The Lost Saint (32 page)

I heard Daniel take in a sharp breath.

“But really, the reason I took off my moonstone was because I wanted to prove that I didn’t need it.” I shook my head. “But I was wrong.”

Gabriel had been right about me.

I was losing myself like the rest of them.

I’d let the wolf inside my head, inside my heart, and it had tried to take me over. Tried to make me harm the person I loved the most. I wasn’t stronger. I wasn’t better. I wasn’t different.

The mattress shifted as Daniel stood up. I could hear
his footsteps as he paced beside the bed. He stopped a few inches away from me and then went back to pacing. This time he stopped when he was on the opposite side of the room. “Help me understand what you’re saying. You went after the gang alone? Why would you do that?”

“Because I wanted to find Jude. I wanted to make my family whole again. Going after the gang was the only way I knew how to find him. But you wouldn’t help me. Not you or Gabriel or my father. So I found someone who would. I didn’t do this alone. I found someone who believed in me.”

“What do you mean you found someone? Who is this person, Grace?”

“His name is Nathan Talbot, and he’s a demon hunter—a Hound of Heaven. I met him at The Depot when I went there with April. He saved us from some trouble.… But he’s been training me. Teaching me the things that you couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

I shook my head. “Because of how you’ve been acting lately—and demanding that I be normal. And because I knew it would upset you. I knew you’d be worried. I was afraid you’d try to stop—”

“Damn right, I’m worried!” Daniel shouted. “You’re keeping secrets from me. Secrets that are more deadly than you could even imagine.” He slammed his hand against the wall. “You meet some mysterious guy who
claims
he can train you. How did he even know what you are? How do you know he’s not the one Jude was trying to warn you about? The person who’s after us? Do you have any idea how stupid you’ve been?”

“Stop it!” I jumped up from the bed and faced him. “Talbot isn’t after me. We’ve been alone together a dozen times. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have by now. He doesn’t want to kill me; he wants to help me. He believes that I can be a hero like
you
used to.”

Daniel leaned against the wall, both his fists grabbing the ends of his shaggy hair. “So this
is
my fault. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, so you went looking for it somewhere else.”

“Don’t say that, Daniel … I love you.”

“But you don’t trust me.” He let go of his hair and dropped his hands at his sides. “You trust a total stranger more than you do me.”

“You’re the one who doesn’t trust me. What have you been doing for the last week and a half? Katie? Mishka? Drinking at bars? Or something else I can’t even imagine? At least Talbot doesn’t lie to me!”

Daniel looked right into my eyes. “Tell me something, Grace. Is there something between you and this Talbot person? Something more than just training?”

“No,” I whispered, but then the image of Talbot trying to kiss me flashed through my mind, the way it felt when his lips brushed my cheek.

A look of guilt must have crossed my face, because
Daniel dropped his gaze and he put a hand to his forehead. His whole body shuddered like he was holding back a rush of sorrow, and he slumped against the wall.

“No, Daniel. No.”

I wanted to rush over to him and throw my arms around his shoulders, but I was afraid he’d just push me away. Any connection I shared with Talbot, whatever bond drew me to him, I realized now that it was skinny and hollow compared to how I felt about Daniel. Nothing compared to how the thought of causing Daniel this pain made me feel.

“It’s not like that at all. He tried to kiss me. I told him not to, but he still tried.”

“What?” Daniel shot straight up and grabbed his motorcycle keys off the table next to him. “Take me to him. Where is he?”

“No, Daniel. What on earth would that accomplish? It’s still not what you think.”

“Take me to that bas—”

“So you can do what? He’s Urbat. There’s nothing you could do.”

“I’m capable of doing more damage than you think.”

“Daniel, please,” I said, trying to calm him down. “Talbot is my friend and my mentor. That’s all.”

“No, Grace. That’s not all. If this guy is the one who told you to take off your moonstone, then he isn’t who he claims to be. He should know you’re not strong enough without it.”

His words stung, but only because they were true. “Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. I thought I could become a Hound of Heaven. I thought I could take on the Shadow Kings and find Jude. But all I’ve accomplished is hurting you. You’re right. I’m not strong enough. I’ve failed.”

And Gabriel’s right, too
.

Falling is inevitable
.

Daniel sighed. He held the keys dangling from his hand. His shirt hung open from where I’d torn it, and I watched his perfect chest heave as he breathed.

And that was when I noticed it: his perfect,
unmarked
chest.

“Daniel,” I said, taking another step toward him, trying to get a better look. “What happened to the gashes on your chest?”

Daniel looked down at his sternum, then hurriedly pulled his torn shirt closed to hide his collarbone, where the three gashes had been only a few minutes ago—the ones I’d given him during my frenzy. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, and tried to turn away.

“That’s not nothing.” I grabbed his hand that held his shirt closed and pulled it away from his chest. I was right—the gashes were gone. The only evidence of them were three faint white scars. “What is this, Daniel? What’s going on?”

I grabbed his arm and pulled at the frayed bandage that covered the stitches he’d gotten at the hospital. I
expected him to protest, to try to pull out of my grasp, but he only slumped against the wall again—resigned—as I removed the bandage.

Nothing was there. Not even a scar.

“What is going on?” I demanded.

“I don’t know,” Daniel whispered. He ran his hand over his uninjured arm. “I really don’t know.”

“But you did know this was happening. You’re angry at me for keeping secrets, and yet
this
is what you’re keeping from me?”

“I didn’t want to tell you yet.…”

“Because you don’t trust me?” I knew it was a stupid thing to ask. I knew I hadn’t been acting very trust worthy as of late—but
this
was too big of a thing to keep from me. “Or because you think I’m too weak to handle it?”

Daniel didn’t answer.

“Are all your powers coming back?” I asked.

“Yes. Slowly. But they’re developing.”

“Oh, God.” I stepped back until my knees hit the edge of the bed. “Does that mean you’re
not
cured? Does it mean …?”

Falling is inevitable … and there is no cure after all?

“I don’t know—” Daniel began, but he was interrupted by a loud banging noise on his front door.

“Grace Divine!” an angry voice shouted. “If you’re in there, you’d better come out now if you ever want to see the light of day again!”

Dad?

“Get the hell out here now, young lady!” he shouted. “Or I will break down this door if I have to.”

I looked at Daniel. He pulled his shirt closed, and his eyes flitted to the rumpled bed. We both knew the door was unlocked.

“Go,” he said.

My heart ached like I’d never thought it could. Something was broken between Daniel and me, and I didn’t want to leave before I could fix it.

“This isn’t over.”

I heard the doorknob start to turn. I grabbed my backpack and bolted toward the door, using my super-speed to get there before the knob finished turning. I opened the door, stepped out in front of my livid father, and shut it behind me before he could see anything else.

IN THE CAR

I had no idea my dad could scream that loud—or for that long. Apparently, Gabriel had filled him in on my escapades over the last two weeks, and how I’d run out on him. Dad yelled at me all the way home in the Corolla, and then we sat in the car in the driveway for a good long while because he wasn’t done. I was tired of telling my story, so when dad demanded more details, I rattled off every event that had happened in the last week like a robot stating facts—well, all the events except for the ones that involved my lips in any way. When I was done, I pretty much just shut down and listened to him yell at me some more. Dad was usually so even-keeled and forgiving that the whole thing felt completely surreal.

I could hear the wolf’s voice trying to edge its way into my head. Trying to get me to lash out at Dad with
my words. I hated myself for how easy it had been for the wolf to make me forget everything that was important to me—even if it had been for only a few moments. What if Daniel hadn’t been able to stop me from hurting him? I would have lost everything. I clutched my moonstone necklace in both my hands and pushed the wolf away as best as I could. I couldn’t afford to let it have
any
control over me again.

I didn’t even blink until Dad pulled the car into the garage; he changed his tone to a softer, disappointed almost whisper. “The thing that hurts me most, Grace, is that you thought you had to try to find Jude on your own. If you hadn’t been so self-absorbed, you would have known that Gabriel and I have been out scouring the city for your brother. We already knew about the Shadow Kings.”

I bit my lip and nodded.
Why does that make me want to cry?
“Are you going to let Gabriel take me away to his pack?”

Dad shook his head. “I’m not letting you out of our sight.”

I shuddered with a grateful sob. “I assume I’m grounded, then.”

Dad made a scoffing laugh. “If you think you’ve been grounded before, you aren’t prepared for
this
kind of grounding.”

THROUGHOUT THE REST OF THE WEEK

Dad wasn’t kidding. Not only was I under house arrest, but he escorted me to and from school each day, and every lunch I was required to spend with Gabriel in his classroom, learning the finer points of tai chi and meditation. The Good Samaritan project was cancelled by Gabriel, and the rest of the students were reassigned to helping Day’s Market get ready for its grand reopening. I was informed by my father, however, that I’d be helping my mom get ready for the Halloween festival concessions to fulfill the rest of my service project. For good measure, Dad nailed my bedroom window shut and took away my cell phone, because if I couldn’t bother to answer it “when it was imperative,” then I didn’t deserve to have one.

I’d lost the slip of paper with Talbot’s number on it, so without my cell I had no way of contacting him to tell him what had happened.

But the part that devastated me the most about being grounded was that, even though it was midterms week, Daniel didn’t show up for school the day after our fight. Or the next day. Or the day after that. I called him a few times from our home phone when my parents weren’t breathing down my back, but he never answered. And there was no way I was going to
be able to stop by his apartment to see if he was okay.

On Wednesday I cornered April after art class and profusely apologized for getting mad at her for ratting me out to Gabriel—she really had done the right thing, after all. She forgave me immediately—but she sounded more than devastated when I told her I wasn’t going to be try to be a superhero anymore.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “I’ve been working on the best costume design.”

“I’m sure it would have been fabulous,” I said. “But I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to tap into my powers without losing control. I can’t risk it again.”

I was almost certain Talbot wasn’t the one Jude had tried to warn me about. It just didn’t make sense. But the longer I was away from him, the more I questioned his methods. Yes, he’d shown me how to tap into my powers, but only by using my anger and fear to do it—the things that made the wolf stronger. Now it felt like I didn’t know how to use my powers at all without giving the wolf too much control. And why had he wanted me to take off my moonstone? I wore it twenty-four hours now, even showered with it on, afraid to ever take it off after what I’d done to Daniel.