Authors: K J Bell
Resting against the window, gazing into the woods, I dozed off. When I finally woke, I was late for school. I rushed to the closet, throwing on the first thing I found to wear – jeans and a blue t-shirt. O
riginal, Claire
. I quickly ran a comb through my hair and hastily bushed my teeth.
When I went downstairs I called for Maggie. She didn’t answer and I guessed that she was still sleeping. I scoured the kitchen for something to eat, deciding to go with a Pop Tart again, given anything else took time that I didn’t have. I found a note from Maggie on the counter.
Claire,
I had a few things to do this morning and I will be home late. Have a good day.
Love, Mags.
Thankfully, the drive to school was uneventful. No more hallucinations about running over strange men. I arrived to chemistry just before the bell. The haste of my morning was a perfect distraction from my thoughts.
The morning went by quickly and I had yet to see Logan. Sadly, I had yet to see Brent either.
Eating lunch with Layken, she introduced me to some of her friends. Riley was a friendly red-haired girl with a round face and dimples. She was warm and funny, reminding me in a way of Maggie. I liked her immediately.
“So, how do you like it here so far?” Riley asked me, twirling a lock of fiery hair in her fingers.
I pursed my lips before answering.
“Oh, um, it’s great,” I shrugged, smiling embarrassed by my thoughts.
Great because of one beautiful blue-eyed creature in my next class.
“You moved here from San Diego, right?” she asked, still twirling her hair.
“Yes, at the beginning of summer,” I answered.
“Then how is this place great? I would love to live in San Diego. What the heck made you come back here?”
“The weather,” I replied, my tone laced with sarcasm.
“Huh?” she asked, drawing in her eyebrows.
My dry humor was obviously lost on her but at least Layken chuckled.
“Whatever,” Riley sang, rolling her eyes, biting into a chip and crunching loudly.
Layken’s other friend Brooke was beautiful, with long straight black hair and large brown eyes. Her olive skin glowed without any teenage flaws. She could easily have been a model. She was not as friendly as the others, regarding me warily, using one word responses to address the group. It seemed she was annoyed with my presence, but I wasn’t positive.
Stop being so insecure, Claire. She could have had a bad morning.
Reese was the lone boy of the group. His hair was close in color to my own, resting just below his ears, framing his strong jaw. He was handsome with grey eyes and long lashes. He seemed nervous, refraining from most of the conversation. Looking around the room constantly and tapping his foot, he was beginning to annoy me.
Layken assured me he was much more talkative when Brody was around.
“He’s late, as usual,” she said.
M
aybe that is why Reese keeps looking around; he’s hoping his buddy will show up so he doesn’t have to be bored to death with girl talk. The world does not revolve around you, Claire.
Eating lunch, socializing with other kids my age, I felt relaxed. It put me at ease and for the first time I felt like a normal teenager. This was how a girl my age was supposed to live, hanging out with friends, chatting about whatever came to mind, carefree and worriless. I kept moving my gaze across the brightly lit room hoping to catch a glimpse of Brent, but I didn’t see him.
My comfortable feeling was long gone the second I glanced up and spotted Logan at a table across from us. His eyes were fixed on me, creating tension. The feeling was thick, like the fog that covers the river in early morning. Logan was glaring at me, disgust seeping from every pore on his face.
Layken noted his lurking and my discomfort, whispering so that the table couldn’t hear what she said. “Don’t worry about him, he’s a jerk. He always gives the new person a hard time. It’s like his life’s goal or something. Just ignore him. He’ll get bored with you in a day or two,” she stated matter-of-factly. “I can’t believe I ever went out with him. He had a nice truck. I guess I thought he was cool. Boy, was I wrong,” she finished.
Laughing nervously, I decided to take her advice, turning my eyes back to our group and to the conversation at our table. There it was again, that calm feeling rushing through my body after Layken spoke, soothing away my anxiety. It must be genuine friendship that made me feel this way. I mentally scolded myself for having avoided it for so long.
Reese got up from the table abruptly, his expression angry,
talking under his breath, seemingly to himself. He crossed in front of me and smiled. I’m not sure why but his smile made me blush and I smiled back shyly. Reese moved gracefully and I saw Brooke staring at him admiringly. She liked him. It was obvious, but he ignored her completely. I noted Reese’s rudeness as there was no way for him to miss the way Brooke was looking at him. He must have been the cause of her annoyance. My heart squeezed a little, watching Brooke frowning wanly and fiddling with a few grapes in front of her.
See, don’t be so paranoid. It wasn’t even about you.
Crossing to Logan’s table, Reese leaned down to speak with him. Logan peered over his shoulder at me with that familiar look of hate in his eyes. My body instantly tensed and I looked away. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but it couldn’t be me. I’ve only said three words to Reese and he had said even fewer to me –
Reese
Phillips
– that’s all I got out of him. Logan’s posture suddenly changed and he stared at his tray.
You’re being paranoid again. Get over yourself.
Reese glided back to the table, taking the empty seat next to me which earned me a harsh stare from Brooke. His lips were pressed tightly together. I considered asking him what his conversation with Logan had been about but decided against it. He ignored my questioning stare, starting up a conversation with Riley as though nothing weird happened.
Perhaps nothing weird did happen.
I decided he could have been asking Logan about homework and my paranoia was just getting the better of me. I resolved not to bring it up. Continuing to eat lunch, I peeked at Logan’s table several times, but he didn’t look over. I was relieved that Reese had disturbed his efforts to torture me.
Layken and I walked to art together while she told me that Brooke really liked Reese but he’s not into her which made hanging out with the two of them really hard. I was trying to listen, but my stomach was in a ball, and I felt flustered with anticipation knowing that in a few short steps I would get to see Brent.
Reaching the door, I peeked in and began scanning the room. I spotted Brent standing in front of a table in the back of the class. He was talking with a small group of girls who were giggling at every word he said. I felt the slightest bit of jealousy lingering in a dark place somewhere near the back of my mind. Stepping into the room, my eyes lit up and I smiled brightly, staring at him, urging him to look at me. He turned and our eyes locked. Something distant and cold replaced the welcoming gleam I usually felt when I looked at him. Taking a step toward him, I ignored the rejection I saw in his stare. Leveling me with a shunning glare, he turned his head and continued his conversation with his admirers until the bell rang.
Layken and I sat. I was aware she noticed my malaise, but didn’t ask about it, which I was thankful for. Heat filled my stomach and crawled up my neck as confusion whirled around in my head desperately searching for an answer to why he was totally avoiding me.
Pointing out a small table in the middle of the room, the teacher began to talk. A bowl of fruit was centered on the table. Our assignment was to draw the outline of the fruit. We would learn how to shade it tomorrow. Putting my pencil to the paper, I failed to actually draw anything as my frustration grew over Brent not acknowledging me. He had obviously had time to think about my family, deciding he would prefer not to be friends. The thought made me sick and angry at the same time, riling my emotions.
A boy darted in the door holding a hall pass. His dark brown hair was messy as though he just woke up, skipping the brush, hurrying out the door, late for school. I assumed his rush to school was also the reason for his wrinkled clothing. He smiled at Mrs. Jenkins, handing her his pass.
“Nice of you to join us, Brody,” Mrs. Jenkins said before shooing him to his seat.
I wondered if this was the same Brody that Layken mentioned at lunch. He walked past me, flashing a mouth full of braces when he smiled. Brody took a seat next to Brent in the back of the room. My eyes followed Brody and I glimpsed at Brent. He instantly turned away when we made eye contact. Seriously, what was his problem?
Hiding behind the curtain of hair that formed over my ears, I turned several times to look at Brent, hoping he would respond. He didn’t and I slunk further down in my chair. He hadn’t looked at me once, not once. The entire class passed and Brent sat stone-faced as though I didn’t exist. The bell startled me, causing me to jump. My pencil rolled to the floor. Class was over and I hadn’t drawn so much as a line on my paper. Mrs. Jenkins crossed in front of my table, frowning at my obvious lack of effort.
“Drawing invisible fruit, Ms. Blake?” she asked. The class burst into laughter. I spun in my chair to see Brent was laughing too. Catching my stare he smiled dolefully, averting his eyes to break my gaze. What was with him today?
As soon as the bell rang, I tossed my things in my backpack and ran from the class –rudely – not even addressing Layken when she said goodbye. I would apologize later. I was too angry. People in this town were just awful, spreading rumors about my family and about me. How was it people could listen to silly gossip about other people, and then turn that into hateful, hurtful, feelings towards those people they’ve never even bothered to get to know. Were we not a more civilized society, far from pack animals that have a need to claim a place by exposing the others weaknesses?
Yesterday, Brent walked me to all of my afternoon classes. Today he could not even say hello. Tears stung my eyes at the realization that I only had myself to blame for mistaking what I was feeling. After history, I was fed up with being ignored and decided to confront him. As we exited the class, I approached him charily.
“Can we talk for a minute, please?” I pleaded, forcing back tears, not wanting to show him how much he was getting to me. I didn’t want him to know the effect he had on me.
“Sorry, I can’t,” he replied instantly. His short and downright rude response had my blood boiling.
“You can’t or you won’t?” I echoed bitterly.
“What do you want from me, Claire?” he asked casually, shrugging his shoulders, displaying his complete lack of interest.
“Did I do something to upset you?” I inquired, suddenly regretting my decision to confront him. I felt so rejected. How had I not seen the two of us had lived two completely different truths yesterday? My day had been wrapped up in him like a love sick teenager. His had been manipulating that knowledge to help his grades, and when I hadn’t jumped at the opportunity to do so, he was done with me. I liked my version of the day better, but apparently it had been a lie.
“You know what, Brent, never mind. Obviously you aren’t anything like I thought you were,” I stressed sharply. My anger kept me grounded to the spot in front of him, begging him to offer me something – anything – to explain his mood.
“Whatever,” he spat with fiery indignation in his eyes, before leaving me standing in my own personal pity puddle. I wanted to drown in it.
Thankfully, I was too angry to cry and the rest of the day flew by. I went to my locker after class and could feel him behind me. Turning to see him talking to Riley, Brent shot a glance my way but then bowed his head and turned away. Riley smiled at me and waved. I returned the gesture and headed for the parking lot determined not to think about him
.
CHAPTER 5
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee
S
itting in the driveway at my aunt’s house for over an hour, I questioned every conversation I had with Brent, why I felt so drawn to him. His behavior today made it clear that he was not interested in me at all. No matter how hard I tried, I refused to accept that. The way he looked at me or smiled while I spoke, I was sure he liked me. So, why was he so cross with me today? I wanted to believe he was just a shallow teenager who didn’t want to associate with me so as not to damage his precious reputation. But then why defend me with Logan? He had been completely possessive of me with Logan. Pieces to yet another puzzle in my life were definitely not fitting together.
Something tightened in my chest when I realized, this was exactly the reason I had never gotten close to anyone. I broke my own rule, allowing myself to feel for this boy and now I was in too deep to turn those feelings off.
Staying in the car for several more minutes, I wiped away the first – of what I was positive would be many – tears over this boy, and pulled myself together. Maggie didn’t need to see me this way, especially over something so pathetically teenage. She had enough to stress about with me still grieving my parents – my parents, who should be here –
dammit
. If they were here, none of this would have happened because we would still be in San Diego. I would be on the beach doing homework, warding off an angry seagull trying to steal a chip from my hand. I wouldn’t be here feeling abandoned and ashamed. I wouldn’t be here thinking about Logan. I wouldn’t be here thinking about some stupid boy named Brent that I had deluded myself into thinking had feelings for me. Maybe I should talk to Maggie. I needed someone to help me sort this out and she was a great listener. Blinking my sad thoughts away, I opened the car door and exited.