The Last Woman (All That Remains #1) (27 page)

Then it happens. Apparently,
if you think “don’t get hard” long enough, the opposite will occur. It’s like
trying not to laugh at a funeral. I’m not turned on in the slightest. I’m
terrified. I close my eyes and try to picture disgusting things. The arrogant
prick picks that moment to peer over the stall door.

“Stand up! Now!” he shouts when
I attempt to stall. I’m wearing boxer briefs, and there’s no way to hide it. A
satisfied smile spreads across his face. “Ready to confess?”

“No.”

“Have it your way. You may get
dressed.” Seconds later, the familiar rattle of chains signals his departure. Micah
is sitting on his cot when I return, but Jennifer is missing.

“What happened?” I ask.

“I made out with Diane. They
were going to whip her if I didn’t. Then they forced me to watch gay porn. They
wouldn’t even let me have popcorn.”

“Same here, but with Jennifer.
I take it you passed their test?”

“With the blue balls to prove
it. You?”

“I believe I failed
spectacularly.”

“We have to get the fuck out
of here.” Micah sighs.

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“I’ll let you know.” I settle
down to read and wait for the second shoe to drop. I don’t have to wait long.

Abraham returns with Cole and
Steve that evening. “Cole, take Micah for a walk around the grounds. Tie his
hands first and take the taser with you.” It appears punishing Micah isn’t the
entertainment for the evening, however. I’m the main attraction.

“Strip,” Abraham commands.
“All of it.”

As soon as I’m naked, my hands
are tied again, this time above my head.

“You’re a sodomite, an
abomination in the eyes of our Lord. You’ll change your ways. God has sent me
to save you from yourself.”

He produces a long, skinny
wooden stick and grins wickedly. “This is a cane, with every lash I give you I
want you to think about your depravity and pray for forgiveness.”

Oh fuck. This is going to
hurt. I’m being caned for being gay. I’m back in the Dark Ages. I try to ready
myself as the cane falls viciously across my back, but there’s no preparing for
this. It’s so much worse than I feared. It feels as if the skin is being flayed
off, peeled away in burning strips. It falls again and again on my back, my
ass, and my thighs. The pain is excruciating, indescribable. Overlapping
strikes assure not an inch of skin is overlooked, and the sharp scent of blood
soon follows the pattering of drops that rain on the wooden floor.

I scream with every lash,
bawling and pleading with him to stop. I’d give anything, promise them
anything. Finally, I slip into unconsciousness, hoping never to return.

When I wake, lying on my
stomach on my cot, Micah is beside me. “Don’t move,” he orders, his voice
strained and husky. “The doctor gave me some ointment to prevent an infection.
I’m sorry if I hurt you, but we have to apply it.”

“An infection would be like
hitting the lottery, Mic. Just let me die.”

“Don’t,” he warns. “I’ll kill
them for doing this to you, Troy.”

“Does it look as bad as it
feels? Because I feel like screaming.”

“Make all the noise you need
to, man. It looks terrible, and you’re going to have some bad scars.”

“Don’t sugarcoat it.” As he’s
applying the ointment, I slip into the darkness again.

It’s been a week since the
burial, and we’re still trying to process what’s happened. Everyone has been so
subdued. In contrast, the weather has been beautiful. It should be raining,
dark, and dreary to mirror the melancholy settled into our hearts. It’s the
first week of September, and the leaves are beginning to lighten, but it will
be weeks before they change. Fall has always been my favorite time of year.
It’s not too hot or too cold, and the woods are bursting with color.

We are in need of supplies to
can and preserve the vegetables we’ve grown. We have had a good summer. I’m
happy with what we’ve managed to grow our first year even if it’s going to be a
lot of work to preserve it all. I suggest we take a trip to get supplies and to
get the kids out of the house. Perhaps it will cheer them up a bit.

“Can we go to a park? I want
to swing!” Walker pipes up. It’s good to see him excited.

“There’s a playground down the
street from the mall in Paducah,” Airen suggests.

“I’d like to go to the mall,” Jayla
says.

“Tomorrow morning.” Airen
kisses her on top of the head and tickles Walker until he giggles. I’m a little
surprised he agreed so quickly when he’s usually paranoid about any of us going
anywhere.

Joseph, instead, raises concerns
about the mall. “It’s a large public place, and there could be bodies.”

“I don’t think people went to
the mall when they were sick and dying. Wouldn’t the stores have closed once
the power went out?” I ask.

“Yes, but don’t you remember
all the looters that were running wild? The police and the National Guard shot
thousands of people before the sickness overtook them as well.” He’s got a
point. “It’s been a year and a half, and I don’t know how bad a corpse will
look after that long, but I don’t want Walker to see.”

“You can keep Walker at the
park, and we’ll take Carson and Jayla into the mall,” Airen suggests. “I hate
it, but this is a part of life they’ll have to adjust to, coming across
remains. We’ll try to shield them from the worst of it.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I agree.

I haven’t had the heart to
clean out Sara’s room, but we really need to let Walker move back into it.
Joseph informs me and Airen that Walker can hear us through the wall. I gaze at
him, puzzled, and he smiles a wide, dimple laden smile. “He can hear you having
sex,” he elaborates.

Oh shit. I really try to keep
quiet. My cheeks heat up. “Sorry,” I whisper, mortified.

“It’s no problem. We just need
to put him back into his old room.”

“So, then...you can hear?” I
ask tentatively.

“Everything,” he replies in a
sultry voice, winking at me while I pray for the floor to open up and swallow
me.

Of course, Airen thinks it’s
funny. “Maybe you can learn a few things.”

“Airen! It’s your fault!”

He flashes a sexy, carnal smile.
“Damn right it is.”

“Don’t worry about it, Abby. It
gives me wonderful dreams,” Joseph teases, enjoying my embarrassment.

“Now that I know I have an
audience, I’ll step up my game,” Airen says with a smirk. He’s having such fun
with this.

“You’re both jerks. I’m going
to clean out Sara’s room.” Their laughter follows me down the hall.

Mandy’s side of the room has
long ago been stripped and cleaned, but Sara’s is just as she left it. I strip
the bed and add the sheets and pillowcases to the hamper. It shatters my heart
to see the pictures on her wall. I remove them carefully, placing them in a box
with her stuffed cow and her other belongings. Airen comes in as I’m remaking
the beds.

“Are you okay?” He sits on the
edge of the bed and flips through her pictures.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t understand why she
did it,” he says.

“It was too much for her. We
have no idea what she went through before we met her.”

“Still, suicide...I could
never,” he declares. His brow furrows, a pensive look settling over his face,
as if he’s trying to solve all of life’s mysteries at once.

“You’ve never considered it?
Not even for a second?”

He stares at me in
astonishment. “Of course not. You have?”

I shrug and return to packing.
I don’t want to get drawn into this conversation. When I look up, he’s staring
at me intently, his gaze burning into me. “I don’t want to talk about this,” I
state firmly. Reaching past me, he pushes the bedroom door closed. “Airen!”

“Do you still think about it?”

“No!”

“Would you tell me if you
did?” He places his hands on my shoulders, and his eyes darken when I hesitate.

“I don’t know,” I reply
honestly. “But I’m not suicidal. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

He appears relieved as he
pulls me down on the bed to sit beside him. “Why did you consider it before?
How long ago did you feel that way?”

I sigh. “I really don’t want
to talk about this,” I repeat, looking at the floor. He places his finger under
my chin and tilts my head up until I look at him.

“Deepest darkest secrets,
Abby,” he whispers.

I sigh again. How did I get
conned into this confession? So far all the deep, dark secrets have come from
me. “There were times when I had trouble finding something to live for,” I
admit. “I was alone, and I told you I’ve never had anyone before Carson and
you.”

“What did you live for before
Carson?”

He takes my hand in his,
rubbing my knuckles softly with his thumb. His face softens, and I hate the
look of pity he gives me. “Honestly? Fun. You wouldn’t have liked me. I was a
partier. I drank, smoked weed, hung out with the wrong type of people. It was
totally hedonistic. I wasn’t exactly suicidal. Let’s just say I didn’t look
both ways before crossing the street. I didn’t give a shit one way or the other.”

“Still, you had boyfriends,
didn’t they...?”

I scoff, interrupting him.
“Airen, I had guys who would offer to fuck me if I promised not to tell anyone,
like they were throwing a dog a bone. Pun intended.” I give him a small smile,
and he stares back at me, stone-faced. He wants the truth. I’m going to give it
to him, and hopefully he’ll stop asking. “There was one who would fuck me, but
wouldn’t kiss me, as if I were a hooker, a whore. Until Jon, I didn’t have a
real relationship. One guy, named Patrick, I know cared about me, but he had a
hard time hiding it, and was terrified people would find out. He was so ashamed,
I put an end to it because I loved him and knew we couldn’t hide the
relationship much longer. He would’ve been devastated if our friends had found
out.”

Airen shakes his head slowly,
and I stop him when he attempts to speak. “You don’t understand, Air. You can’t
understand how it feels to be that far below other people, to know they’re ashamed
to be seen with you, too disgusted to kiss you.”

He appears shocked as I
continue, but surely, he had to have guessed some of this.

“That’s why I never really
blamed Jon for leaving me. He said he tried to love me, and I believe that. My
mom said the exact same thing to me. I don’t know what it is that makes me so
far below the rest, Airen, but I’ve learned to live with it, and I’d never kill
myself, so please don’t brood on it.”

There, he’s made me give a
damned speech summarizing my life as a loser.
Can we move on now?

He’s gazing at me with the
strangest look on his face, a mixture of shock, anger, and pity. “I don’t know
what’s worse,” he whispers slowly. “The things you’ve told me, or the
matter-of-fact way you were able to say it.”

“Sorry, I’ve never told anyone
these things before. I should’ve sugar-coated it a little better. I tried to
warn you there are things you don’t want to know. You should stop asking.”

He kneels before me and places
his hands on my knees, his eyes intense as they bore into mine. “I want you to
listen to me, Abby,” he demands vehemently. “I’m so sorry for the things that
have happened to you, but I can promise you one thing. There is absolutely
nothing about you that makes you worth less than anyone else.”

“Airen,” I interject, shaking
my head.

“No!” he snaps. “I want you to
hear me, Abigail. What you believe...what those assholes in your past have
convinced you is true, is dead wrong.” He grasps my face in his hands, forcing
me to look him in the eye.

“We’re done talking about
this.” I attempt to stand, but he won’t release his grip on me.

“No, we aren’t.”

“Airen, please.” I try to pull
away again, but he holds tight to my shoulders.

“It was them, sweetheart, not
you. They were shallow, hateful people, and I wish I had them in front of me
now. I could murder them for how they’ve hurt you.”

Why can’t he let this alone?
He’s pissing me off. “Goddamn it, Airen! I’m not stupid. All of them? Every
single one of those guys was wrong? Plus my parents? It’s not them! I’m the
common denominator! Now will you please drop it? It no longer matters anyway. I
have you. I have Joseph, Julie, and the kids, and I’m happy. I have a great
life.”

“But you don’t think you
deserve it.” He shakes his head in dismay.

“People rarely get what they
deserve,” I remark dryly. “That doesn’t mean I won’t fight to the death to keep
it.” I place my palm against his cheek. “I have no idea why you love me, Airen.
It’s like a miracle, but I know you do.”

Gazing at me, he places his
hand over mine. “Do you?” he asks, his mouth curling down at the corners.

My hands slip around his waist,
and I rest my forehead against his chest. “Yes. You stepped between me and
Mandy when she was pointing a gun at me. She could have killed you, and you
risked your life for me. I may never understand why, but I know you love me,
and I love you, so please don’t worry so much.”

I’m cuddled against his chest
as it rises on a deep sigh. “I was terrified she’d shoot before I could get
there.”

“Yeah, well, don’t do that
shit again. You could’ve died,” I mumble into his shoulder.

He snorts and tucks a stray
lock of hair behind my ear. “I would absolutely do it again, and you know it.
I’ll always keep you safe.”

“And you know I’ll do the same
for you.”

“You better fucking never.”

“You can’t stop me.” I giggle.

“I’ll tie you up,” he
threatens, his mood lightening.

“I’d probably like it.”

A deep chuckle raises
goosebumps along my skin as his hand lightly squeezes my ass. “You may want to
remember what happened the last time you said that.” He regards me with hooded
eyes. How the hell did I end up with this loving, sexy, exasperating man?

“Promises, promises.”

* * *
*

“Let’s go!” Joseph calls
impatiently.

“Keep your panties on,” Airen
grumbles as he climbs in the driver’s seat of the SUV we have acquired for
today’s trip to Paducah.

“You know I don’t wear
underwear.”

“TMI, Dad,” Walker moans,
making everyone chuckle.

Julie doesn’t feel up to
making the trip, but it worries me to leave her alone. “I’ll be fine. It’s just
a headache. I’m going to take some Ibuprofen and lie down for a nap,” she
reassures us.

“We should be back before
dark,” Joseph says.

“Have fun, but be careful.” She
hugs him.

Traveling anywhere is
difficult because of the abandoned vehicles in the road. We have a winch
attached to the SUV to tow them into the ditches and make a space for our truck
if we have to, but that slows us down. We are less than fifty miles from
Paducah Mall, but it takes us two hours to get there.

At least there is no sign of
looting and no barricades or bodies lying outside the mall. The parking lot is
deserted, except for a few security cars.

“I don’t think we have to
worry about bodies. It looks pretty deserted,” I observe.

Walker spots the playground
across the road. “Let’s go, Dad! I want to swing!” He tugs Joseph’s hand
impatiently.

“Here.” Airen hands Joseph a
walkie-talkie. “We’ll meet you in an hour.”

“Be careful and bring me a
Cinnabon,” Joseph replies with a grin.

Carson moans. “I’d give
anything for a Cinnabon.”

“Or ice cream,” wishes Jayla.

We try the doors at multiple
entrances before Airen finally breaks the glass, unlocks one, and we step
inside. It’s beyond creepy to see a place once bustling with life, that should
be filled with laughing, chatting people, so empty and desolate. Large
skylights allow the bright sunlight to filter in so it isn’t really dark,
although the stores are dim and shadowy. I’m happy we brought the flashlights.

A musty sour smell hangs in
the air, and I imagine it’s emanating from the food court. The water has long
since evaporated from a fountain in the center, leaving a sprinkle of pennies,
nickels, and dimes behind. Wishes, I realize, sadly. Uno wanders around it
sniffing and eventually lifts his leg, marking it as his own.