The Last Husband (11 page)

“I
just feel so bad for you and Noah.” She bit her lip and for a moment, all I
could think about was the pinkness of her lips and their taste.

“We
never went back to the landing again after that. It was as if all hope was gone
that she was ever going to come back.”

“But
you were so young.”

“It
may seem cruel, but my dad did us a favor. Who knows how long we would have
been holding out hope.” I sighed. “And for what? She never came back.”

“She
still loves you, Zane; she’s your mom.” Lucky looked at me in earnest and I
kept my thoughts to myself. “The maternal instinct never dies. She’s probably
somewhere wishing she knew where you were.”

“I
doubt it.”

“I
bet she is, who knows what your father said, Zane?” She paused. “Maybe he
blackmailed her or drove her away or did something to her.”

“You
watch too many movies.”

“Will
I meet your dad, by the way?”

“One
day.” I sighed. I didn’t really want Lucky to meet my dad. I didn’t want her to
be caught up in his charm. He wasn’t a good guy, but he knew how to fool a lot
of people. I didn’t want Lucky to be one of the people he fooled. Not my Lucky.

“Do
you remember when you told me you didn’t believe in love?” Lucky looked at me
seriously. “And that you weren’t looking for a serious relationship?”

“Yes.”
I kept my voice low, but I was scared where she was taking the conversation.

“Do
you ever still feel that way?” Her eyes were questioning and I tried to ignore
the nerves and panic in my stomach.

“No,”
I lied, not wanting her to know that every day I questioned if being with her
and loving her was the right thing to do.

“So
I changed your mind, just like that?”

“Yes.”
I sighed and avoided her piercing gaze. “No. Do we have to talk about this?”

“No
to what?” Her voice was sharp and I could hear the distress in it.

“My
natural reaction is to rebel from love, Lucky,” I sighed. Sometimes I don’t
know if I can handle loving someone. Loving you. I don’t know if I can live my
life with this burden and this worry constantly encroaching on my heart.”

“Do
you want to be in a relationship with me?” Lucky continued, and I sighed.

“I
can’t keep having this conversation.” I looked up at the ceiling for a moment.
“I’m here, we’re here. We’re making it work. I’m trying to make this work. To
give you what you want.”

“You’re
the one that wanted to be my last boyfriend.”

“Because
I know that’s what you need. I don’t need labels.”

“I
thought you loved me.”

“Of
course I love you,” I retorted angrily. I didn’t understand how Lucky couldn’t
see that. “How many times do I have to tell you?”

“I
want to hear you say it and know that you mean it.” Her voice cracked. “I worry
sometimes that …”

“Lucky,
I love you. I don’t know love like you do. I’ve never really felt it much
before. But I know that what I feel for you is deep and strong and I can’t
guarantee you a forever relationship, or a forever love, but what I feel now is
deep and strong.”

“I
see.” She closed her eyes and yawned. “I’m feeling tired.” I watched her face
and I wanted to shake her for cutting me out. I didn’t understand how a
conversation about my mother turned into a conversation about me loving her.
What did I have to do to show her that she was the one I wanted to be with?

“You’re
mad at me?” I sighed, frustrated and aware that I hadn’t given her the answer
that she wanted. She opened her eyes slowly and smiled weakly at me.

“I’m
not mad. This is just harder than I thought it would be.”

“Oh?”

“I
thought when you told me you loved me, it would be all roses and cupcakes from
that point on, but it’s not.” She laughed to herself. “I guess that’s not how
life works.”

“I’m
trying.” I pursed my lips. “Please just give me a chance.”

Lucky
sat up and I stared at her breasts, unable to stop myself from licking my lips.
I felt a yearning in my loins as I stared at her naked body. How I loved her
body. I groaned as she pulled the sheet up to cover herself and she shook her
head at me with a smile. “Zane, listen to me carefully. I’m not going to leave
you. I love you. I want you. I need you. We’ll get through this. We’ll make it
work. It’s just not the fairytale I thought it was going to be.”

My
heart hurt at her words. I wanted to be her Prince Charming. I wanted to be the
one to sweep her off her feet into the sunset and live happily ever after. I
just didn’t think I was ever that man. I was the Huntsman, not the Prince. I
don’t think I was ever going to be the Prince. “You deserve the fairytale.”

“I
don’t need the fairytale.”

“I
want you to have the fairytale.”

“Well,
you’re my Grumpy so I guess I do.” She laughed.

“Funny.”
I leaned forward and kissed her. “Who knew I was dating such a funny girl?”

“Do
you ever want to find out what happened to your mom?” Lucky looked at me with a
thoughtful look.

“Not
really.” I shook my head. “What’s the point?”

“To
reconnect?”

“Reconnect?
I don’t know if we ever had a real connection in the first place.”

“Does
she know about Noah?”

“I
don’t know.” My throat constricted and I took a deep breath. “My heart hurts,
Lucky. I don’t know if this pain will ever go away.”

“Can
I see a photo of him?” she asked softly. I jumped out of the bed and walked to
my wardrobe. I opened it up and took out a box. I walked back to the bed and
opened the box and took out a framed photograph of Noah and me when he
graduated from college.

“He
was really handsome.” Lucky studied the photo and smiled at me. “He looked
happy.”

“He
was happy,” I sighed. “Ironic, right? He was one of the happiest guys I knew.”

“I
guess he hid his pain?”

“Yeah.
He did try and talk about finding Mom, but I always blew him off. I didn’t want
to know.” I sighed and looked at the wall, remembering the last conversation
Noah and I had about Mom. He’d tried to convince me that we should try and find
her so we could learn about our family’s medical background on her side. But
I’d dismissed his concerns and changed the subject. He didn’t hold the same
bitterness towards her that I did. I hated her. Every time I thought of her
playing with us and laughing, it made me want to punch the wall. She had fucked
me up emotionally. She had fucked me up so badly that I never wanted to give my
whole heart. I never wanted to feel that pain and rejection again.

I loved Lucky, but there
was still a part of me that didn’t want to fully give in to her. I didn’t want
her to have my whole heart because if she left me, I would be crushed. I
wouldn’t be able to go on. When I thought of Noah and Angelique and how she had
crushed him, I wanted to break someone. I lost my brother because he gave his
whole heart to someone. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me. I couldn’t let
it happen to me. I was scared that Lucky would see the real me. The dark me.
The me who was consumed by revenge on Braydon. The me who couldn’t sleep for
more than a few hours at a time because memories consumed my thoughts, even in
my dreams.

“We
could try and find her,” Lucky continued and bit her lip. “It may give you
closure.”

“I
don’t want to talk about her.” I pulled Lucky towards me. “Tell me a memory you
have of your parents, something happy.”

“Are
you sure?” She looked at me uncertainly.

“Yes.
I need to know that there are happy families out there.”

“We
were really happy when I was growing up.” Lucky’s eyes glazed over. “The last
few years it was hard because my dad lost his job for a bit and they nearly
lost the house, but growing up, I had the perfect childhood.” She smiled. “I
remember one Christmas, I woke up really early and I ran downstairs to the tree
to look for my presents, and I was so disappointed because there were no
presents there. And I just stood there crying.”

“How
old were you?” I frowned, not wanting to think of her as unhappy at any point.

“I
was eight.” She laughed.
“All I wanted was a
Barbie house, and a Barbie car, and a Ken Doll, and three more Barbies.”

“I
take it you were into Barbies?” I grinned.

“Yes.”
She smiled at me widely. “I cried so much that I made myself tired again and
fell asleep next to the tree. I woke up a few hours later and my parents were
sitting there on the couch drinking hot chocolate and feeding each other toast
and laughing with each other.” She paused. “And I just laid there staring at
them, marveling at the love they had for each other. And my dad kept sneaking
kisses and my mom pretended to push him away, but she kept grinning. And then I
got up, and my dad and mom rushed off the couch. They picked me up and gave me
a big hug and a kiss, and we all sang a Christmas carol. I think it was ‘Hark the
Herald Angels Sing.’” She laughed. “And then I looked towards the tree, and
what do you know? There were four huge boxes waiting for me.”

“How
had you missed them?” I looked at her in surprise.

“My
dad had fallen asleep before putting them under the tree.” She laughed. “He was
going to wake up early and put them there in the morning. Only thing was, I
woke up earlier than him.”

“Oh.”
I laughed. “So you got all your Barbie stuff?”

“Actually,
no.” She giggled. “I got a desk. And some remote control cars and a bunch of
books.”

“Remote
control cars?” I looked at her puzzled.

“My
dad wanted to race them with me.” She laughed. “It was totally a gift for
himself. My mom was so mad and then they argued over whether Barbie gave young
girls low self-esteem.”

“Oh,
that’s funny.” I looked at the light of happiness in her eyes and I smiled,
happy that she was happy. “You really loved them a lot, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”
She nodded. “They were the perfect parents.”

“Do
you think we’d make good parents?” I kept my tone deliberately light, not
wanting her to see how panicked I felt when I thought about being a dad.

“I
think so.” She nodded and I saw her swallow. Her eyes looked slightly
distressed and she looked away from me for a second.

“You’re
worried as well, aren’t you?” I felt relief rushing through me. It wasn’t just
me that was feeling this way.

“What
if I never get to graduate?” she gulped out. “I wanted to get a PhD. How’s that
going to happen?”

“You
want to get a PhD?” I frowned. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well,
one day.” She smiled. “I need to get my Bachelor’s degree first.”

“You’ll
get it soon.” My mind raced as I thought about her leaving me to go back to
Miami to finish her degree. I didn’t want her to go. I’d have to plan my
schedule around living in Miami for six months to a year.

“I
hope so. It’ll be hard with a baby.” Her voice was soft. “So yeah, I’m a little
scared.”

“I’ll
help and we can get a nanny if you want.”

“I
don’t want a nanny.” Her voice rose. “I want to take care of my baby by
myself.”

“Hopefully
I can help.” I grinned.

“Oh,
yes, sorry.” She yawned. “Sorry, I really am tired now.”

“That’s
okay. So am I.” I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arms around her waist.
“Let’s sleep. We have plenty of time to address our concerns in the morning.”

“You
mean in a few hours?” She wiggled her ass against me and I groaned as I felt
myself rising.

“Continue
doing that and there will be no more sleep to be had.” I growled into her ear
and fondled her breasts. They felt soft against my hand and all I wanted was to
hear her screaming out my name as I pleasured her. I adjusted myself between my
legs and was about to make my thoughts a reality when she giggled and pushed me
back slightly.

“Go
to sleep, Zane.” Her words were sleepy and I kissed her shoulder
,
while mentally telling myself to come back to earth.
That was the problem with being a man. My mind was constantly thinking about
sex. I couldn’t look at Lucky without thinking of making her come or taking
her. I grinned to myself as I thought of our dining room sex. Maybe if I played
my cards right, it could be kitchen sex tomorrow and then pool sex. Lucky
didn’t know it, but I had a thing for public sex; not that I was a pervert, I
didn’t want anyone to see, but there was a thrill in the possibility. I yawned
and smiled at my thoughts as I closed my eyes. I had a feeling the dreams I was
about to dream would have nothing to do with my mother or Noah.

***

“Wakey
wakey, darling.” Lucky was standing over me with a plate in her hand. I yawned
as I sat up and looked out the window in surprise. The sun was shining
brightly, and I looked at my watch. It was 11 a.m. I never slept this late.