The King's Falcon (Roundheads & Cavaliers Book 3) (45 page)

Francis looked blank.
 
‘Why not?
 
I’d have thought His Majesty would be the
first
person you’d tell.’

‘Absolutely not.
 
I have an idea how this may be managed and I don’t want Charles sticking his oar in.’ He sat down again and lifted a brow at Nicholas.
 
‘Is there anything else?’

‘No.
 
Yes.
 
I almost forgot.
 
Eden said to tell Hyde they’ve got a copy of the King’s marriage lines to Lucy Walter.’

Ashley and Francis exchanged a thoughtful look.

‘Bugger,’ said Ashley succinctly.
 
‘So that’s where it ended up.
 
I wonder how?’

‘At least there’s no further point in us looking for it.’

‘
Have
you been looking for it?’ asked Nicholas.
 
‘Because if you have, there’s something else Eden said to mention.’

‘Which is?’

‘He thinks it’s a forgery.
 
And he thinks it’s a forgery because it’s in the same handwriting as the two plot letters.’

For a long moment, Ashley stared at him without speaking, his expression one of sardonic irritation.

‘Now why,’ he invited at length, ‘couldn’t you have said that in the first place?’

~
 
*
 
*
 
~
 
*
 
* ~

While the gentlemen shared their news of the last year and spoke of plots, Athenais told Pauline of the new arrival and added that they’d probably have to find another bed.

‘Francis was overjoyed to see him and seemed to think that Ashley would be even more so I imagine they’ll want him to move in here.
 
But that will mean either shifting Jem downstairs or leaving Ashley in my room so Sir Nicholas can have the couch in the dressing-closet.
 
What do you think?’

‘I think I’ve had enough of sharing a bed with you tossing and turning all night long.
 
So as soon as Ashley can manage the stairs, he can go back to the attic – and they can move the couch up there for their friend.’
 
Her mouth curled a little and she said, ‘
Sir
Nicholas?
 
Dear me.
 
What a superior lodging-house we’re running.’

Later that evening, after Pauline and Francis had left for the theatre, Ashley decided that if he put off speaking to Athenais much longer, he’d never do it at all.
 
Consequently, he said, ‘Nick … do something for me, will you?’

‘Name it.’

‘Find Athenais and ask her if she’d kindly spare me a few minutes of her time – at her own convenience, naturally.’

‘Naturally,’ agreed Nicholas with a grin.
 
And then, ‘She’s a looker, isn’t she?’

‘Yes.
 
She is.’

For some reason, Nicholas suspected a wealth of meaning lay behind those three short words but it was a meaning that escaped him.
 
Then, as he turned to go, Ashley said, ‘By the way, don’t be surprised if she says no.
 
And don’t press it.
 
Just say that I’d go to her if I could.’

Athenais didn’t say no although Nicholas was fairly sure she was considering it.
 
Instead, she said, ‘How long have the three of you known each other?’

‘On and off, about five years.
 
But before Scotland, our acquaintance was mostly casual.’
 
He smiled at her, the warm, frank smile that was his most attractive feature. ‘The last time we were all together was at Worcester – which, in case you were wondering, is where I lost my arm.’

Athenais flushed a little.
 
She
had
been wondering but wished he hadn’t guessed it.

He said, ‘It’s all right, you know.
 
No one is ever sure quite what to say, so I generally find it’s best to get the thing out of the way by broaching the subject myself.’

‘That’s very … brave.’

He shrugged.
 
‘Like most things, it gets easier the more one does it.’

‘Like
some
things, perhaps,’ muttered Athenais. ‘Others just get more difficult.’

This time Nicholas had no trouble reading the signs and said, ‘If you don’t want to see Ash, you’ve only to say.
 
I don’t mind telling him – and he’s half-expecting it anyway.’

‘Is he, indeed?’
 
A martial gleam entered the storm-grey eyes.
 
‘Why?’

‘I don’t know.
 
But if you were to go upstairs, you could find out.’

Against all expectation, Athenais laughed.

‘Very clever.
 
Did
he
tell you to say that?’

‘No.
 
He told me not to press you – and that he’d have come to you if he could.’

‘Oh.’
 
She stopped laughing.
 
‘That’s worse.’

‘It is, isn’t it?’

*
 
*
 
*

Upstairs in the room he had come to hate, Ashley sat by the window staring out into the darkness and finally accepting what, deep down, he’d known all along.
 
The thing he’d been trying to avoid had happened anyway so there was no point in continuing to prevaricate. Consequently, the only thing that would serve now was the truth – or some of it, at least.
 
Five years of never revealing anything more than was strictly necessary had become such a deeply ingrained habit that the notion of baring his soul was more than a little alarming.
 
He wasn’t even sure it was possible.

Of course, if she didn’t come he wouldn’t have to say anything at all … and he rather thought that might be worse.
 
It occurred to him that the things he
wasn’t
sure of far outstripped those he
was
.
 
It was a worrying thought and it caused an unpleasant churning sensation in his chest.

He’d left the door open so she wouldn’t have to knock.
 
And eventually he heard the rustle of her skirts and the light tap of her shoes on the stairs.
 
He stood up, leaning with apparently negligent grace against the window embrasure.
 
Something inside him was wound so tightly he thought it might snap.

Athenais arrived in the doorway and stayed there, looking at him.
 

‘Sir Nicholas says you want to see me.’

He winced.
 
‘I hope he didn’t put it like that.’

‘No.
 
He was beautifully polite.
 
But it amounts to the same thing, doesn’t it?’

‘Yes.
 
So I should thank you for coming.
 
I’m sorry I had to ask – but the stairs are a little beyond me just yet.’

She nodded and took a couple of steps into the room, shutting the door behind her.

‘Then perhaps you should sit down.’

‘I can’t until you do.’ And, when she looked blank, ‘A gentleman never sits while a lady is standing.’
 
He smiled crookedly.
 
‘I still have some manners, you see.’

Being unfamiliar with this type of courtesy, Athenais was unsure of her cue so she sat down and, keeping her back ramrod straight, said bluntly, ‘As you’re perfectly well-aware, I’m not a lady. However … do I have to invite you to sit?’

‘It would be a kindness.’

‘Then please do.’

‘Thank you.’
 
He sank back on to the window-seat, somehow feeling that the exchange wasn’t going as well as it might.
 
He said slowly, ‘It seemed to me that we needed to talk.’

‘Oh?’

It
definitely
wasn’t going as well as it might.

‘Yes. First and foremost, of course, I owe you an apology.’

‘For what?’

‘I think you know the answer to that,’ he said dryly.

‘No.
 
Actually, I don’t.’
 
She decided that this was no time for maidenly modesty or sparing his feelings.
 
She wished his eyes didn’t seem to be able to see inside her head.
 
She wished she didn’t remember the taste of his mouth or the way his hands had felt on her body.
 
She wished just looking at him didn’t make her feel weak and muddled.
 
Forcing herself not to think of those things, she said, ‘Are you apologising for starting to make love to me or for suddenly stopping or for the insulting things you said afterwards?’

The blood rose under his skin.

‘All three, I suppose.’

‘And you think that makes everything all right?’

‘No.’

‘Good.
 
Because I don’t want an apology.
 
I want the truth.
 
I want to understand what, if anything, is happening between us.
 
And, if you’re not prepared to be honest with me, I don’t see that we have anything to talk about.’

Ashley squeezed his eyes shut for a second and then, opening them, fixed her with a very direct stare.
 
He said, ‘Very well.
 
Clearly, there is an undeniable attraction between us which I’d hoped to prevent developing into anything more.
 
For your own sake, I’d
particularly
hoped that you wouldn’t make the mistake of – of caring for me.
 
But, from what you said yesterday, it seems I failed in that.’

‘Yes,’ she agreed simply.
 
Then, ‘Why is it a mistake?’

‘For any number of reasons.’
 
He was glad she’d asked that and not what he thought was the obvious question.
 
As long as she didn’t ask how he felt, there might be a chance of salvaging something.
 
‘You know my circumstances.
 
I’m an impoverished ex-soldier without any future prospects.
 
Just like your father, in fact.’
 
She would have spoken then but he held up one hand to stop her.
 
‘Let me finish.
 
I don’t know if Pauline told you of a conversation she and I had some time ago but, if she didn’t, I should add that I have nothing to go back to in England.
 
My brother owns what used to be my home and he has made it plain that I am not welcome there.
 
His reasons for this bring us to a part of my life that I don’t normally discuss – and can’t speak of now unless I’m guaranteed of your absolute discretion.’

Athenais frowned a little, not sure what to expect.

‘Yes.
 
Of course.’

‘I mean it, Athenais.
 
You are not to repeat this to anyone – not even Pauline.’

‘Then I won’t.
 
Are you saying … does Francis not know?’

‘He knows some of it.
 
Nick probably knows a little more.
 
Neither of them knows everything.’
 
And nor will you if I can help it
.
 
He said, ‘As you know, I hold the military rank of Colonel.
 
But a select handful of people – one of whom is the King – know me as The Falcon.’

He’d half-expected her to laugh.
 
Goodness only knew he’d always found the sobriquet ridiculous and could quite cheerfully have throttled the fellow who’d first come up with it.

Athenais didn’t laugh.
 
Looking into those gold-flecked green eyes, her first thought was that the name suited him … and her second, that she couldn’t grasp the significance of it.
 
She said, ‘I don’t understand.’

He drew a long breath and loosed it.

‘I’m a Royalist agent.
 
I’ve been one for five years, give or take.’

She stared at him for so long he began to think she still didn’t understand.
 
Then she said blankly, ‘You’re a
spy?
’

‘Not exactly.
 
When asked, I do whatever needs to be done.
 
Much of it isn’t honourable and none of it is pretty.
 
But the political situation breeds men like me … and though I don’t regret the things I’ve done, I’m not proud of them either.’
 
He paused and then added, ‘There’s been nothing of any consequence since Francis and I arrived in Paris. But that doesn’t necessarily mean there won’t ever be.
 
And I serve the King as he – or more usually Chancellor Hyde – sees fit.’

Athenais tried to come to terms with what he was telling her. He’d said something once before.
 
Something about killing men on the battlefield and off it, in ways she didn’t want to know about. It didn’t fit with the man she knew … but she had no difficulty in accepting that, like her, he did what he had to and also that there was a good deal of his life about which she knew nothing.
 

He was waiting for her to say something – to be shocked, perhaps. He needed to know that she wasn’t.

‘I see. That is to say … I’m not sure why you told me.
 
Unless you think that knowing it will make me feel differently towards you?’

He’d done it to emphasise the fact that he was sometimes required to risk his life.

‘Doesn’t it?’

‘No.’

‘Perhaps you should take time to consider – not just that but the other things I said.’

‘About money and prospects and so forth?
 
No.
 
Those things don’t matter.’

‘Then they should,’ he said flatly.
 
‘You’ve made a life for yourself, Athenais.
 
You’ve carved it out of sweat and determination and it’s a hell of an achievement.
 
I’ve just explained why I have nothing to offer – not just to you, but to any woman.
 
And it’s unlikely to change.’

She bent her head over her hands, pleating and re-pleating a fold of her skirt.
 
Then she said huskily, ‘As far as I’m aware, I haven’t asked you for anything.’

‘No.
 
But --’

‘And if I
did
ask … it wouldn’t be for anything you couldn’t give, if you chose to.’

Ashley’s heart constricted in a way that was becoming all-too-familiar.
 
He didn’t know what to say.
 
He could only think,
Stop now.
 
Please stop.
 
Don’t make me hurt you. Or myself.