The Light in the Wound (22 page)

A few days later, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a knock on the door. Mellie handed me the cordless telephone. “Your mom is on the phone,” she whispered as she covered the mouthpiece of the handset. I switched on the bed lamp and sat up against the headboard.

“Hi Mom,” I croaked.

“Isabel Francesca. How have you been?”

“Mom, it’s 3 in the morning here. Is everything okay?”

“Oh yes, I’m sorry to have woken you up.” Somehow her impulsive personality reminded me that she wasn’t really sorry.

“Francesca, I heard from Evie that you’re not doing so well. What happened between you and Jesse?”

“We’re just taking a break, Mom. He left for Boston two weeks ago and will be there for three months. He doesn’t seem to know what he wants out of his life.” My voice faltered, but I was determined to keep an even tone.

“I’m so sorry, darling, I know how hurt you must feel. Try to be strong. Keep busy. Of all my girls, you are the strongest one. The one who always does the right thing. Don’t let your heart rule out this one. Think of your future. You’re so beautiful, you will fall in love again in no time.”

More than anyone in the world, she should know that being beautiful means nothing when the boy you love doesn’t love you.
“Mom, I don’t want anybody else. It hurts so much!” I sobbed and shook as all the pain came gushing out of me.

“I know, baby girl, believe me. But you’ll figure it out. No man is worth hurting yourself over. Remember that, Isabel. You gave up too much for him. Don’t do it again. There is nothing wrong with who you are and where you came from. Someday when the time comes, you will realize that being socially different shouldn’t matter when someone loves you.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I hiccupped.

“Isa, I need to tell you what is happening in my life. I met a wonderful man. Someone I knew from high school who has come back into my life. I think this is it. He makes me very happy. I am working on marrying him but need my annulment and legal papers from there in order to file with the courts over here. Could you go into the safe and retrieve them for me? Just send me copies for now via FedEx.”

“Of course, Mom. I’ll have them sent out first thing in the morning.”

“Thanks, honey. You know, we were just talking about you the other day. I was telling Gracie how funny and self-confident you were when you were her age. Do you remember that t-shirt you had me buy for you that said “Pretty and Perfect”? You wore that shirt day in and day out and told everyone you met that you were pretty and perfect. It wouldn’t hurt to get that self-confidence back, Isabel.”

“I know. I’m trying to work things out. It’s just pretty lonely here in this big house.”

“I hear from Alex’s mom that you wouldn’t be alone if he had a choice in the matter.”

“MOM! He is a really good friend, that’s it.”

“A really good friend who’s crazy about you and who Gracie thinks is so hot!”

I was pensive for a moment. I smiled warmly at the thought of Alex. “Hmm. That he is.” I smiled.

“Okay, Isa. Call me once in a while. I miss you and love you and will pray that all goes well. Pray for me too. I’m really happy. You and your sisters will all get to meet him someday soon.”

“Thanks, Mom. Take care and don’t worry. I’ll send those papers tomorrow. Love you too. Kiss Gracie for me.”

“Bye. Oh ... wait, Isa?”

“Yes?”

“No need to sift through all those documents to find what I need. Just batch them up and ship them all to me and I’ll take care of looking through them. This way, you can send them out as early as tomorrow.”

And then the line went dead.

“Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth,
but by washing away from it all that is not gold.”

—Leo Tolstoy

The next day, I woke up feeling a bit more rested and refreshed. I slept for a few hours more after receiving the call from my mother. Hearing her voice helped me feel less alone that day. Mellie and I went into my mother’s bedroom to open up her safe. The papers were right where she had said. It surprised me to find them so old and brittle. Mellie watched as I grabbed the entire batch of papers and shut the safe door. I asked her to give me some time as I shuffled through the papers to figure out what we needed to send to my mother that afternoon.

I went back into my bedroom and laid all of the documents out on my bed. My intention was to batch together anything that had to do with her annulment to ensure that I didn’t miss anything critical to my mother’s intended application. There were legal documents — affidavits, witness statements, three divorce documents, and birth certificates. Another paper-clipped batch had psychiatric reports and daily progress reports from her various stints in rehab. I wasn’t planning to read anything — to me, this was all old news. And as I prepared to slip what I thought was the appropriate set of papers into a legal-sized manila folder, something caught my eye. Neatly ensconced in a plastic jacket was the formal and notarized set of annulment papers, complete with the tribunal approval and church seal. It was the Pandora’s Box that I wasn’t supposed to release out into the open.

The formal Annulment decree was supported by many addendums and signed affidavits by witnesses called upon the church to testify to my parents’ marriage. One of the supporting pages was a detailed timeline and narrative leading up to the end of their union. It looked like a sworn testimony given in support of the annulment proceeding. I knew at that point that I had to step away from what I was about to do, but a tiny voice inside plodded me along. It was as if this moment in time was never going to be handed to me again. My heart was already broken. I knew that I was already damaged by what had happened to my parents. What further risk was there at that point?

The narrative began with the date and location of a friend’s party where Claudia Holtzer and Felix Amarra met twenty-two years ago.

Felix Amarra was 23 years old and seriously dating a girl named XXX. It was love at first sight for Claudia Holtzer. Young, beautiful and spoiled, she was used to getting what she wanted. She pursued Felix through some common friends and got her to take him out one night when his girlfriend XXX was on vacation abroad with her parents. One night, Felix and Claudia were in a motel room fooling around when her older brother just happened to show up. Claudia proceeded to tell Felix that he had to marry her now that they had been caught. Felix then broke up with his long-term girlfriend and asked for Claudia’s hand in marriage.

Felix felt trapped and forced into a marriage where he did not love Claudia. He continued his relationship with his girlfriend, despite Claudia being with their first child. While Claudia tried her best to be a good mother, she was obsessed with keeping tabs on Felix, who was now philandering with various other women. Additionally, Claudia’s father had also paid for Felix’s tuition at a nearby university to encourage Felix to complete his studies and obtain a college degree. He never attended one single day of class. When Claudia found about this, she swore to sleep with not only the women’s husbands, but twice the amount of men than the women Felix had cheated on her with. It became like a game to Claudia, who wanted revenge for what Felix had done to her. Claudia also became addicted; not only to prescription medication, but also to various street drugs she had ready access during her part-time stint as a model. Felix responded to Claudia’s taunts and infidelities by physically striking her, once breaking her nose and the other time, rupturing her spleen. A week after Claudia was hospitalized a gunman approached Felix who was filling his car with gas at a nearby station. The gunman shot him in both legs. One of the bullets remained lodged in his ankle on the right leg. It was evident that the shooter was not there to kill him, just to disable him. This event ended his car racing career.

A separate document was attached to this page, sealed and notarized with a ribbon attached to it. It was a signed document that handed down the decision of the tribunal. The petition for the annulment was granted due to
the marriage being deemed irreparable
and recommended a
permanent dissolution and separation that was deemed best for the sake of the children.

The saying “curiosity killed the cat” was an understatement to describe what reading the annulment papers did to me. I wasn’t expecting to feel the way that I did, but my eyes were opened to a new way of thinking about what had really happened to my parents. My father was forced into a relationship orchestrated by my mother. He was a coward not to stand up for himself. They played a game that ultimately affected the three daughters they brought into this world. I wasn’t angry with them. Instead, I was filled with a profound sadness for the hopelessness of their lives and the wasted time of hurt, betrayal and unrequited love.

I calmly prepared the documents for my mother and asked Mellie to take care of getting the package delivered as soon as possible. I spent the rest of the afternoon packing up all of Jesse’s things. Somehow, the glimpse into my parents’ truth had strengthened my resolve to never settle for anybody who didn’t love me enough to make me a priority.

Later on that evening, I asked Betty if she wanted to meet me for a drink. I was dying to tell her what I had found out. Somehow, I didn’t think it was the right time to disclose this information to Evie and Alicia. They were going through some rough patches in their respective marriages. There was no point in burdening them with something that might minimize what they were trying so hard to save.

TEXT FROM BETTY: Sorry! Leigh and I are on the way home from a seminar that he had to attend. We’re about five hours away.

I decided to head out to the bar by myself. I picked out a silk Louis Vuitton printed short dress that was sleeveless and layered at the waist and paired it with open toed silver ankle strapped heels. The D Marks Bar was a popular bar located in the heart of the nightlife district in the city and frequented by people my age. We used to say that it was the Polo Club’s own private lounge because the same people that hung out at the club also hung out at this place.

I headed straight to the bar and sat on one of the stools, determined not to call attention to myself. I was out of my element — I wasn’t even much of a drinker. If there was ever a good time to start drinking, however, that night would’ve been it. I didn’t know what to order, so I asked for something sweet.
Tanqueray and Cranberry juice
, he suggested. One hour and four of those sweet drinks later, the bartender was starting to look cute to me. I felt lightheaded and giddy and cool. There were people sitting next to me who came and went; we made small talk here and there. My head was spinning, I felt bold and confident. Just as I was about to call it a night, a tall, brown haired guy with bright green eyes and the sexiest mouth saddled up to the seat next to me.

“Okay, I gave you an hour to be alone.”

“Excuse me?” I could wallow in those eyes.

“I was expecting your boyfriend to come sit next to you, so I waited for an hour, knowing I would approach you if no one arrived by then.”

“Oh.” I smiled. I think I even fluttered my eyelashes. “You shouldn’t have wasted an hour of your life then. No one’s coming.”

“Wow. How did I deserve such great luck? Mark Brimley. A pleasure to meet you.”

“Hello, Mark Brimley,” I giggled, “I’m –”

“Isabel Amarra. Cover girl. DLSU. Prettiest girl in the bar tonight. Yes, I know who you are.”

“Dude, she’s with me.” Oh my God. That voice. I knew that voice.

“Alex!” I screeched, while attempting to stand up. My right heel latched on to the base of the bar stool, causing me to fall forward. He caught me just in time, and I gratefully wrapped my arms around his neck. I leaned my head on his chest and snickered. “I. Am. So. Drunk.”

“I know, baby. Let me take you home.” He didn’t let me go; in fact, he caressed my face and held me closer to him. I could feel his heart pounding through his shirt as I leaned on his chest. His hand was anchored on my back. His fingers stroked me through my silk dress. I must have been so intoxicated because the heat of his touch felt like it had seared a hole through the fabric. He looked so beautiful. He kept his hair longer, but those eyes were still so transparently blue. My gaze was transfixed on his mouth. I was hypnotized by the way he kept it so close to my face.