The Innocent's Surrender (15 page)

?No,? he said, very quietly. ?It is not.?

?Then let?s forget all about this marriage nonsense, shall we?? she said tautly. ?And get back to what I?m really here for. Or perhaps I should jog your memory, Kyrios Mandrakis.?

Her hands went to the little buttons on her bodice, tugging them loose. She pushed the straps of the nightgown off her shoulders, and let its soft folds slip down to pool on the floor at her feet.

Then she posed, deliberately, defiantly provocative, one hand on her hip, the other raking her blonde hair back from her face.

She said, ?What you see is what you get,
kyrie
. And it?s all you?ll ever have of me. That was a wonderful meal tonight, so no doubt you?ll be expecting your own private feast in return. I?ll try to make sure you?re not disappointed?this time.?

There was a silence, then Alex said icily, ?I am grateful, of course, but I find my appetite has strangely deserted me. So I will wish you goodnight.?

He went out, shutting the door behind him, and a moment later Natasha heard the sound of the saloon door closing.

Telling her with quiet finality that he would not be coming back.

CHAPTER EIGHT

WHICH was, Natasha told herself, exactly what she wanted. Wasn?t it?

She suddenly realised that, in spite of the warmth of the night, she was shivering violently. She retrieved her nightgown from the floor and huddled into it, before climbing into bed and pulling the covers round her.

She had not expected to sleep. She?d imagined she would be spending the night subject to Alex?s mercy?if there was such a thing. This, she thought, was a reprieve, and she?d make the most of it.

But sleep, she found, was not so easily come by. The events of the evening and their astonishing aftermath kept rolling through her mind like a video clip with far too many action replays.

She thought, I?ve had my first proposal of marriage, and didn?t know whether to laugh or cry.

At the same time she was disturbed and bewildered by the violence of her own reactions.

I could have said a simple ?no?, she thought, without screaming abuse at him like a fishwife. My God, I must have sounded like Irini on a very bad day.

Yet she?d been perfectly justified, she told herself with renewed defiance. He deserved everything she?d thrown at him, and more. She?d been hurt and insulted, therefore he needed to be hurt and insulted in his turn.

And she?d succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. The bleakness in his face as he?d walked away had told her that. So why wasn?t she turning mental cartwheels? Scoring it as a direct hit?

And the answer to that was?she didn?t know.

She?d just endured the most terrible twenty-four hours of her life. She couldn?t deny that. But she?d also begun to discover complexities in the situation that frankly alarmed her.

Because there?d been moments when she?d almost let herself forget why she was there. Which might be because Alex Mandrakis had made her do so, she thought with a sudden thud of the heart.

Because sometimes he?d talked to her as if she was a human being instead of a mere sex object. And, although the way he?d quite often looked at her left her in no doubt that he wanted her, he hadn?t attempted to make any kind of move on her.

Not even when they?d returned to the saloon together and she expected him to take her in his arms, not send her off to bed alone.

Awakening within her something dangerously like disappointment.

And wasn?t that why she?d given him that tongue-lashing just now? Why she?d deliberately flaunted herself naked with a vulgarity she cringed to remember?

Because she?d been scared by her own potential weakness. By the vivid memory of his body against hers?inside hers?and how it had made her feel. By the knowledge that she?d been aroused by him, however briefly. And that the strange, fugitive yearning he?d created still lingered.

Knowing too that for one torn, impossible moment she?d wanted him to walk across the bedroom, and take her?whether it was to heaven or to hell.

She?d needed to find a defence against him and find it fast.

And that unexpected, incredible marriage proposal had supplied it.

Every instinct told her that he would not take rejection well. And that he might respond with equal scorn to her contemptuous sexual challenge.

And it had worked. Only now she needed to find some way of turning this temporary respite into permanent separation.

She?d made him angry once, she thought. Surely, she could do it again?and keep him so.

?I don?t want him to be kind to me,? she whispered passionately into the darkness. ?Whatever Thia Theodosia may say, I want to judge him harshly. I need to build on dislike, and resentment?keep them permanently simmering?in order to stop me wondering, speculating on possibilities that I shouldn?t even want to contemplate.

?God knows, I have so many reasons to hate him, and not the least of them is the state of confusion I?m in now. And which I don?t?I can?t?understand.?

Because this was not her, she thought, seizing an uncomprehending pillow and punching it fiercely into shape. The real Natasha Kirby ran her business and her life with clear-headed efficiency. She used rational judgement to solve problems, and knew that, for her, friendship, shared interests and mutual respect formed the only foundation for a relationship between a man and a woman.

You really shouldn?t drink wine with him in the moonlight, she thought derisively. That?s your problem, lady. And if you?d agreed to his offer of brandy, as well, you?d probably be imagining you were in love with him by now.

Besides, you?re curious?of course you are?about a man who can make love in four languages, she added with savage mockery.

But how on earth had that piece of tasteless information managed to lodge in her head for the past three years? she wondered. Not to mention her total recall of the way he?d looked at her on that long-ago evening at the embassy.

An occasion he too seemed to have remembered for some obscure reason of his own.

Natasha sighed as she turned onto her side and attempted to relax.

Her mind was simply going round in circles, she thought, and she needed to sleep in order to face whatever tomorrow might bring.

But it was more than a restless hour later before she finally fell asleep, and dreamed that she was running endlessly through a maze of streets, in her nightgown, as was the way in dreams, only to find that every twist and turn led to the same square with the same church, where Alex Mandrakis stood waiting for her in the sunlight, his hands filled with white roses for her bridal bouquet.

She awoke very early the next morning, and lay for a moment, totally disorientated, wondering firstly what had disturbed her and, secondly, why her bedroom was moving. Then she remembered the nightmare turn her life had taken and, groaning, buried her face in the pillow.

But at least she wasn?t going to suffer any more unsettling dreams about marriage, she thought grimly.

She?d attended a number of Greek weddings, and had always been moved by the symbolism of the exchange of crowns and the couple?s slow walk, hand in hand, round the altar.

But she?d never for a moment imagined herself taking part in such a ritual, even though, as a child and to please her foster parents, she?d been baptised into the Greek Orthodox Church.

And the idea of taking such a walk with Alex Mandrakis was so far beyond belief that it was out of sight.

Especially, she thought, as it would be for all the wrong reasons.

All right, he was feeling guilty, and rightly so. But he couldn?t seriously think she?d agree to marry him in order to salve what passed for his conscience?could he?

Or to protect the legitimacy of a baby who almost certainly didn?t exist.

Or that was what she had to believe, she thought, pressing a questioning hand to her abdomen. Because the alternative didn?t bear thinking about.

If she?d wanted an arranged marriage she could have had one three years earlier, she reminded herself. And it would have been to someone who might at least have pretended he cared for her.

Whereas, in spite of the intimacy he?d forced upon her, she and Alex Mandrakis were still virtual strangers to each other.

And that was how they must remain, she told herself. All temptation to relax?to permit herself, even fleetingly, to enjoy his company?had to be strenuously resisted.

Unless, of course, the loss of appetite she?d instigated last night became permanent, and he decided to cut his losses and send her back where she belonged.