The Light of Asteria (18 page)

“You have the purest mind I’ve ever known,”
he murmured, tracing my cheekbone with his lips. I emptied my
thoughts, allowing myself to just to feel, giving in completely to
the warmth of his touch.

“I have one more gift for you,” Gavin
whispered, as his lips found the sensitive center of my left palm.
His eyes warmed as he slipped a square cut emerald on the third
finger. My heart jumped.

“I give you this ring as a promise of our
future.” His deep voice rang softly off the mullioned wall. My blue
almost shattered to dust, but I concentrated harder than ever to
keep it in place.

“I love it,” I mumbled through the tears. My
hands went back to their soft playground at the nape of his neck,
and I leaned into him. His lips found my earlobe. So relaxed in the
assurance that Gavin would have enough self-control to stop before
we got too far, I marveled at the physical beauty of him. His hands
splayed open across my back, as he held me tighter. Desire heated
the pit of my stomach.

“Open your mind to me, Nora,” he whispered in
my ear. I held my breath.

“Are you sure?”
I’m unable to resist you …
I’ve known that since our first kiss,
I warned.

“I’m sure,” he whispered back as his lips
started their caress at the base of my neck, tracing their way
across my jaw. The heat of his sweet breath warmed my chin, and his
lips came back to mine. The tenderness in their soft touch
reassured me that it was all right. I couldn’t help the conflict
that stirred.

I knew I wanted this more than anything, but
Gavin couldn’t lose control. It would change his life forever. He
couldn’t enter into physical love with impulsivity, and the weight
of this decision seemed insurmountable. There was something on this
issue he hadn’t told me. I felt the need to resist his request.

“I need you, Nora. … Please … open your mind
to me,” he repeated again. This time, his rich voice sounded softly
in the room as a husky plea. He stood with my hands in his, kissing
my finger under his ring. The intensity of his stare turned my
bones to mush. My stomach was full of butterflies; instinct told me
to be careful. I searched his beautiful face, and I knew I couldn’t
deny him anything.

Keeping visual contact, I flooded my mind
with memories, allowing the energy to arc to him. His eyes widened,
and the emeralds turned liquid with need. My mind focused on how I
trusted him and I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. He hungrily took in the
power; his pupils dilated. Thoughts of love flowed next … we were
meant to be together. I could feel him holding back his emotions,
some vestige of self-control still rooted. I leaned toward him and
placed my hand on his chest. I could feel his strong, pounding
heart under the heat of his skin, and my pulse accelerated to its
pace. My need for his touch was the next thought to the front of my
mind, and the images of the last time we had combined physical
touch with energy played in brilliant detail. I watched his eyes
smolder, the irises becoming barely visible as his pupils dilated
once more.

Gavin’s soft, deep moan spiked my thoughts,
and he could no longer hold back. Emotions surged, filling every
cell in my body. He wrapped his arms around me, and I embraced the
delicious scent of him. I hadn’t been aware until this moment that
his need for our combined energy was so great. Recognition coursed
almost painfully through.

Caution to the wind, I arched my back and
pressed my chest to his, wrapping my arms around his neck. As his
lips parted mine, his desire burned, mixing with my own, and I knew
I never wanted this sensation to end. This just felt right.

I felt his weight shift, and he carried me to
the bed. Soft pillows billowed around my head, and my now heated
thoughts made the circle of energy turn desire into raw passion.
With a deep groan, he rolled me on top of him, and every cell
burned at the feel of him. His smooth hands traced my face, and he
kissed the base of my jaw. The sounds of our hurried breath echoed
off the windows. The feelings deep within grew from a slow burn to
an ache.

We both were submerged in the moment, and I
didn’t care if there was a tomorrow, or consequences, or whatever.
I just wanted now. His firm but gentle touch sent flames through
me, and my body rejoiced as his hands found their way around my
ribcage, going lower to rest on the sides of my hips. His thumbs
circling the hipbones beneath made me whimper with need. My mind
was now feeding him both my thoughts and the sensations he was
causing. Lost in the moment, I poured everything I was experiencing
into him. Gavin started to hum with energy, and the lips that had
been focused on my ear came back to find mine once more.

He rolled me to the side, and I leaned into
him. My leg wrapped around his waist, and he held his breath for a
moment, and then his hand followed the curve of my hip to my thigh.
I could feel Gavin trying to pull the passion back, but it
resisted, and I with it. I pressed against his warmth and every
nerve ending became alive. His emotions strengthened as he gave in,
and I knew I was lost.

He gasped as I unbuttoned his shirt and
slipped my hand to his bare chest. Always mindful of control, I had
never seen Gavin with his shirt off, much less touched his chest
before, and I marveled at the muscles rippling there. The feel of
my bare palm over his heart strengthened the energy coursing
through. Primal desire to place my heart directly over his, to feel
his pulse against my exposed chest rushed through, automatically
cycling to him. His passion painfully spiked; its power caused my
breath to catch in my throat.

Gavin froze. His paranoia about hurting me
combined with the images playing in my mind. He jolted back to
reality and rolled on his back, breathing deeply. We lay there side
by side, my breath came in small pants and I inhaled through my
nose, trying to slow my pulse down.

“Gavin, what’s wrong?” My mind remained
opened; I wasn’t sure I could stop it at the moment. His emotions
were fading, but it seemed to take great effort.

“I shouldn’t have asked that of you. Can you
forgive me?” He was shaking, trying to find his self-control.

“Forgive you for what? I don’t understand.
What happened … what changed?” I was so confused. He drew the line,
he asked me to cross the line, and then he drew it back.

“Please, love,” he whispered.

I emptied my mind. The blue mercifully
billowed in, and his relief surged. I relished having my thoughts
to myself.

I needed a minute to think over what I
absolutely knew. I loved Gavin, and I knew he loved me. I never
wanted one minute of my life without him. I knew he could only
experience physical love with one person, and I only wanted to
experience this with him. I knew if I couldn’t be with him, there
would never be another in my life. I might have been able to make
the same choice Edna had made if I only had one day. But time had
solidified my feelings, and the thought of sharing my mind or my
body with anyone else was so wrong, it made me cringe. All of this
is what I knew.

What I didn’t know was if he felt the same.
Maybe he wanted someone who was as physically strong as him,
someone he didn’t always have to be so paranoid about hurting, or
someone who could live as long as he did. Maybe I was only a power
source to him. Doubt ebbed through every cell in my body. The
thought of Gavin wanting someone else in this way brought a sharp
stab of pain, and tears fell down the sides of my face.

Gavin’s emotions tried to penetrate the
shield, but I couldn’t let him in. Feeling extremely vulnerable and
exposed, I refused to open my eyes. I was a survivor.

“Nora?” his voice became gruff with alarm as
my intent seeped through. “Please don’t doubt my love; we belong
together in every way. There’s not anyone else for me, but there
are complications.”

I looked at his green eyes, cloudy with
remorse and shame.

“Your sculpture captured the spirit of our
energy, and the longing for your essence to flow through me was too
much. Combining my two greatest desires, your energy and your body,
is something I dream of. I was simply overwhelmed. We will
experience this, but we must wait. I ask way too much of you. I
have been selfish. I do not deserve these gifts you so freely
give.” He put his forehead on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through
his hair, holding him close.

All you had to do was ask. I love our
circle as well
.
I thought it made it more difficult for you.
I don’t understand the significance of physical love for the Alfar,
but know I am completely committed to you. I need reassurance you
feel the same. Are you afraid of the commitment the act of physical
love brings?

“It’s more complicated than that,” he
murmured.

Then please, explain. I need to understand
the complications.
His conflict raged in us both.
Why can’t
you trust me with this?

“It’s not that. I trust you with my life. The
laws of the Alfar bind me. I am forbidden to expose our world,
especially when the Dokkalfar are so close. I do this to protect
you as well. The black elves have ways of reading your mind and
then perverting it for their purpose. The less you know the
better.” He searched my expression, filled with doubt, and seemed
to come to a decision.

“I will tell you as much as I can.” Gavin
wrapped his arms around me.

“You know of the bracelets of Edna, Rena, and
Elaine?” he asked in a hushed whisper. My stomach flipped.

“Yes, I’ve seen them. They are similar in
design, but each has a unique stone in the center.”

“You know our people can only have one mate.
Children are rare in our lands. When males are born, a stone is
born with them from their mother’s womb. Roughly translated in
English, this stone is called the soul stone.” Gavin paused as my
thoughts whirred, but I willed my mind blank and concentrated on
listening.

“We have a special ceremony six weeks after
the child is born. At that time, a name is given to the infant, and
the stone is placed into an anklet. At the age of thirteen, another
ceremony places the soul stone on the right leg of the one whom it
is bound, and it stays there until he has found his mate. The metal
used to create it is extremely powerful, and it cannot be taken off
by force or fall off on its own. There are only two ways the anklet
can be released from its wearer. When the queen has given her
blessing, a third ceremony takes place, and the jewelry is given
from the right leg of the male to the left wrist of his mate. It is
then that they enter into a relationship of physical love.” My
shield briefly flew up as alarm streamed in our circle, his arms
tightened around me.

“Nora?”

Please tell me you have your soul
stone,
I panicked. Was this what he was trying to tell me?

He hugged me for a moment and then lifted up
his right pant leg and showed me the jewelry still adorning his
ankle. The gold band was the same as the others, but the stone was
a brilliant emerald green the color of his eyes. The rich depth was
breathtaking, and there was a hint of a light at the center. Relief
flooded. If he had not already given his heart away, we could work
through everything else.

He leaned on his elbow, searching my
expression. Shock ran through him. It hadn’t occurred to him I
would think such a thing.

“Your world and mine are two different
places. If I had already given my soul stone to another, there is
no way I could do this with you right now. I would have resisted
your energy the first day I saw you, feeling as if I were betraying
my mate. The morning I was ambushed, I probably would have died.” I
cringed at that statement. His hand softly traced the line of my
jaw as his thumb caressed my lower lip. Distraction momentarily
reigned, and then he sighed.

“We come from a world that is not of the
darkness that surrounds yours. We are a warrior people and drove
the Dokkalfar out thousands of years ago. Our world does not have
evil.” I thought about that for a minute. To live in a world where
there was no evil ... a place where pedophiles, drugs, gangs,
violence, and hate didn’t exist. The thought fascinated me.

“Can we move to your land?” I asked, wanting
to leave this place right now. Gavin smiled at my enthusiasm.

“You are human. I don’t think you could
survive the trip. The power surrounding the entrance has every
defense the Alfar can give it. I would not take such a risk with
your life.” I sighed in disappointment.

Our circle was now a slow steady cycle with
the conversation. The feeling of keeping this open was the most
intoxicating sensation. I wished he had said something earlier. We
could have been doing this every evening. Gavin chuckled, as my
thoughts caused a power surge.

“So we need to get the queen’s blessing in
order to get married before I can give myself to you completely?”
Passion pulsated at the last of my question, and I calmed my
thoughts refusing to feed it. Intense defensiveness flowed from
him.

“This is where we get to the complicated
part, and that is as much as I can say at the moment.” Frustration
raged, but instinct chided, and I reined it in.

I became aware of his scent and the warmth of
his body running the length of mine. Desire growled in
appreciation, and I sighed, bringing back the blue fog. Gavin put a
few inches between us and gave me a quick kiss.

“What two ways can the soul stone be
removed?”

“True love and death,” Gavin sadly admitted.
I now understood—the day Edna’s bracelet had fallen off was the day
Michael died. Gavin became alarmed; he marveled at how quickly I
made that connection.

“Please don’t think of it … that is not mine
to share,” he whispered. I cleared my mind, trying to respect the
unknown, trusting Gavin and instinct to lead me in the right
direction.