The Lost and the Damned (28 page)

Yet here I was, on the job, tracking down a lost girl for money. This one was high profile and for an international record company, but it was still a detective job: I was still getting paid to find someone. And this was one of the better cases, one of the more interesting ones.  This time I wasn’t peeping in somebody’s window with a high tech camera taking pictures of them boffing their secretary. I’m sure there were half dozen of those waiting for me at home. If I were lucky, I was finding someone, finding something, helping to keep someone out of jail, hell, even finding a lost cat. I still loved that work more than the surveillance. If the interesting work dried up, things would be tight, but I’d still get by. If the nosy photographer work dried up, I wouldn’t make rent. I hated that. That’s not the detective I wanted to be, that’s not the man I wanted to be. I wished I didn’t have to make most of my money airing people’s dirty laundry. This job might give me the funds to get a better operation, but I bet I would still be taking pictures.

I looked around and remembered college. So I was a slacker in college, I couldn’t deny that. But what if I had done things differently? What if I made different choices in college? Would the road still have led here, an inevitable conclusion? Or would things have been different? Would I have been a different man? A strange thought entered my head. We were going through the past. What if we went into my own past? Then I could see the events of my life laid out before me. Could I change the course of my life? Would I change the course of my life? What kind of man would I become if things changed? Would I be willing to take a gamble to find out who I would be once I changed the past?

I shook my head and sighed, sticking my hands in my pockets as I strolled through the park. Those types of thoughts didn’t do me any good. I couldn’t change who I was, even if it were possible. Some would say I wouldn’t make that gamble, that I wouldn’t risk becoming a worse person than I am. While that could happen, that wasn’t the reason. No, the real reason is a lot more arrogant than that. I have a real strong sense of self, in the strong willed, stubborn, screw-you type of way. My edges have smoothed a bit since college, but I’m still very wound up in the whole me-vs-them. My experiences are mine and the building blocks of just who I am. Every event of my life shaped me into the man I am. Even if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. Anything different would make me less of me, even if I was objectively better off. I would be losing some of myself and that is unacceptable. I love myself too much, warts and all, to change who I am. I would only acknowledge the possibility of changing who I could become tomorrow. But not the past.

My vision passed over a half-faced man, more detailed than some of the others, sitting against a tree and playing guitar. A semi-circle of what were probably pretty half-faced girls sat around him, fawning over him as he played guitar. I shook my head again. If I changed the past, I might end up being that guy. I always hated that guy. He’s somewhere on every college campus. Playing guitar while the girls fawned, slacking and charming his way through college. There’s no way I wanted to be that guy. I kicked a pebble down the trail and walked on by.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to retrieve some of the relaxation I was feeling when I first started this walk. Memory lane or not, this was a nice place and I’d just come out of hell. I could idle a few minutes here. Then I’d find Katie. But right now I could do with some relaxing.

The leaves were still falling gently and I watched one trace a back and forth path to the ground before settling at the base of a tree. I heard the faint chirping of birds behind me. I heard some rustling in a tree and cocked my head, watching the branches. In a moment, I saw a small brown squirrel taking his time crossing the branch to the trunk. Once there, his little paws held up an acorn that he had brought. He began to take cute little bites out of the acorn. I was reminded of my own cat, Mr. Smith. He wasn’t the same as a squirrel, but watching the squirrel hold the acorn reminded me of Mr. Smith with his little white paws, his left eye covered with a black splotch that covered both his ears. Right now I missed him. He was my one link to normalcy, both from this place and from my job. Coming home at the end of the day to an appropriately furry kitty made things not seem so bad.

A second squirrel climbed out on the branch, joining the first. However, this second squirrel was partially obscured by the tree. Thinking the two of them standing there must be a cute scene, I walked around the tree, keeping my glance on the squirrels to get a better view. The second squirrel was now sniffing the first squirrel, and they were just adorable. I had seen squirrels before, but these two were so cute that I felt relaxed just looking at them. And now they were doing the most adorable thing they were –

I tripped and fell on my face.

I knew I tripped over something. I picked myself up and turned around. When I saw what it was, I cursed. Every muscle in my body went tense again.

I had tripped over a body.

Again.

Seriously, tripping over two bodies? Sure my foot only tapped against the body of Nurse Phillips in the old hospital, but it was kind of a trip. Tripped over two, found four total. Why me? Why am I the one just falling over these things? You’d think someone would have run through the park shouting, “Hey, I found a body!” Or “Call the police!” Maybe a blood curdling shriek. Was I really the first person to find the body? Am I just that person, the one magnetized to them? John Keats, Finder of Dead Bodies, Admirer of Squirrels.

Once my initial shock and incredulity had worn off, I looked closer at the body. Female, multiple vicious stab wounds. She had been bleeding out for a while, her clothes were soaked and now my pants were stained. Hair was matted over her face, which I cautiously brushed out of the way, wanting to touch her as little as possible. Her hair was sticky and wet as I moved it out of the way; blood was now on my hand. I immediately knew I had seen enough. It was the librarian from the desk at the library. Helen, if I recalled right.

I stood up. Great. My stomach felt a little sick, but it passed. I was getting too used to this. So once again things came back to Max. He was the common link here. He knew her. I bet if I asked around or looked long enough, I’d find that he had been here or was still here. I looked around. I was off a little ways from most people in the park, but not too far. The body was semi-concealed, but not really. There were two people reading books that had a clear line of sight. But no one reacted. It was like before – the world could be collapsing around them, but they didn’t react. They were placeholders, background, extras. I couldn’t count on much from them.

A murder. We were already to that. Katie had theorized how these scenes were playing out and I was beginning to see she was right. It was some sort of sadistic Shakespeare in the park, which was ironically appropriate considering my current location. First we woke up in a new place. Somewhere in that place, some sort of drama was playing out. Once that was over, things would quiet down for a while. Sometime during that time a murder would take place. We’d find the body and shortly afterwards the monster would show up. Cue the running, cue the whiteout. Then it was a matter of just wandering around until the fade to black.

I was beginning to doubt whether this was time travel. It was not time travel as I would have conceived it. There was an inherent wrongness in the events we were witnessing. But I just didn’t have a good alternate explanation yet. These events were too constructed, too plainly framed for this to be The Past As It Happened. There was some distortion going on, but I wasn’t sure what it was or what it meant. I knew some of the rules of what was going on, but that didn’t mean I knew what was going on.

What I did know was what cue we were up to. The murder was done and the body was found. Any minute now whatever sinister logic this place worked under would send the monster here, looking for Max. I still wasn’t sure what the monster would do to us interlopers, and I was not about to find out. Time was short. I needed to find her.

“Katie!” I called out, cupping my hands around my mouth to project the sound. I heard no response. I didn’t get a second look from any of the people sitting under trees and on benches. Not a flick of their eyes, not a moment’s hesitation in their reading. I might as well have not existed.

I began jogging down the trails, shouting for Katie. Far behind me I heard the first thunderous footstep of the monster. It was a long way off, but I knew it could close the gap quickly. Its stride was probably enormous. I’m sure if it started running after me I couldn’t outrun it. Hiding and getting out of here quickly would be the best option. But I needed to find Katie.

I wasn’t sure if she was here. I hoped she was here. I hoped there was only one of these scenes, these places, at a time. If she was in fact somewhere else where some other person was getting murdered, we might never find each other. I had to hope that Katie, me, hell, even the girl with the dark hair in her face were all getting moved to the same place, just spread out all over. I was just the lucky one who found the bodies. I had found the body here, so I guess I had done my part and this play could move forward. Unless there were multiple bodies. Wouldn’t that be frightening?

I shouted for Katie again, still jogging around the park. I laughed to myself the irony of me jogging in a nice suit looking for Katie when some would jog here in their exercise clothes, maybe looking to hookup with some attractive member of the opposite sex who was also running. I would hope their lustful looks and initial chatting would not be interrupted by falling over a body. This place might be full of them. The trees were alive with the mounds of corpses.

Panting, I stopped and caught my breath. Would I find her in time? The blood was pounding in my ears so I couldn’t hear the monster, whether it was far or near. I wished these damn people around me would react. That would tell me something. How unimpressive would Godzilla be if people weren’t running from him?

Gathering my breath, I called for Katie again. It was a horrible shout, my voice hoarse and cracking partway through. I would be surprised if anyone near me heard what I was even saying, much less it carrying across the park. I leaned forward with my palms on my knees, breathing slowly. Strangely enough, that hoarse scream was the one that provoked a response.

“John?” I heard the voice calling from not far away, distinctly feminine, distinctly familiar.

“Katie?” I yelled, immediately running in that direction with new energy. I ran for a bit before faltering and losing the basic direction I should go. “Katie?”

“John!” I heard from close to me. I swung around and saw Katie. The real Katie, looking just as I had left her. She leaped into my arms, hugging me tight and leaving the ground. “It’s so good to see you!” She held me for a long moment where she gripped me tight and I was confused. It felt good having her against me and something rushed through me. But I was still confused by the sudden closeness and affection. Then her body tensed and she stepped back, standing awkwardly before me and not making eye contact.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah…” she said, still staring at the ground, a confused look on her face. Then her face brightened a little. “John, I found the doctor!” she said, gesturing behind her.

Behind her was Doctor Merill, looking a little more ragged, but the same ruddy round face I had left in the bathroom. His suit was torn and I noticed blood on his pant legs. He stretched out his hand to me, saying, “Hello again, Detect-“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence because I punched him in the face, causing him to crumple to the ground.

I’ll admit it, it felt good.

Katie immediately ran between me and Merill’s prone body, putting her hands in front of her to wave me off. “No! He’s okay! He’s not dangerous!”

“I know,” I said, “He’s harmless. It’s what he doesn’t tell you that’s dangerous.” I let my hands relax and fall to my sides as I turned my back on the doctor.

Behind me, the doctor got back to his feet with Katie’s assistance. His nose was bleeding and he gripped it tightly. “It seems your friend the detective is one to hold a grudge,” he said.

I spun around quickly, causing Merill to step back defensively. “Of course I’m going to hold a grudge! You let me wander into the heart of madness without even a warning! You knew this was going to happen, but all you could say was ‘I don’t want to talk about it!’ Come over here, I think I need to hit you again!”

Katie stepped between us again. “Whoa whoa whoa! Nobody’s fighting here, no matter how much you two boys need to show off your testosterone. You both need to calm down. John, he’s not the enemy!”

“No,” I said, “but he didn’t do a damn thing to keep me away from the enemy either! He let me walk into all this!”

“I didn’t…” started Merill faintly, “I didn’t know for sure that this was going to happen. I thought there was a chance this might happen. Without the proper drugs administered, there was the possibility for a new anomaly, maybe even a backlash like this. But I didn’t know for sure.”

“You could have told me your suspicions,” I said. “This isn’t a ‘I could tell him, but the information might be used against me in a court of law’ situation. This is a ‘I should tell him so that he doesn’t end up a dead body lost somewhere in time’ situation.”

“Would you have believed me?” he said. “I’m still not sure I believe it myself, and this is when I’m in the midst of it. How could I have explained it and you believed it?”

“I’m sure there could have been a way,” I said, “You could have…” I trailed off. “I don’t know.”

“Exactly,” said Merill with an air of victory that I didn’t like.

I opened my mouth to speak, but then I heard a faint crash in the distance.

“Did you hear that?” I said.

Both of them looked at me, and I could tell that they did hear something, but neither said anything.

“It’s the monster,” I said.

“That can’t be,” said Katie. “No one has died yet. He comes after the murder. That’s the rule, right?”