The Last American Wizard (30 page)

It dispersed in a cloud of
sparks.

“Damn these things,” she complained without much heat. “If it’s not that silly-ass crown, it’s a stupid scepter. If I truly held the earth power, I wouldn’t have to deal with those trolls in the House. I
don’t
mean
all
Republicans,
of
course,
but
the
Tea
Party
has definitely gone all-troll, all-the-time. I think it comes from
spending all his or her time getting in the way of everyone else. The worst is the eagle, though. The Oval Office smells like a bird’s ass half the
time.”

She took a long look at the three of them. “But enough about my problems.”

“OK, I see the Fool and the Ace of Swords–nice to see you again, Master Chief Morningstar–but I’m stumped by you, young man. Which card are
you?”

Carlos smiled and said, “I’m told that I might be on the Moon card but I believe I’m from another tradition entirely. In El Salvador, the four-hoofed dog of the volcanoes, the
cadejo
, is a central part of the culture. If I may introduce myself, Carlos Cortada, former
primera palabra
of the
Mara Salvatrucha 13
in Prince Georges
County.”

The president’s eyebrows went up but her smile never
faltered. “I trust you’ve taken up a new
occupation?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ve retired from the MS-13,” Carlos answered. “I’ve been assisting the Ace of Swords and the Fool in their investigations.”

“Excellent. From what I know of Mr. Rowan in his many previous positions, he’ll need all the help he can find.” As Steve began to defend himself, she waved a regal hand at him and said, “Oh, Steve, hush. I’ve been told that you’re a considerably better Fool than you ever were a journalist. Why don’t we all head into the Oval Office? Then you can tell me what’s so important that you had to go and upset every Secret Service bureaucrat east of the Mississippi.”

Sadness crossed her face briefly. “Thank God, it looks like the two officers who blew themselves up on the roof will be OK. Luckily, those ugly-ass solar panels that Jimmy Carter left up there took most of the blast, but the guards will be in the hospital for a while.”

As they started up the stairs, one of the Secret Service agents said, “Ma’am. We can’t let the young man in. His rap sheet is a mile long and it’s all drug and weapons
offenses.”

“I don’t care if he’s carrying a sawed-off shotgun and a brace of grenades,” the president snapped. “He’s coming in with me and I would appreciate it if you would have his criminal record immediately classified to the highest
level.”

When they entered the Oval Office, an enormous bald eagle was gripping tightly to the back of the leather chair behind the Resolute Desk. The president gave the bird a sour look. “The Diadem of the Zodiac and the Scepter of Earthly Power come and go, but Stan here seems determined to stay. I named him after my first husband, since they’re both bald and leave crap all over the place. I’m told that he represents the freedom of the spirit world or something, but all I know is that the staff has to work overtime to keep my office from… Well, let’s just say that we’ve gone through a lot of Febreeze in the past few
days.”

She waved them to seats on the facing sofas and settled into a chair at one end. “I will admit that the slimming effect of becoming the Empress is nice, because I’m not at all sure what use the rest of this baloney is. Not only that but my scale reminds me daily that my new glamorous look is a fake and will probably disappear when I leave office. It is certainly a strong incentive to run for re-election, but it’s bound to catch up with me eventually.”

“Now, what’s going on? My source up at Fort Meade tells me that you’ve been investigating the terrorist incident that caused all this.” Barbara Harlan’s voice had suddenly sharpened. “Barnaby? I assume you’re listening
in.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The computer’s voice was a bit muffled, so Steve unclipped the phone and placed it on the coffee table in front of him. “As I’ve told you and the Chairmen of the Intelligence and Homeland Security Committees, Steve appears to have been selected
to
seek
out
those
behind
the
crash–among
other
things.

Immediately–and rather clumsily, in my opinion–we obtained information that it was the work of the Illuminati. In fact, even Adam Weishaupt and his little clique of mystics appear to believe
it was their work. Now, the 92nd OTN Battle Analysis Group is still not back up to pre-Change levels, but the one thing they agree on is that even if the Illuminati had the power required to bring down American International Flight 1143, there is absolutely no way they could have awakened the World
Snake.”

“So, the Illuminati are harmless?” the president
asked.

Steve held up his arm to show the medical gauze wrapped around it. “I wouldn’t call them harmless, ma’am.” He shifted a bit in a vain attempt to find a position that didn’t make some part of
his body ache. “That’s why we’re here. They were able to
complete a quite atrocious ritual in their little hideaway under Meridian Hill Park before we could get to
them.”

“Right,” Barnaby picked up. “They drained the
logos
of a dozen innocents–including three children–and, according to the chatter being picked up by the
Sentinels–”

“Those are the really scary computers, right?” she asked. “The ones that we can’t
control?”

“Um, yes,” Barnaby said. “Although I’d be remiss in my duty if I didn’t inform you that most computers aren’t under human control any
longer.”

“Wonderful.” The president
sighed.

“Look on the bright side, ma’am,” Barnaby said. “Our people– both silicon- and carbon-based–believe in their jobs and have overwhelmingly voted to support the United States. It’s similar to the situation that I believe is occurring in the military. Since the troops and the more complex machines have acquired magical power in proportion to their temporal powers, it’s the best trained and most formidable who have gained the most. What’s left is an extremely patriotic group of men and machines.”

“Yes, that’s what I keep being told,” the president said with a touch of weariness. “Still a bit unsettling to have F-22 Raptors deciding to take off on joyrides without a
pilot.”

Barnaby emulated a cough and said, “You and I need to discuss the powers you now hold as the Empress. The diadem and the scepter are a lot more than inconveniences. I believe you won
in a landslide the last time,
correct?”

President Harlan
nodded.

“Well, your etheric Power is based on your political power,” Barnaby said. “I don’t think you’ll have a problem keeping the military under
control.”

“Well, we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.” Harlan clapped her hands and changed the subject. “Let’s return to the disaster
du jour
. What in perdition does that Bavarian ghoul have planned and how do we stop
it?”

Ace took over, turning the conversation into a concise military briefing. “Ma’am. What we’ve discovered under Meridian Hill leads us to expect the creation of an ‘eidolon.’ This would be a statue energized and, to some extent, controlled by the ritual deaths of the innocents. From information we’ve obtained from the Hanged Man combined with NSA holographic data storage, we are 99% certain that the eidolon will be extremely large and, in turn,
be used to create a multi-kilologos
event–”

Steve saw the president’s eyebrows begin to pull together in confusion, so he explained, “The Illuminati are going to use the animated statue to kill at least two hundred thousand more civilians.”

Harlan nodded wearily and Ace continued. “We don’t know what the Illuminati intend to do with the power from the multi- kilologos event, but it’s going to be
bad.”

Beverly Harlan arched an eyebrow.
“‘Bad’?”

Barnaby spoke up. “You’ve reviewed the files
on
the upgraded GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air
Blast?”

“The Mother of All Bombs? Of course. It would flatten everything from here to the
Mall.”

“Think of the Power currently wielded by the Illuminati as a bottle rocket and their Power after the event as a
MOAB.”

“Did you just steal that from
Ghostbusters
?” the president asked. “No, never mind. Do you know the location of the statue they plan to
use?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Steve answered. “We believe that President Lincoln is going to get out of his
chair.”

“God help us.” The president put her hand over her eyes for a second. Then she looked up and her blue eyes had gone steel-gray. “What do you need from
me?”

Ace took the lead. “First off, ma’am, you’re aware of what the Change has done to most common side arms and light assault weapons–”

The president nodded. “Yeah, took them out of action completely.”

“Yes, ma’am. Now, we haven’t had the chance to play with
too many high-explosive compounds; I assume that you tested them when the cloud went over Aberdeen Proving Grounds. What was the
result?”

“Mixed. By itself, everything from TNT to C-4 and, thank God, the terrorist recipes like PETN and the fuel/fertilizer combinations are generally inert. We’re having mixed results from the high explosive loads in the M1A2 class of tanks and the Paladin self-propelled howitzers. Those that have developed full sentience appear to have enough control to maintain and even improve the power of their munitions.” Harlan paused. “However, since they have almost always ejected their crew and begun to operate independently, it’s difficult to get a comprehensive picture. They all claim they’re still one hundred percent behind the legitimate government of the United States.”

“I’m sure they are, ma’am,” the computer
said.

“It’s not just their loyalty,” the president said. “No offense, Barnaby, but I don’t think even our most powerful military computers can be trusted after only a day of training. If they’re anything like raw human recruits, they might take out the Pentagon just for
fun.”

“Well, actually, ma’am, we’ve already had to retarget most of the nuclear missiles for that very same reason. You’d be amazed at what a short fuse…” Barnaby let the sentence drift off. “Yes, I’m sure you’re
correct.”

Ace asked, “OK, let’s turn to the mundane and then back to
the magical. We saw that trebuchet under construction on the South Lawn. How many of that sort of simple kinetic weapons do you
have?”

“Counting that one?” Harlan said. “One and it isn’t working yet. We’ve had to draw experts from the Merry Markland Militia– you know, the Renaissance Festival types–and my defense advisors are simply incapable of taking them seriously.”

“Just because they wear hats with horns on them?” Ace laughed.
“I
know
how
they
feel.
Well,
then
we’re
down
to
the magical. Which of the Major Arcana have you identified, and of those, who can you
trust?”

“OK.” The president began to tick off on her fingers. “You guys are the Fool, the Ace of Swords, an aspect of the Moon, and I’m told you’ve met the
Magician?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t expect a lot of help from him,” Barnaby said. “Fighting really isn’t a big part of his legend. I believe it’s because he usually loses and then has to work out a trick to beat his opponent.”

There was a rumble of thunder from the clear sunny afternoon outside the big
windows.

“Oh, come on,” Barnaby said loudly. “You know it’s true.”

“We killed the Ace of Wands this morning, and I don’t think that
Wands
would
have
chosen
a
new
avatar
in
less
than
a
day,” Ace said. “We can forget about Pentacles and Cups since Wands and Swords are really the only fighting
suits.”

“Wands and Cups may not be important to you,” the president said dryly, “but I find them to be an entire new layer of confusion in the political scene. Which avatars belong to the
Illuminati?”

Barnaby said, “It’s fairly clear that Weishaupt considers himself to be Death and one of his top lieutenants is the Chariot– both considerable powers for violent change–and my sources in the top-level surveillance server clusters say that it’s apparent that they also hold the power of Strength, although we haven’t run into her yet. Interestingly, none of them is the Devil, the Burning Tower, or the Wheel of Fortune–which lends more credence to the theory that they aren’t the true powers behind the
Change.”