Authors: Clare Lydon
Geri smiled sadly and rubbed Kat’s back. “Well now I know, there’s no escaping me. I’m going to come round to get you off the sofa too. And of course I’ll tell everyone else if you want me to…”
“…If it comes up – don’t make a big deal of it.”
“Sure.” Geri paused. “Only it kind of is a big deal, don’t you think?”
Kat looked over to the door where she saw Abby striding in: saved by the bell. Kat gave Geri a look that told her this conversation was over and slipped on a smile.
Behind Abby, two nut-brown cyclists followed her into the bar, removing their helmets as they walked, their small black shoes click-clacking on the bare wooden floorboards.
“Hey, babe – all done?” Kat got up and gave Abby a kiss on the lips.
“Not really. I need to do some other bits and a buggered phone isn’t helping.” Abby tried but failed to hide her scowl – she clearly wasn’t a woman who forgave in a hurry.
“Sorry,” Geri said, thinking unkind thoughts.
Abby waved her hand. “It’s happened, now it’s time for wine,” she said. “Am I driving back?”
Kat shook her head. “No – I’ll save myself for later, you have a wine with your lunch.” She indicated the menu. “Choose what you want and I’ll get the drinks. Spritzer?”
“Yeah – but with soda…” Abby said, pulling out a chair.
“I
know
…” Kat replied.
***
After lunch in The Feathers, Geri, Kat and Abby took a tour of the village, which, if they’d walked at London pace, would probably have been completed in 20 minutes. On this lazy Easter Saturday though, they managed to spin it out for nearly two hours. Abby bought a silver necklace in a jewellery store, Kat made jokes about having no money, and Geri picked up eight Smarties Easter eggs for the group.
The crowd in the village had picked up mid-afternoon and they found they could no longer walk three abreast on the pavement to chat, with a steady stream of Saturday shoppers and buggies cruising the area at a relaxed pace. This tactic suited Abby, however, who left Geri and Kat to catch up while she drifted behind them, an iPhone in each hand answering emails and making calls while she could.
Kat seemed to be used to this sort of behaviour, but Geri made a mental note to never get together with a captain of industry.
***
Once back at the house, Abby disappeared to their room for a power nap, claiming the two glasses of wine had gone straight to her head.
Meanwhile, Geri and Kat unloaded the supplies they’d picked up in the village before retreating to the lounge to soak up the relative calm with a coffee.
Geri settled into one end of the large sofa facing the panoramic view, wiggling her toes and flexing her shoulders as she got comfortable.
Kat took the other end but both women could still kick their legs out without touching the other, such was its size.
“So how you feeling today – is it lifting the depression being here?” Geri asked.
“Well, I’m not thinking about it so much so I guess it is – change of scene and all that. But it’s not real life, not what happens to me on a daily basis, is it?”
Geri looked thoughtful as she sucked her top lip. “You need a massive sofa and a new view, clearly.”
“I think I might need more than that.”
“Have you been applying for jobs?”
Kat shook her head, her short dark hair not moving with the motion. “I just don’t feel up to it. I feel like… I don’t know really. Numb. My shrink said it’s not to do with just losing the job, that there must be some other part to it. She wants to go into my childhood but that shit’s never appealed to me. Too much to uncover.”
“She might have a point, then.”
“That’s what Abby said.”
From not knowing Abby, Geri’s opinion of her was going up by the hour (if you discounted the phone addiction). It sounded to Geri like she’d had a gutful of Kat to cope with and she’d done so admirably.
“Anyway, enough about me. I’ve been doing way too much talking lately,” Kat said, leaning down to retrieve her coffee from her feet. “Tell me more about you and women far too young to be your girlfriend.”
Now it was Geri’s turn to shake her head. “You know, all you couples, I’m sure you’re living vicariously through me. I can’t promise to check their age before sleeping with the next lucky punter, either. I can’t help it if young women find me attractive – it’s just the way of the world.”
“Do you flash your badge at them first or your cleavage?” Kat put one leg underneath her.
“No need,” Geri said, framing her face with both hands. “With these chiselled good looks I’m onto a winner in the first place. Then the badge usually seals the deal. Unless they’re on the run.”
“Or they see your hair all frizzy in the morning and run of their own accord.” Kat smiled as she sipped her coffee. She heard Abby shouting her name from upstairs, so put her cup on the side table and swung her feet onto the carpet.
“That’s not until at least date four.” Geri paused. “Something I said?”
Kat pointed towards the ceiling. “Abs just shouted me – better go and see what she wants.” Kat disappeared through the lounge door.
Geri finished her coffee and stared out into the view, getting lost in thoughts of moving here and opening up her dairy fudge factory. How hard could it be?
Her thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later by the doorbell – so much for enjoying some peace and quiet. She padded out to the hall and saw a short-haired figure through the wobbly glass on the other side that she recognised instantly. She opened the oak door to find Darren grinning back at her, Louis Vuitton bag in hand.
Where Stu was tall, solid and bald, Darren was slightly shorter and bronzed. Geri would lay bets that any hair on his body he considered superfluous had been waxed off, as Darren was no stranger to pain in the name of beauty. He also had a thick head of brown hair which was styled to perfection, and today was clad in blue jeans, black scuffed boots, a black top and black leather jacket.
In fact, Geri and Darren’s style was not so far off each other and they could often be found comparing notes on clothing and beauty products. Darren was often told he looked like the lead singer of an art-college band, which did nothing for his modesty.
“Hello, trouble.” Geri hugged Darren on the doorstep.
“And it’s lovely to see you too,” he said over her shoulder.
“Just telling it like it is.” Geri stepped back as he put his bag down. “I’m pleased to see you and I’m sure Stu will be too once he’s forgiven you for turning up late.”
She leant up, grabbed Darren’s right cheek between her thumb and index finger and gave him a squeeze. “How could he fail to love this face,” Geri said in a see-saw voice that made Darren slap her hand away.
“Judging from his messages, fairly easily.” Darren looked around. “You home alone?”
“Almost – Kat’s upstairs with Abby, but the rest are still out walking.”
“Sounds like I timed it just right, then,” he said. “How did you get out of it?”
Geri shrugged. “Kat, Abby and I slunk out to the local village pub and fuelled the local economy instead by lunching and shopping. There’s only so much walking a girl can take. Anyhow, enough chat – cup of tea and I’ll show you the house?” Geri took Darren by the hand and led him towards the kitchen. “Your hands are baby soft,” she added.
“Gay hands, darling,” Darren said, doing jazz hands either side of his head. “In the fine print.” He paused. “And, excuse me, a cup of tea? You got anything stronger?”
Geri opened the fridge door and pulled out a bottle of Peroni.
Darren’s eyes widened as he shook his head in alarm. “Er, hello, have we met?” He gave her a quizzical look.
“Oh yeah – I forgot for a moment. Been in a houseful of lesbians too long.”
“I bet Stu’s forgotten, too.” Darren disappeared and Geri heard him rummaging in his bag, before reappearing a minute later with some Prosecco and a bottle of vodka. “I brought less carb-laden drinks for me but you go ahead, I know what your tribe’s like.” Darren walked over and put his swag in the fridge.
Geri raised an eyebrow. She hoped they were going to see happy Darren later and not bitchy-queen Darren who had a tendency to piss off all those around him. She turned to see him grinning at her and holding up his right hand, currently clenched into a fist.
“Guess what else I brought to the party, as well as my style, charm and charisma?” Darren looked terribly pleased with himself.
“Tell me,” Geri said. She wasn’t one for guessing games.
“You’re not even going to try to guess?” Darren pouted at her.
“A wild guess,” Geri said, scratching her cheek. “But could it be cocaine?”
Darren winked and opened his fist to reveal some neatly folded tiny paper packages.
“Ta da!” he gestured camply, before putting the drugs back in his jacket pocket, hanging it on a dining chair and crossing the kitchen. Darren picked up the kettle and flipped open its lid.
“Maybe I will kick off with a cup of tea first after all.” His voice was somewhat drowned out as the water hit the kettle.
“Stevie is going to
love
you.” Geri bent over and grabbed two mugs from the dishwasher. “She was just saying yesterday morning that she hasn’t had drugs in ages and now here you are like a prince charming. It’s a fairytale ending.”
“Fairytales are my speciality,” Darren said. “Wouldn’t have thought it was up Stevie’s alley, though. Kat, yes - but Stevie?”
Geri waved her hand. “Oh, she won’t do any. We both decided we’d rather spend our money on pasta bowls.”
Darren smiled. “I’m sure that makes sense on planet lesbian.” He swiftly turned his attention to doing some squats while the kettle boiled.
Geri had seen such behaviour many times before so she didn’t even comment. As Darren often pointed out, in the battle for thighs of steel, there wasn’t a moment to waste.
Once tea was made, Geri took him on a tour of the house which received the required oohs and aahs from the main room as well as from his bedroom, with its king-size bed and en-suite bathroom. Darren tested the bed and gave Geri a thumbs up.
“It’ll get a good workout later,” he told her.
Geri grimaced. “I’m sure it can’t wait.”
The sound of the door slamming and raised voices alerted them to the fact the walkers had returned.
Geri started towards the door, turning in the doorway. “You coming?” She was greeted by Darren’s arse as he bent over to get something from his bag.
He turned to face her, smoothing his black top down over his flat, toned stomach as he did. “Can you send Stu up first?” Darren looked bashful. “I’d rather he was mad at me alone and not in front of everyone.”
Geri nodded and pushed herself off the doorframe. She trotted towards the top of the stairs before taking them two at a time and nearly bowling over an advancing Stu in the process. She made a mental note to herself again to slow down.
“Jesus!” Stu muttered when he recovered his balance. “Where’s the fucking fire?”
“Sorry! Sorry!” Geri said again, giving him a hug before recoiling. “Eugh, you’re all sweaty! But you’ll like me in a minute – go have a look in your room.”
Stu narrowed his eyes and gave her a look. “Have you put bananas in my bed again?”
“That was a one-time only special, never to be repeated. In contrast, I think you might like what’s in your bed this time…” Geri skipped past him before he could ask more questions.
Stu took the stairs two at a time and padded along the carpeted hallway in his socked feet. When he reached his room, the door was open and Darren was lying on the bed with his top off, his hands clasped behind his head, his face cracked with a smile.
“Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting all day,” Darren said, grinning.
Saturday Night
The group arrived at The Flowerpot at 6.30pm, Tash having rung ahead to book a table. They were all determined to enjoy their penultimate night together – Saturday night, the big night out.
“So, is it too early for shots?” Darren’s voice boomed over the music in the pub – somebody working the jukebox was a fan of Elton John. “Who’s in?” he asked excitedly, fishing his wallet out of his pocket.
Vic was the first disdaining voice, just as Kat’s hand shot up in the air.
“How about we eat first? Let’s start off sedate and try not to get chucked out till at least after 9pm,” Vic said.
Darren rolled his eyes only half-mockingly. “Okay, mum,” he said. “Food first. But I hope they serve salad in this part of the world as no chips are passing this gay’s lips.”
“I’d forgotten what a delight you are to eat out with,” Geri told him, pursing her lips. “We’ll get you a salad, rabbit boy. But I’m going to waft my chips right under your nose.”
“Waft away!” Darren blew on his fingernails. “My body is a temple.”
“A temple of doom,” Stu added.
Geri took the food order up to the bar where she encountered the cute barmaid from Thursday. Her cuteness was still intact: short dark hair, black polo shirt, tight-fitting jeans, sexy smile. Geri licked her lips and within a couple of minutes she’d discovered the bartender’s name was TJ, she was local, and that she had an endearing dimple and piercing brown eyes.
Geri gave the order and added a drink on for TJ, who gave her a coy look in return. What were the chances of finding a lesbian barmaid in a tiny village in Devon? Geri was unsure, but her gaydar didn’t often fail. Geri gave TJ a wink as she left the bar and returned to the table with cutlery in hand.
“Having a nice chat?” Kat said.
“Yes, thanks.” Geri sat down on her dark wooden chair. “See what you reckon next time you’re at the bar, but I think Stevie might be right.”
“Interesting.” Kat drummed her fingers on the table in an agitated manner.
***
When it arrived, the food exceeded expectations, the burgers juicy, the fish fresh and herb-loaded. Wine arrived to accompany it – a chewy Malbec for the meat-eaters, a crisp Chablis to go with the fish.
“Have you spoken to your kids today?” Stevie asked Tash midway through the meal, who nodded mutely while chewing a mouthful of food.
“Yep, called them when we got in. They seemed happy enough – Simon had taken them shopping and bought them whatever they wanted to eat for the evening. I think the man’s actually learning, miracle of miracles.” Tash was wearing a green top that brought out the colour of her eyes and complemented her red hair perfectly.