The Legend of the Ditto Twins (48 page)

"I
think we're getting our first hard-on."

"'Bout
time."

"Bryan,
let's have another cigarette and jerk off."

"Okay,
Ryan."

As I lit
our cigarettes, we grinned and began to stroke—for our audience as much as for
ourselves. First we stroked dry, then with spit, and finally I reached for the
jar of Vaseline. We each scooped out a glob and went for each other. I have no
idea how long that went on. Finally, I heard Jay say, "Whenever you're
ready, go for the money shots."

Clark and
I looked at each other, then at Jay. "The what?"

Jay shook
his head tolerantly, and moved to embrace us. "Don't be embarrassed,"
he said softly and patted my cheek lightly. "It's just another term to add
to your vocabulary, Patrick. It's the shot everyone's been waiting for, the
most important one in the scene—the cum shot. What the viewer's paying to see.
Get it?"

We
nodded. We got it.

"Just
give us warning, so the cameras can capture it. Otherwise, we have a scene
without a climax." He chuckled. "Pun intended." He turned to
Phil and Felix. "Keep rolling."

In no
time, we were heading into the home stretch, and both Clark and I groaned an
"Uh huh!" without moving our lips. Our "money shots" were
as propulsive and as perfectly simultaneous as any I could recall, and we just
stared at each other for a long time while the two cameramen captured the
moment at great length. We were in no hurry to hear Jay call "Cut."
And guess what? He didn't.

Instead
he murmured, "Now go to sleep."

We eased
back and automatically wrapped our legs around each other.

"God
bless Clark."

"God
bless Mark."

"Again!"
This from Jay.

"God
bless Bryan."

"God
bless Ryan."

And our
tongues met. But he continued to talk.

"Close-ups
on the tongues, Phil. Okay... now, guys, begin to doze off... and let your
tongues fall asleep in each other's mouth."

We
complied. We were going to do that anyway.

"And
'Cut!'"

The
silence was shattered by a spontaneous burst of applause. I tell you, it was
almost as good as winning an Oscar.

Most of
the next day was spent filming the dialogue sequences with Ryan and Bryan's
parents. There were half a dozen or so such scenes sprinkled throughout the
movie, just as our confrontations with Mom and Dad had been sprinkled through
our life. All took place in the kitchen.

The
actress playing Mom was a former porn star who had married well and come out of
retirement as a special favor to Jay. She was a raunchy old broad who swore
like a sailor, but the moment Jay called "Action!" she turned into
our uptight mother. That day, we learned a lot about acting.

Initially,
Jay had asked Clay to play the twins' father, but he had refused. Both Clark
and I had begged him to do it, arguing that since he looked so much like us, it
was perfect casting. But he wouldn't budge.

"Play
it yourself, Babe," he'd said to Jay. "You look as much like em as I
do."

That's
how Jay ended up playing Dad. His best scene was the one where he finds the jar
of Vaseline after the night we've jerked off for the first time. He was so
funny, everyone kept cracking up, and we didn't get footage we could use till
the fifth take. The eeriest scene was when Mom tries to separate us with the
bribe of the summer job. It really shook me up, as I relived it, and I could
tell Clark was a mess, too. It was so real we only had to do one take of it.

Before we
knew it, the Mom and Dad scenes were completed. In a flurry of kisses and cuss
words, the porn actress drove off, and we headed inside to do the shower scene
where we gave each other our first shave. For the first time, I guess, we
understood what
déjà vu
was—within an hour, we'd delivered our money shots just as
we had in real life: without touching ourselves.

We slept
well that night and were ready to go early the next morning, but they were
having trouble with the lights, and we sat around waiting most of the day
before they were ready to shoot. Again, Jay, Clark, and I moved away from the
others to prepare for the scene in which the twins discover oral sex. Because
Jay didn't want all the sex scenes to take place in the bedroom, which he
thought would get boring, we'd all decided to change what really happened:
Instead of watching a porn film, Ryan and Bryan were going to watch the two
farmhands have sex in the barn.

Now
wearing overalls, Pavol and Libor waited patiently near the corral, whispering
to each other and occasionally kissing. They even fondled each other's
equipment now and then, to stay ready for their big scene.

"Oh,
hey! Let's get a shot of them with the cows," said Jay. "Quick!
Before we lose the fuckin sun."

The shot
was completed quickly, but even so, the afternoon sunlight was beginning to
fade as we moved into the musky barn. Jay had previ
ously studied the layout of the place, and the new grips had
set up the lights according to his instructions, one set focusing on the stall
where Pavol and Libor would go at it, and a second set in the hayloft directly
above, from which vantage point we could spy on them. Phil with his camera was
on ground level to shoot the action in the stall, Felix with his in the hayloft
focusing on us.

According
to the revised scenario of our life, the scene was to begin with Ryan and Bryan
slipping away from the house to hide in the hayloft and sneak a smoke.

"Has
anyone wet down the hay yet?" asked Jay.

The new
grips assured him they had.

"And
the fire extinguishers?"

"They're
already up there."

"Somebody
go up, just in case." Jay turned to us. "I'll shoot Libor and Pavol
first, and get your money shots later. All you have to do for awhile is stay
hard. Oh, shit. What are you gonna use for an ashtray?"

"A
sneaker. Remember?" In unison.

"Oh,
yeah, that's right. Great. Okay, moving on. Let's get your entrance into the
fuckin barn."

Jay bent
over to stare into his twin monitors and call "Action." Clark and I
crept stealthily into the barn, and he followed me up the ladder for three
takes, each with Felix filming our faces from above and Phil filming our butts
from below. It was kind of neat to know that we had to be acting with our faces
and our rear ends at the same time, and on the last take, Clark squeezed my
butt playfully and nipped at it with his teeth, so I looked down over my
shoulder, grinned, and swung back like an acrobat to kiss him briefly before we
climbed out of sight. We learned later it's what they call improvising.

"Cut!"
shouted Jay. "Perfect. Very inventive."

The scene
in the hayloft proceeded according to plan. Clark and I took off our sneaks and
lit up. The new grip clutched the fire extinguisher, and we began to smoke and
kiss. As soon as we were naked, though, we began to shiver.

"We
need blankets," said Felix. "It's cold up here."

"Oh,
no, don't stop..."

“...we're
okay. Really."

"We
can move the scene back into the bedroom," said Jay.

"No,
no. The scene wouldn't..."

“...be as
good in the bedroom."

"Lily!
Blankets. Pronto," ordered Jay. "And jackets."

After
we'd taken a break to warm up, we picked up the scene with Pavol and Libor's
entrance. I don't know whose idea it was, Jay's or theirs, but they were all
over each other from the moment Jay called for quiet. By the time he called
"Action!" their lust seemed so real that Clark and I quite logically
spun around for a closer look at the oral action sizzling ten feet below us.

"Felix,"
called Jay, "keep your camera rolling up there. I want lots of reaction
shots for cutaways."

All we
had to do was lie there, stroking each other, and watch the scene play out.
That was a no-brainer. What we were witnessing was better than half the porn
films we'd seen.

Jay
didn't call "Cut!" until Libor choked on a piece of straw that
somehow had gotten stuck on
Pavol's
dick.

"You
okay?" he asked.

Libor
nodded and coughed up the straw.

"We'll
take five. Lily, some water, please!" Jay turned to our
proteges
. "Keep it going. It's wonderful."

He didn't
have to tell them twice.

Moving
directly beneath us, he looked up. "Can I get some dialogue? Take a minute
and think what you said that night. Quiet on the set, please! We're shooting
upstairs. Felix, I won't call it. Just grab what you can."

Clark and
I stared at each other till we were ready, then turned to Felix. "Are you
rolling?"

Felix
nodded. "Whenever."

"Ryan,
what're you thinking about?" Clark began.

"Uh...
Joe looks so much like you. I was kind of wondering what it would be like to...
to do to you what Hank is doing to him."

"I
was thinking about that, too."

"Only
it scares me. Wouldn't that mean we're queer?"

"Maybe,
maybe not... maybe just queer for each other."

I nodded.
"I've never wanted to kiss anyone but you."

"Me
either."

"Never
wanted to go down on anyone but you."

"Me
either."

We slid
into a long embrace, and before I knew what was happening, we'd swiveled around
into a sixty-nine position, as if it had been choreographed by God. Staring
into the eye of each
others
erection, as we did that
very first time, we froze in position while Felix captured the moment on film.
Then, in perfect sync, each of us wrapped his mouth around the other's dick and
began to make love. I could hear Jay gasp below, but he never said a word. We
just kept going. Felix had his work cut out for him during the next half-hour,
but he got every shot he needed.

Eventually,
we heard Jay say, "Keep rolling, Felix. Pavol and Libor, places, please,
back where you were. And give me a couple of minutes of action to get you going
before the discovery moment, okay? Libor, I'll tell you when."