The Loyal Heart (24 page)

Aubrey struggled against Crispin’s arms. He only tried to hold onto her for a moment before letting her to her feet. “They escaped … and you knew it?” The world tipped around her.

“Aubrey, let me explain.”

“You don’t have to marry him!” Toby danced with urgency. “You don’t have to-”

“I already married him!” Her furious eyes whipped back to Crispin.

Toby stumbled backwards. His mouth dropped open and a look of shock and despair washed over him. “I’m too late.”

“Yes, you’re too late!” Aubrey stood swaying between the two men, her fists balled at her sides. She turned and lunged at Crispin, grabbing fistfuls of his tunic even as he grasped her arms to keep her from falling. “You unspeakable bastard! You lied to me! You let me marry you based on a lie! And now…. And now I can’t….”

He couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Aubrey, I…. It’s more complicated than that.”

“So you don’t deny it!”

She had defended him time and time again only to discover that Ethan had been right all along. She stood on her own power and punched him in the gut with as much strength as she could summon.

Crispin’s eyes popped open in surprise. She found strength she was sure had deserted her and struck him again across the face. He staggered back. The assembled villagers gasped. As Crispin raised his head, his eyes raked across her dress.

“You lied to me to get me to the altar!” She ignored the dangerous glint in his wide blue eyes. Her strength was already failing and her knees grew weak. And she had really, really wanted to kick him. “How much longer will you lie to me? Is this entire farce of a marriage to be nothing but a pack of lies?”

She tried to yank the ring off her finger. But her hand had swollen with the heat of the anger that pulsed through her whole body and it would not come off.

“I couldn’t tell you that your friends had escaped,” Crispin defended himself, raising a hand to his sore jaw. “I knew that if I told you then you wouldn’t….” His eyes locked on her dress. The flash of understanding they held couldn’t be ignored anymore.

Her glance flickered down to see a sick red spot growing on the gold brocade over her wound. He mimicking the gesture he’d used to slash at the Bandit, the connection now undeniable. Her secret was out.

“It was you.” Bitterness and betrayal darkened the lines of his face. “All this time it was you, challenging me, making a fool of me.”

There was no point in denying it. “It was.”

The whole world went still. None of the villagers or Toby moved or breathed. Crispin shook with agony and rage. Every instinct he had learned in his damaged, twisted life urged him to take hold of her neck and strangle her. But every emotion in his heart and soul entreated him to fall on his knees and beg forgiveness for deceiving her. The terror in her eyes told him that she thought he was going to kill her. He wanted to hurt her, he wanted to love her.

He clenched and unclenched his fists, willing himself to calm, struggling with himself to let reason and love win out over anger and betrayal. “Come with me.” It was a command, not a request. He stepped towards her and swept her along with an arm around her waist. She only resisted for a fraction of a second before lurching forward and falling into quick step beside him, clasping a hand over her bleeding wound and wincing in pain. The peasants and Toby stepped aside to let them pass.

“Where are we going?” Her voice quivered with fear and pain, making him feel sick.

He didn’t answer her. Instead he continued to march her away from the ears of the villagers. He stopped within sight of them and turned to make sure they were all watching, especially Toby. He didn’t want a soul but Aubrey to hear what he was about to say, but he wanted everyone to witness that it was said.

“I have wronged you, Aubrey,” he began through clenched jaw, his eyes meeting hers and holding them with the force of his will. “I know I have. And I beg for your forgiveness.” She reeled, eyes wide and disbelieving. “But you have wronged me as well.” He couldn’t keep the hurt and anger out of his tone as he spoke. “We have hurt each other over and over and over. But not more than fifteen minutes ago we were joined by God in marriage. We can neither of us get out of that.” He saw her expression flicker from fear to something else as she listened to him. “I do not
want
to get out of that. I have only ever wanted you to be my wife from the moment I laid eyes on you. But,” he took a breath to calm his tone, “I don’t know you.”

Silence buzzed between them. Bit by bit life and emotion flickered back into her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but he needed to get everything out before he let her crucify him for everything he’d done. “I
want
to know you.” He closed his hands around her arms. “I want
you
to know
me
. And so I make you this pledge.” He took a deep breath, power surging through him. “I swear to you Aubrey, I will never lie to you again. Ever. And I will go further.” He paused to give her a chance to absorb what he was saying, what he was about to say. His eyes bored into hers. “I want to start this marriage with no secrets between us, no secrets at all. From either of us. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She nodded, a new light of strength in her eyes. “I do.”

He thought that relief would come after he confessed to her. But it came with those words instead. “Yes, I did know that your friends had escaped when I met you at the altar today.”

He couldn’t read the spark in her eyes. For a moment he thought that his brave speech had done nothing but make him an even bigger fool. Then she raised her hands and gripped his arms as he still gripped hers. “I am the Bandit. I have been for years.” Her voice was steady, her eyes locked on his.

He would have rather done anything than speak the words he had pledged to speak. “I lied to you so that you would marry me. I knew you wouldn’t otherwise.”

She swallowed hard. He thought she would let go and run but her grip only tightened. “I have helped Ethan on many occasions during these last few months.”

Every suspicion he had had was proving true. This time when the anger boiled up in him he shut it out with a deep breath. “Buxton gave me this land and my position as Bailiff because I was his knife in the dark. I … I did kill Lord Harold of Windale. On Buxton’s orders. Windale was a threat to his power.” He glanced away in shame.

Too much time passed, too much silence. When he couldn’t stand it for another moment he forced himself to meet her eyes. Instead of the horrified disgust he expected to find he was met by pity and regret. Her lips worked as she tried to speak. He raised his eyebrows to hear her confession. “I … I love Ethan.”

Aubrey had hoped that her most private confession would be followed by some more horrible confession by Crispin so that her heart’s great disappointment could be tossed aside and forgotten. But Crispin was silent. He stepped away from her and she knew that if he didn’t hold her she would pass out. Worse still, she wanted him to hold her. She wanted his arms around her for support that had nothing to do with the gash that was bleeding through her dress. She reached towards his back, seeing his ring on her finger.

The silence between them was broken by hoof beats. They both ignored them until they heard Toby exclaim, “My lord!”

They turned in unison to see Ethan riding like the wind towards them. He wore a fixed look of determination and stretched out an arm as he drew closer.

“Aubrey!” He extended his arm, expecting her to reach out and be caught up onto his horse. When he grew near enough to take her she stepped back in alarm and bumped hard into Crispin. His arms closed around her and she squeezed her eyes shut in relief.

Surprised at being empty-handed, Ethan turned his horse and made a second pass, slower this time. “Well? Didn’t I promise you I would rescue you? What are you waiting for? We can run!”

She could feel the roaring thump of Crispin’s heart against her back as he held her and focused on the frantic rhythm instead of Ethan’s hollow words.

“Well?”

She opened her eyes and when she saw the perturbed expression on his face her heartache boiled to resentment. “You’re too late.” She glanced away. It was too painful to look at him. “You’re too late.”

“I can’t be too late,” he growled and leapt down from his horse. “I can’t. Aubrey, I love you! You love me!” She flinched as if he had hit her with each declaration. “It can’t happen this way. This-”

“Ethan!” She found the strength to scream. “Shut up!” She would not cry, she told herself. She would not cry over him ever again. “What’s done is done. Now go. Go!” When he didn’t move she shouted again, reluctant tears breaking the vow she had just made, “GO!” He still didn’t move. She did the only thing she could think of to get him to leave her to her fate. She turned and buried her head against Crispin’s shoulder.

His arms closed around her. She balled her fists in his tunic, trembling. His head lowered and rested against hers. The gesture of tenderness would have made her howl with grief if she hadn’t been so furious with Ethan for not being the one who was holding her. It didn’t matter for the moment.

She realized she wasn’t the only one trembling. Her body went rigid with anger. The last thing she wanted to do was have feelings for her husband.

“My lord,” the kind voice of Toby muttered through the darkness, “My lord, let’s go.” There was a scuffle, a grunt from Ethan. Crispin sucked in a breath and held her closer. Then Toby spoke again. “My lord, they are already married, there is nothing you can do.” There was another scuffle, a longer one this time. It ended with a groan and a whimper, with the sound of two men mounting one horse. Then came the thundering of hoof beats, loud and furious at first but fading into the distance, replaced by the stunned silence of the late morning.

Through that silence Aubrey heard the hard, steady beating of Crispin’s heart against her ear. The physical pain that had been forgotten ripped through her and she gave into it, letting the world go black and trusting Crispin to keep her from falling.

Aubrey wasn’t sure how long she slept. She wasn’t sure that she was truly awake as her consciousness returned. The light was dim but she could hear music, celebrating. The pain still throbbed in her side but the edge was gone. She felt cooler too. She opened her eyes and stared up to the canopy of an unfamiliar bed. Its posts were wound with white cloth and wildflowers. Cheerful strains of music and laughter wafted into the room. She must have died and was awaking in heaven.

She turned her head to see the room. The sight of Crispin sitting in a chair by the window made her heart leap to her throat. He was so still. He could have been a statue, forearms resting on the arms of the chair, legs apart, back relaxed, head turned to the window. Shadows and light played across his angular face, his long nose, his dark brow. His black hair waved across his forehead, a lock fallen forward and left there. His jaw was tight and set, black stubble making the shadows even more pronounced. But his mouth was soft and curved, waiting. He was beautiful and terrifying.

He felt her staring at him and turned his eyes only to meet hers. She couldn’t look away. He didn’t speak, but everything he could have said was in his flashing blue eyes. He was relieved. He was worried. He was lost.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Her voice was hoarse and foreign.

“I don’t know.”

The music and revelry outside barely touched the hush of the bedroom. She braced her arms against the bed and tried to sit.

“The wise woman said you should not to move.”

“Wise woman?” She ignored the tenderness of his voice and strained to a sitting position, her back resting against the flower-strewn headboard. Still he didn’t move. The events of the morning crept back to her and she remembered he was furious with her. At least she thought he was.

“She treated you when you passed out, redressed your wound, changed you.”

She sucked in a slow breath. “You were here for that?”

He hesitated for a fraction before saying, “Yes.”

“Have you been here this whole time? While I slept?”

“Yes.”

His eyes were so blue as he watched her, the sunset giving color to his otherwise pale face. She didn’t know what to think. He had sat by her bedside for hours just waiting. A man who wanted her blood on his sword would not look at her like that. She dropped her eyes to her hands, touching the ring he’d given her.

Aubrey let the silence swirl between them before asking what she had to. “My friends. You said they escaped. Where are they? Have you seen them?”

Crispin breathed and sat up straight in his chair, wincing at his stiff back. “I have not seen them.”

Disappointment flooded Aubrey’s heart and she looked down at her hands again. “But you know they’re safe? You know for sure that they made it home and that they’re not …”

When he was slow to answer her eyes shot to him once more. He saw her distress and lowered his head as if ashamed. “If they are not in Coventry now then I will find them and make sure that they are safe.”

“What if it’s too late?”

“I will not lie to you, even to spare your feelings, Aubrey.”