The King's Falcon (Roundheads & Cavaliers Book 3) (65 page)

‘No.
 
But I felt so badly about it that it was hard to accept that you wouldn’t blame me.
 
And then, afterwards … you were so angry that I wondered … I wondered …’

Ashley didn’t know if it was a good thing or not that she was fixating on something d’Auxerre had made her say rather than his vicious violation of her body.
 
He said quietly, ‘I wasn’t angry with you.
 
I thought I’d said that.
 
I was furious with d’Auxerre for just about everything.
 
And I was even more furious with myself for not being there when you needed me.’

She shook her head, frowning.

‘You couldn’t have known.’

‘Perhaps not.
 
But that doesn’t absolve me.’
 
He smiled faintly. ‘You see?
 
Guilt can surface whether we deserve it or not.
 
And while we’re on the subject, I owe you an apology for this morning.’

‘You don’t.
 
The things you said helped.’

‘Did they?’
 
He let his hands lie loose between his knees.
 
‘I can’t think why.
 
I fired a lot of questions and facts at you, then walked out when what I
should
have said is that I love you.
 
That I’ll always love you and that I’ll wait as long as you like if, in the end, you’ll let me at least
try
to make it better.’
 
He stopped and then added bitterly, ‘No.
 
That’s nonsense.
 
There’s no way I can make it better, is there? No way even to break through this wall that’s built up between us when you can’t stand the thought of me touching you.’

Athenais stared him, appalled.

‘No!
 
It wasn’t … oh God.
 
Is that what you thought?’

‘What else was I to think?
 
I’ve seen you on-stage and rehearsing with Francis. The same embargo doesn’t apply there, does it?’

A lump formed in her throat and she tried to swallow it.

She said, ‘Because they don’t matter!
 
You – it’s different with you.
 
I felt so
dirty.
All the time. I didn’t want you smeared with that.
 
And I thought … I couldn’t imagine how you would ever want to touch me again. How you could bear it.’

‘Then you’re as wrong as you could possibly be.
 
What I can’t bear is
not
being able to touch you. I’m not talking about sex – though I’d rather you didn’t run away with the idea I’ll never want to make love to you again.
 
I’m talking about holding you when you cry and being there to catch you when you think you’ll fall. Just a basic level of comfort that I need as much as I believe you do. The fact that, as yet, you can’t accept it is … difficult.’
 
He stood up and managed a weary smile.
 
‘Don’t look so tragic.
 
That’s my problem, not yours. I’ve said I’ll wait – and I will.
 
But I’d be grateful if, in the meantime, you could try not to shut me out completely.’

Suddenly, the tears she’d been trying not to shed were sparkling on her lashes.
 
Blinking them away, she crossed the room to lay her hands and her brow against his chest.

‘I don’t want to shut you out at all.’

The shock of unexpectedly receiving what he’d given up hoping for stopped his breath for a moment and caution kept his hands well away from her.

‘You don’t?’

‘No.
 
No and no and no.
 
Not ever.
 
I don’t know how you can still see me the same way and not mind what happened.
 
But --’

‘I mind,’ he said, with grim understatement. ‘But for you.
 
Not for myself.’

Her fingers tightened on his shirt and she leaned a little closer.

‘I love you so much.
 
And I’m sorry.
 
I never meant to hurt you like this.’

‘I know that.’

‘Then … do you think,’ she said, looking up into his eyes, ‘do you think you could hold me for a little while?’

Ashley’s arms closed about her on something suspiciously like a groan.

‘For as long as you like, love.
 
And as often as you want.’
But, for the foreseeable future, I’ll continue sleeping on the couch.

*
 
*
 
*

On the following morning, Ashley walked in on Sir Edward Hyde before he’d finished breakfast.
 
Swallowing a mouthful of ham and pushing back his chair, the Chancellor said irritably, ‘I expected to see you last night.’

‘Life is full of disappointments.
 
But I doubt the last twelve hours brought any significant developments and I’m here now.
 
What is the situation?’

Both the tone and the chilly expression in Colonel Peverell’s eyes spoke of impatience barely held in check.
 
Hyde said, ‘Yesterday, the King received a letter.
 
It hinted at the possibility of some kind of deal … an arrangement with the right people, if you like … that might lead to His Majesty’s restoration.’

‘Oh God.’ Ashley dropped uninvited into a chair and tossed his hat on the floor beside him.
 
‘Don’t tell me.
 
Charles swallowed it wholesale.’

‘Naturally.
 
In his position, wouldn’t you?’

‘Given the strength of Cromwell’s grip – no, I wouldn’t.
 
Do you have this letter?’

Hyde shook his head.
 
‘I’ve read it, of course.
 
But the King is holding tight to it.’

Ashley shut his eyes for a moment and then, opening them again, said, ‘All right.
 
You’d better start at the beginning.
 
How did it arrive?’

‘It went directly to His Majesty.’

‘That, in itself, doesn’t bode well.
 
Approaches of that kind would normally be made through yourself.
 
Was it brought by messenger or did it come alongside other correspondence?’

‘I don’t know.
 
Does it matter?’

‘Yes.
 
I’m trying to establish whether it got here through legitimate channels or whether we have someone inside this building with their own agenda.’
 
He thought for a moment.
 
‘I’ll get back to that.
 
For now, tell me what was said.’

‘It intimated that a meeting could be arranged somewhere on the coast, at a time and location to be mutually agreed, between the King, the Duke of York … and, amongst others, Major-General Lambert.’

Ashley’s brows soared.

‘Lambert?
 
That’s a nice touch.
 
He’s probably the least objectionable of Cromwell’s generals and, from what one can gather, deep as a well.
 
He also refused Ireland – ostensibly over the title he was offered but more likely because he didn’t want to inherit Ireton’s mess.
 
Yes.
 
I can see how it might be assumed we’d believe that.’

‘But you don’t.’

‘No.
 
But then, it’s my function to be continuously suspicious.
 
Also, it’s too soon.
 
Lambert – or anyone else, for that matter – would have to be assured of having a goodly proportion of the army behind him before making this kind of offer.
 
He’d also have to be so far in opposition to Cromwell that he feared for his own liberty.
 
If that’s true of Lambert, nothing we know supports it.’
 
He paused again.
 
‘Put in a nutshell, what we have here is this.
 
We’ve been warned of a possible plot to lure Charles and James to Honfleur where assassins await them.
 
And now we’ve been handed the carrot that’s going to get them there.’

‘I suppose,’ remarked Sir Edward judiciously, ‘that we have to look at it that way.’

‘If you can think of another way to look at it without putting His Majesty at risk, I’d be glad to hear it,’ returned Ashley acidly.
 
Then, when Hyde merely looked nettled, he said, ‘We’ll need to play along.
 
Respond with cautious interest and wait for another letter, naming time and place.
 
If it’s Honfleur, we’ll be fairly sure what we’re dealing with.
 
The unfortunate part is that we can’t now keep the King in the dark. That is – I’m assuming you haven’t already said anything?’

‘No.
 
It was the main reason I wanted to see you last night.’

‘Of course. So do you want to talk to him – or shall I?’

The Chancellor drew a long, faintly irritated breath.

‘Since you appear to have it all nicely worked out, I suggest that you do it.’

‘Not to mention that this is precisely the kind of scenario Charles keeps me around to deal with.’
 
Ashley retrieved his hat and stood up.
 
‘Very well.
 
I’ll do it now.
 
But a word of caution, Sir Edward.
 
Don’t weaken my hand by letting him talk you round; and don’t give him any encouragement to run counter to my advice.
 
If he starts making moves without my knowledge, I can’t protect him.
 
And, with all due respect, neither can you.’

*
 
*
 
*

He had to kick his heels in the King’s apartments for over half-an-hour before His Majesty returned from calling upon his mother and younger sister in a far-flung part of the palace.

‘Ashley?’ said Charles with surprise tinged with wariness. ‘My apologies.
 
I didn’t know you were here.
 
Have you been waiting long?’

‘Nothing to signify, Sir.
 
I probably should have sent word – but since I was already here, I hoped we might speak privately.’

The dark Stuart eyes rested on him with sardonic resignation.

‘You’ve been talking to Hyde.
 
Again.’

‘Yes.
 
Under the circumstances, you must have expected him to send for me.’

‘I suppose so. You’re here to preach caution.’

Ashley grinned.
 
‘That would make a pleasant change for me, wouldn’t it?
 
But no.
 
Actually, there’s a little more to it than that.’

‘You’d better sit down, then.
 
But before we talk, you’ll doubtless be interested to hear that my Cousin Rupert has sailed to the mouth of the Loire and should arrive in Paris very soon.’

‘That’s good news, Sir.
 
No doubt you’re looking forward to having him at your side.’

‘Yes.
 
At least, I think so.’ Charles hesitated and then apparently decided against explaining himself.
 
Directing another, more searching glance, at Ashley, he said, ‘You don’t look well.
 
Is the leg wound still bothering you?’

‘Not particularly – though the muscle still stiffens if I sit for any length of time,’ he replied briskly.
 
‘Sir, Chancellor Hyde has told me of this letter you’ve received and I can fully understand your desire to take it at face value but --’

‘But you don’t think I should.’

‘Sadly, no.
 
I don’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘For a number of fairly compelling reasons which, with your permission, we’ll come to in a minute.
 
But first I’d like to see the letter – and hear how it came to you.’

Crossing the room, Charles unlocked a drawer and withdrew a sheet of paper.
 
As he handed it over, he said, ‘It must have been delivered some time yesterday afternoon – probably by a messenger, I imagine.
 
I found it waiting on my desk.’

‘Not mixed with other correspondence?’

‘No.
 
But letters come in all the time.
 
I’m deluged with the damned things.’

Ashley scanned the page in front of him.
 
Its contents were pretty much as Hyde had described them – the only addition being that His Majesty could indicate his interest in exploring this opportunity by strolling in the gardens of the Tuileries Palace wearing a red plume in his hat.
 
It was signed
A Loyal Subject
.
 
Ashley groaned. There were times when he couldn’t believe the depths of stupidity that some fellows sank to.

He said bluntly, ‘If whoever wrote this did so in good faith, he wouldn’t be so dead set on anonymity.
 
However, let him think you’re interested, by all means.
 
In fact, I’d like you to.
 
But don’t pin your hopes on it leading to a meeting with Major-General Lambert because it won’t.’