The Makeover (52 page)

Her flaws—the
pride, the bitterness, the rebellion, the anger—were a part of her.  And
because they were part of her, as of right then, he loved those too.  Yes,
he petitioned the Lord to heal those flaws, but he loved them in the meantime
because they were just a small fraction of who she was.  He believed those
flaws would no longer reign in who the Lord led her to become. 

And thinking
about her, in all of her sweetness and tartness, her intelligence and
foolishness, her shyness and her recent arrogance, Paulo’s love for her flooded
his heart. 

And his heart
reminded him that he could not give up or give in.

So with a
pounding headache, a churning stomach, a hoarse voice, and tearful eyes, he whispered
to the Lord, “Please, Father, lead me in this prayer.”  He waited before
continuing.  “Please, Jesus, give me Your strength because I can’t go
through this on my own.  I stand again in the gap for Phoenix.  She
is the woman I am so in love with that I would trade my life for hers.  It
hasn’t been a long time since I’ve known her and loved her.  It certainly
hasn’t been easy loving her, Jesus.  But it hasn’t been easy for You to
love us and yet You died for us.  So I take full responsibility for her
sin, Lord.  And on her behalf I ask that You forgive her and call her to
Yourself so she may repent and accept Your gift.  I am not asking for her
salvation so I can have her become my wife.  I am asking You to save her
for her sake and for Your glory.  Please, Lord, reveal the truth to
her.  Whatever she is facing right now, show her the truth.  Show her
what she is about to do, or is doing, is wrong.  Stand guard around her
mind and heart and rebuke the enemy’s efforts.  I stand on Your
Word.  God, I ask you to keep me in prayer on her behalf…”

So the Spirit
led his son, Paulo, to do for Phoenix what she was unwilling to do for herself—

Fight.

***

Phoenix paced
the apartment, wondering why Cedric was taking so long to return.  The
more time he took, the harder it was for her to continue convincing herself to
go through her plan for revenge.  She kept longing to pray, really pray,
but was afraid.  She knew God had the answers but was not sure she had the
right to ask Him for anything.

The Voice that
had been trying to convince her of otherwise was no longer speaking and she
felt a sense of loss.  She knew, in her heart, that it was the Lord trying
to speak to her but she had shut Him out.  Now she had lost her chance.

And all she had
left was a chance to hurt Cedric.

“God,” she
whispered, again unaware that speaking the name of God got His attention. 
“I wish I could know what to do.  I want to know why he really showed up
here.”

Again, Phoenix
felt an urge to pray.  Yes, she had been asking the questions out loud,
philosophically, and rhetorically, but she knew she needed to ask God directly.

She sighed, and
paced, and sighed and wondered.  But still she did not feel as though she
could face God.

And what if she
didn’t like the answers she received?

As the light
got stronger in her dark heart, her resolve began to break.  “Maybe I
should read the Bible…”

Walking over to
her sofa, she grabbed her Bible on the way.  She closed her eyes and
whispered, “If You have something to say, God, here I am.”

After thumbing
through the pages, she opened the Bible to II Timothy.  Her eyes were
drawn to the third chapter.  She read aloud, “But mark this: There will be
terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves,
lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive…” She paused as she continued
reading, only to gasp when she reached verse six.  In a trembling voice,
Phoenix read out loud, “Have nothing to do with such people.  They are the
kind who work their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who
are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always
learning but never able to acknowledge the truth…” She gasped.  “Oh my…”

She dropped the
Bible.  Her shaking hands covered her mouth as she faced the Word of God
coming right from the Throne, through His Bible, into her heart.

She cried from
the depths of her soul.

Phoenix decided
then that she needed to pray. 

Sinking to her
knees, weeping, she said, “Father God, I give up.  I confess sinning
against You deliberately and intentionally.  I ask You, Jesus—”

The doorbell
rang.

She continued
urgently “—for forgiveness of all of my sins.  Please be my Sa—”

“Phoenix!”
Cedric shouted urgently from the hallway.  “Open up!  I’m back!”

Phoenix jumped
off the floor, worried that her neighbors would be calling the cops with all
the noise at almost eleven at night.  She figured she would have to finish
praying later.  She was dismayed that she had lost her chance. 
Again.

Yanking open
the front door, she hissed, “Are you crazy?  Why are you banging like
that?  You know how they are about noise next door.”

Before Phoenix
had a chance to stop him, he stormed past her.  “My bad.  So where
the vodka at?”

Phoenix
sighed.  She felt funny having a drink now that she had started to pray
just a few moments ago, but the desire to have a drink to calm her frayed
nerves rose within her so strongly that she could physically taste the
liquor. 

You know you
need a drink to calm down.  He’s back.  You can’t back out of your
plan now.  Have another drink.  All this stress is getting to you,
Satan
whispered
.

She rushed into
the kitchen to grab the vodka.

“What took you
so long? You’ve been gone for, like, half an hour,” Phoenix asked as she
returned to the living room.

Cedric
smiled.  “Yeah, I was out there catching up with some of the
fellas
I ain’t seen in a while since I moved.  I lost
track of time and
something
made me glance at my watch and I saw that I
had kept you waiting for that long.  I couldn’t get back up here to you
fast enough.  Sorry about that, Sweetie.”

Hearing Cedric
suddenly using of one of Paulo’s pet names for her almost made her gag. 
Still she poured him a drink, mixing the cranberry juice with vodka.  She
poured herself one as well and sat down on the arm chair across from him. 
She held the drink in her hands.

Cedric downed
his drink in one gulp and let out a satisfied, “
Ahhhhh
,”
when he was finished.  Of course that was promptly followed by a belch.

Phoenix rolled
her eyes.

“Excuse me,”
Cedric said, winking, before getting up to fix himself another.  He looked
at the drink that was resting in her hands.  “Aren’t you having yours?”

“I want to have
the truth,” Phoenix blurted out, startled at her own words. 
Uh, that
is not what I meant to say.  Where did that come from?

“The truth?”
Cedric frowned as he drank another glass in three throaty gulps.  “What do
you mean?”

“I mean why you
are here?  What happened with your new girlfriend?”  Phoenix couldn’t
stop herself from asking the questions if she tried.  This was not part of
her plan.  She was intent on saying the words that would relax Cedric,
allowing her to flirt with him, seduce him.   Right then, however,
she could think of nothing more than confirming exactly what was going
on.  She was no longer happy about her plan.  Sure, she had been
determined to go through with her plan, but at that moment, just felt trapped
in it.  She was now sorry she had allowed Cedric back inside, grasping
that when he first left, that had been her chance to make things right, to avoid
going through with what she had been tempted to do. 

Now she was
trapped again.

“I thought we
went over that already?” Cedric snapped as he grabbed the vodka to pour a third
drink.  After mixing in some cranberry juice, he pulled out a cigarette
and lit it. 

“Can you put
that out?” Phoenix asked. 

“Why?  You
never minded me smoking before.  You used to be a real chimney
yourself. 
Yo
, why don’t you just relax and have
that drink you’re wasting?  You’re so tense.”  Cedric took a long
drag on his cigarette before holding out the pack to Phoenix.  “Have one.”

Phoenix
snatched the pack from his hand and slammed it on the coffee table.  Why
did she get the sense that he was trying to distract her.  She decided to
confront him as if he were one of her mental health clients.  Maybe the
reflection technique would work.  If she could reflect back his actions,
and behaviors, and the attitude behind it, he would tell her the truth. 
“Cedric, again, I am asking you to tell me the truth.  You show up here,
all of a sudden, late at night, saying that for the first time in six months,
you can’t get me out of my mind.  That doesn’t make sense.  If you
had seen the new me somewhere, and
then
wanted me back, I would trust
that more.  Thing is, as far as you were concerned, I was still the same
fat, ugly chick you couldn’t get away from fast enough.  And then, on top
of that, you have a pregnant fiancé at home.  Why are you here?  I
have been asking you to be frank with me and you keep trying to distract me. 
What are you hiding?”

Cedric merely
looked at her as he continued to smoke and sip.  After several moments, he
shrugged and sighed.  “I am not hiding anything, Fe.  It’s like I
said, I missed you and—”

So much for
almost eleven years of psychology education,
Phoenix seethed. 
God…

“Don’t hand me
those lies, Cedric.  I rebuke your devilish lies.  Tell me the truth!
” The words again tumbled from Phoenix’s mouth.  She didn’t know where
they came or what had caused her to speak them with such anger, but the force
of that emotion running through her was a powerful freight train.  “I want
to know why you are here and I expect you to tell me the truth, so help you
God!”

Cedric blinked
in surprise before he curled up his lip.  “Why are you yelling at
me?  Calm down.  I already told you the truth.  I said I’ve been
missing you—”

“Look, just
tell me!” Phoenix shouted, tears springing to her eyes.  “I can’t stand
the lies anymore.  I need the truth.” 
God, please let him just
tell me the truth! 

Although
Phoenix was simply thinking the thought, it was all the Lord needed to
completely move on her behalf.

Because once
she called on His Name, He had to keep His promise to His children: Ask and you
shall receive.

“I don’t know
why you’re acting like that, Phoenix!” Cedric jumped off the couch, inflamed by
her words and the alcohol coursing through his veins.  He tossed the lit
cigarette into the his glass and stormed over to her.  He grabbed her and
pulled her out of her chair. 

“What are you
doing?” she asked, trying to wrench herself away.

“You’re sitting
there, on your high horse, yelling at me when I came to see you!  You
should be happy I was even thinking about you.  What? You lose some weight
and I am supposed to bow down to you all of a sudden?  Never that,
alright?  Never that!”

“I never asked
you to bow down to me, Cedric!  I just wanted you to be real with
me!”  Phoenix pulled her arms out of his grip with renewed strength. 
“You need to leave!”

“I ain’t going
anywhere,” he sneered.  “You’re the one starting with me.  You keep
harping on telling you the truth and I did.  What I told you was true.”

“I still don’t
believe that is all to this story, Cedric.  You show up here after so
long, with a pregnant fiancée and—”

“Stop saying
that!  Why do you keep bringing her up?”  Cedric growled.  “Stop
talking about her!”

“Why, that’s
the situation, right?  You cheated on me with her, got with her when I
kicked you out, got her pregnant, and proposed marriage.  Isn’t that what
happened?”

“Yes, I mean
no—”

“So if it’s ‘no,’
then tell me what happened?  Why did you suddenly want to come over and be
with me when you obviously love her and—”

“I don’t love
her, I mean I do, but she—”

“Then why did
you propose to her?  Why is she having your baby?”

“I did propose,
but we’re not getting married.  And she is not having the baby!” Cedric
screamed, breathing heavily. 

“What?” Phoenix
let the words linger in the air as she tried to understand.  “I thought—”

“Yeah, I know
what you thought,” Cedric grumbled.  He went to the kitchen, returned with
another glass, and poured another drink before sitting back down on the
couch.  “I know what you thought,” he repeated.

“What are you
talking about, Cedric? Just spit it out.”

“She left me,
okay?” Cedric’s face crumbled.  “She’s gone.”

“What?”
Phoenix’s face turned to stone as she stared at her drunk ex-fiancé, who was
sitting on her couch, crying over another woman.  “What are you talking
about?”

“She left me
about two weeks ago.  She told her parents about her pregnancy and they
flew in from China.  They made her pack her things and go back to China
with them.   When they came, she didn’t even put up a fight. 
Just packed her stuff and left.  Last week, they made her call me. 
She told me she can never see me again or they will cut her off.  They
even made her have an abortion.  She said she was wrong for disobeying her
parents and never meant to do more than have some fun with me while she was in
New York for a few months.  She said she couldn’t risk her parents
disowning her, or she wouldn’t be able to support herself while going to
college, then medical school, as she was planning.  She is supposed to be
marrying a man from a family that is close to hers in a couple of weeks,
someone she was supposed to be marrying all along.  She said that she had
never expected us to get serious, or for her to get pregnant, because she had
been planning to go back to China soon to get married anyway.  Now that
she had the abortion, she is going forward with her plans.  She’ll move to
San Francisco with her husband in a few months and finish school out
there.  I guess I was her way of sticking it to her parents.  Nothing
more.  I guess I, or our baby, didn’t mean anything to her.”