The Librarian: A First Contact Story (5 page)

1

Jane was back in the hall, walking that fine line
between being sane and denying reality.

This time, she wasn't facing Nick's potential
murderer. She was facing a Nick she didn't know. A stranger, for all she knew,
one who had dragged her into a science fiction scenario, where beings glowed
and vanished from the material world she understood and lived in. The military
were not happy with Nick's demands, with her unwillingness to keep talking to
Not-Nick, with the whole thing, really. At least that much was still true to
what she would have expected from a science fiction movie.

They had told her—in no uncertain terms—that the only
way she was leaving this place was if she talked to Nick. They didn't care if
all she did was sit down, stare at the floor, and not open her mouth. They just
wanted him to talk. As long as she could keep the ball going, all would be
fine.

2

They had
not
been kidding about the sitting
part. A folding chair stood in front of Nick's cell. A new hazmat suit waited
for her, and everyone—Nick included—watched as she went through the gymnastics
of getting that thing on.

She visualized herself taking a hot shower.

She visualized an empty home.

Stop it, Jane! Find out what happened to Nick, that
much you need.
She nodded
once to herself, and once to the technician who lead her towards Nick's cage.
Two minutes later, she was where she'd been not half an hour ago, sitting in
front of Nick, feeling out of place.

She crossed her arms, waiting for him to start, afraid
of what he was going to say to her.

"You came back," Nick's words were almost a
whisper, and he didn't move from his sitting place on his bed.

They didn't give me much of a choice
was hopefully not written all over her
face.

"If this is you—the real
you
—then I want
to help you. What happened?"

"As I said, they called me back," Nick
repeated, his eyes taking the far away quality they did when he was about to
give a lecture, getting the story straight in his head. "I was about two
miles away from Lake Lena, when they reached me."

"Like, a spaceship?"

"Like, in my head. I'm sure they've told you
everything I'm saying, everything I look like, is not being recorded the way
you see and hear me. That's because I'm projecting these things into your mind.
That's what they did when they reached me. They projected the message that I
was needed back home."

"And you left…?"

"No. Not right away. Being called like that is an
unusual event, to say the least. I—I stood there, knowing I wasn't ready to
disappear from your life. I made a point of coming back, to leave a sort of
anchor in my mind. That's the only reason I could do it. I didn't think about
the army getting in the middle, sure, but coming back was always the plan… I'm sorry
about this," he said, his eyes going up and down her hazmat suit, with a
sad smile on his lips. "It was too late to do anything different by the
time I woke up in this place."

He sounded like Nick. The way his face moved. The way
his eyes looked at her. Even the hospital gown on him and the hazmat suit on
her were not weird enough to distort him. If this being was not Nick, he was a
damn good replica.

"Who called you back, Nick? Back where?"

"It isn't really
home
in the sense that we
don't really live there. We call it the
Center
, because that's where we
go every time an expedition is completed. It's at the heart of what we do. We
follow planets, like I used to follow people. In a very simplistic way, you can
say that you watch, and learn, you fill out a report, write a couple of things,
and you move on. I chose Earth this time. But unlike sociologists, we integrate
into the community we're studying with a clean slate, no preconceptions, no
history of our own. We get to experience the world as they do. We live a
natural life, and die as any other member of the species dies. I might have
died when I was a kid, or lived for years. We can't really choose that. We may
marry, have children. We just… we just have a life."

"That's very… scientific." She tightened the
grip of her arms, unsure of what to do besides sitting. Part of her knew she
was refusing to let herself believe this was Nick. She was more than fine with
that.

"The part where we become the species we're
studying, yes, with all that entails. It's not all we do but that's what I was
doing here. But Jane, I don't know if you'll believe anything else, but please
believe me when I tell you that every thought, every feeling I had, it was all
real."

"And filed away somewhere," she whispered.
How ironic, that was part of her own job. In the end, they were both librarians
in vastly different libraries.

Nick's eyes closed. He barely nodded. He stood up,
then, and started to pace slowly. He always did that when he was nervous.
"We keep detailed records of all the worlds we visit. Like a galactic
library, we record and we observe, and we open our knowledge to whoever wants
answers. It's automatic. I couldn't stop the recording of our life together.
It's just not possible."

Somewhere, out there, in a library the size of planet
Earth, Jane imagined her name being written by an alien hand with an alien ink
on an alien paper. She guessed she should feel elated she would be remembered
and read about way past the time the Earth would be dust itself. She felt numb,
instead.

Nick had lived and lived and lived before, who knew
how many times? He'd seen countless sunsets, and held countless hands. She was
but a chapter in his long book of life.

"How many wives have you had?" She tried to
make it sound casual, and failed miserably at it.

"That's not fair!" he said, hurt. "I
had no memory of them!"

"Fair?
Fair?
You tell me one goddamn thing
about this whole situation that is
fair!
"

He stopped pacing, and visibly made an effort to calm
himself down. "I've lived many, many times, that's true. I've left worlds
that no longer exist. I don't know that I am what I am until the day I die, and
I have to leave everything behind. Sometimes it's a respite. Sometimes it
torments me. But this time? This time, Jane, I decided I didn't want to just
let go. I needed you to know the truth. I
needed
you to know who I am
right now."

"And then you're going to leave all the
same…" she said, silent, treacherous tears coming down in pairs. She was
unable to wipe them away with the damn hazmat suit on. Her hands tightened
their grip as she hugged herself.
You're going to go on and forget me, too.
Nick crossed the space between them in two seconds, and pressed his palms against
the glass wall as if he could crash it down.

"I have no choice. The only way for me to stay on
Earth is to live again, start all over, without remembering this life. Jane… I
really have no choice."

Jane looked at the floor then. She knew where this was
going. She could see it as easily as if Nick were spelling it out for her:
nothing else but good-bye was left in this conversation, and she was so not
ready for that. Even if he was not
her
Nick, he was the only one she had
left.

"How many of you are out there?" the
question came from the Private who was typing their conversation, someone she
didn't care to know the name of. Here she was, her whole future shattering, and
the guy looked like all that was missing was popcorn.

Nick sighed, as much at the end of his rope as she
was.

"None," he said with resignation. "We
all left today at pretty much the same time. There were only three of us here.
I'm the only one who came back."

Somewhere, out there, two other families had just lost
someone close to them, and they would never know why. It was such a Nick thing
to do, to come back and make sure she
knew.
It was the first moment
since that phone call had come to her house that she actually believed Nick was
in front of her. Not some alien being. Not something
other.
Just Nick.

1

Something changed in Jane's eyes. For the first time
since Nick had seen her walking down to his cell that night, he actually felt
that she
believed
him. He was finally Nick, not something alien that had
taken her husband away, not some clone out of a horror story.

Funny, he'd spent thirteen hours wanting to see that
look in her eyes, and now that it was there, he felt the true impact of
leaving. This was the last time he was going to see his wife.

"I wanted—I wanted to tell you," he started,
his throat closing for a moment. The irony that his body was not real except in
his mind was not lost to him.

"Nick?" she asked, worried. She started to
see
him, her walls crumbling down.

"That I would do it all over again," he
said, smiling. "This life—"

"Nick…" she whispered, standing up. She
believed him now, her arms finally uncrossing. It was a bittersweet triumph.
"Don't—don't say that."

She reached with a tentative hand for his. The glass
felt cold beneath his palm.

"This life was the first time that I was truly
alive."

2

"I don't want to go," he confessed.

"Stay," she whispered back, fresh tears
blinked away. The glass wall stopped being their division, and became their
confidante as they got as close as they could be. "I need my husband,
Nick. I need to wake up tomorrow and know this was some terrible,
crazy
dream. I don't want you to go. What am I going to do without my best
friend?"

His non-existent heart ached like hell. It was easier
to die, thinking it was over, than to say good-bye for an eternity where he
would remember her and she wouldn't live to do the same.

"I'm sorry," he said, placing his other hand
on the glass. She placed hers with his.

"For what?"

"For being selfish enough to come back… For not
thinking what it would be like for you once I'm gone. Maybe telling you the
truth is cruel—"

She shook her head.

"No. Ignorance is never better, Nick. I'd rather
know than not know."

He shook his head, then.

"I'm not talking about that… Maybe telling you
the truth about why I really came is cruel."

"What?"

"Jane, there's something I need to tell
you—"

His skin started to glow faintly then.
No, goddamn
it, not just yet!

It was time to go.

3

"Let me in," Jane said to no one and
everyone, standing in front of Nick, looking at his eyes and realizing this was
it. It was different when she'd thought Nick had died, and different still when
she thought Nick had
transformed
into this guy. To know her husband was
behind that glass wall, though… that made all the difference in the world.

No one moved.

"Let me in, damn it!" she shouted, turning
to look around.

"It's not safe," someone said behind her,
the dozen people in white hazmat suits all looking the same to her.

"Nick," she said, turning around, "tell
them to let me in. I want to be with you. If you're going to fade… don't make
me watch from the sidelines… Nick?"

Nick's eyes had glazed over since the moment she'd
asked them to let her in, and his lack of response was alarming. He focused on
her a moment later.

"I don't have much time…"

He placed his open palm on the glass once more. He did
it with the kind of desperation that came when time was up, and she saw his
skin beginning to disappear, a glow inside it killing the illusion of his human
appearance.

"No… Nick, don't go. Please? Come back, start
over, I'll—We'll figure it out—"

"Our numbers are dwindling," Nick
interrupted her, getting very serious now.

"Numbers?" she asked, confused.

"There were three of us here, but there are a few
thousand of us left. Every few cycles, we're called back for a sort of
census."

Realization hit her like a ton of bricks. "That's
why it was so abrupt? You—you didn't die this morning, right? You said they
called you back,
all
of you."

He nodded.

"The thing is… we sort of replicate…"

"Oh my God… you have like a family there? You
have to—like, to go back and have children?"

"Jane—Jane, no, that's so not it. That's very
biological and good for planets, sure, but we don't do that. We're not family
in the sense you and I are family, or how humans understand family for that
matter."

"You don't reproduce," Connors said behind
her, his fingers still typing as he followed their conversation.  

Nick's eyes never left Jane's.

"We don't reproduce in the sense you think, no.
When these cycles hit, when we're called back… We're given permission to get
others to join us, a sort of recruiting. Now, humans weren't even around for
our last census, and when they called me back, I
knew
that I could make
a case for you."

"Wait—wait, are you… are you
saying
what I
think you're saying?"

He nodded at the same time she shook her head.

"Jane, I came back on the off chance that you may
want to come with me."

4

Mitchell didn't even blink. Silence had descended like
a blanket over their Command Center as the conversation was typed away and
showed on the monitors.

"How?" Jane Logan asked, but the question
might well have come from anyone in that base. The General turned to look at
the phone. In about an hour, a special team of experts was coming in. He
doubted very much they were going to find their alien guest here.

5

"It takes a little bit of magic," Nick said,
making Jane narrowed her eyes.

"That didn't work with the coat," she
reminded him, doubtful.

He chuckled nervously. "It will this time… Jane?
You don't have to do this, Love, but—"

"Will I stop being me?" she interrupted. She
kept remembering that blue jacket by the door, and realized she didn't want to
go back to that house and look at it again. Nick was never going to wear it, so
it would be fitting if she never got to see it.

Nick hesitated at that. The glow in his palms extended
to his arms. "You'll be Jane," he said, "but in a broader sense,
you'll become one of us."

"Will you be with me? I mean, you're gonna keep
doing this, aren't you? Going to have lives and learn and report and—"

"You seriously think I would risk breaking First
Contact rules so I can bring you to my side and then leave you alone?"

By the look in her eyes, that was a definite
maybe.

"We do far more than just exploring. We mediate
between species, we solve mysteries, and find solutions to higher problems. You
won't get bored. I know how you feel, Jane. I was physical like you once, on
another planet," he confessed, "and I was offered this chance by a
very dear friend a long time ago," he explained, getting as close to the
glass as he could, "and we're still friends. You and I, girl, you and I
are in it for the long haul."

She took a step back, her heart beating loudly in her
ears. She crossed her arms unconsciously, trying to make sense of the whole
thing.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, trying to
understand what she was saying "yes" to. It was a bizarre set of
circumstances that were
not
happening to her. Nick was
not
an
alien. She was
not
contemplating becoming one.

Beside her, the hazmat swarm had begun their activity,
God only knew looking for what.

"Mrs. Logan, you don't have to do this," Dr.
Greenwood said over the speaker. Jane frowned. She had enough problems dealing
with her own inner voice without having another person telling her that.

"She's right, you know," Nick said, his eyes
looking at her pose. "I'll respect your wishes and you'll never see me
again. But I really,
really
hope you want to see what's out there. Have
an adventure." He smiled, his eyes insecure.

"With a little magic?" she asked again,
still doubtful.

He nodded rapidly, his blue eyes searching hers, a
ring of gold sparkling in their depths. She uncrossed her arms without even
realizing it. Magic or not, that was Nick in there. And, in the end, there was
one simple reason to go: she loved him.

6

Nick's heart sang with unabashed happiness as Jane
reached to get the hazmat suit off, a difficult thing to do in any normal
circumstances. Her hands shook, though, and she didn't seem to remember how she
was supposed to take the whole thing off.

Connors stopped typing and rose from his seat.
"Here, let me help you." His hands shook too, but not as badly. He
liked the kid more.

"The change, it tingles," Nick explained,
his eyes following their movements. "You'll feel lightheaded, weightless…
and then you're on the other side. It won't take more than a second."

"Will it hurt you?" she asked, the head of
the suit coming off.

"It's tiring, but nothing I can't manage."

Connors turned to him. "I—I… good luck," he
said with a tiny smile, averting his eyes in self-consciousness, getting back
to helping Jane out of the suit.

"Nick, are you sure?" she said, getting free
and getting to her side of the glass wall. "I mean, this whole idea, and
the things that you know that I don't, and you just learned about the whole
thing this morning, I—"

He smiled then. That million watt smile of his.

"I'm sure. Are you sure? You've just learned
about this a minute ago."

"Wait!" Dr. Fox shouted as he entered the
room, his hazmat suit and glasses forgotten. He reached Jane, his eyes on
Nick's. "There's so much you can tell us. So much we need to know to be
ready. If you could give us a few answers—"

"As I told the General—you'll get your
invitation. Jane? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

She smiled. He smiled.

"You need people, right? You need to get more of
your kind?" Fox asked. "Give us a few hours and we'll get you
candidates."

"I already have the best candidate in the whole
world, doctor."

"I'm nervous," Jane added, while Nick's hand
started to glow much brighter. Now that he didn't have to worry about keeping
his energy low, he started to feel better. Like himself.

"I actually fainted before I went through
it," he confessed, the glass starting to glow. She placed her hand over
his, the thin layer of cold bulletproof glass the only thing between them now.

"Nicholas, please. Reconsider. There must be a
larger pool for your people to get a well-rounded view of our planet."

"It'll just take a second," he reminded
Jane, ignoring the alarm as it went off, the calm environment of his cell now
full of red and blue lights.

Jane's hand started to glow, while everything Nick had
been projecting disappeared. He no longer needed to maintain his human form,
and all his concentration was centered on his wife.

Dr. Fox moved to grab Jane's shoulders, but Connors
got in the middle. "It's their choice," the young soldier said.
"You can't get in the middle of it!" Turning to look at Nick, he
added, "I wouldn't want that."

"On second thought," Nick said out loud,
while Jane started to giggle. "You
are
right, Fox. We do need more
people around. You coming, Connors?"

Connors didn't even blink. "Yes!"

"It
does
tingle," Jane said to the
Private before the man started to glow himself.

"And it
does
take a second," Nick
added.

Not a heartbeat later, one minute before midnight, the
three of them were gone.

The End