Read The Little Old Lady Who Broke All the Rules Online
Authors: Catharina Ingelman-Sundberg
Tags: #Humour, #Contemporary
Nurse Barbara thoughtlessly walked straight into Martha’s room without knocking.
‘Never do that again,’ Martha hissed and got up.
‘Goodness me, what on earth are you doing?’ Barbara gave a start and looked all around her. The whole retirement home was chaotic nowadays, but the rooms of the choir gang were particularly disordered. Inside the room, the entire choir gang sat and painted. On the sideboard and the coffee table there were oil paints, paintings, frames and a roll of plastic wrap; the floor was covered with empty tubes of paint with the tops unscrewed. An easel had fallen across the sofa, and Brains was standing next to it mixing paint in a bucket. Christina was busy putting thick layers of paint on an enormous canvas, and Anna-Greta was adding the finishing touches to a little rectangular canvas. It seemed as if she had tried to depict some silver coins in light grey colours, but it looked more like biscuits. While she painted, she hummed an old popular song to herself.
Nurse Barbara took a deep breath and exclaimed, ‘Whatever are you up to?’
‘Developing as artists,’ Martha answered and wiped her face—already covered with splashes of paint—with the back of her hand.
‘Perhaps you could do some watercolours instead?’ said Nurse Barbara in an attempt to be positive. Director Mattson had advised her not to forbid this and that, but rather to cajole and use friendly words.
‘Watercolour? I’ve done that for such a long time,’ said Christina nonchalantly. ‘You see, watercolour has its limitations. Now we are experimenting with oil paint.’
Yes, Barbara could see that. Large abstract paintings were leaning against the walls and chairs, and if it hadn’t been for all the plastic wrap, the floor would have been destroyed long ago. She had a closer look. The paintings were joyful and rich in colour, but for the life of her she couldn’t make out what they depicted.
‘Yes, indeed, art …’ was all she could say.
‘We’re having sooo much fun, you know,’ Martha exclaimed. ‘We’re hoping to have an exhibit. Perhaps we could exhibit here at Diamond House too? We’ve already formed an art club: Old People Are Capable—Artists Too.’
‘Oh, I see. I’m sure it will turn out well. For now we must clean the room up. It really can’t look like this.’
Almost immediately, she regretted the sentence
It really can’t look like this
, but that was exactly what she thought. With a deep sigh, she fled into her office. After the party she had thought it would be easier to get everyone on her side, but the opposite had happened. Not only were the oldies doing whatever they wanted, but they were also pushing for more parties—and now the choir gang wanted to exhibit their paintings at Diamond
House. She put her hand on her brow. She would have to console herself with the knowledge that finally she had manoeuvred Ingmar where she wanted him. They were going to get married, and even though he had postponed the wedding, they would very soon be looking after three retirement homes together. He would think he was in charge of it all, but no. Her plans were considerably more ambitious than that. The wedding was only the first stop on the way to her dreams.
Martha put her paintbrush down on her lap and threw a glance at the closed door.
‘Nurse Barbara didn’t dare stay in here. One should feel sorry for her for not being able to enjoy life. And if she had had the slightest inkling of what we were doing, she would have had a heart attack.’
‘Yeah, next stop Las Vegas,’ said Rake.
‘No, the West Indies,’ Anna-Greta interposed. ‘They don’t have any extradition agreements. You can be sent straight home from the US. It will have to be Barbados, but that only takes ten hours, and I’ve found the most luxurious hotel imaginable there.’
‘That is all well and good, but first we are going to Täby, aren’t we?’ said Martha. And then they all became quiet, because they knew what was waiting. Before they committed their crime, there was one more thing they must check. How the ATM money dispensers in Stockholm actually worked.
The Green Menace yet again made rocking progress on the roads, and with the radio at full volume they drove round to the various ATMs in the northern and western suburbs of
Stockholm. The van stopped in Sundbyberg, Råsunda, Rinkeby and Djursholm, and at each stop they clambered out with their walkers, took some money out and then went on their way again. Sometimes Rake and Brains left the vehicle, sometimes Christina and Anna-Greta, but they all did their bit with the same concentrated thoroughness. In fact, they were so concentrated on their task that they didn’t notice the dark blue Volvo that was shadowing them. Not even Martha, who was making detailed notes, noticed anything. No, they only had eyes for ATMs and alternate escape routes.
When they had completed their final reconnaissance trip to Täby, they filled the tank at the gas station and returned to Diamond House. After a long afternoon nap, they packed for the journey, went through all the details with Anders, and toasted the success of their project with cloudberry liqueur. This time it was for real. This was to be their first
advanced crime
, albeit in a friendly manner, but nevertheless.
Martha slept like a log that night and dreamed of a successful coup and how she shared out the money with all. Indeed, she even managed a short dream about a successful fraud, and at seven o’clock she woke up bright and alert. Exciting dreams always put her in a good mood.
A good day for a robbery
, Martha thought the following afternoon when they approached Täby centre. It was not raining, but the sky was grey and gloomy as it tended to be in that part of Sweden early in December. They were lucky with the weather. The temperature had not sunk below freezing yet, and none of them needed to worry about icy roads and
pavements. It was hard enough anyway to walk nice and calmly when you were intending to steal fifteen to twenty million.
‘Look, it’s turning in there.’ Martha said. She put on her left turn signal, changed to a lower gear and followed the Loomis security van at a distance. Since they needed two drivers this time, Martha had got her chance to drive too. Anders was in charge of a rental car with a trailer while she sat behind the wheel of the Green Menace. It wasn’t every day that pensioners shadow a security van, she thought.
‘The ATM in Täby centre will be first. Just as we thought,’ said Brains when the Loomis van slowed down and turned off to the right towards the parking lot.
‘I hope it looks the same here as it did yesterday so that Anders can drive in with the trailer. Everything must work perfectly,’ said Martha.
‘Don’t you worry. One trailer or one van more or less—nobody will care about that. People here are fully occupied with their own doings.’
‘But what about the freezers?’
‘We’re going to a party or a recycling station. If somebody stops us, we say what seems most likely. Although the best thing is not to say anything at all.’
Martha slowly followed after the security van. People on their way home from work hurried across the asphalt, looking straight ahead of them and nowhere else.
What a wretched life, such stress
, she thought, but here too were row upon row of shops on several storeys. That could make anybody dizzy. No little stores with a door that went ding-dong or a salesperson who recognized you. No, not here. Young people
today would think she was lying if she told them that in the old days the salespeople knew you and knew everything about your parents.
‘Martha, you
are
keeping an eye on the Loomis van?’ Rake asked, giving her a gentle prod.
‘Of course I am,’ she said and blushed. He was right. She ought to be concentrating more. Now the security van was on its way to the ATM and the driver didn’t seem to care about the people all around. Anyhow, most of them had finished shopping and were hurrying home in the cold. It was Friday, after all. On Friday evenings people longed to get home to their families and celebrate the end of the work week.
Enjoy yourselves
, Martha thought,
but we are going for the jackpot!
What they were doing was on a grand scale, much bigger than anything they had attempted before. She hummed to herself and felt full of confidence when suddenly she spotted the car in the rear-view mirror. A dark blue Volvo. That same moment, she realized it wasn’t a coincidence. She looked quickly behind her, asked Brains to hold the steering wheel, and then with her right hand managed to ease a carton of galvanized nails out of her purse belt. If they were police, then she wasn’t just going to give up. She was prepared.
Inspector Lönnberg changed to a lower gear. He gave Strömbeck a tired look and shook his head.
‘What the hell are they playing at? They seem to be busy with ATMs today too.’ He nodded towards the van. ‘Evidently it wasn’t enough with ten ATMs yesterday. Now they’re going to Täby again. Weren’t they there yesterday? I just don’t get this!’
‘And they withdraw money everywhere. Each time they totter up with their walkers, although they don’t need them. Shall we force them to pull over?’ Strömbeck asked, popping a portion of tobacco under his gum.
‘Yes. You know what? It’s bloody well time we did that. It feels as if they’re making fools of us. I reckon we should ignore Petterson’s instructions. Let’s stop them!’ said Lönnberg and immediately felt much brighter.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Strömbeck. ‘We’ll set up a police control at the entrance to the parking area so that they won’t be able to get near the ATM.’
‘Although if you think they’re going to steal something, shouldn’t we wait until they’ve committed the crime?’ Lönnberg asked.
‘Okay, if you want. I’m feeling ravenous at the moment. I must get a hot dog first. There’s a kiosk over there, shall I get you one too?’
Lönnberg hesitated, but he was hungry too. He had a good look around and decided that the situation was under control.
‘Okay then, but look sharp about it. We mustn’t lose sight of them. If they’re going to commit a crime, then we must be there, right?’
‘It’ll only take a minute,’ said Strömbeck.
Inspector Lönnberg slowed down and stopped, and Strömbeck quickly nipped out of the car.
Martha looked in the rear-view mirror again. The blue Volvo was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps it was just one of the many
people from Djursholm who drove a Volvo; she might have been mistaken. Regardless, she must be very observant. Nothing could be allowed to go wrong now. Then she caught sight of the Volvo again. Double rear mirrors. So it was the police! Quickly and without slowing down, she wound down the side window and let the carton of galvanized nails fall onto the road in front of the dark blue car. This was purely a cautionary measure, but she thought it was best to be on the safe side. Attention to detail always paid off in the end, and they had prepared themselves as best they could.
The previous day they had timed the security-van deliveries around the suburbs and noted how long it took for the guards to walk in and out with the security cases. Above all, they wouldn’t make the same mistake as the villains they had recently read about. Those crooks had rented a crane and yanked out the entire ATM machine. However, that wasn’t where the money was kept, it was next to it.
Martha didn’t lose sight of the Loomis security van, and she felt the same tingle in her tummy as she had the time they had robbed the spa in the Grand Hotel. What were a few personal valuables compared to this? A big-time robbery like this could even render them a
four-year
sentence and none of them wanted to end up behind bars again. The Princess Lilian suite had spoiled them.
‘Do you think they suspect the van?’ Christina asked for the third time from the back seat.
‘Well, I’ve never read of any similar robberies,’ said Martha.
‘That’s what is so neat about it,’ Rake butted in. ‘The police don’t have any old crimes to compare with, so they
won’t suspect anything. Believe me, this is going to go well.’
‘Here’s the first ATM that the Loomis van is going to fill,’ Anna-Greta informed them. ‘They ought to have nine full security cases left in the van. Every case contains four cassettes with five hundred thousand kronor each. That makes almost nineteen million. We can live well on that for a long time.’
‘Now, now, first we must pay you back for the stay at the Grand Hotel—’ Martha started.
‘Yes, that was most annoying,’ Anna-Greta interjected. ‘I tried to freeze the account, but they had already processed the payment.’
‘Well, for unforeseen costs in the future we might have to reckon on journeys, hotels and expenses. The rest will go to the Robbery Fund, I promise,’ said Martha.
‘Shush, look,’ Brains cut her short. ‘The van’s in position.’ He took Anders’s extra mobile phone and, using the pay-as-you-go card, quickly entered a number. When he heard the signal at the other end, he turned the phone off. He didn’t need to do more than that. Anders knew what to do. The guards slowed down in front of them, stopped beside the ATM and got out. Martha stopped, still a bit away, but didn’t turn the engine off. The guards opened the back doors, took out a security case, locked the doors again and went into the bank. They didn’t even look around.
‘Right, we’re off,’ said Rake. He opened the door of the van and got out.
‘With you,’ said Brains, and he too got out. Martha saw how they crept up to the security van, glanced all around and set to work. Brains dealt with the alarm and Rake with the
back doors. If everything went according to plan, Rake ought to be able to press the resin with metal shavings into the lock. When the guards closed the doors the next time, they would shut—but not properly. Then the five of them could strike. In the end, everything depended on Rake being successful. They had, after all, only tried the trick on their own van.
‘Where’s Anders?’ Brains whispered when he got back into the van again. ‘I phoned him. He ought to be here now.’
‘He’s not going to let us down, is he? Christina promised that if he helped us he would get an advance on his inheritance now,’ Martha replied.
‘Don’t you worry! I believe in Anders,’ said Brains. ‘He’ll probably want to join us again—’