatever was in them to any one who knew them as if it were everlasting. The mother had existence in her, she had no importance to her, there had been there would be changes in her but this never made any history for her, there was nothing in her to connect her with a past a present or a future, there was nothing in her to connect her with the changes in the daughters around her, to connect her with the man who was a husband to her, there was existence in her, there was no importance to her, there was no history in her for her, there was no history of her to her in the changes in the daughters there around her.
     In the eldest daughter Anna there, was more of importance inside her than there was in the mother of her, than there was in the sisters who went through their changes later, than there was in her father who lived in the house with her.
     In her there was not so much existence inside her as there was in the mother but there was more of importance to herself inside her, she was more important to every one who knew her, there was more of her in the things that happened to her, she was more important to the things that happened to her than her mother had ever been in all the living she had had all her life in her. Anna had inside her more importance in her, more than in her mother, more like that in her father, but with her there was real existence inside her, not so much existence as there was in the mother but existence enough to make alive the feeling of importance to herself inside her, enough to make others feel her, enough to make her important to every one that knew her. Anna had in her real existence to her, not so much as in her mother but enough to the making her living inside in her, she was important to herself inside from her own power in her, she was important to herself inside her as her father was when he was with other men around him to make him to be real inside him, when the father had men around him then there was in him a feeling of importance in him as a man among them and he was important to them then to his feeling, but really, in him there was no existing, it took other men around him to make him alive inside him, he had no existence in him. In the mother of them there was always strong existing but there was never anything of an important feeling, she was always existing, she was not important in her being, she was not any more existing with others who came near her in her living than she was when she was alone with her being, she was always existing, she was never important in her feeling, she was never important to any one who knew them, she was like any article around them, she had strong existence for them she was never in any way important for them, she had not in any way in her any changes for them, she was not important to any one of them.
     There were three of them then Anna and Cora and Bertha. In Anna had come the change that made a beauty of her, she had less existence in her than the mother she had as much importance in her as the father, she had enough existence in her to make real inside her the important feeling she had in her.
     It came to her to have things happen to her and in her, she had a career in her and later they will come out in her the things that happened to her.
     The second daughter Cora had in her less existence than the mother and no important feeling in her, beauty came to her, things happened to her, there was nothing in her that made anything important to her. Cora went through her changes a little slower than her sister Anna. They came in her slowly, they gave no importance to her, there was existence in her not enough to make her living, always, like the mother, there was not in her enough of existence like the mother to make a solid thing of her, there was in her a little uncertain feeling like that in the father but there was nothing in her that gave to her a sense of being important inside her from others being around her, others around her were as they were to her mother they were around her and that was all the meaning they had in her, they were around her, they did things to her, for her, they never gave to her as they did to her father and to her sister Anna a feeling of importance to herself inside her, they were as they were to her mother, things around in her; in her, existence was not strong in her as it was always in the mother and so in her as in her father there was a little something uncertain and not solid to her, and all this will come out in her in the history of the Hersland family who came then more and more to know her.
     There were three of them Anna and Cora and Bertha; Bertha had in her less of existence in her than any of them except the father. Bertha had in her enough of existence in her to make her alive when she was a little girl and there was not very much of her, she had not in her enough of existence to her to make her alive inside her when it came to her to be a young girl and later to have beauty in her and to be a woman then. There was not enough to her of existence in her to make her alive inside her when she had gone through in her with the change of being a little girl, not very much of her, even then she was not very living in her, she had not very much existence in her. She had a little more existence in her than her father, enough to make her living when there was so very little of her, then was the only time she had enough existence in her to make her alive inside her. No one who knew her could ever feel that there would be changes, there was not enough existence in her to any one who knew her to keep her alive through changes that went through her, the changes went on in her, they went on in her as they had done in her mother, in her sister Anna and then in her sister Cora, they went on slowly in her, she came later to have beauty in her, she never was very alive inside her, she never had existence like her mother who had existence like the useful things about her, she had not like her father importance from other people around her, when she was a little girl she had a little of such importance in her from the little existence that was then in her the little existence always in her that then kept her alive for there was then so little of her, more and more then as she grew bigger there was not any such importance there was not in her enough existence to make her alive inside her, and there was not any very real living to her, she had never in her any importance from other people around her, she was like her mother only she had very little of existence in her, so that is the history of her, she was alive inside her when there was very little of her when she was a little girl and then she was alive inside her and had in her a little of importance to herself inside her, she grew bigger and there was never then in her any strong existence to her, there was never in her enough importance to her to make it real in her, there was not later an uncertain feeling to her, there was in her the existence in her, the importance of it to her that had been in her when she was a little girl and was alive inside her for then there was so little of her. There was not in her later an uncertain feeling to her as there was in her father as there was in her sister Cora, there was in her always just the same being inside her, when she was a woman, when she had beauty in her, there was then inside her just the same existence in her just the same importance inside her that there had been when she was a little girl and there was not very much to her. She was like her mother, the little existence she had was really there in her, she was like her father, the little existence she had was important to her, she was not like her mother, the little existence was never very strong in her, she was not like her father, she could never get existence in her she could never get importance to her from other people around her, she had enough existence in her it was important enough inside her to make her alive in her when she was a little girl and there was not very much to her. There never came to be any more in her neither of existence nor of importance in her and later when she was bigger when she became a woman and had beauty, there was not in her enough of existence and of importance in her to fill her and so she was then later never very alive inside her, there was then of her, too much, for the existence and importance inside her. She was then, never, when she was bigger, when she was finished with the change of being a little girl and not very much to her, she was never after very alive inside her.