The Legend of Johnny Hustle: Crown Me King (23 page)

“Damn, baby,” she said, certain her plans were coming together.  Then she reached for my crotch, my old weakness.  “I love you, Johnny Hustle.  I’m all yours,” she said, rubbing on me.

“Then come on then.  Let’s leave this place for good.  I know your man is getting money, so if you invest in me, I can triple your money and you can live the life as my wife.”  I put on a serious face. “But Crissy, you know you the only family I got, so it’s now or never, baby.”

Dollar signs were rolling past her eyes like a slot machine in a ghetto bodega.  “If I give you some paper, you gonna triple it?”

“Yeah, baby.” I flashed the watch again, rubbed between her naked legs, and said, “Yeah, baby, that’s a small thing, but it has to be big paper.”

“And you gonna take care of me for life?  No bullshit?”

I pulled off the fake Cartier. “Here.  That’s a hundred grand in your hand.”  Her jaw dropped.  “I got plenty more as long as we start this off right.  I’m paid baby, come and get rich with your boo.”

“How much I need?” she asked, taking the bait.

“How much you got?”

She grabbed my hand.  She pulled me into the bedroom where she slept with the man she left me for, and opened the closet.  At the base of the closet was a short, gray, cast-iron safe.

“He gave me the combination in case he got locked up.  The last I counted, we had seventy five gees in there,” she told me while clasping the watch.

The small door opened, revealing a few bundles of neatly piled cash.  I wanted to show her that it was no big deal so I said, “That’s all?”  I smirked and then sighed for emphasis, hoping she fed into my disappointment.  “Oh well, I’ll be in the living room on the phone.  Bag it up, and bring it with you.  Don’t forget your passport.  You don’t need clothes.  I’ma get you a wardrobe when we get down there.”

I couldn’t believe my luck.  I called Proverb and told him to have $100,000 in small bills ready for me in a paper bag, and to have Marcy and Elexus at the shop when I got there.  I killed the line and called Kennedy airport.  If I rushed, I had two hours to kill.

Crissy slivered out of the back room dressed with the watch dangling from her wrist.  She had two large Gucci bags that I bought her in the past, and her fur coat hung from her shoulders.  I let her hold the bag of cash.  She kissed me on the cheek and said, “Thank you.”

“You know you my heart and soul girl,” I told her like I meant every word.

“I know,” she declared while we walked out of the apartment.

Crissy said her farewells to the doorman, convinced that she would never return.  As I flagged down a cab on Lenox Avenue, I eased her house keys out of her hands and dropped them in the sewer.  “You won’t be needing those where you’re going.  No more apartments, it’s time you live in a castle,” I promised.

We took the cab straight to the Carter.  During the ride, I worked and re-worked the hustle to get even with Crissy.  I walked up to Suki, and asked for Yoda’s keys.  I told Crissy to sit in the immaculate lobby until I returned.  I left her with the cash, eased my way into the service elevator, and took it down to the basement.

After opening the locks, and kicking a few rats, I worked my way into Camera World.  Abdullah looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and I slipped a camera around my neck and told him I’d be back.

I dashed around to Proverb’s shop where the two queers sat impatiently.  I laid my plan down to the queers, double checking if they could pull it off.

“We can work it and then reverse it,” Marcy reminded me.

“Negro Puh-leeze!” Elexus said for me doubting his skills before they rushed out to catch a cab.

I borrowed a hundred grand from Proverb.

With time working against me, I ran across the street to another souvenir shop to purchase bootleg designer luggage. I smelled Marcy’s perfume lingering in the shop.  I quickly loaded the bottom of a leather bag with rolls of newspaper and three pounds of wooden blocks.  I dumped the cash from Proverb on top, leaving enough room for Crissy’s cash.  I dumped all the paper garbage and a five-pound weight inside the small counterfeit designer suitcase that I bought.

Quickly, I raced into Camera World and headed for the back until I worked my way back to the Carter.

Crissy was sitting in the lobby with worry on her face.  Her eyes lit up when she saw my suitcases.

“Follow me,” I told her, heading for Yoda’s elevator.  I pulled her onto the elevator, so no one could see us, and I opened the smaller bag with the cash in it.

“Wow!  I
really
love you, Johnny Hustle.  Thank you for still loving me,” Crissy said when she saw all the cash.

“That’s a half a mill right there,” I lied.  “Pour your money on top of that.  Now hold it and promise me that I can trust you with my money.  It’s a small amount of paper, but I need to know that I can trust you.”

Crissy looked at me like I was foolish to consider her larcenous.  “I promise, boo.  I love you to death,” she said.

“Good, so when we get to the airport, don’t worry about anything.  We allowed to carry as much cash as we want.  That’s why we going to Puerto Rico first.  There ain’t no risk in this, you gone win all the way around, if you love me.”

Crissy stacked her bills on top of mine and we left her bag in the elevator.  As soon as we descended the red carpeted steps from the Carter, a cabby saw Crissy’s fur and stopped.  Everything was working in my favor.

“J-F-K and step on it!” I said, handing the driver a $50.00 bill.

The driver sped across town, went over the Queensboro Bridge, and raced across to the airport.

When we pulled up to the American Airlines terminal, I saw Marcy, Elexus, and their security friend talking to a feminine security man from the airlines.  I winked at the queers.  I walked up to the ticket counter, dropped of my suitcase, and purchased two first class tickets to the Puerto Rico.

“Excuse me, sir?” a feminine voice said behind me.

It was the gay security guard, minus his entourage.  Out of Crissy’s earshot, I asked the man if he knew the plan and he nodded.  I laid it down to him again and said, “Crissy, give me the watch and your passport, boo.  Security wants to escort us because we the richest people in here.”

She handed me her passport and my watch, not realizing that she didn’t need a passport to go to Puerto Rico.  I slapped the fake timepiece on my wrist, hid it under my cuff, and the security man said, “Follow me, your plane is about to leave.”

Crissy was impressed that we had a security escort and that the plane was being held for us.  When we reached the metal detectors, I saw Marcy and Elexus standing with their backs to us.  Everything was going according to plan, but when our bags were being X-rayed, Marcy dropped the ball.  I thought of Crissy sipping from the toilet and knew I had to take one for the team.

“Come here, baby,” I said, sinking my tongue deep into her mouth, trying to distract her from the X-ray machine.

I heard, “This way, sir,” realizing my plan worked when Marcy and Elexus were no where in sight.

Crissy and I walked hand-in-hand to Gate 19, where a stewardess awaited.  We sat in first class, and then I held my stomach.

“Damn, I got to go to the bathroom.”  I stood, grabbed her fur coat, and sat the cash in her lap.  “Hold that and don’t open it.” I looked around nervously.  “We don’t want none of these broke people scheming on us.”  I kissed her forehead.  “You know I take long in the toilet, so let me put your coat up and I’ll be back by the time we in the air.” I held my stomach and winced.  “That food from Pan-Pan’s is killing me.”  As I walked away, Crissy ordered a drink, and got comfortable in her first class seat.

I raced past the stewardess with Crissy’s fur coat in hand, cut a sharp left, and found the gay security man waiting at the walkway with the door to the plane open.  I dashed out the door, helped the man seal the jumbo jet, and headed out the terminal $70,000 richer.

$5,000 went to Marcy, Elexus and the security man.  They switched luggage after Crissy dropped the bag to be X-rayed.  It paid to plan ahead and those queers helped it all come together.  Meanwhile, Crissy was on her way to being stranded in another world.  Getting even felt a lot better than getting mad.

$$$

When the cab dropped me off on the corner of Forty second and Seventh, I checked with Proverb.  He had a gold plate with a lot of cash waiting for me.  We laughed at the short con, and how I was going crazy getting the work material together.

Once my business was done, I walked briskly towards the Marriott and ran into Money Russ.  He was with his wife, Dot; his subject, Green Eyes, and their student, Black Justice.

“Word has it that you ready to take my crown?”  Russ stated as his crew blocked my path.

I looked at his perfect suit, long trench coat, fedora hat, and alligator shoes.  I acted as if he was really the best hustler.  The pitch-black face of his heroin-filled wife intimidated me.  She fought to keep her eyes open.  Whenever I looked her way, her eyes popped open as wide as the lids would go.  My respect was gone, and my opinion of them was low.

I flashed Crissy’s fur and then stepped in closer to Russ with no fear of Black Justice.  “Where you been?  I was ready to take your crown the first day I met you.”

He shrugged his shoulders and twisted his rodent looking face.  “No sense in rapping.  Right on the square, tomorrow morning at nine.  You bring ten gold bricks and I’ll bring mine.  That’s a half a mill apiece.”  He laughed.  “Bring your bitch, Red, so she can learn something.  It’s you against Dot ‘cause ladies first, lame.”

I had no time to respond.  Russ and his crew walked away.  As I looked at them fading in the streets, Black Justice looked back at me and winked.  My heart was beating fast, my palms were sweaty, and I felt like the clouds and the pavement where closing in on me.  I raced back to the hotel hoping Red was there, and it wasn’t until I saw her gorgeous face that I pulled myself together.

I walked into the bedroom.  Red was in the bed reading the
Wall Street Journal
with her red silk robe on, her back propped up against the fluffy pillows, and her feet crossed at the ankles.

I handed her Crissy’s fur.  “Here, it came from my old girl, but it’s as good as new.”

Red cut her eyes at me, inspected the coat, and then gave her approval with, “Uh huh.”

While taking my clothes off, I said, “I just ran into Russ and his crew,” hoping she would be surprised.

She turned a page, then calmly asked, “Oh yeah?  So when’s the challenge?”

I sat on the edge of the soft bed in my underwear and quizzed her. “How do you know he challenged me?”

“Because I’ve been down here for years and that’s the way it goes, sugar.  So stop procrastinating and tell me when it is?”

“Tomorrow.  I see Dot first, and he told me to bring a half a mill and
my bitch
Red with me.”

She whistled, dropped her paper, folded her arms, and then winked at me.  “Behind every great man is a strong woman.  For you there’s three.  Just because he made that statement, I guarantee that you’ll be the king.”  She patted the mattress. “Come on and let me put you to sleep.  Dot is a super booster and you’re gonna need all the rest you can get.”

Sleep didn’t come easy that night.  I was thinking of ways to steal clothes without getting caught.  I felt like I was laying down a strategy for war. 
I need Yoda
I told myself.  With the law on Money Russ’ side, I knew that wasn’t an option I could count on.  I felt alone, helpless, and afraid.  I knew if I lost to a woman, I would be looked down on as a chump, but Dot was not an ordinary woman.  A pep talk was what I began to give myself, and the only thing that consoled me was how bad I wanted to be king.

17

Keep On Moving

Bright and early, I paced the Square in an outfit that wasn’t much different than the one Money Russ had on the day before.  My mink coat was on my back, and Red stood by my side wearing hers.  The wind blew and a small group of young hustlers stood around waiting to see the show down.

While pacing, I thought about the legend of Dot and how she had the ability to go in and out of the biggest stores undetected.  I thought of her tall, Black, menacing frame, and how she owned Madison Avenue when it came to stealing.  I was out of my league.  I was sure of it, but there was no way out without making a fool of myself.

After waiting for ten minutes and hoping Russ wouldn’t show, one of the young hustlers looked up the block between Broadway and Sixth Avenue, and yelled, “They coming.  They coming.”

I looked up the block and saw all four of the crew swaggering my way.  Russ had an evil grin on his face.  Red saw the nervousness in my body language and held me by my collar.  “Sugar, this is a walk in the park.  You got nothing to lose if they win, but the way you’re gonna win is by doing it differently.” Out of everyone’s sight she handed me a roll of bills. “That’s a grand, just in case you have to buy your way to the top.  Knowing you, you’re going to make me proud.”

Money Russ stepped to me with a briefcase in his hand.  “Ready Lame?  I got my bricks, so let’s take the walk.”

“I wasn’t sure you was going to show, so meet me there in ten minutes,” I told Money Russ.

Red and I rushed off to the bank.  I took my time getting my key and then pulled nine of the gold plates from my safe deposit box.  I had never had that much money in my life.  Now I was going to gamble it, confident that I would lose it.  I was over my head, but only I seemed to know it.

“Proverb, what’s the word?” I mumbled when I walked into the store.

“Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, but who can find a faithful man?”

Money Russ and Dot were standing in front of a neat pyramid of his gold.  For the first time that I went there, I didn’t see any of Proverb’s family.

“Let’s get it on,” Money Russ interrupted.

We exited the store and headed to the square.  Red planted a long wet kiss on my lips.  The crowd cheered, and Money Russ put his hands up.  “Hustlers and Lames, y’all know the game, and this man stepped up, trying to get fame.  He know I’m the king, and he ain’t got no wins, but let’s teach this lame, and let the challenge begin.”

After Russ’ toast, everyone laughed at me.  He was feeling sure of himself when he presented the challenge.  He moved like a ringleader of a big top circus, attracting the attention of the civilian pedestrians who walked by on the crowded street.  He continued.

“It’s unfortunate that Yoda, Vanilla, or any of the other major players ain’t here to witness this.  But we got Mrs. Red, or should I say Mrs. Hustle here, and it’s so unfortunate that she’s on the wrong team.  Anyhow, it’s time to end this.  I know it’s gonna be over today, and since I’m the king, I get to pick the challenge.  We gonna take it to the old school and follow the tradition of the small stings.” He turned his back to the crowd and looked at me. “First up, real easy.  You and Dot, you two do Bergdorf’s since the most security is there, and whoever brings back the most expensive items wins.”

I looked around for Dot, and saw her blending as she headed towards the Deuce.  I went in the opposite direction, knowing what I wanted from the store.  The crowd shouted for me to go in the other direction so I could catch a taxi, but they didn’t know the tools I needed were in the hardware store.

$$$

I finally reached the department store and saw the back of Dot’s body.  She entered from the side door.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to pull the hustle off, but I was sure it had to go down with a bang.  The only thing I had on my side was my natural quick thinking.

An underdressed bike messenger was entering the store as I was going in.  My light bulb went off.  I stopped the round faced man with dreadlocks, who wore a pair of tight riding pants and a bike riding shirt.  I asked, “If you’re going to be long, I got a hundred for you when I get to the basement.”

At that point, I didn’t even know where the basement was, besides underneath where I was standing.  If I was able to pull off what I thought I could pull off, then it was mandatory the basement be available.  Immediately, Yoda’s voice rang out and said, “Action.”

I pulled off my fur coat, wrapped it inside out around my arm, and made sure that all the security officers saw it.  I displayed it like I was showing off.  When I caught the eyes of security, I was half way through where I needed to be in the hustle.  Then I saw the wrong thing.  Black Justice walked by wearing a suit, and made sure I knew he was there.  I hoped he wasn’t there to stop me.  If so, I was gonna deal with it the best way I knew how.

I took my time and walked over to the men’s section.  I picked out two suits in my size and one that was a much bigger size.  With the suits in hand, my mind flipped to hustling auto-pilot.  I walked over to the shoe section.  Just like a regular shopper, I picked up two pairs of Gucci alligator shoes, and a pair of Ostrich Hornbacks in a bigger size.  A White salesman walked over right on time.  He was so eager to help out that it was obvious he was new on the job.  The fake diamond Cartier came off of my wrist.  I thought of Ivan’s British accent.

“Pardon, good lad?  Could you be a gent and hold these items?  I need you to time how long I am in your store.  I have an important business meeting to attend in ten minutes.”

While ignoring his protest about holding such an expensive watch, I dipped around the corner and headed for the fur section.

As if the god of thieves was on my side, the service elevator was right across from the fur section.  I waited for the salesperson to be distracted, and then snipped the cords with my eyes glued to the video cameras.  I removed the plastic alarm from the coat, and slipped the fur in between my own.  I then folded it into one big mass.  Getting to the service elevator, I headed for the basement.

Things were moving too smooth for me for too long, and I had to fight back my fear.  The elevator stopped in an empty section of the basement.  In the dim surroundings of dripping pipes and empty boxes, I stashed both coats right in front of me. I flipped a box over and put them inside.  I didn’t want to take the chance of wandering around and getting caught.

When I got back to the men’s section, the salesman was wandering around aimlessly searching for me.  Dot crossed my path with a small Bergdorff bag in her hand.  I slid up to the salesperson, and with the most convincing voice, I said, “That’s Grace Jones.” 

I smacked his back and he jumped in excitement.  With him looking at me in shock, I removed all the clothes from his hands.  “Grace Jones, my good man.  In the middle of a department store?  If you knew what I know, you would run over there.  Go.  Go ask for her autograph, and make sure the commission of her purchases goes to you.  Go ahead, show her my watch, that’s sure to get her attention.”

He fell for it and headed straight for Dot, saying, “Excuse me, miss.  Excuse me, miss.”

Dot looked so surprised when he approached that they began to converse.  I took the opportunity to ease a bag from behind the counter, and then dropped all of the clothes in it.  Slowly, I eased away from the video camera, and took my time reaching the service elevator.

The basement was partially silent when I got back down there.  I scooped up the box, slid the items in the bag, and walked through as if I was employee of the month.  I wandered around until I saw the messenger and another man near some sort of packaging desk.  I folded the hundred dollar bill as I walked over.  When I reached him, I palmed the bill and shook it into his hands. “Yes, you’re right on time.  I’m glad someone is on time around here.”

I then turned to the man that was surrounded by yarn, boxes, labels, and rolls of thick clear tape. “Please box these items up and address them to Suki at the Carter Hotel.  This is for someone there named Johnny something or another.  I left the purchase order up in my office and I refuse to hold the customer up by walking back for it.”  I clapped my hands for the man to hurry.  “Chop-chop.  It has to be there like yesterday.”

When I turned, the packaging man cursed me under his breath.  It was clear that I did a good job of posing as a snobbish supervisor.

By the time I went back to the fur section, I pulled the fire alarm.  When panic set in, I clipped a sable that was similar to mine and folded it inside out.  Moving faster than Carl Lewis, I then wrapped it around my arm.  When I cut the corner, I bumped into a security guard.  I don’t know what he saw me do, but his cuffs were out.  He pulled me around the corner and threw me against the wall.  It was over.  I gave up on being the king, then suddenly, Black Justice appeared.  He smiled at the security person and knocked the man off his feet—leaving him unconscious.  “Go, Johnny,” Justice yelled.

I didn’t hesitate.  I raced and saw another member of the security team.  Instead of panicking, I used my stroll sense and handed him the coat.  He tried to back away from it, but I put it in his hands and said, “I’ll be down to the main desk in a few moments.  Please meet me there.  I have to use the bathroom and I don’t trust anyone to hold my coat.”

I walked off, leaving him protesting and panicking.  He didn’t know if he should chase me down, or go to the fire.  I left him there to decide on his own.

I reached the salesman who was holding my watch.  He held an autograph from Grace Jones.  Dot was on top of her game.  When he saw me, he looked up in shock as he removed the watch from his wrist.  In a stern voice I said, “I told you I had a meeting in ten minutes.  Your autograph seeking has made me late.  Someone has run off with the items I sat right here, and you have the audacity to have my valuable watch on?  Where’s your supervisor?”

He continuously apologized, and left his post while following me.  When I reached the entrance of the store, I sent the apologizing salesman to go “fetch” my coat from the security guard, and they both apologized me out of the store.

Out in the street, Dot was closing the door to a taxi.  I pulled it open and hopped right in.  “I see the lame is empty handed?  I don’t know what you were thinking ‘bout, challenging me to boosting?  I invented this art.”

During the ride, Dot told me how lousy of a hustler I was.  She told me that she stole for recreation, along with a whole list of foul statements.  When we pulled up to the Deuce, Russ was still on the square with a smaller crowd.  Everyone busted out laughing at me when they only saw my wrapped up fur.  Red closed her eyes in disappointment.  I hung my head low, acting like I was defeated.

“Look, look, I told you he was a lame,” Russ shouted to the crowd.

I whispered for Red to go see Suki and bring the big box back.  When I turned around, Russ was calling me names.  When the crowd asked Dot what she had, she pulled out a Georgio Armani gown that was worth $5,000.  Russ and his subjects were all smiling.  The crowd admired the beautiful black gown that had diamond looking stones around the neck and wrists.

Russ looked over to me and asked, “Well lame, I guess you should go back to being a square?”

I unraveled the coat to reveal that it wasn’t mine. “I don’t think so.”

Red walked over and handed me the big Bergdorff box.  I dropped it on the sidewalk.  I then opened it, removed a mink that was Russ’ size, and placed it around his shoulders.  I handed him the suit and shoes that I thought was his size, and placed the other sable into Red’s arms.  She jumped for joy and kissed all over me while the crowd heckled Russ and his crew.  Dot was in shock when I handed out the items.  Russ smacked her and said, “You selfish bitch.”

I stood there knowing the best was yet to come.  “No problem.  Tomorrow you got Green Eyes.  We gonna do the average street pocket stings, so come prepared,” Russ said, walking away with his tail tucked between his legs.

The crowd cheered as Red and I walked off.  Behind me, I could hear Russ abusing his woman for embarrassing him.  That was music to my ears.  I had one down, and two to go.

$$$

As we got to the Marriott, I was in for surprise.  Renee was sitting in the suite wearing an all black leather suit, with her legs crossed.  Next to her was a food cart carrying stacks of papers.  I looked down and saw the verification of my stock purchase, and a full course meal from Arnold Bond.

              “Let me guess?  This is the cop?”  Red said, looking Renee over and breaking the tension.  When I nodded, scared to death, Red looked at Renee’s leather boots and said, “Cute.”

              Renee saw the wedding band on Red’s finger and stood.  “I didn’t mean any harm.  He told me that he would call, and he didn’t, so I came here.  I didn’t expect his wife to be here.”

              I was ready to run.  The whole thing was a joke to Red.  She looked at Renee and then looked at me. “Ahh sookie sookie now.  Sugar, she feels you have some explaining to do.”

             
Think like Cashmere.  Think like Cashmere,
echoed in my mind, but it was easier said than done.  I wasn’t in love with Red, but I cared for her and Roxy equally.  I wanted Renee on my team, but there was no way I was going to disrespect Red for a woman that I just met.  That’s when the light bulb went off twice in one day.  I was on a roll.  Since I didn’t know what to do, I stuck with the truth, the way I needed both women to be.