The Italian Girl (55 page)

She led him into the sitting room, sat him down on the sofa and took his hands in hers.

‘Listen, my darling, you must tell me what has happened, what’s upset you. I love you, you know that. Just this once, let me be
your
confessor.’

Luca looked up at her. ‘Abi, it’s all so complicated, such a muddle in my head. I feel, I feel . . .’

‘Well, I feel like a brandy.’ Abi stood up and went to the kitchen to collect a bottle and two glasses. She poured some into each glass and handed one to Luca as she sat down. ‘Now, drink up, then we can talk, okay?’

Luca swallowed the glass of brandy straight down. And then he began to tell her. Abi sat there, her eyes growing wider and wider.

‘Do you see, Abi, that at every step, Roberto is the perpetrator? And what have I done today? Sent him back to Rosanna, when I had the perfect opportunity to rid her of him forever.’

‘Luca, she loves him. Whatever he’s done, or might do, that will never change. Love has nothing to do with sense.’ Abi looked at him and smiled sadly. ‘I above anyone know that. And you can’t –
mustn’t
– punish yourself. You’ve done what you thought best to protect your family.’

‘Yes, I can look at it that way, or I can say that I’m no better than Roberto, since I too have deceived Rosanna. And once again, Roberto has escaped without punishment. I, like everyone else, did as he requested and lied for him.’

‘But it was a lie told with the very best of intentions, Luca, and one that was necessary, I think. I must admit, there is one part of the whole saga that I find funny . . . several million dollars for a drawing that, however lovely to look at, is virtually worthless. Stephen was sure about that, was he?’

‘Well, he’s the Renaissance expert and he took the drawing through a thorough authentication process,’ Luca confirmed. ‘He told me he understands why Donatella’s husband was convinced it was a Leonardo. There are strong similarities and he thinks the drawing would still fetch a few thousand dollars at auction because it’s so old and in such immaculate condition.’

‘What did Stephen actually say to the owner when he was asked whether it was the real thing?’

‘He took the decision not to tell Mr St Regent his true opinion; he told him he wasn’t qualified at such a high level to make a definitive judgement and that he would have to seek a second opinion from the world’s leading Leonardo experts. Which, of course, Mr St Regent won’t ever do, as the drawing was removed illegally from Italy in the first place. As Stephen said to me, he gets enormous pleasure from the drawing, so why spoil it for him? And of course,’ Luca added, ‘the less Donatella knows about its real provenance, the better.’

‘But all that money, Luca. It doesn’t seem fair on our Mr St Regent.’

‘A few million dollars to him is like a few pounds to you and me, believe me, Abi.’

‘Well then. Come on, Luca, stop being so hard on yourself. You couldn’t have done any more and you can’t keep beating yourself up about it.’

‘But Roberto is such a bad influence on Rosanna, Abi. The way she left Ella and Nico alone . . . that wasn’t my sister. She becomes a different person when she’s with him. And now she hates me because I told her so.’

‘It’s her life, Luca, and you must let her live it.’

‘I know, I know. But listen, Abi, I’ve come back here tonight not only to tell you the outcome of the meeting with Donatella, but because I have something else I must talk to you about.’

‘Really? And what is that?’ she asked him warily.

‘I had expected that the past six months might give me the time I needed to help me decide about the future. As it’s turned out, I’ve had little time to think about myself. Carlotta, then Rosanna and Nico and now Roberto and Donatella.’ Luca shook his head. ‘I’m so very confused, about myself, my God. And you, of course.’ He looked at her and smiled at her tenderly. ‘At present, with all my uncertainty, it would be wrong to return to the seminary, but also I cannot make the kind of commitment to you that I wish to, until I am absolutely sure that I can say goodbye to all I’ve wanted and believed in since I first walked into La Chiesa Della Beata Vergine Maria in Milan over ten years ago. So’ – Luca paused to gather the strength to tell her – ‘I’ve spoken to my bishop and he made a suggestion which I think might be the answer. I’m going to Africa, Abi. There’s a church being built in a village outside Lusaka in Zambia and I’m to be a lay preacher and assist the priest. Maybe there, away from everything, I can finally make sense of my life.’

‘I see.’ Abi’s shoulders sagged in disappointment.

‘I can understand if you feel angry. I realise I’ve never done anything to earn your love and you’ve offered so much to me. But, Abi, please don’t wait for me any longer. I can promise you nothing just now because I don’t know myself what the answers are.’

Abi took a gulp of her brandy, then licked her lips. Her hands were shaking slightly.

‘Luca, do you still love me?’

‘Of course,
amore mio
. I have no control over that. You know I adore you.’

‘But you still love your God more,’ she said slowly. ‘Well, I could sit here and try to persuade you to stay, to tell you that
I
am what you need. But I know from bitter experience it’s pointless, so I won’t try.’

‘Do you hate me? Have I used you? Oh Abi, the thought of hurting you makes me feel so terrible.’

‘No, I don’t hate you, Luca. How could I? I love you. I knew from the beginning you were promising nothing, but it was a chance I was prepared to take. I’ve lost and God’s won yet again. When are you leaving?’

‘I must go tomorrow.’

Abi nodded silently. Then she looked at him, her eyes bright with tears. ‘If you really love me as you say you do, then you’ll grant me one last wish.’

‘Anything you want,
cara
.’

‘Give me one night. For us, for the love we have.’

She leant towards him and put her lips to his questioningly. This time, he didn’t protest. Instead, he took her face between his hands and responded with equal passion.

‘For us,’ he murmured, as he stroked her cheek gently. ‘Even God can’t deny me this.’

The following morning, Abi watched Luca as he stepped out of her bed. When he left the room to take a shower, she lay staring up at the ceiling.

All those years of wanting him, dreaming of his touch and, last night, it had finally happened.

And today he would walk away from her and – she had to accept this – almost certainly it would be forever. She knew she couldn’t go on hoping and wishing. For her own sake, she
had
to finally move on.

Abi swallowed hard and steeled herself not to cry. She rose from the bed that had been the scene of their lovemaking and began to dress hurriedly, then headed to the sanctuary of the kitchen before Luca emerged from the shower.

‘I must leave now.’ Luca’s eyes searched hers as he appeared at the door.

She stood up and went to him, and he cradled her in his arms.

‘Did it make a difference?’ she asked. ‘I thought perhaps . . .’

‘Yes, it made a difference. I love you and I have no guilt about what we have done.’

‘Then stay. Stay here with me. Please, Luca, I need you.’ Her tears fell onto the roughness of his coat. ‘Ask me to wait for you, please. I will, I will . . .’

Luca, too, was seconds from breaking down. ‘No,
cara
, I can’t and mustn’t give you any false hope. However much I wish to ask you to wait for me. I must tell you no. I’ve asked too much of you already.’

‘Yes, I’m sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t make a scene. You need to be going, I know.’ She peeled herself away from him, brushed away the tears hastily and followed him to the door.

‘
Ciao, amore mio
.’

Abi watched in silence as he walked down the steps. He turned and smiled up at her. Then, with a small wave, he was gone.

52

Rosanna heard the Jaguar sweep into the drive. She watched from the sitting room window as he walked across the gravel, then she went into the hall to open the front door.

‘
Principessa
.’ His arms went around his wife and he cradled her head against his chest. ‘Rosanna,
cara
, I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry.’

‘Roberto, let us go and sit down. We must talk.’

‘What is wrong? Is it Nico?’

‘No.’ Rosanna led him into the sitting room and indicated the sofa. ‘It is me.’

‘You are ill?’

‘Maybe in a way, yes, I have been,’ she agreed.

‘Then you must tell me what’s wrong.’

She sat down next to Roberto and took his hands in hers. ‘Roberto, have you any idea how much I have loved you – adored you – since I was eleven years old?’

‘I know,
principessa
. I’m the luckiest man in the world. I do not deserve you, I never have. But I’m a changed man, you will see. Nico’s illness and . . . other events have made me realise what I have been. I am going to cancel all my commitments for the next few months. A complete sabbatical, time to be with you and Nico, to get him well again.’

Rosanna smiled sadly, remembering the last time Roberto had made a similar promise. Then she shook her head.

‘This is not about
you
, Roberto. It’s about
me
, what I want,’ she said gently.

‘You want me here at home with Nico, don’t you?’

‘I used to think that might be the answer, and yes, you could take a sabbatical, but then, after a while, you will long to return to your other world. It’s the way you are, the way it will always be. We . . . our love, it can never work.’

‘What are you trying to say to me, Rosanna? That you wish me to leave?’ He looked incredulous, half believing it was a joke.

‘Yes, Roberto. That is what I wish. And if you love me, then you will do as I ask.’

Roberto ran a hand through his hair. ‘No, no, Rosanna, you don’t mean this. You love me, you need me. You know we are meant to be together.’

‘Maybe we were once, but not now, not in the future.’

Roberto stood up and began to pace the room. ‘You cannot mean this, you cannot. Not after what I have just . . .’ He shook his head and slumped back down into a chair.

‘What is it you have just done?’

‘I meant I’ve taken a decision, the most important decision of my life. From now on, I will put you and Nico first. Nothing else matters to me. Only you, only Nico.’

Rosanna tried to gather her thoughts, to explain to him as rationally as possible how she felt.

‘Roberto, everyone who cares for me has always been worried about our relationship. At first I thought it was only jealousy, that they couldn’t bear to see us together and so happy.’ She sighed softly. ‘But now I understand. They saw how you changed me, how I became selfish, how my love for you overtook everything else. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I didn’t see this clearly until I put our child’s life at risk. He might have died, Roberto, and I wouldn’t have been there.’

‘
Cara
, you cannot let go of our love for one mistake!’

‘Roberto, don’t you see that was just a symptom, not a cause?’ she begged him. ‘When I’m with you, I’m not myself. I drown in you and the love I have for you. Please, try to understand – it isn’t because I don’t love you that we must part, but because I love you too much.’

‘No! No! Please, no!’ Roberto put his head in his hands and began to sob. ‘I cannot live without you. I cannot!’

She cradled him in her arms. ‘
Caro
, if you love me as you say you do, then you will go, give me a chance to have a future as the person I think I can be,
want
to be. Roberto, if you care for me at all, you must see what I am saying is right. For once I want you to be unselfish. Don’t make this any harder than it is already.’

He looked up at her, utter devastation in his eyes. ‘It is really what you want?’

‘Oh yes. I don’t think I have a choice.’

‘Maybe you just need some time,
principessa
. The shock with Nico, it has confused you, made you overreact.’

‘No, it hasn’t. It’s made me see things clearly for the first time. I’ve seen who I’ve become and I don’t like her. My obsession with you has damaged many people’s lives. And now, I want to be me again. Or at least to find out for the first time who I am.’

Slowly, he began to understand what she was trying to say.

‘And what of Nico? You will deprive him of his papa?’

‘Roberto, I have thought long and hard about Nico and whether I’m being selfish to ask you to leave. But we owe it to him to give him at least one parent who will put him first. And I can’t do that when you are with me.’

‘You’ll let me see Nico?’

‘Of course. Whenever you want, as often as you wish. We can organise it, I’m sure.’

‘Is this . . . forever?’

‘I think it must be.’

‘I . . . When do you want me to go?’

‘As soon as possible. The longer you are here, the harder it will be.’

Roberto gulped back the tears as he stood up. ‘Rosanna, if I could find the words that would change your mind, I’d give up everything, my career,
everything
.’

‘You may think that now, but you know as well as I do, deep down, that is not the answer. It would create more problems in the future than it solved. And it wouldn’t be fair for me to ask it of you. Tell me you understand, Roberto. It’s important to me that you do.’

He walked towards her, held out a hand and she stood up. He traced the contours of her face with trembling fingers.

‘Yes,
principessa
, I understand. I understand now that it was
you
that I should have put first. It was our love for each other and for Nico that really mattered. And the tragedy is, I’ve learnt all these things too late. Don’t blame yourself, Rosanna. It’s my fault we’ve come to this, all my fault.’

‘We must both take equal responsibility for the mistakes we’ve made.’

‘Rosanna, I must tell you one thing. If you ever change your mind, please, all you have to do is tell me and I will be back by your side.’