The Lazarus Effect (18 page)

Serena watched the couple in the parking lot. It was obvious they were eviscerating each other. Five minutes in each other’s company was all it took to set them off. They had begun with that rubbish couples did in public, whisper-fighting and cold-shouldering. Now the gloves were off. The woman was half out of her coat, the brown sleeve that had no arm in it flapping in the wind like an injured bird. Her colouring was high and hair whipped about her face; every now and again she had to stop flailing her hands as she shouted to yank her hair behind her ears.

The man was struggling to keep calm. He said something that made her turn away. He kept talking to her back, and then made the mistake of laying a hand on it. She whipped around and yelled in his face, jabbing her finger at his chest, her face crumbling.

‘I hate it when they do this in public. They don’t even try to hide it any more.’ Serena turned away from the window, a fist forming in her breast.

Etienne Matongo, the deputy head of security, dropped a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Serena watched her father try to pull her sobbing mother into his arms as she fought him off.
Good thing it was after 8 p.m., when the car park was all but empty and most of WI’s night staff was inside. So much for a peaceful evening at home, everyone pretending to be marginally sane. She’d ditched her friends and left campus so she could surprise her parents after work, spend quality time with them like a good daughter. Now there was this to look forward to instead, an atmosphere stuck through with razor blades.

‘This time of year is hard for them,’ said Etienne. His bass sunk his voice extra deep and at times Serena struggled to follow the strong lilt of French and Congolese. ‘They must come inside this place every day, a place that reminds them of their love for your brother. It is not easy.’

Serena hung her head. It was true. Sean’s charm had marinated into every part of their lives. A lot of people at the WI, the likes of Etienne who had known him too, remembered how great her brother had been.

‘We don’t talk about him any more. We either fight or keep our mouths closed so that the wrong thing doesn’t come out. Nothing gets
said
.’ Tearful rage snagged at her words. ‘Sometimes I just want to talk about it, to
scream
out everything once and for all.’

She stared into Etienne’s eyes, eyes that were, like hers, heavy with worry and fear. ‘Do you ever feel like that? That you can’t hold things in for one more second, that you have to let it out or it’ll kill you?’

‘The heart is a big place, but it cannot hold everything forever. Even big hearts must put down the load and rest one day.’

They both turned to the window and gazed out at the lot, unable to look at each other.

‘Do people in your country believe the truth will set you free?’

Etienne sighed. ‘I have seen many bad things in my country, Serena, as I am sure many have seen in other places. Bad things can happen anywhere, but it is up to one person to choose how the future will go. So, yes,
ma petite
, I think all over this world people believe the truth can make you go free. If you don’t trust it, you can never trust yourself.’

Hot tears spilled over Serena’s lids. She swiped at her face angrily with the sleeve of her biker jacket. ‘How do you know … when do you feel it’s right to let go?’

‘I do not know that,’ he replied. A muscular arm reached over and gave her more pats on the shoulder. ‘But when
you
know it is time, come to me. I can help.’

He produced one of the paper towels that came from the dispensers all around the hospital and passed it to her. ‘Now, please, take your parents home.’

Joshua looked furious.

Vee ignored him and carried on with her rant.

‘At first I kept asking myself, why did he attack me? Then it hit me,’ she snapped her fingers, ‘like smh, of course, he found out I met with his sister. It hit me, ha ha, get it …’

‘I see what you did there,’ Joshua said.

‘Uggh, stop trying to laugh, Voinjama. Hurts so bad.’ She touched her head gingerly. ‘My main concern’s for Marieke and what shape she’s in. Chlöe called me and told me about the other beating he dished out last night. Marieke finally stood up to him and reported it. So I get it, Ashwin’s got a short fuse, but he still doesn’t square with the murderer vibe. Jacqui’s disappearance has got a clever feel to it. Smart but clumsy. Planned but unplanned, you get what I’m saying?

‘That shifts Ian back to front and centre. Hehn, I do
not
like that guy. He’s shifty, and he and that wife of his are hiding something. And those kids? Ho-o-o-o-o, talk about wackos. This is damn near Jackson family typa crazy, only it’s the parents who got all the talent. And shit, did I tell you Adele tried to bribe me?’

‘Several times.’

‘It’s only sinking in now that I’ve been too easy on her ’cause she’s
the mother
. She could’ve done this; mothers aren’t fountains of endless patience. Killers do that shit, tangle themselves in the investigation and drop all kinds of mess in the case to deflect attention from themselves. Maybe I’m looking right at her elaborate self-destructive scheme and I don’t even know it.’ Vee growled in frustration. ‘It’s not
fitting
! Somewhere it
doesn’t fit
…’

Joshua said nothing. He hadn’t made himself a drink or got comfortable. The coat of his suit wasn’t slung over the back of the chair. He reached over and laid his hand on her cheek like he’d done twice already since he arrived. He frowned and leaned closer, tipping her chin to the light and examining her pupils. ‘Wait, are you
high
?’

Vee gently pushed his hand away. ‘Jeez, drama queen. No, I’m not high. Not like Ice Cube and Chris Tucker in
Friday
high. I’m … cruising.’ She fluttered her fingers. ‘Pain meds. And sumn’ else Chlöe gave me. Makes you mellow and buzzy at the same time.’

‘Yeah, but how much does it hurt? Look at this … You have a partial imprint of a streetlamp on your face.’ His fingers were cool on her skin. Vee suppressed a shudder, or what could have been a shudder; sensation was a little hard to process under the spell of Chlöe’s pill.

She pushed his hand away again. The contact hadn’t broken the skin and she was overjoyed to have avoided stitches. Hours of ice and some sweet medicine later and she was feeling close to dandy. ‘Eh. It’s not as bad as it looks.’

Joshua muttered inaudibly and got to his feet. ‘Well. Guess that’s me done, then.’ He got up, dropped a quick peck on the top of her head and strode out of the lounge. Vee kept her seat for a full minute, heard the sound of a car engine hum to life before she shuffled up after him. The blanket around her shoulders was falling off by the time she made it outside.

She grabbed his arm at the door. ‘Hey. Where the hell you going? I can’t be alone. I just told Chloe that Connie was coming over because she wouldn’t let me breathe. But seriously, somebody’s got to help me stay awake.’

‘I get the feeling you’ll be just peachy by tomorrow without my help. And the day after, and the next after that,’ Joshua replied. ‘And to answer your question, home is where I’m going. Happen to have one of those, too, along with a job and a social life …’

Vee flinched, mouth open. She closed it slowly and let go of his arm. He started down the walk and she sprinted ahead of him, her head yowling in protest, and yanked the door of the Jeep open.

‘Allow me, your majesty. I’m so sorry I disturbed your evening.’

Joshua gave a low laugh and shook his head. ‘Very mature.’ He pushed the door open, crouched to slide in, then straightened up. ‘Why do you need me here?’ The frost in his voice and eyes made her take a step back. ‘Why, of everyone you know, did you call me over?’

Vee looked away.

‘Exactly right. You have a perfect reason why every single one of those people can’t or shouldn’t have to be here. But not me.’

‘Is that what this is about? That you’ve done sooo much for me and kept the receipts for all your feelings so you can rub my nose in it when it suits you? That I don’t
need
you, Joshua, that I don’t
want
you? Grow up.’

He snapped his fingers. ‘Bravo, Sherlock. Because after months, no wait,
years
of being more than happy to drink your bathwater, I chose today … the day you look like a bus ran your ass over, to wake up and say I’ve had enough.’ Hurt and disappointment etched his features. ‘When did you become so fucking selfish? What’s happening to you?’

‘Well, if that’s not the reason, then what is it? You think my work’s too dangerous? I should give it up and stick to safer material?’

It was grossly unfair and ridiculous, and she knew it. For both of them, the job was more need than conscious choice. Part of her wished she could take back the words, but the other half had taken the wheel and gone dark, steering her out of control. More than anything, she wished he was Ashwin. She wished to high heaven he was Ashwin Venter so she could drive through the flames at full throttle.

His expression changed like seasons in fast forward, going from pained to livid to sad in microseconds. Then it iced over, making it plain he didn’t intend to get drawn any further. He dragged the car door open the furthest it could go, until the hinges squalled.

‘Go inside,’ he said. ‘Call me tomorrow morning.’

‘Msshw, dah nah all!’

Her eyes weren’t quick enough to register him move. One second he was sliding into the driver’s seat, and in one lithe shift he was close, practically in her face. He didn’t tower over her, at least she had that, but she could feel how tight the reins were on his emotions. Pride all but streaming like smoke through her nostrils, Vee fought against her whimpering inner female, fought against being intimidated on her own doorstep. All the same, she quickly decided on a more moderate stance and retreated a couple of paces.

‘You’ve already been surprised by one man today, Voinjama. Don’t make that mistake again, because I’m that close …’ Inches from her face, he held his fingers millimetres apart to illustrate how far the live wires were from touching. ‘Get back inside. Lock the doors. Have a hot bath and think things over. Turn up the volume on the TV to keep yourself awake. We’ll talk tomorrow.’

He got in. ‘Don’t make me make the first call,’ he warned. The Jeep swung off the drive and into the road. In a moment it was out of sight.

Vee stayed in her spot for a few more minutes, mouth dry and heart thumping.

‘Bastard,’ she croaked.

Vee swept inside and locked all the doors. She made herself a cup of coffee that sat neglected until it went cold. She wandered upstairs to the bedroom and switched on the television, trying to focus on the aimless jostling of contestants on a reality show on DStv. Eventually she gave up and went into the bathroom, switching the light off beforehand. The last thing she needed was the sight of her banged-up face in the mirror. She brushed her teeth, ran a hot bath, lowered herself into it and closed her eyes, making a concerted effort to relax. Her buzz had worn off and her brain needed powering down.

Joshua Allen was full of bullshit, her brain said. He had absolutely no right to flip out on her this way, none whatsoever. How dare he just show up at her front door–

You called him
.

–show up unannounced in the middle of the night and cuss her out for no reason on one of her worst days ever. A crazed man, a suspect in a murder investigation, with a criminal record no less, had jumped her in the street and Joshua refused to react like a true friend. She winced at the memory of Ashwin seizing her head and ramming it like a jar he was trying to force open.

She was no stranger to violence or surprises. The uncomfortable truth was that the dark and unknown were enticing and she was drawn. Her relationship with the filth of humankind was far from healthy, but she’d been poisoned too early and the damage was done. Everyone had a drug, a secret and a line they had to cross when they were out of options. She knew where she stood with all three; the luxury of playing dumb had flown the coop ages ago. Those choices amounted to one and the same a very long time ago–

Vee broke off her thoughts, reshuffled the lot and put the pack away. Under no circumstances was she venturing into that zone of turbulence – not tonight. The Johnson buffet had more than its share of delights to nibble on. Ashwin Venter, Adele Paulsen, the entire spectrum of Fourie fuckery – gone.

Joshua Allen was a crafty, tenacious bugger though, and wouldn’t piss off. The problem was that their relationship was fully out of hand. She’d leaned on him too hard when she was in crisis and now he’d taken how deeply she relied on his friendship out of context. He was taking advantage–

Is he, now? Is friendship all it is?

–twisting what they had into shapes that suited him. She was sorry she didn’t have feelings for him in that way but she couldn’t force it. He was like a brother, for God’s sake. Fine, not
exactly
like Quincy, but Joshua was a good stand-in for the brother she sorely missed. So what if every so often the lines blurred and her mind wandered to how great he looked in a pair of jeans or mussed up after a long day with his sleeves rolled up. Or how
good he smelled, or the way his arms felt around her, warm, strong arms with a thrilling edge.

In the darkness, Vee’s hands acquired a life of their own. One moved slowly over her wet stomach to the sensitive skin under her armpits, working over to her breasts. Gentle circles teased at the ache in the hardened tips. Eyes closed, she drew a leg up and shivered as the warm water crested the exposed upper half of her body. The other hand slid down between her thighs.

She closed her eyes and reworked the evening’s altercation. Joshua cornered her and growled an insult in her face. Exhilarated and flustered by his nearness, her heart pounded in her ears. She swore and pushed him in the chest, but he grabbed her by the arms and pressed her–

Pushed her roughly
.

–up against the wall. Her flimsy act dissolved and she found herself trying to kiss him, struggling against the hold he had on her wrists. He chuckled, released his grip and lifted her by the hips in one smooth move, wrapping her legs around his waist. Their tongues clashed. He wrenched her skirt up and his fingers traced the length of her inner thigh. Vee trembled and sucked in her breath as his touch inched towards its target, pausing to caress her through her underwear. He bit her earlobe and pulled the material aside. Her breath caught; she felt the first stroke–

‘Mtsssshw,’ Vee snapped her eyes open. She climbed out of the tub, reaching for a towel. Ridiculous fantasy or wanton indulgence, seeing it through to its natural end would be of zero help in staying awake.

I need to watch a movie, she decided. Anything with a silly, nonsexual plot would do the trick.

He answered the door in a white T-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. The harshest Cape Town winter never topped a mere weather tantrum for Joshua, with that Brooklyn ice in his veins.

Vee rubbed the goosebumps rising on her arms through her sweater. Perhaps her tropical blood was appalled at his choice of sleepwear or perhaps the outline of his upper body through the light cotton was that titillating.

Pull yourself together
.

He shouldn’t be a tease, then; she had eyes after all. And he did have a nice body, lean and sculpted, the sort that would wear well into and even after middle age. One end of his rumpled T-shirt was raised, showing just a flash of skin below his navel before the rest ducked into his shorts. She throbbed, the tingle turning into a growl.

Joshua cursed and rubbed his eyes, holding the door halfway open as a sign she wasn’t a welcome sight. ‘It’s almost midnight.’

‘I know what time it is. And I know you couldn’t sleep either, so …’ She shuffled her feet. Scenarios like these were far easier to enact in your head than to play out in real life. ‘I needed to clear the air by letting you know that you had absolutely no right speaking to me like that. It was out of line.’

‘Duly noted, air officially cleared,’ he grumbled. ‘I get the impression I have no rights at all when it comes to you, so no surprises there.’ He shrugged. ‘Is that all?’

‘Yes,’ Vee said. ‘No.’ She swallowed. ‘I was wrong and I’m sorry. You’re not a houseboy to be summoned whenever I feel like it. That’s not what I intended you to think when I called tonight, or
any
of the times I’ve called on you. It’s just … things keep happening … it’s too much and I get so …’

A trail of smug lazed across his lips. He planned on having fun watching her bungle through an apology. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door, giving a barely perceptible nod to continue.

‘There’s no one else,’ she finished. He raised his eyebrows. ‘I mean, yes, there
are
other people I can call. But … it’s not the same.’

You’ve ruined other people’s company for me
. The words tried to worm their way out but she wouldn’t let them. It wasn’t necessary. Joshua’s posture softened and with wordless resignation, he pushed the door open and stepped aside. They would go through the motions as always. He’d get her a blanket and cups of excellent coffee. He’d listen patiently as she dogged the steps of every hare-brained theory she had, following streaks of light down endless tunnels as they swirled out of sight and left her frustrated. She would nod off in the middle of a sentence, and he would roll her into his bed and eke out a few hours of sleep on the couch. His car would be gone by the time she woke up.

Vee opted out of the usual scenario. Instead of heading for the lounge, she laced her arms around his neck and kissed him long and hard. She pulled back, breathing heavily, studying his face. Joshua blinked in shock, and then his eyes went from charcoal to well past midnight. He covered her mouth with his and dragged her over the threshold by the waist, using her butt to bump the door shut.

She kissed every part of his face she could get at, aggravated that he kept slowing things down by pulling away every now and again to nibble at her lips and throat. Vee pulled his lips back on hers and used her teeth with more force, almost biting through the soft inner flesh. Joshua swore and tightened his arms around her. Vee winced and hissed, her muscles twanging a sore reminder.

He stopped. ‘You okay?’ She nodded. He studied her with jarring tenderness, tracing cool fingers against her cheeks and nose. Then, slowly, he slid both hands past the waistband of her tracksuit pants and stroked her bare skin. His fingers edged into her panties, cupping her butt as he pressed her against the swollen front of his shorts. Vee felt her head empty and redirect all her blood flow to below her navel.

They made it as far as the carpeted floor of the dimly lit lounge, stripping each other of everything save her underwear. Joshua took his time to admire her satin finery, restraining her hands when she got impatient to strip.

‘Wow, did you put this on for me? Is all this premeditated?’ He dipped his head between her breasts and drew a deep breath. ‘Devious,’ he murmured, running his lips over the bra. Vee felt his surge of appreciation as she snuggled deeper into his lap, and she whimpered in response, loving the tease. He took her by the hips and smoothed her onto her back, and soon the caress of his mouth and tickle of his breath over the skin between her legs had her arching her back. The gentle lap of heat in her belly swelled into a tsunami that threatened to put an abrupt, unsatisfying end to ages of anticipation.

‘No, Joshua … no, stop it, don’t start nothin’ fancy.’ Her craving was too intense for frills.

Vee pushed him down and straddled his hips. She undid the front clasp of her bra, releasing her breasts and the condom she’d snuggled inside the cups. Joshua laughed in wonder, laid back and put his arms behind his head, outmanoeuvred into compliance. For the first time, she went slow as she did the honours, watching with pleasure as he closed his eyes, her breath quickening with his at every stroke of her hand. Once sheathed, he held her by the waist and together they eased into one another. Vee made a sound she barely recognised as her own. She paused, savouring the intensity and completeness of him inside her, then began to move. The rhythm she ground her hips to was rough and fast. Sweat hit her in the chest and burst. She kept rocking until she climaxed again and so did he.

Afterwards, they sprawled on the carpet in breathless silence.

‘Exactly how hard did you hit your head?’ Joshua asked huskily.

‘Shut up,’ Vee moaned. Months of repressed urges joined forces with pain, pleasure and exhaustion, unleashing hormonal fury. A boot was stamping down on the front of her skull, trying to kick a way out through the bone. Darkness sucked her down and under.

‘Whoa-ho-o-o there, champ. C’mon, stay with me …’ Joshua scooped her up and rocked her gently. He talked to her to keep her lucid and awake. They played the TV at full blast and he made excellent cups of coffee. Then they wrestled a second round, where he asserted his rights more firmly than before. Not that she had any complaints either way.