The Longest Ride (34 page)

Two days later, he still wasn’t sure. He went to visit her at Wake, and as they walked the campus byways in the late hours of the night, Luke kept his hat on to hide the bruising on his forehead. He considered telling her about the accident but was afraid of the questions she would ask and where they would lead. Questions he had no answers to. Finally, when she asked him why he was so quiet, he pleaded exhaustion over the long hours at the ranch – truthfully enough, as his mother had decided to bring the cattle to market in advance of bull-riding season, and they’d spent a couple of grueling days roping and herding the cattle onto trucks.

But by then, he suspected that Sophia knew him well enough to sense that he wasn’t himself. When she showed up at the ranch the following weekend wearing the hat he’d bought her and a thick down jacket, she seemed to be evaluating him as they readied the horses, though she said nothing at the time. Instead, they made the same ride they had on their first day together, through the stands of trees, toward the river. Finally, she turned toward him. “Okay, enough of this,” she announced. “I want to know what’s bothering you. You’ve been… off all week long.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m still a little tired.” The bright sunlight drove knife blades into his skull, aggravating the constant headache he’d had since he’d been thrown.

“I’ve seen you tired before. It’s something else, but I can’t help if I don’t know what it is.”

“I’m just thinking about next weekend. You know, first event of the year and all.”

“In Florida?”

He nodded. “Pensacola.”

“I’ve heard it’s pretty there. White sand beaches.”

“Probably. Not that I’ll see any of them. I’ll drive back after the event on Saturday.” He thought back to his practice yesterday, his first since the accident. It had gone pretty well – his balance seemed unaffected – but the pounding in his head forced him to quit after forty minutes.

“It’ll be late.”

“This one’s in the afternoon. I should be back around two or so.”

“So… I can see you on Sunday, then?”

He tapped his hand against his thigh. “If you come out here. But I’ll probably be wiped out.”

She squinted at him from under the brim of her hat. “Gee, don’t sound so excited about it.”

“I want to see you. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to come over.”

“Are you going to come to campus instead? Do you want to hang out at the sorority house?”

“Not particularly.”

“Then would you like to meet somewhere else?”

“Dinner with my mom, remember?”

“Then I’ll come here.” She waited for a response, growing frustrated when he said nothing at all. In time, she turned in her saddle to face him. “What’s gotten into you? It’s like you’re mad at me.”

It was the perfect opportunity to tell her everything. He tried to find the words, but he didn’t know how to begin.
I’ve been meaning to tell you that I could die if I keep riding.

“I’m not mad at you,” he hedged. “I’m just thinking about the season ahead and what I have to do.”

“Right now?” She sounded doubtful.

“I think about it all the time. And I’ll be thinking about it through the whole season. And just so you know, I’ll be traveling a lot starting next weekend.”

“I know,” she said with unusual sharpness. “You told me.”

“When the tour heads west, I might not even make it home most weeks until late Sunday night.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re not going to be seeing me as often, and when we are together, you’ll be distracted?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Probably.”

“That’s no fun.”

“What else can I do?”

“How about this? Try not to think about your event next weekend right now. Let’s just try to enjoy ourselves today, okay? Since you’re going to be traveling? Since I’m not going to see you as much? It might be our last full day together for a while.”

He shook his head. “It’s not like that.”

“What’s not like that?”

“I can’t just ignore what’s coming,” he said, his voice rising. “My life isn’t like yours. It’s not about going to classes and hanging out on the quad and gossiping with Marcia. I live in the real world. I have responsibilities.” He heard her gasp but pressed on, growing more righteous with every word. “My job is dangerous. I’m rusty, and I know I should have practiced more this past week. But I have to do well starting next weekend, no matter what, or my mom and I are going to lose everything. So of course I’m going to think about it – and yes, I’m going to be distracted.”

She blinked, taken aback by his tirade. “Wow. Someone’s in a bad mood today.”

“I’m not in a bad mood,” he snapped.

“You could have fooled me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

For the first time, her expression hardened and he heard her struggling to keep her voice steady. “You could have said that you wanted to see me on Sunday, even if you were tired. You could have said that even though you might be distracted, that I shouldn’t take it personally. You could have apologized and said, ‘You’re right, Sophia. Let’s just enjoy today.’ But instead, you tell me that what you do – in the real world – isn’t like going to college.”

“College isn’t the real world.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” she cried.

“Then why are you so mad that I said it?” he countered.

She tugged the reins, forcing Demon to a halt. “Are you kidding?” she demanded. “Because you’re acting like a jerk! Because you’re implying that you have responsibilities, but I don’t. Can you even hear yourself?”

“I was just trying to answer your question.”

“By insulting me?”

“I wasn’t insulting you.”

“But you still think that what you do is more important than what I do?”

“It is more important.”

“To you and your mom!” she shouted. “Believe it or not, my family is important to me, too! My parents are important! Getting an education is important! And yes, I do have responsibilities. And I feel pressure to be successful, just like you do. I have dreams, too!”

“Sophia…”

“What? Now you’re ready to be civil? Well, you know what? Don’t bother. Because the reality is that I drove up here to spend time with you, and all you’re doing is trying to pick a fight!”

“I’m not trying to pick a fight,” he mumbled.

But she wasn’t hearing him. “Why are you doing this?” she demanded. “Why are you acting like this? What’s going on with you?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say, and Sophia watched him, waiting, before shaking her head in disappointment. With that, she jerked the reins and turned Demon, prodding him into a canter. As she disappeared in the direction of the stables, Luke sat alone amid the trees, wondering why he couldn’t find the courage to tell her the truth.

“S
o you just rode off and left him?” Marcia asked.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Sophia replied, propping her chin in her hands. Marcia sat beside her as she lay on her bed. “By then, I was so angry, I could barely look at him.”

“Hmmm. I guess I’d be angry, too,” Marcia said, sounding just a bit too sympathetic. “I mean, we both know that art history majors are absolutely critical to the modern functioning of society. If that’s not a serious responsibility, I don’t know what is.”

Sophia scowled at her. “Shut up.”

Marcia ignored the comment. “Especially if they’ve yet to land a job that actually pays anything.”

“Didn’t I just say shut up?”

“I’m just teasing you,” Marcia said, nudging her with her elbow.

“Yeah, well, I’m not in the mood, okay?”

“Oh, hush. I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just happy you’re here. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I’d be alone all day. And most of the night, too.”

“I’m trying to talk to you!”

“I know. I’ve missed our talks. We haven’t had one in ages.”

“And we’re not going to have any more if you keep this up. You’re making this a lot harder than you need to.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to listen. I want you to help me figure this out.”

“I am listening,” she said. “I heard everything you said.”

“And?”

“Well, frankly, I’m just glad you finally had an argument. It’s about time. I’m of the opinion that it’s not a meaningful relationship until you have a real argument. Up until then, it’s just a honeymoon. After all, you don’t know how strong something is until you actually test it.” She winked. “I read that in a fortune cookie once.”

“Fortune cookie?”

“It’s still true. And it’s good for you. Because once you two get past this, you’ll be stronger as a couple. And the make-up sex is always great.”

Sophia made a face. “Is it always about sex with you?”

“Not always. But with Luke?” She broke into a lascivious grin. “If I were you, I’d be trying to get past this as soon as possible. That is one good-looking man.”

“Stop trying to change the subject. You need to help me figure this out!”

“What do you think I’ve been doing?”

“Trying your best to irritate me?”

Marcia offered an earnest expression. “You know what I think?” she asked. “Based on what you told me? I think he’s nervous about what’s going to happen between you two. He’s going to be traveling most weekends, and before you know it, you’ll have graduated and he thinks you’re not going to stick around. So he’s probably beginning to distance himself.”

Maybe, Sophia thought. There was some truth there, but…

“It’s more than that,” she said. “He’s never been like this before. Something else is going on.”

“Is there anything you haven’t told me?”

He might lose the ranch.
But she hadn’t told Marcia that, nor would she. Luke had confided in her, and she wouldn’t violate his trust.

“I know he’s feeling a lot of pressure,” she said instead. “He wants to ride well. He’s nervous.”

“Well, there’s your answer,” Marcia said. “He’s nervous and under pressure, and you kept telling him not to think about it. So he got a little defensive and lashed out because in his mind, you’re indifferent to what he’s going through.”

Maybe, Sophia thought.

“Trust me,” Marcia went on. “He’s probably regretting it already. And I’ll bet he’ll be calling you to apologize any minute now.”

 

 

He didn’t call. Not that night, or the next or even the next. On Tuesday, Sophia spent most of the day alternately checking her phone to see if he’d texted and wondering whether she should call him. Though she attended classes and took notes, she was hard-pressed to recall anything her professors had said.

Between classes, she would walk from one building to the next, reviewing Marcia’s words, acknowledging that they made sense. Yet she couldn’t escape the memory of Luke’s… what? Anger? Hostility? She wasn’t sure if those were the right words, but she’d definitely felt as though he’d been trying to drive her away.

Why, after everything had been so easy and comfortable for so long, had everything so quickly gone wrong?

There was a lot that didn’t add up. She should just pick up the phone and get to the bottom of all this, she decided. Depending on Luke’s tone, she’d know almost immediately whether she was overreacting.

She reached into her purse and pulled out her phone, but just as she was about to dial, she happened to look across the quad, noticing the familiar ebb and flow of life on campus. People carrying backpacks, a student riding his bike to who knew where, a college tour that had stopped near the administration building, and in the distance, beneath a tree, a couple facing each other.

There was nothing unusual about any of it, but for whatever reason, something in the scene caught her attention and she lowered the phone. She found herself zeroing in on the couple. They were laughing, heads close together, the girl’s hand caressing the boy’s arm. Even from a distance, their chemistry crackled. She could almost feel it, but then again, she knew them both. What she was seeing was definitely more than a close friendship, a realization confirmed as soon as they kissed.

Sophia couldn’t look away, every muscle tensing at once.

As far as she knew, he hadn’t been to the house, nor had she heard their names mentioned together. Which was almost impossible on a campus devoid of secrets. Which meant that both of them had been trying to keep it secret until now – not only from her, but from everyone.

But Marcia and Brian?

Her roommate wouldn’t do that to her, would she? Especially knowing what Brian had done to her?

Yet in hindsight it struck her that Marcia had mentioned him several times in recent weeks… and hadn’t she admitted that she still talked to him? What had Marcia said about Brian? Even while he was still stalking her?
He’s funny and good-looking and rich. What’s not to like?
Not to mention that he’d had a “thing” for her, as Marcia liked to point out, before Sophia came along.

Sophia knew it shouldn’t matter. She wanted nothing to do with Brian, and it had been over for a long time. Marcia could have him if she wanted. But when Marcia lifted her gaze in Sophia’s direction, Sophia inexplicably felt tears spring to her eyes.

 

 

“I was going to tell you,” Marcia said, uncharacteristically shamefaced.

They were back in their room and Sophia stood near the window with her arms crossed. It was everything she could do to keep her voice steady.

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Not long,” Marcia said. “He visited me at home over Christmas break and —”

“Why him? You remember how much he hurt me, right?” Sophia’s voice started to crack. “You’re supposed to be my best friend.”

“I didn’t plan for it to happen…,” Marcia pleaded.

“But it did.”

“You were gone every weekend and I’d see him at parties. We’d end up talking. Usually about you…”

“So you’re saying this is my fault?”

“No,” Marcia said. “It’s no one’s fault. I didn’t mean for it to happen. But the more we talked and really got to know each other…”

Sophia tuned out the rest of Marcia’s explanation, the knots in her stomach tight enough to make her wince. When the room fell silent, she tried to keep her voice steady.

“You should have told me.”

“I did. I mentioned that we were talking. And I hinted that we were friends. That’s all there was until a few weeks ago. I swear.”

Sophia turned, facing her best friend and hating her at the same moment. “This is just…
wrong
on so many levels.”

“I thought you were over him…,” Marcia mumbled.

Sophia’s expression was livid. “I am over him! I don’t want anything to do with him. This is about us! You and me! You’re sleeping with my ex-boyfriend!” She ran a hand through her hair. “Marcia, friends don’t do this to each other. How can you even begin to justify this?”

“I’m still your friend,” Marcia offered, her tone soft. “It’s not like I’m going to be bringing him up to the room when you’re here…”

Sophia could barely register what she was hearing. “He’s going to cheat on you, you know. Just like he cheated on me.”

Marcia shook her head vehemently. “He’s changed. I know you won’t believe that, but he has.”

At this, Sophia knew she had to leave. She strode toward the door, grabbing her purse from the desk on the way out. At the door, she turned around.

“Brian hasn’t changed,” she said with utter certainty. “I can promise you that.”

 

 

Habit and desperation led her back to the ranch. As always, Luke stepped onto the porch just as she was getting out of the car. Even from a distance, he seemed to know something was wrong, and despite the fact that she hadn’t heard from him in days, he walked toward her with arms opened wide.

Sophia went into them, and for a long time, he simply held her as she cried.

 

 

“I still don’t know what to do,” she said, leaning back into Luke’s chest. “It’s not like I can stop her from going out with him.”