The Lives Between Us (37 page)

“You’re welcome. Nothing would have kept me away. By the way,” he nodded at the melted ice cream. “He doesn’t deserve that. Not tonight.”

“I know.” And thanks to Joseph, so did Jeff, but he was going to get it anyway.

Edward climbed the stairs and knocked on Jeff’s door briefly before walking in the room. Jeff sat on his bed. With headphones covering his ears, he stared straight ahead. He glanced at Edward but didn’t seem surprised to see him.

Edward stood by the bed and handed Jeff the ice cream.

Jeff took off the headphones and frowned at the bowl. “What’s that?”

“Ice cream.”

“Why?”

Edward raised his eyebrows. “An apology.”

Jeff glared at the melted bowl and looked away. Edward placed the ice cream on the nightstand and sat on the bed next to Jeff.

Jeff scooted over so their legs didn’t touch.

“Look…” He took a deep breath, then pushed it out. “We’re
all
under a lot of stress. Mom’s condition is serious, and there’re so many options, and the stakes are high, and there’s no clear right or wrong, and we’re constantly being thrown something new.

“I feel like we’re targets at a shooting range. Like we’re trying to cross a room filled wall-to-wall with ball bearings without falling down while someone’s shooting at us.” He looked at Jeff, sure his rambling didn’t mean anything to the kid.

Jeff stared at the headphones in his lap. One hand fiddled with the cord.

“But I’m the adult, and you’re the kid. It’s up to me, not you, to figure this out. I’m not doing a very good job of it, and you’re getting caught in the fall out.” He looked into his son’s eyes. “And I’m sorry.”

Jeff frowned and blinked hard. “Me, too.”

Wow, he’d been expecting surliness or an argument, not Jeff’s quiet acquiescence. “I’ll do better. I think we can both do better, don’t you?”

Jeff slowly bobbed his head.

“I know you’re really struggling, but you know I love you, right?”

Jeff avoided his gaze.

“I know it might not seem like it sometimes, but I do. You’re my son, and I love you. I might not always
like
the things you do, but I always love you. There’s nothing more important to me than you and your mom.” He smiled. “The three of us, we’re a team. We all have roles to play, but we’ll get through this together. Your job is to not get behind in your schooling. Mom’s is to do what she can to get better. And mine… mine is to watch over and facilitate you and Mom while I work to make money to pay the bills. Once we can settle into a routine, things will get easier, but until then, we’re really going need your cooperation.” He dipped his head to look at Jeff. “Understand?”

Jeff nodded.

“Mom’s being transferred to rehab tomorrow, and I’ll be spending nights at home with you, so that should make things better.”

Jeff looked him in the eyes for the first time since he’d entered the room. “Does Grandpa have to go?”

Edward pushed aside the hurt. Even after Joseph had chewed him out, his son still wanted him with them. “He can stay as long as he likes. Besides, I’m sure he’s a better cook than I am.”

“Not hard.”

True. Hot dogs, canned soup, and sandwiches about covered the extent of his culinary skills.

“Thanks.” Edward grinned and stood. “Well, you’d better get to bed.” At the door he turned back. “Goodnight. Love you.”

Jeff climbed under the covers and turned out the light. “’Night.”

Edward closed the door. “Love you, too, Dad,” he mumbled, trying not to be hurt that his son hadn’t said that he loved him. Walking past the guest room, he noticed the strip of light beneath the door, relieved Joseph had retired for the evening. He was talked out.

Edward pushed his sleeve back and looked at his watch. Shelly should be nearly finished with Noelle. He clumped down the stairs and paused outside their bedroom door, before heading back to the hospital. One last night in the hospital.

He quickly parked and walked the all-too-familiar route to Noelle’s room. Though he longed for the privacy of his and Noelle’s bedroom, he wondered how he’d feel about it tomorrow night, without Noelle. Tomorrow night would be the first time he’d slept in their bed since the accident. Edward meandered down the hall deep in thought, until the harsh shriek of a ventilator alarm pierced his musings.

He picked up his pace yet wasn’t overly concerned because he’d passed the empty nurses desk and assumed that they were already with Noelle. When the alarm didn’t silence, he sprinted the last ten feet to her door.

The security guard dashed by. “Getting a nurse.”

The blaring alarm assaulted Edward’s ears in waves as he rushed to her bedside. Noelle’s eyes rolled back in her head, then closed, and her face went slack. Oh, God, how long had she been without oxygen? He searched the box, looking for the source of the disrupted connection.

This had happened once before, but a nurse had come running immediately to reconnect the wires. Nothing. Edward looked at Noelle’s neck and saw the tube dangling next to her neck. He gently pushed and twisted the tube back into place, and the alarm instantly quieted.

“Noelle? Baby?”

The silence seemed deafening, even over the humming of the pumping ventilator. Though her chest rose and fell with the machine, Noelle remained unconscious.

“I need help in here!” Edward ran to the hallway and nearly collided with Shelly and another nurse. The security guard on their heels did a quick about-face and headed back to his post.

Shelly ran to the bedside and slapped Noelle’s face. “Noelle? Noelle?” She reached for her neck to take her pulse, sparing him a glance. “What happened?”

Edward stood by the door, out of their way. Despite the pumping machine, Noelle’s face was still pale and her eyes closed. “Pop off. I don’t know how long. When I came back the machine was wailing. I reconnected it, but...”

Shelly flipped her stethoscope over her head and spoke over her shoulder, “Call a code.”

The other nurse bolted from the room. Seconds later, a chilling, controlled voice called over loudspeaker, “Code blue 619. Code blue 619.”

Edward backed away from the bed as doctors and nurses flooded the room. A nurse escorted him into the hallway. At least six people and a huge red metal crash cart swarmed Noelle’s bed. Edward held his breath and stared through the doorway.

Minutes later, people trickled out of her room. The highest-ranking doctor in attendance turned to Edward. “Senator Hastings, your wife’s fine. She just fainted. Her heart did not stop, so other than being a bit frightened; I’d say she’s okay. All the turning with her evening prep must have loosened the connections.”

Fainted? She’d looked dead. Edward’s relief turned to fury. “It’s happened before. How is it we can put men on the moon, but we can’t make better damn connections so helpless people don’t have to worry about smothering to death?”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s very frightening. It’s frustrating for us, too. We don’t usually have trouble like this anymore.”

Frustrating for them? Really?
Edward scowled. “I’m sure my wife takes great comfort in that.”

“Her nurse taped the tube. I’ll switch her to a different brand vent and see if that helps. Later if she can’t be weaned from the vent, we can determine if she might be a good candidate for a diaphragmatic stimulator.”

Unable to think of a civil response, Edward brushed past the doctor. He needed to see for himself that she was okay.

Noelle lay with snot oozing from her nose and tears dribbling from her eyes as two nurses cooed over her and wiped her eyes and nose. The nurses tried to soothe her, but it was useless; Noelle wouldn’t calm until she’d exhausted herself. He had the insane urge to go over there, shoo the nurses away, and pull Noelle onto his lap. He wanted to rock her like a little child and never let her go.

“I’m sorry. We’ve retaped the connection, and we’ll watch her more carefully,” the resident said.

“She can never be left alone.” Edward stared at his sobbing wife.

“Isn’t she being discharged tomorrow?”

Edward wanted to snarl at the doctor. It was obscene that they’d use the word ‘discharge’ in reference to his wife. Especially after what’d just happened. Discharge implied that a person was well enough to go home and fend for herself—or go home and die in the comfort of her home. Neither situation applied to his wife.

“She’s going to Fisher Rehab.”

“Fisher Rehab—that’s great. Wonderful people there. As for round-the-clock care? That’s something you’ll have to discuss with Noelle’s rehab coordinator at Fisher.”

He stared at Noelle while the doctor mumbled something else before melting away. Edward knew he should have thanked him. He should have been more gracious. After all they weren’t responsible for the machine’s crappy design. But he didn’t feel thankful and couldn’t tear his gaze away from his quietly weeping wife.

What should he say to her? What
could
he say? Edward wanted to promise to remove this terror from her life—but he couldn’t. She needed the damned machine to breathe.

He approached the bed, and the nurses backed away to give him room. At the sight of her reddened eyes and tear-stained, ravaged face, Edward blinked back tears and gulped. Emotions swelled his throat, choking him, making it hard to breathe. Pushing out a deep breath, he swiped his wet eyes, cleared his throat, and hoped his voice wouldn’t fail.

He snatched a tissue and blotted each of her eyes. “Rather dramatic way to get a guy’s attention, wouldn’t you say?”

Noelle’s bloodshot eyes crinkled at his joke. He leaned close and kissed her quivering lips. Resting his forehead on her hot sweaty forehead, he dragged in a ragged breath.

“
Don’t
do that again,” he ordered. “You scared me to death. I know you like the distinguished gray hair at my temples, but I’d rather get it the usual way, raising our child. If you don’t mind.”

He backed away twelve inches, allowing her to read the love and sorrow in his eyes. “Seriously. You scared the hell out of me. I can’t take much more.” He took a deep breath and then another. “And I just don’t know what to do. When you get to Fisher, I’ll make sure you’re never left alone—but we can’t live that way for the rest of our lives.”

Noelle mouthed the word Israel.

The doctor told them together, had she not understood? Had Noelle thought he could use his status as a senator to change things, and he’d failed at that, too?

“Honey, the Israel opportunity is gone, remember? You don’t fit the criteria.”

“What now?” she mouthed.

Edward took her hand. Even with it curved around the hard plastic splint and knowing that she couldn’t feel him, he needed the contact. Some familiar gesture of comfort.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted softly, feeling lost and like a failure. “Tomorrow you go to Fisher Rehab. I’ll be with you during the day, but I can’t spend nights. I’ll get you a private nurse—you won’t be alone. I think we’ll just have to see what they can offer.” He pointed an index finger at her. “Your job, young lady, is to do whatever they tell you, to get better, and to get off that damn machine so I don’t have to worry about you every minute of the day.”

She nodded. Frowning in concentration, Noelle took several deep breaths in rhythm with the vent.

“What,” she said in a rusty, hoarse voice that seemed like magic to him. She paused, waiting for another breath. “About you?” She hissed out and then smiled in triumph.

Edward’s eyes grew wide and he grinned. “Girl, you been holding out on me?”

She shook her head. “Just.” The machine hissed. “Practicing.”

Noelle might not have mastered breathing independent of the vent, but hearing her voice soothed his jangled nerves better than the smoothest of scotches. Holy shit, she could talk. “Well, keep it up. Me? I’m going to take care of Jeff. Do some more research and see what remaining options we have.”

“Be.”
Hiss
. “Patient.”

He sighed. “I’m trying. But that kid would try even your patience.”

“Teenager.”
Hiss
. “Stress.”

“He’s a spoiled brat.” Edward relented at her glare. “Patience.” He sighed. “I know. I’m trying. I... There’s just this wall he’s erected, and I can’t seem to get around it.” And even if he knew how, Edward wasn’t sure he had the emotional or physical strength to get around it.

Noelle’s face tightened. “Try.”
Hiss
. “Harder.”
Hiss
. “Can’t take.”
Hiss
. “The fight.”

Me either
. Edward kissed her forehead. “I will. I’ll try.” He brushed hair away from her face. “You know, pretty soon we’re going to have to make some big decisions here.”

“Mark.”
Hiss
. “Cells.”

“You want to try the stem cells?”

She frowned. “No.”
Hiss
. “Embryo.”

“Not embryonic cells—cord blood. Mark knows how we feel about embryos.”

“No.”
Hiss
. “Jeff .”
Hiss
. “Blood.”

“You don’t want to use Jeff’s cord blood?”

Noelle frowned. “Never.”
Hiss
. “For him.”
Hiss
. “Promise.”

“I promise.” Edward leaned close and stroked her face because that was the only thing he was sure she could feel. He put all his love into his expression and caress. “God, I love you.”

Hiss
. “Sure?”

“Sure, I love you?”

Noelle shook her head. “Maybe.”
Hiss
. “Should.”
Hiss
. “Let go.”

Edward rapidly blinked away the tears stinging his eyes. She was asking him to let her die.
Shit
. He took a deep breath and stared at his fists clenched white in his lap.

“Here’s the thing.” He swallowed hard, cleared his throat, and looked at her. “I love you more than anything in this world. But I’m a selfish bastard; I’ll take you any way I can. You’ve been taking care of me for years.

“You made sure my clothes were immaculate, that we always had Honey Bunches of Oats and orange juice for breakfast, you met our son’s every need, and a million other things. Now.” He brushed the hair at her temples. “It’s my turn to take care of you, baby.