The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) (36 page)

The dream swirled into the blackness of my mind, and I was blinded by its light. Squinting into the dream, I saw a white shape take form. Gradually it became clear. The farmhouse! Inside, Sean and Killian were arguing. I couldn’t hear the words, but they were nose to nose and pushing at each other. Faces white with anger, they shouted at each other. A pale light glowed briefly and Dec appeared to shove them apart. His face was thin and dark circles stood out in sharp contrast to his pale skin. His eyes were bleak as he pleaded with his brothers. Sean stalked back a step and pointed a finger at Killian.

“This is your fault!”

“My fault? Really? You’re the one sleeping with her,” he said between his teeth.

Sean exploded and threw Killian into the nearest wall. They moved so fast I couldn’t see everything clearly. It was a violent, ugly fight. They were trying to tear each other apart, and Dec was yelling at them both. The dream began to fade and I struggled to hold it.

“Sean! Sean! I’m here! Please…please…Killian! Wait!”

Staring up at the swaying camera, I trembled and bit my cheek to steady myself. I was back in the room again. I lost track of how many days I’d been here. Five? Ten? Between the doctor’s drug cocktails and the savage beatings that left me unconscious, I hadn’t been able to escape or call for help. During one fleeting moment of lucidity, I’d tried to yell for Dec but I had no audio…guess they figured that out and put me on mute.

My hair was hanging in front of my eyes and hurting my cheek. The gash was deep and puckered. Red and swollen too, it itched with infection. It was making me nuts, but I was too weak to move my hair and it hurt to shake my head. I could barely lift my hand, but I didn’t need to move. The demon moved me when he wanted me to do something. That was good, I supposed, since I wasn’t cooperating. I closed my eyes and tried to remember my middle name. Did I have a middle name? I’d lost huge chunks of my life…I was terrified I would slip into a coma and never wake up. Whenever I was even a little lucid, I’d been playing little games inside my head, forcing my brain to stay awake…trying to remember things about my life or lyrics to my favorite songs. Lately though, I’d been losing the memories and the will to keep playing the game. I prayed it was just the drugs.

Come on! Let’s just get it over with! Making me wait was part of their game. It increased fear, my fear. It was the same thing each time; the same questions. I had no answers and my resistance was crumbling. I resisted by blocking him out of my mind. I simply closed the doors to those memories. It worked to keep them from getting information about the Primani, but wasn’t healthy for me. Every time I retreated inside my head, the demon beat me…and worse.

Demons feed on fear…

Yes, Sean. They do.

But they enjoy pain more.

Broken, I let a tear run down my face. I was exhausted. I hadn’t eaten. They didn’t offer me food. I would starve to death soon.

“Shall we try again, human?” The silky voice was back.

Very deliberately, I raised my face and struggled for some emotion, any emotion at all, when I looked into the scarred face. The room wavered like it was underwater. His face swam in and out of focus. The grin stretched into a rictus. I flipped him off.

He just sighed and lifted his hand. Expecting to be thrown into the wall again, I stiffened. This time, though, was different. He pulled me upright like his own personal puppet.

Angry today, he circled me. “You don’t respond to me. How are you resisting me? What is your magic?” His eyes burned in his face and his skin crawled restlessly. He studied me with an expression of concentration. “Not Primani…I would know it. There is
something
…”

With a wave of his hand, the blood-stained robe was gone and I hung naked like a broken mannequin. My matted hair hid my face. It was a shield of sorts, and I tried to retreat behind it.  He was different today: more intense and angry.  He paced like a caged animal. Something was wrong and my stomach clenched in dread.

There
were
worse things than being naked.

Suddenly he yanked my head up and shoved a long thin dagger against my throat. My eyes dimmed as I retreated again.

“Oh, no you don’t! Not this time!” He grabbed a fistful of my hair and hacked it off. Working up to a hellish rage, he snapped his fingers and flung me to the floor. My knees were already raw and scabbed and pain shot through them when I landed.

Pulling me up, he switched faces. Oh, God, no. Not again. I couldn’t resist him when he changed into Sean. Frantic, I backed away on my hands.

“No, no!” I pleaded, vision dimming to a pinpoint.

Most of my broken bones were from retreating when he turned into Sean. He made me feel things I knew were wrong. He made me want him even though I knew it wasn’t Sean. The demon was convincing…and I was weakening.

It was only a matter of time. 

“Take my hand, darlin’,” the demon demanded in Sean’s voice. The lilt was perfect.

“No, no, it’s not him. Not him…” I curled into a ball and cried.

He lifted me up and held me against his chest. My mind swirled with images of Sean...real memories. No!

It’s not him. It’s not him
.

Even as I chanted my denial, his hands gently stroked my back. There was nothing sexual in his embrace; there was only comfort. This touch was familiar, soft. It
could
be him…My body was racked with pain but he soothed it with his touch. Gradually, the animal panic faded and some rational thought broke through. The demon wasn’t trying to have sex with me? What was he after? He had an angle…there was no way he wanted a hug. I realized he wasn’t controlling me now. He thought he had weakened me enough to get me to cooperate. Frantically, I struggled to think clearly. My brain was overwhelmed with drugs and pain. Desperately, I tried to clear my head. There had to be something I could do…Raphael’s face shimmered behind my eyes…he stood in the pale room I used for meditation. His lips didn’t move, but I heard him say “Remember…” before he vanished like mist. Then a memory came to me…so long ago…we sat in the kitchen and he talked to me about my future.

With serious eyes he’d said,
“
I’m afraid your destiny isn’t written in stone, little one. It’s still evolving, as are you. You continue to surprise us with new abilities and these will continue to shape your destiny.”

“What are you saying, Raphael? I’m not going to be with the Primani? With Sean?”

He shook his head. “No, child, that’s not what I’m saying at all. Your true destiny is forged by your abilities and how you choose to use them. It comes down to choices. I’m saying you must harness these abilities now. Work to understand and sharpen them. Use your strengths to become stronger. Use your wisdom to become wiser. Use your sight to see farther.”

He smiled gently at me then. “You will be challenged and you will be hurt. There is great pain on your path, Mica.”

The demon tensed and dragged me closer to him. Still masquerading as Sean, he whispered into my ear. “I need your help, Mica. Will you not help me?” He stroked my back. “It’s such a little thing.” His lips branded me just under my ear and my flesh crawled in revulsion. My brain started to freeze up in resistance, but Raphael’s words echoed.

Use your sight to see farther
…

Stalling, I asked, “What can I do? I have no answers.” Forcing myself to act cowed, I dropped my head down.

The silky voice was back and strong hands held me up when my knees gave out. No force, just strength. He purred in my ear, “Where is
Sgaine Dutre
? Where is it?”

“I told you, Sean, I don’t know what that is.”

Waves of heat erupted from him as the human façade crumbled with his fresh anger. His clawed hands dug into my neck as he squeezed. Blood streamed from the jagged holes he made. The mask of Sean melted away and revealed his true face. Black scales replaced the soft human skin. I strained to move away from him, but his power was absolute. He hissed at me and produced a short black blade. He pressed the tip against my collarbone.

“Your convenient memory loss is getting tiresome. My patience is done.”

He pressed the athame into my skin and carved a symbol across my chest. It didn’t even hurt. I was surprised to see blood streaming down my stomach. Little red rivers…dazed, I tried to raise my head.

“At this rate, you’ll bleed out soon. I suggest you search your memory once more. Call me if you remember anything useful.” He snapped his fingers, and I was abruptly in my cell.

Collapsing to my knees, I struggled to keep my eyes open. This was really, really bad. There was no coming back from this. I was already losing too much blood from my throat, there was no way I could heal myself now. Sean would come. He had to. He had to…I just had to call him…The room grew dimmer and I struggled to stand up. I fell on my face instead.

“Oh, God! What did they do?” Doctor Green Eyes scooped me up and sat me on the bed.

With more strength than I thought possible, I grabbed his hand and gritted out, “Inject me,
now
.”

Confused, he hesitated. “Inject you?”

“Wake me up!” I ordered. “I can’t…pass…out. Please…” My voice trailed off as the room dimmed to a single stream of light.

Shaking off the confusion, he filled a syringe and pushed it into my arm. I leaned back on the bed and let it work. I closed my eyes and let the drug overrun the haziness in my mind. Like adrenaline, it pushed aside the fog of pain and starvation and shock and gave me clarity. I have to stay awake. I have to call him. Taking a deep breath, I called to Sean. If I could bring him back from other planes and universes, surely I could call him to me now. He was connected to me. He would hear me. He had to. There was no time to be careful as I’d been before. The consequences couldn’t be any worse. My mind was too fuzzy to form a precise image; instead, I projected out my own image…lying bloody and dying in this bare room.

Sean…Sean, please! Come now…hurry. I’m dying...dying…

I was vaguely aware of Dr. Green Eyes wrapping me in bandages and pressing on my wounds, but the wounds in my neck were deep. He couldn’t stop the bleeding and swore desperately at me. He was begging me to hold on, to not die, to let him help. With the rhythm of my heartbeat, the blood flowed steadily and soon my legs were cold, my fingers tingling. My heart began to slow.

Sean…I can’t hold on…can’t hold on…

The doctor opened my mouth and kissed me. “Come on, come on!” His voice was harsh but I barely heard him. He was very far away now.

My fingers were cold. I shivered violently. So cold…My heart fluttered like a trapped butterfly inside my chest.

The doctor kissed me again and my heart stuttered. It tripped and stuttered. I gasped for oxygen, my back arching off the bed.

I’m sorry, baby, I’m...
My heart stuttered one more time and stopped. D
one
.

“No! No, you can’t die. Hang on!” He pressed his lips against mine and blew air into my lungs. Counting breaths, he pinched my nose and blew again.

Not kisses after all…

“Mica! No!”

I hesitated. I had been drifting, but the command stopped me. Sean?

Oh, Sean, it’s too late. I’m already dead.

“Oh, no you don’t! Get back in your body now. It’s not your time.” Sean’s angry demand gave me pause.

Confused, I looked around and realized I’d been hovering just above my body. I looked at him and he met my eyes. His beautiful eyes glittered with fury as they locked onto mine. Fury and something else. Fear? Pain? Desperation?

“You can see me?” I asked.

“Of course I can see you! Now get your ass back into your body before I strangle you.”

Dec added impatiently, “We can’t move you without your body
and
your soul. You’ll need them both. Hurry up!”

I must have hesitated because Sean growled and lunged at me. 

COLD…SO COLD…I shivered. My heart tripped and stuttered inside my chest. I wasn’t going to live. Even Sean couldn’t stop death. He might be an angel, but he wasn’t God. I sucked in a breath of air and Sean’s arms tightened around me. I would be okay with dying in his arms though.

“Dec, you’ve got to fix this.” His voice was shaking.

Gentle hands lowered me to the bed, and someone pulled the robe off of me. Twin gasps of shock. My heartbeat grew fainter again.

“Mica, baby, can you hear me?” Sean’s voice was gentle, pleading. “We’re here now. We’ve got to fix you up. Hang in there. No floating.” He squeezed my fingers so tightly my knuckles ground together audibly.

Dec said, “I’m going to heal you. Just keep breathing. Please…” Warm fingertips closed around my neck sinking into the ragged tears. I writhed beneath him as he reached into each tear and sealed the ripped arteries. It burned like fire, and I whimpered and tried to move away.

“Hush now, it’ll be okay. I have to do this to stop the bleeding.” Something warm and wet dripped onto my cheek. He sniffed and murmured, “Almost done…”

Sean wrapped me in a blanket and stroked my hair. “Dec? How’s it going?” He was barely controlling his panic; his hands were shaking while he held my hand.

Dec finished with my throat and though it still burned like fire, the bleeding stopped. My heart stopped twitching and turned over a more regular beat. He moved to my chest and covered the carving with one of his big warm hands. I looked into his face, just inches from my own, and saw the tears in his eyes as he focused inward. Such pretty eyes…blue and soft…gentle…I drifted off to sleep again.

“No sleeping!” Sean gripped my chin between two fingers and forced my eyes open. “Stay focused on me. Look at my face.”

I blinked and tried to focus on him. He was blurry and swam in and out of my sight. My eyes were very heavy, but he squeezed my chin. I blinked and his face was steadier.

Dec said, “I think the bleeding’s stopped. We need to clean her up though. There’s too much blood to tell…” His voice cracked. “I’ll get some water.”

After he left, Sean dropped to his knees and murmured in a low angry voice, “
Saogin dea, saogin dea. Deone’ culpae satrinae.”

When Dec came back, they got to work cleaning me up. Using wash cloths, they carefully washed away the blood to see the destruction underneath.

Gasping, I tensed when someone lifted my right arm. “Ow, that hurts.”

There was a pause. “Well, it’s broken...” Dec said, “…in three places.”

“That hurts,” I said when someone rubbed the washcloth over my right thigh.

Another pause. “It’s broken too.”

When they lifted my left leg, I broke into a cold sweat. “This one too?” Sean asked softly.

Dec confirmed, “In two places.” His voice was terrible.

“I’m okay, I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep…”

Ignoring my protests, they finished with my front side, and carefully rolled me onto my stomach and froze. Not a sound from either of them. “What?” I managed to ask. What was wrong with my back? I lost track of everything the demon did…

It was Killian who growled in response, “There is no hole deep enough.”

Sean finally found his voice and choked, “My God.”

“What…is that?” Dec asked.

It was Dec who began washing away the blood and I sucked in my breath. “Ow.” He froze and his face crumpled into sobs. He dropped to his knees and buried his face against the bed and cried.

“Oh, Dec, no. Don’t cry for me. It’s nothing. I’ll be okay.” I tried to turn over and he gently pressed me back down.

“You shouldn’t move.” His voice hitched with a sob, but he cleared his throat.

Sean knelt down by my face. “His name. Did you get his name?”

He reached one hand out and very carefully slid my hair out of my eyes. He touched me as if I would shatter into crystals. The gentleness of his touch was so at odds with the promise of vengeance in his eyes.

“
Sgaine Dutre?
” I whispered.

His howl of rage sent shivers down my spine. He’d barely held onto his control and now it snapped. Jumping up, he put his fist through the mirror and yelled for Raphael.

I awoke disoriented and sat up in a panic. My sudden movement brought Sean’s head up and he quickly tried to smile. It was a good attempt, but the result was iffy.

“5.5,” I said.

“What?”

“That’s a half-ass attempt at a smile. Aren’t you glad to see me? And alive too?” I wiggled fully functional fingers at him in a jaunty little wave.

His mouth curved into a genuine, though fleeting, smile. “You’re grounded, young lady. You’re not allowed out of my sight for…I think…eternity is an appropriate amount of time.”

“How do you feel?” he asked seriously.

I carefully moved my arms and legs and touched my nose. The pain was gone, but my head swam alarmingly and I swayed with dizziness. They might have healed my broken bones, but they couldn’t heal weeks’ worth of starvation, no matter how powerful they were. He reached over and helped me lay back down. He stayed perched on the side of my bed and stared at his hands. Strong, beautiful hands…I reached out and traced the blue vein that pulsed on the top of his hand. In response to my touch, his
saol
flowed faster and rose to the surface. It left a reassuring trail of golden light under my finger. He covered my hand with his and brought it to his heart. The warmth and steady beat soothed my jangled nerves and I closed my eyes. I felt his heartbeat against my palm and it glowed behind my eyes and was echoed with my own. He was my heart, my soul. He was my ‘forever and always’.  He didn’t have to ground me. I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I am yours, you are mine. Do you remember that night?” I pulled his face to mine, and he kissed me gently, his lips barely grazing my own. Inhaling his scent, I felt warm again for the first time in a long time. “I love you.”

His arms shook from holding himself back. But he slid them around me and pulled me close. Kissing my hair, he murmured, “I love you more.”

We sat wrapped in each other’s arms until a tap at the door interrupted us. Raphael poked his head inside and his smile was radiant as he exclaimed, “Little Mica! How good it is to see you so pink again.” With the attitude of a professional healer, he felt my pulse and took my temperature. After listening to my heartbeat, now back to normal, he proclaimed I would live.

“You frightened us quite badly, you know. These young Primani saved your life. If they hadn’t found you when they did, you would have been far beyond our help. As it is, shoving your spirit back into your dead body was stretching the rules a tad.”

He smiled mischievously and added, “On the other hand, I don’t think we can force you to vacate your corpse until you’re ready--lack of heartbeat aside.”

“Raphael, thank you for saving my life
again
.” I squeezed his arm and looked down, embarrassed.

“I didn’t save your life this time; you were out of danger when I got here.”

“No, you did.” I cleared my throat and told him about the memory that came to me when the demon was torturing me. Sean was leaning against my side and I welcomed the solid feel of him. He whistled softly when I finished my story.

“Well, you’ve had more than your share of pain now. I hope destiny is satisfied.” Sean raised an eyebrow at Raphael. His look said ‘it better be.’

Raphael shrugged elegantly, “Who’s to know? I certainly do not.” Turning back to me, he added, “I do, however, know that you have a great future with us and we cannot lose you so soon.” He held out a hand and pulled me to my feet. “Alex is here and he’s called a family meeting since you’re up to it.”

“Mica! You look so much better!” Dec greeted me first. Bounding over to me, he scooped me up into an enthusiastic, but oh-so-gentle, bear hug. Kissing my cheek, he searched my eyes for signs of pain. “Are you strong enough to be up? Don’t lie. I know you.”

I pressed my cheek against his shoulder and hugged him to me. Tears sprang to my eyes and I sniffed. He held me away and wiped a tear from my chin. “What’s this? Why are you crying?”

So much for bravery…”I’m just a little…overwhelmed I guess.” My eyes overflowed and he pressed me into him again.

“It’s okay, darlin’. You’ve had a rough time. Give yourself a break. Not
all
of your wounds can be healed with
my
hands.” He rubbed my back and I felt calmer as his magic went to work.

“Oh, Dec! I thought I’d never see you again! I couldn’t stand that…knowing that I left like I did. I was so angry with you guys. I left and didn’t tell you I love you.”

He smiled down at me and a single tear slid over his perfect cheekbone. “You don’t have to say the words; I know your heart.” Playfully, he held out a familiar shiny chain.

“But how did you find that? They took it from me.”

“Your doctor friend had it in his pocket. He was more than eager to hand it over when I asked
politely
.” He slipped it around my neck and locked the clasp. The small gold heart settled over my own and glowed like a firefly for a moment.

“That’s much better. You’re lucky he carried it around with him. When Sean heard your call, we used the locket to zero in on you. It’s like a little GPS.”

“It’s all very touching, but can we get on with this meeting?”

I whirled around. “James? What are
you
doing here?”

Alex considered the two of us thoughtfully and cleared his throat. “Mica, come and join me on the couch.” He patted a soft cushion near him.

Sean took my hand and walked over with me. He draped himself over the arm of the couch closest to me. I guess he wasn’t letting me out of his sight any time this century.

James scowled as Sean rested his hand over my shoulder. Narrowing my eyes, I threw him a stare. What was his problem? I pasted a fake smile while I thought over our last meeting. I needed to talk to Sean about that. There was something wrong with
this
Primani…

Something you’d like to share, Princess?
His tone was sarcastic, but the look he gave me was anything but.

Killian. Perfect and perfectly annoying, he stood casually with arms crossed in front of him looking down his nose at all of us. That was classic Killian. In spite of his bad attitude, it was good to see him. I drank him in. He looked tired and pale. His jaw was shadowed and eyes hollow in their sockets. Dec and Sean had the same air of exhaustion about them. What happened to them while I was gone? There must’ve been a mission, a big one, from the looks of them. They all looked like hell.

You’re an idiot. You know that, right?
He was subtly shaking his head.

So we’re back to insults, are we? That didn’t take long. Glad I didn’t cry all over you.

He huffed and his silent laughter warmed my heart. Who was I kidding? I was exceptionally glad to see him any time I could.

But what about Ramon? Look what he's capable of. You can't trust him.
The doubting voice whispered to me.

His laughter abruptly stopped, and I glanced up expecting to see him smirking at me. His eyes held mine in a look that spoke volumes. His eyes widened, letting me in, challenging me to look if I dared. Did I want to look inside and see the real Killian? Could I handle the truth? Not now…

I was so scared that night.

Of me.
His tone was flat, almost angry. Oblivious to everyone else, his eyes bored into mine, an electric spark from across the room.

I couldn’t meet his eyes and lowered mine.
Yes
.

Damn it, look at me! Why didn’t you talk to me? After all we’ve been through? You know you can talk to me!

You killed that man…Ramon. For nothing! How could you?

He pushed away from the wall and stalked over to me, face white with fury. Startled, Sean leaped to his feet and Killian stopped. “Get up. It’s time for you and me to have a
real
conversation.”

“What do you think you’re doing? Let her be.” Sean and Dec both spoke up at once.

Killian shrugged off their objections and pointed at me. “We have unfinished business, her and I. Let’s go. Now!”

I wasn’t afraid of him, usually. But at the moment, I was weak and he was pissed at me and I was just a tiny bit afraid of his power. I stood up but didn’t move towards him.

Holding out his hand, he exhaled through his nose and said in a more reasonable tone, “I can’t make you. I’m asking you. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.” I kissed Sean on the lips and held out my hand to Killian.

He gripped my hand securely in his. I heard him say, “Don’t count on it!” as we vanished into the dark.