The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) (49 page)

“For the last time, I am not pregnant! I promise if I was, you two would be the first to know.” I stomped back to the bedroom after that little outburst.

A tap at the door woke me out of a fuzzy dream. I snuggled deeper into my blanket not willing to let go of the softness of the dream. In it, I stood on a heather-covered slope with my hair whipping behind me. The sun warmed my face as I breathed in the salty air. The ocean crashed against the rocks and I watched as…The tapping came again and this time Sean opened the door and came inside.

“Mica? I hate to wake you up, but we need you.” His voice sounded strained so I sat up and rubbed some life into my eyes as the dream drifted away.

His own eyes burned cobalt, and he was all but vibrating with the desire to fly out of here. It was a small miracle that he even knocked on the door.

“What’s going on?”

Taking my hand, he practically dragged me back to the living room where Dec was pacing in front of the windows. When he saw me, his mouth tightened into a line and he stopped pacing. I hesitated as a feeling of dread began to creep up on me. Judging by the looks on their faces, it was pretty bad. I glanced between them and then noticed the TV remote lying on the coffee table. A lump formed in my throat sending me into a coughing fit.

Tensing for the worst, I begged, “Please tell me you were watching the weather.”

Sean answered for both of them. “No. I’m afraid not.” His eyes were bleak, but he continued, “Her name was Lia.”

Shaken to the core, I whispered, “No, not her. Please tell me this isn’t Scott’s girl!” Neither would say that. Her little heart-shaped face swam before my eyes. She was just a baby…She was so pretty and so young…just waiting for Scott alone at the little table. She was just waiting for her man to come for her but he didn’t. He was unconscious on the patio when she left. My legs didn’t want to hold me up; I sat down heavily on the edge of the couch.

“Same as before?” I asked between my teeth, desperately clinging to logic when all I wanted to do was scream and break things.

Dec’s clenched fist crashed down on the table. “No! It was a hundred times worse. She was…” His voice broke and he sucked in a ragged breath. Squeezing his eyes shut against the images, he choked out, “She was…hacked to pieces.”

His shoulders shook with his efforts to hold it together. Shocked past words, I raised my hand to comfort him and he shrugged me off. “Don’t touch me right now,” he said between clenched teeth. He was the true avenging angel, both beautiful and frightening…deadly. I backed away.

Sean stood closer to me, but he was also tightly coiled and wanted to rip someone to shreds with his bare hands.

What happened last night?

I had no facts to back up my imagination, but I saw it clearly in my mind. Scott would’ve woken up humiliated and furious. But would he take it out on Lia? He’d been insane when he saw me with Dec on the patio. He tried to kill Dec in a murderous rage. Was he so unhinged he went after Lia and killed her in some kind of frenzy?

Oh, Jesus. This is our fault!

Our plan was to provoke him to act.

We provoked him to act all right, but this wasn’t supposed to happen! He was supposed to attack me!  That son of a bitch! He was going to pay for this. Rage bubbled up from inside and I let it take over. He’d have to answer for what he’s done.  That poor girl! As sorry as I felt for her, now wasn’t the time for crying; I’d cry later. Right now I need to stay in control and do what needs to be done.

And that means taking him out.

Now.

Heading to the door, I said, “Let’s go hunting.” I was out of the door and in the driver’s seat before the two of them could stop me. I gunned the engine as Sean jumped in the front seat. Dec climbed in the back.

The ride into town was tense. They were absorbed in their own thoughts again, and I was intensely focused on not killing us on the slippery roads. They were a mess, but the SUV had good tires so we only slid a little bit. Driving carefully, it took us 30 minutes to get to Scott’s apartment by the lake. The SUV slid the last 10 feet into the side of a dumpster. The shattering of the headlight echoed in the stillness. On autopilot now, I jumped out and strode across the parking lot towards the door. I slowed down long enough to pull my Sig from my holster and wait for them to catch up. We were only a few yards from the apartment when the muffled blast of a shotgun froze us in place. Sprinting the last few feet, Sean and Dec hit the door with their shoulders. The flimsy door splintered off its hinges. The acrid smell of gunpowder hit me as soon as I ran into the room. As bad as it was, it couldn’t mask the gagging reek of alcohol that hung over the room like a toxic fog. The floor was littered with empty tequila bottles.

Scott was lying slumped over on the mattress. A sawed off shotgun lay next to him on top of an empty bottle. His head lolled against his chest, and I was sure he was dead until he moaned. Looking more closely, I realized that his head was intact. Gently pushing his head back, I gasped. Oh, my God! Sean and Dec looked away, lips pressed tightly together.

The 12-gauge had blown apart the center of his abdomen, shredding his intestines and several major arteries. The overpowering smell of pumping blood made me light headed. Jamming my hand against my mouth to keep from vomiting, I pressed a pillow against the gaping hole to stop the bleeding.

It wouldn’t be an easy death.

“Hang in there. Help is coming.” Dec went outside to call 911.

Sean squatted by the side of the bed and said, “Man, what happened?”

Scott wheezed, “Missed…” He tried to joke, but his face twisted in pain. “Fuck, it hurts.” Eyes glazed with pain and tequila, his breathing was shallow. It wouldn’t be long now.

Blindly he groped for my hand with more strength than I thought possible. “Lia?” His eyes searched for her, but she was already gone…

“Lia?”

Sean’s expression was compassionate as he looked at the dying man. He nudged me and mouthed, “Be Lia” to me.

Squeezing his hands in my own, I said, “I'm here. We’re going to stop the bleeding. Hang in there. You’re going to be okay.” I was babbling now, but I didn’t know what else to say. 

I had wanted him gone for so long, but now I was frantically trying to keep him alive. I’d wished him dead before, but now…

“No,” he rasped. “Don’t…save me. Need to…die.” A single tear ran down the side of his face.

The light in his eyes dimmed and I said, “No, no, you have to hold on!”

Sean reached over and laid his hand on mine. My hand shook as I crushed Scott’s, trying to force him to cling to life by not letting go of him.

Scott’s voice was barely a whisper, “So…sorry…Lia…my girl.” He drew in a ragged breath and the sound gurgled ominously. Bright red blood ran from the corner of his mouth, and I wiped it with my shirt.

Sean leaned over and asked urgently, “Why did you kill her, Scott?” His ear was close to Scott’s mouth trying to hear anything he said. The sirens screamed outside the apartment now. They drowned out the faint whispers making it nearly impossible to understand him when he answered Sean.

Suddenly agitated, he slurred and tried to lift himself up, “I killed…no…loved her…” His voice drifted off and he lay very still. After a second, he whispered, “Mica?” and relaxed in death.

His hooded eyes were bloodshot and shadowed but compelling even in death. Once upon a time my heart did backflips when those eyes looked into my own. Now my heart felt crushed in my chest and I struggled to breathe. He’d once been someone I cared about. He’d been worthy of my care then. He’d chosen the wrong direction for his life, but he hadn’t always been this way. Was this agonizing death justice for what he’s done?

Who’s to say what vengeance should be?

Heavy boots broke the silence as the paramedics burst into the room with a police officer right behind them. With tears streaming down my face and blood on my hands, I shook my head silently at their questioning looks. Unable to resist, I gently closed his eyelids and whispered, “Go in peace.”

Sean’s hand closed over my elbow, and I let him lead me away. The policeman had questions for us, and I stood numbly while Sean and Dec described how we’d found him. Shivering in the cold wind blowing off of the lake, I hugged myself and turned my face towards it. The icy air numbed my skin, but it would take more than that to numb my heart.

I wanted to feel nothing.

I wanted to drift off into the snow and lose myself in it. After all these years of wanting Scott gone from my life, I realized that I never wanted him dead. Death was permanent; it was unforgiving. What he’d done to me was terrible, yes; he’d scarred me for years. But it was his attack that changed my destiny and brought Sean into my life. Scott had changed my life in ways I wouldn’t ever trade.

I’d forgiven him.

I was having a hard time reconciling him to the brutal murders of my look-alikes. His dying was excruciating and watching him suffer reminded me that I am human, and therefore, fragile. Sitting beside him, I felt his suffering with every heartbeat that ended his life. When he spoke of Lia, I sensed his grief even cloaked as it was by tequila. He truly cared about her. He might have even loved her.

How could he murder her so brutally?

How could I have forgiven someone who was capable of that? That didn’t make sense in my heart. I felt no sense of victory, no sense of righteousness.

Scott Flynn was dead and I was hollow inside.

“YOU HAVE TO GO see your parents. They’ll be upset if you blow off Christmas.” Sean was subtly nagging at me again. It was nearly Christmas, and I still haven’t committed.

“They’ll survive.” My voice was curt. Side-stepping the issue, I pointed to the dishes and asked why I was stuck with them again.

He flushed, with anger or embarrassment, I couldn’t tell for sure. “I’ll do them. I was going to do them earlier, but I got sidetracked.” His patronizing tone was irritating me.

“Is it safe to come in?” Dec asked from around the corner.

Grinding my teeth, I snapped, “Are you afraid I’m going to blow you up, Dec?”

With a hurt expression, Dec slowly edged into the room. His eyes met Sean’s and they did their silent communication thing. Sean sighed and said, “You’re right.”

Sighing heavily, he said, “This has to stop, Mica. We’re walking around here on eggshells.” He took me by the hands. “Let’s sit down and talk. You haven’t said a word to either of us since Flynn died.”

Feeling cornered, I backed up. “I don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing to say.”

“I think there’s plenty to say. We know you, remember? Shutting us out isn’t helpful. Don’t make me intrude on your thoughts. You know I can read them if I want to.” He added uncomfortably, “Don’t make the mistake of thinking I won’t do that if I have to.”

“You said you’d never do that!”

He corrected me, “No, I didn’t. I told you I didn’t
want
to do that and I haven’t so far. But damn it, Mica! We can’t afford to keep secrets in this family! You, of all people, understand what can happen inside your head.”

Dec added quietly, “You’re tearing my guts out walking around here like a zombie. It’s been two weeks. I can’t stand it. It’s like you’ve died too.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Guilt nudged at me though, and I looked at them,
really
looked at them, for the first time in a couple of weeks. Dec wasn’t exaggerating about his feelings. His puppy-dog eyes were pleading as they met mine. He was always more sensitive than the others and tended to feel extreme emotions as if they were his own. Sean would walk through fire for me if that’s what it took to snap me out of this mood. Worry was clearly etched on his face, but he wanted to give me room to work through my feelings. He did know me well; it would take time for me to sort things out. At the moment, I was still struggling with what my feelings were…I thought back to the funeral last week.

It had been freezing cold, the air heavy with the threat of another storm. The cemetery was on the outskirts of Hope Falls in the middle of the Adirondacks. Feeling disconnected and fragile, I wanted to go alone so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.  Sean and Dec had flatly refused to let me go alone. The drive had been endless as the grey and white scenery blurred past the windows. I struggled to wrap my mind around Lia’s senseless death. Her face intruded in my mind’s eye when my guard was down; big blue eyes staring sadly into her drink waiting for Scott.

Had she known what was going to happen?

Was she dead before he ripped her apart?

My imagination gladly filled in the details, and my dreams were plagued by her eyes bulging in terror as she died at the hands of the man who died in my own. In the worst of these dreams, my own face blended with hers until I wasn’t sure which of us was dying. I couldn’t seem to move on from this, and my mood had been bleak in the week leading up to the funeral.

Due to the terrible weather, the funeral service was held inside a tiny chapel instead of near the grave. Stained glass depictions of Jesus with his disciples lined one wall while an image of the angel Michael was centered on the other wall. The dim winter’s sunlight washed out the colors so they seemed lifeless and cold. Michael’s unforgiving eyes followed me, and I averted my gaze. A cold chill crawled down my neck and I pulled my coat more tightly around me. Not wanting to intrude on her family’s grief, we sat in the back pews. No one noticed us and no one spoke to us. Lia’s family was devastated and hollow-eyed in the front pews. She had two older brothers whose angry eyes promised vengeance as they held up their heartbroken mother. I looked away.

I couldn’t look them in the eyes knowing we could’ve saved her. There must have been a way we could’ve saved her…

Dec and Sean sat on either side of me trying to bolster me up. Dec leaned against me and tried to calm me with his
saol
. I put my hand on his knee and shook my head. I didn’t want anyone to mask my pain. I needed to feel it. Lia’s death had been vicious; the least I could do was feel miserable for a little while. Seeing my stubborn expression, Dec withdrew his energy and just loaned me his body heat.

Sean held my hand when the service began. The gray-haired minister spoke of Lia’s beautiful young spirit and of loss too soon. He spoke of God’s love and forgiveness for the one who’d taken her life.  Among the murmured protests, her mother’s keening wail of pain sent shivers down my neck, and I struggled for control of my own emotions. Abruptly barraged by waves of intense emotions swirling around the chapel, I dug my nails into the back of my hand trying to distract my mind. Rage and sadness bombarded me from all sides, and I tried desperately to block it out. But like the impending storm, the grief came relentlessly and threatened to swallow me whole.

As Lia’s family bowed their heads in grief, many praying on their knees, I wept into my own hands.  Sean pulled me against his shoulder and held me while I cried. I heard nothing of the rest of the service, closed inside my own mind as I was. Feeling like I would shatter into a million pieces, I closed my eyes and said my own prayer. Oddly, it was Michael’s face that came to me when my pleading became desperate.

Terrifying and beautiful, his eyes burned as his answer seared into my mind.

You pray for peace, little warrior? There will be no peace for you.

His cold words tore my heart out, and I raised my eyes to the stained glass image and whispered, “No!” 

Falling to my knees, I prayed desperately, “Please, Michael, I don’t know what you want from me. Tell me what you want!” Tears ran down my face as my heart twisted with the pain of knowing he spoke the truth. But why was there no peace for me? What had I done to deserve this?

Was I damned?

“I need…peace…please!” My voice shook with the effort to hold back the grief of Lia’s family before it swamped the rest of my thoughts completely.

I pressed my hands over my ears to shut them out. His voice came to me again. This time, the fierceness was softened by the hope of his words.

Do not fear the suffering. It is the pain of others that will strengthen you for what you must do. You will do well.

Later, as the gleaming wooden casket was lowered into the ground, I stared straight ahead without seeing. With both Dec and Sean holding my elbows, I nodded my head and said the appropriate words at the graveside. Afterwards, they helped me to the car, and we headed for home. Like all of the mourners there that day, I was forever changed.

Sean’s soft prompting brought me out of my reverie. “Mica? Please…”

With a shuddering breath, I said, “Michael came to me.”

Sean said, “Michael?
The
Michael? What did he say to you? Do you remember?” His tone was even, but his little finger was tapping against his thigh.

Sitting on the counter, I finally explained what had happened at the chapel. When I’d finished with my story, they exchanged a knowing look.

Dec was the first to say something. “You do know what an honor that is, don’t you? Michael spoke to you…that’s amazing. He’s never even talked to me!” He dragged me into a hug and added with a crooked grin, “No worries, darlin’. This just means we have some work to do with you if we’re going to help you learn to control this.”

Sean agreed. “At least we know you’re not going to fail.” He winked and smiled easily. “He doesn’t lie.”

The mall was packed with last minute holiday shoppers. I couldn’t find a parking spot anywhere near the entrance and ended up walking blocks to get to work. I came in at 10:00 and had been standing behind the cash register ever since. I shifted my weight to the other foot and glanced longingly at the clock.

“Will these people go home already?” Gina grouched under her breath. She and I were the only ones on the registers and the line was out the door.

“I know, right? Why are they still shopping?” I agreed. “It’s two days before Christmas. They should be done by now.” I plastered a smile on my face and waved the next lady forward. She had a basket full of bottles and maroon hair. I did a mental eye roll and sighed. The line was still growing.

With my attention focused on ringing up endless bottles of body lotions, I nearly missed Dani’s tentative wave from the back of the store. Gina elbowed me and told me I had company.

“Dani! Come up here.” I waved and invited her to the register. 

She stepped around the counter, gave me a quick hug and said, “Are we still on for tonight? I’m dying to talk to you!” The sparkle in her eyes hinted at something juicy.

Uh-oh, that usually meant a new man.  I gave the customer her change and waved the next one forward. I had only one more hour to go. I told Dani I’d meet her and she took off. As I handed my customer her bags, I noticed Dani talking to someone in the entrance of the store. His face was in profile, but I wouldn’t mistake him from any direction. Growling under my breath, I stared holes into his face until he turned around. With a look of innocence, he draped his arm around Dani and led her away into the sea of people.

An hour later, I was finally free. I wished Gina a Merry Christmas and stepped into the back room to call Sean. Sounding out of breath, he picked up on the fourth ring.

Smiling to myself, I teased, “Whoa! Don’t you need me for that?”

I felt him laughing through the phone as he replied, “Nope. I’ve gotten along without you for years! Jealous?”

Geez! Dork. “Not hardly. It’s just more fun for me when I get to help.”

Long pause.

“Is that so? When are you coming home tonight?” His voice was silky with a promise that curled my toes. Suddenly it was very hot in here…

“I’ll be home in 20 minutes if you’re promising something interesting.”

“No way, babe! You go finish shopping and hang with Dani. I have things to do with Dec.” He paused and lowered his voice to nearly a whisper, “Bring home something sexy for later!”

After making an absurd promise to go to the Victoria’s Secret store, which was jam packed with people, I finally took off to meet Dani. She saw me coming and got up to wave me over. Her face glowed with a look I knew was written on my own. Linking arms, we took off to dash in and out of some stores during the dinnertime lull. I hadn’t done much shopping, so I had to get a lot of presents. Luckily cash was an acceptable option for my siblings. We ran into Macy’s and I picked up some perfume for Janet and cologne for Dad. Dani’s gift was already wrapped. I’d gotten her a really cool black and white photograph of an underground tunnel with a backdrop of the Manhattan skyline at night. The shot was surreal and I knew she’d love it. For the guys…I made them each something special. I’d worked on their gifts off and on since the beginning of summer. I was bouncing up and down already thinking about their faces when they opened them.

“Okay, so now will you tell me what’s so exciting?” I asked after we’d finally stopped to eat. We were sitting in the food court surrounded by a tableful of toddlers who were too exhausted to do anything but scream. Rubbing my pinched toes, I thought I could relate.

Scanning the huge food court like she was expecting someone else, Dani’s attention had wandered. She craned her neck towards the front entrance. I snapped my fingers under her nose, and she jumped with a hand to her throat. Her tinkling laugh was contagious, and I found myself laughing with her.

“It’s a guy,” she announced.

No shit.

It always starts out with the same three words…it’s a guy. Mentally straightening my expression to look supportive, I asked, “What’s his name? Do I know him?”

Please don’t be James; please don’t be James!

Gushing with excitement, she said, “He’s so sweet! You wouldn’t believe how much he understands me. It’s like, he just gets me. You know? He knows what I’m feeling before I do. It’s like we’re…soul mates. I think I’m falling for him.”

Please don’t be James, please don’t be James…

Forcing my mouth to form a smile, I prodded, “Wow! He sounds awesome. Does this perfect man have a name?”

Shooting out of her chair, she squealed with delight, “James! Over here!” Her entire face lit up like a roman candle as she watched him come over.

Why am I not surprised?

My heart sank like the Titanic. With a loud mental groan, I watched as he made his way around the tables. With both eyes on Dani, he moved with a tension I recognized. He was hyper-alert, but kept his smile lazy. What was he up to? Why Dani? Since when did he date humans? I thought he was tied up with Alex’s missions these days. The whole special ops division was out looking for Dagin and
Sgaine Dutre
. Surely he didn’t have time for a girlfriend?