The Lost Girl (26 page)

I glanced at his arm and extended my fingers, touching his wrist lightly. There were faint purple bruises, little finger marks, wrapping around it. I must have grabbed him real hard. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t remember doing
this
.”

“That’s okay. You were feeling scared, that’s all,” he said, rubbing the bruise. “Has something happened … between you and Tristan?”

Another warning flashed inside:
don’t go there. There
is nothing there for you but pain.
I felt light-headed, blood rushing through my brain; everything felt hazy again as I tried to force the memory out. There was something about Tristan, a flickering image of him in our backyard, but I couldn’t remember exactly what had happened …

The effort to remember versus the warning that I should forget was making me feel sick to my stomach.

“After you grabbed my arm, you whispered something …” Caleb insisted on carrying on his probing. “You said, ‘Tris, please, don’t leave.’”

I stood up and started picking up my clothes off the floor, a sudden urge to leave taking over me. I needed to get away.

“I reckon I look a lot like him. You must have got me mixed up,” he said, standing up as well.

I shook my head, in denial. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember …”
I don’t want to remember.
I forced myself to feel numb, letting nothingness wash over me while I got dressed.

“Joey, tell me what’s wrong,” he insisted.

I turned to look at him, my eyes blank. “I don’t know, Caleb. I think something is broken. I think …
I’m
broken.” I didn’t feel sad; I just felt this overwhelming sense of loss. Something was missing inside of me. I didn’t know what, but I knew it was something important.

“Hey,” he murmured, putting a hand on my shoulder. He looked so worried … like he truly cared.

I shook my head. “Caleb, listen. Thank you so much for everything, for helping me, for picking me up last night. But I have to go,” I said, walking out of the room.

“Hey, wait!” he called out, running after me. “I’ll make you something to eat before you leave, okay?” he said.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” I said, carrying on towards
the front door. Come to think of it, I hadn’t felt hungry in a long time. I didn’t recall the last time I had slept, either – proper sleep, that is, not just crashing out.

He sighed. That was definitely not the answer he was waiting for. “Okay. I’ll drop you off wherever you need to—” he started to offer, but I interrupted him.

“No. You’ve done enough for me already. Don’t worry,” I said, walking out of the door.

“Hang on! I can’t let you walk away like this. You don’t even have shoes on!” he exclaimed, following me.

I stopped and glanced down at my bare feet. “It doesn’t matter, Caleb.”

“Let me at least call one of your boys to come pick you up, then. Not, you know,
him
, but one of the other guys … Bass player dude, he can pick you up, right?” Caleb suggested, his pale-blue eyes filled with concern. He looked so much like Tristan, even more so when he was worried.

“I’m going to meet them right now, Caleb,” I said, dismissing his suggestion. “I really need to go.”

He slumped his shoulders in defeat. “All right. There are taxis at the front of the building. And if you need me, you know where I am.”

I turned away from him and headed down the hallway. I only stopped when he finally gave up the idea of helping me and I heard his front door clicking shut. I couldn’t remember many things from the night before, but one thing was clear and bright, glowing in a burning way inside my head.

I remembered using Vigil’s power.

I remembered the key to using it, the right way to channel it. It was like I finally understood the magical equation behind it, the switch to make it work, and how it worked.
I had finally solved the puzzle. Now I could do anything I wanted with this power. It was all in my hands.

I closed my eyes and visualized home. When I appeared in the middle of the living room, Vigil was the first person I saw. He had his elbows propped on his knees, his chin resting on his hands. He was staring intentely at a rumpled map outstretched over the coffee table. I could feel the tension in his shoulders, the hardness of his eyes as he concentrated on the map. Celeste was slumped on the couch next to Vigil, fast asleep, her neck bent at a weird angle. She looked exhausted. The boys were nowhere to be seen, but Tristan was standing by the window with his back to us, guarding the street outside. He didn’t notice me appearing.

Vigil did.

He lifted his head and stood up slowly, a cautiousness about his movements, a guarded look in his eyes.

“Are you all right?” was his first question.

“Yes. I am fine,” I answered plainly as I walked towards him. “Vigil, I can help get Nick now. We don’t need to wait for him to come to us any more. We’ll go after him. I know how to do it now.”

He narrowed his eyes, trying to read something in me.

“Joey?” Tristan called out.

I didn’t turn around or acknowledge him. “Vigil, you said you were working on a tracking spell with Celeste. Can you locate Nick now? I can finally take care of him,” I stated, looking at the map spread out over the table. What had Vigil been doing? Trying to locate Nick? Or me?

Celeste stirred when she heard her name. “Joey! You’re back. Thank God!” she breathed in relief.

I didn’t acknowledge her, either. “Vigil? The tracking
spell? Can you do it?” I asked again, getting impatient. I wanted to get out, away from these people.

“Yes, I can,” he said, his eyes fixed unblinkingly on mine.

“Do you have the glass ball with you?”

“Yes, it is in my pocket here.”

“Joey, we need to talk,” Tristan called again, his tone urgent. I sensed his presence close to me. Too close.
You can’t ever let him touch you.
A flash of the previous night passed through my mind. A memory of Nick surfaced as well – the backyard; Tristan …
fading.

And rattling chains.

I walked away from him, reaching for the map on the coffee table.
You need to get out of here and away from him.

“I have nothing to say to you,” I said coldly.

“Joe, it’s important, please,” Tristan insisted. “Can you please just look at me?” His voice wavered a little.

I grabbed the map and turned to look at him. He had dark shadows under his tired eyes. He was hurting.
I didn’t care. He deserved it.

I watched this person, this boy that had meant the world to me, looking back at me with those big gray eyes that once were so dear, and now all I could see were his lies, his deceitful intentions, his betrayal masking every beautiful aspect of his face. There was nothing connecting us any more.
He meant nothing to me.

“I have bigger things to worry about,” I said with a blank stare. The deep look of hurt on his face did not bother me. Any other time, it would have destroyed me, but today, it didn’t.
Today I didn’t care.

Celeste put a hand over her mouth in shock. Tristan made an attempt to walk towards me, but Vigil stopped him.

“Wait. Don’t,” he warned Tristan. “Something’s wrong. Do not come closer.” Then he turned slowly to me. “Joey … what happened last night, after you left?” he asked, visibly alarmed, searching for something in my eyes.

“It doesn’t matter what happened. What matters is that I had an opportunity to better understand your powers. And I do understand them now. I know how they work. I can use them for my benefit. I can use them to hunt Nick down.”

“Did you … hurt anyone?” Vigil asked slowly, as if I was carrying a loaded gun and pointing it in his direction.

I shrugged. “Does it matter if I did? I told you, this is not important. We need to focus on Nick and stop wasting time with unimportant things.”

“Unimportant? Vigil, what the hell is wrong with her?” Tristan asked abruptly.

“I-I think she has finally disconnected herself from her emotions, like I told her to do. But something went wrong … I-I don’t know why, but she is losing her humanity … I can see it in her eyes. There is only a void and coldness; detachment from herself.”

“You told her to disconnect herself from her
emotions
?” Tristan asked.

“There is
nothing
wrong with me,” I retorted in a cold tone.

“So you’re telling me that all this time she’s been stuffing her feelings down her throat, burying them and pretending it didn’t bother her instead of dealing with it?” Tristan raised his voice, making Harry, Josh, Sam and Seth come running into the room in alarm.

“Her emotions were only causing her to lose control!” Vigil countered, agitated. “I have been watching her carefully for signs. She lost control whenever she got in contact
with her emotions. I was trying to find a way to make everyone safe around her while she has my powers. They are not meant for humankind to wield; they are not meant for
her.
”

“She can barely contain her feelings as it is, even when she’s calm,” Celeste said, jumping in to support Vigil’s side.

“And you think telling her to
pretend
they’re not there really helps?” Tristan asked. “News flash, Vigil: human beings need to express their emotions. When we stuff all our feelings inside, it doesn’t make them go away; it only makes them boil and grow a thousand times stronger, until it all blows up in the end, in the worst possible way. I don’t even know how she managed to make it
this
far; no wonder she’s flipping out!”

Vigil flashed a panic-stricken look at Tristan. “I-I am sorry … I-I did not know! B-but the truth is … the longer she has my powers, the harder it is for her to keep her mind sane. Every time she loses control and lets my powers take over, she loses a piece of her humanity. I was desperately trying to keep that from happening. I was trying to protect her!” he stuttered, guiltily.

“This is
not
Vigil’s fault. Don’t make this about
him
, Tristan,” I said sharply. “If there is anyone in this room who failed me, it is you. It’s your presence that is upsetting me; it’s your big pile of lies. Vigil has only been trying to help me since the beginning. And since the beginning, he has never lied to me.
You
, on the other hand …” I was making the window panes rattle quite loudly as I spoke.

“… you broke everything we had, Tristan,” I said darkly.
And crushed it all under my feet, like shattered glass. It hurt and cut deeply, but nothing can hurt me any more.
I have healed. I am made of stone; nothing more can cut through me now.

“Joey, you have to let me explain—” Tristan began.

“I have to?” I cut in. “I don’t
have
to do anything. And I don’t want to hear any more of your lies. We’re through, Tristan. And this conversation is over.” There was an undeniable tone of finality in my voice.

The boys had watched the fight in silence, eyes wide and frightened. I didn’t let anyone say anything. I was done talking. I didn’t need anyone’s permission; I could do anything I wanted.
I was invincible.

“Vigil. We are taking care of Nick
now
,” I said, grabbing him by the arm and taking the map in the other hand. And then I beamed us both out of there. One second we were in my living room, the next we were standing in the middle of some deserted road.

Vigil lurched forward, a hand clutched over his stomach like he was about to throw up. I guess this sort of transportation wasn’t intended for humans. Vigil had never brought me along during his teletransportations, so we didn’t know how it would affect me.

“Ugh … that felt awful,” he muttered, turning very pale in the face.

“Sorry. Didn’t know it could have that effect on humans,” I said, already walking towards the side of the road.

He glanced worriedly at me when I said “humans” but followed me close behind. “What are we doing here?” he asked, looking around suspiciously.

I stopped by the pavement and looked at him. “Where’s the glass ball? Give it to me.”

Hesitantly he took the ball out of his pocket and slowly handed it to me. I grabbed it and watched the ominious
darkness glow inside before I tucked it safely in my own pocket. “What about that tracking spell?” I asked, turning around and handing him the map.

“You are really serious about going after Nick?”

“I just need to find him first. Can you help me with that?”

He eyed me quizzically for a moment before crossing his arms over his chest. “Only if you promise to take me with you. You have to give me your word you will not leave me here after I give you his precise location.”

I shrugged. I didn’t care whether he stayed or not. “Sure. You have my word. I’ll take you with me.”

He opened the map and stretched it over the road, then took a small granite arrowhead stone out of his pocket. The stone was wrapped in a thin string line. “It is a rather simple spell. We didn’t use it before because we couldn’t get to Nick even if we found out where he was. You were not able to use my powers back then,” he said meaningfully, glancing at me.

He spun the arrow, holding it by the line, and closed his eyes, concentrating hard, while the arrow twirled and danced around the map until it landed heavily, as if something magnetic was tugging it to a very specific point.

“There.” Vigil pointed at the spot on which the arrow had landed. “Nick is there.”

I knew that place. It wasn’t too far from our house; a little patch of wood bordering a wildlife reserve. I knew where that was.

“Come.” I took Vigil by the hand. “Let’s go take care of some vermin.”

Before our eyes a green forest stretched endlessly, filled with tall pine trees and old oaks, but with no living soul in sight.

“Do you think he’s really there?” I asked, looking eagerly around.

“It is daylight. That old cabin looks like a good hiding place,” Vigil said, pointing to an abandoned shed in the middle of the woods. “He is most likely inside.”

Now that I could use his powers properly I made him explain to me how to form a light spell and then how to trap Nick inside it.