The Last Thing You See (9 page)

“The same way you know your parents didn’t leave you in that group home because you spilled too much juice?  Like you said, it sticks with you.”

Harper looked down for a moment and nodded.  “Yes, it does.”

“So, I was rescued, I recovered pretty quickly, I was back on my feet soon.  I got all these… these scars.  The guy wanted to send me back home dead, so disfigured that I’d need a closed-casket ceremony.  He didn’t have enough time to finish his work, but when I woke up in the medical tent I thought, ‘Ha!  You can’t kill me, you fuckers’.  Then in a hospital in Germany I was thinking to myself, ‘Why have I not heard from Christie?  What did they tell her? ’ It wasn’t until I got home that I found out what happened and I realize that they
did
kill me.  I didn’t manage to protect anything.”

“I’m so sorry, Nick,” said Harper.

“Me too.  I managed to get discharged based on what happened while I was captured, said I couldn’t go on, my head wasn’t in the right place.  There was nothing left for me in Warfields either.  All the friends I had there were Christie’s friends, or mutual friends.  They looked at me the way everybody else has since then, with a bit of blame thrown in for good measure.  I sold the old family home and after Christie was declared legally… dead, I’ve been just wandering around.  I didn’t know what I was doing, no plans, just taking odd jobs here and there to keep busy, to stop myself from eating into the savings too quickly.”

I tucked the photo back into my wallet, in its spot behind the cards, and put my wallet back on the bedside table before turning to Harper, scared about what I’d find written there on her face.

“I couldn’t save her,” I said.  “I’m no hero.”

“You saved
me
.”

Harper grabbed the sheet, which was being held up between our bodies, and wrapped it around my front, pulling me back into the bed and leaning over me.  I fought back the instinct to push her hand away when she rested it on my bare chest, right on some of the worst scars, but there was no revulsion on her face.  She still looked at me the same as she had the previous night.

“You were right there when I needed you,” she said, nuzzling herself down with my arm around her and her head resting in my armpit.  “I
needed
you.”

“I love you, Harper,” I said, and let the words stand out there by themselves.  It didn’t matter if she felt the same, what I’d said was the truth either way.  I felt like a whole person again.

After the Fans Choice Awards, I was out of town for almost a week, most of the time spent at a comic book convention where I was part of a panel because of having been in the Dark Fox movie.  After a hell of a lot of problems in post-production, it had eventually made it to theatres almost a year after filming actually finished, and this was the first convention since the release.

The big news for fans was the official announcement that ‘Dark Fox 2: The Fall’ was going to start filming soon, with a release date next summer.  It was humbling to see how much of a following the character had, especially considering all the amazing competition in the genre.  People went crazy when the short clip revealing the title played on the screen above us.

It was strange being on the road with my mom and Orson again, away from home.  I didn’t like to be away from Nick after such an incredible night and a revealing morning either.

Him saying he loved me was unexpected.  If I counted social media, then I probably received anywhere between five and ten thousand declarations of love a day, but I had a feeling that with Nick, it wasn’t something he said lightly.

Neither did I, which is why I didn’t say it back to him.  Not because I didn’t feel very strongly for him, but because I’d never been in love before.  I needed some time to think about exactly what this churning volcano of joy I felt inside really was.  He had the advantage of having been in love once already, maybe that was why he could say it.

On the third day into my trip, I sent him a text and didn’t get a reply all day. I couldn’t stop myself from worrying.  Nick was a big boy, but what if something had happened to him?

Only last year, Nick had said goodbye to Christie before getting on a plane and then he never saw her again.  Things happen.

The thought that I’d never look into his eyes again, never have those strong arms around me and feel like I was as safe as if I was in Fort Knox, never have him to talk to again, was almost too much to bear.  The possibility that I could lose the one person I’d found in the world that I trusted with my deepest secrets, and who trusted me the same way in return, was horrific.

It wasn’t easy, but I made myself stay calm.  I didn’t want him to look at his phone and see a hundred and thirty seven texts, fifty missed calls, and a couple dozen voicemails, but it made me realize that there was nothing, and had never been anything, in my life that made me happier than being with Nick.  I loved him, for sure.

He eventually called back and said he’d left his phone at home that day before working a security shift for Jeremy Holt.  Hypothetical crisis averted.

I didn’t tell him I loved him over the phone. It seemed like something that should be done in person.  In my mind I went over different scenarios, envisioning grand romantic scenes inspired by some of my favorite movies, where everything culminated into the perfect moment for me to tell him how I felt.

The daydreams were so enthralling that as I sat on the panel at the convention, I flat out missed a question directed at me, to the amusement of everybody present.  That night, going against my better judgment and long-standing policy, I looked up a video of the event in question and watched myself sitting there with my face all smooshed up by my cheek resting on my hand as I stared off into the distance with a ditzy smile on my lips.

The comments below speculated that I was on drugs.  Some of them talked about my date to the Fans Choice Awards.  It seemed like the time for my relationship to be my little secret was already almost over.

*****

As soon as I was back in town, I grabbed some things and went to Nick’s apartment for the night.  It was small and tidy, furnished by whoever his landlord was and obviously furnished from stores at the cheaper end of the scale.  It had everything he needed though, and with him there it had everything I needed too.

After being away from each other for a week, I couldn’t keep my hands off him and it seemed the feeling was mutual.  From the moment he lifted me up and set me down on the kitchen counter, moving between my legs to get good and close, to the moment we fell asleep, we were never out of physical contact for very long.

The reunion was passionate, heavy, but the sex this time was slower and more deliberate than in the hotel after the award show.  I’d never felt so happy that I could cry before, but this was mighty close and it pained me to have to keep appointments the next morning.

Thankfully we had a BJJ session scheduled for that afternoon.  Of all the hours of training he’d given me this was, hands down, the least productive.  Every time he was close enough, we ended up kissing, making out until we remembered what we were supposed to be doing and I had to learn the technique again from the beginning.

I was supposed to be choking him out with his own collar, but instead I pulled him close and whispered in his ear.

“I love you.”

It was nothing like the movies.  There were no fireworks, no popping of a champagne bottle, but if I didn’t say it, I was going to explode.  Nick smiled and kissed me again, about as fearful of my ability to choke him unconscious as he should have been.

Time flies when you’re having fun, and this was no exception. The training session was over almost before it started.  I knelt by my sports bag and pulled out my bottle of water, much less desperate for it than at the end of any other session.

Nick leaned against the wall.  “What’re your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked.  I’ve got something called ‘free time’… did I say that right?  Freeeee tiiiiime?”

“Close enough.  What are you going to do?” he asked with the tiniest of smirks.

“Thought I’d go to the beach.  Thought
we
might go to the beach,”

The corner of Nick’s mouth fell, and the smirk disappeared as he looked down at his hands and began untying his belt to keep them busy.

“I don’t really go to beaches.  Besides, can you go to a beach without being mobbed?”

“If I can get to the beach without bringing a crowd, then the people already there usually leave me alone.  Some people might ask for a photo or autograph, but if you’re there, I’ll be fine.  You sure you can’t come?”  I pulled my secret weapon out of my sports bag.  “Because I just bought this new bikini and I
really
wanted to show you what it looks like on me.  I might need some help with my sunscreen too…”

*****

With our smoothies to-go, I acted as navigator and Nick drove us to Manhattan Beach.  It was a bit more inconvenient to get to, but also much less crowded as a result.  I’d put my bikini on under my t-shirt and jeans back at the gym and loved the puppy-dog eyes Nick gave me when we threw down our towels and I did the big reveal.

Nick wore the shorts from his pre-session workout, plus his rash vest. He ran down to the water, diving in and coming straight back out while I was still setting up our little spot and putting my clothes away.  He tried to look nonchalant while I was putting the sunscreen on my chest, but I guessed he had even less acting experience than I had when I applied for my first role.

“Here.  Do my back, would ya?” I held out the bottle.

It was sweet torture for me to have his hands on my bare skin and not to go further.  I wanted to turn around and straddle him right then and there, but this was a family-friendly beach.

In addition to that, there was the whole ‘our little secret’ thing.  It was a wonderful trip to the beach. We talked, splashed around, played with a Frisbee, but time and again we found ourselves closer than friendship-distance and we’d go quiet.

I could see how much he wanted to reach out and touch me, I was sure the expression on my face was exactly the same.  It was hard to remember why I wanted to keep it a secret.  Because it was new?  Because I wanted to get to know it myself first?  Hadn’t I figured that out while I was away?

“You’re getting burned,” I said.  “Did you put sunscreen on?”

“Ah… no.  I forgot.”

I rummaged around in my bag until I found it and handed the bottle over.  Nick took it and applied it over his face and the exposed parts of his body as we sat and looked out over the water, then handed it back.

“Excuse me…” came a sheepish voice.

I looked to my right and saw a little girl half-hidden behind the leg of her mother, clutching a pink lunchbox.  She was adorable, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Hello?” I said.

The girl looked up at her mom and then mustered up all the courage she had.  “My mommy says you’re Princess Sundancer all grown up and if I ask really
really
REALLY
nice, you might sign my lunchbox.  Are you really?”

“Sorry to bother you,” said the woman.

“It’s OK,” I said, then looked back down at the girl.  “What’s your name?”

“Harper,” said the girl.

“That’s a nice name,” I said, with a chuckle and a wink at her mom.  “Your mommy is right, Harper, I’ll sign it if you, very quietly, just tell me what the magic word is.”

“Kazoosh!” said the girl, nowhere near quietly, and held out the lunchbox along with a felt pen.

“That’s right!” I laughed and put my mark on the lid before handing them both back.

“I thought you were great in Those Lost Ones, that’s my favorite of yours,” said the woman.

“Thank you so much!” I said.

“Mommy, what?”

“Never mind, sweetie, what do you say?” she said.

The girl looked unsatisfied with the answer but was distracted enough by the new writing on her Princess Sundancer lunchbox that she didn’t pursue it any further.

“Thank you!” she said.

“You’re welcome.”

The two of them left with a wave and I turned back to Nick, spotting a white smudge of sunscreen he hadn’t rubbed in properly on the back of his neck.  Behind him, a fairly long way away and holding a camera with a huge lens, was a paparazzo taking photos, as they did.  Well, this would set the rumor mill going, that was for sure.

“You’re really good with people,” said Nick.

“That kid was so sweet.  Hey…”

I brought myself up to my knees behind Nick and slowly rubbed the sunscreen in.

“There’s a photographer over there.  Want to make his day?”

Nick glanced over.  “It’s not a topless beach, Harper.”

I slapped his shoulder playfully.  “Not that.  This.”

Pulling Nick backwards, I shifted to the side to get out of the way and then leaned over him, tucking my hair behind my ears as I got closer.

“You sure?” he said.

“Time to shout it from the rooftops. I want everybody to know how lucky I am.”

We kissed and although he was too far away for me to be certain, I thought the photographer’s eyes probably turned into dollar signs as he clicked away.