The Illusion of Annabella (22 page)

“Of course you are.”

When Easton and Luca enter the living room, I’m still sprawled out on the floor.

“What happened?” Easton runs over to me and extends his hand to help me up.

“I’m fine.” I shoo his hand away as I sit up, stretching my legs. “I was just taking a break.”

He doesn’t buy into my bullshit, but he doesn’t call me out on it either. “Ready for the last exercise of the day?” he asks me.

“When you put it like that, then yeah.” Grabbing hold of the table, I grit my teeth and hoist myself up. When I get my feet under me, I turn to Luca. “Whatever he promised you in exchange for doing this, just know they’re all lies.”

Luca’s gaze skims across my sloppy ponytail, baggy shirt, shorts, and knee brace. I wonder what he thinks of my messy look then realize, more often than not, he’s seen me looking like a hot mess.

Luca glances at Easton then inches toward me. “He didn’t promise me anything, other than I’d get to spend time with you.” When I fold my arms across my chest and arch a brow, he looks at me innocently. “What? I’m being serious.”

“You so aren’t.” I assess him closely. “What’d he promise you? Free rock climbing lessons?” Luca shifts his weight, shoving up his sleeves, seeming twitchy, and I feel like I’ve won a prize. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I would’ve done it, anyway,” he insists. “The rock climbing lessons are just an added bonus.”

“It’s cool,” I say, waving him off. “It makes it easier on me that he had to bribe you, anyway.”

“Why would that make it easier?”

“Because it means you really don’t want to be here.”

“But I want to be here,” Luca protests, tugging the beanie off his head. Strands of his dark brown hair stick up everywhere, and he runs his fingers through it, trying to tame it.

I visualize my own fingers there, playing with his hair, which I bet is super soft.

I blink from the daydream, realizing Luca is still talking to me. “Huh?”

His forehead creases as he studies me closely. “I said I offered to help before Easton even asked for the favor.” He sticks out his hand for me to take. “Honestly, he probably should’ve bribed you.” He leans in and whispers, “I suck at dancing.”

My heart pounds like a drummer rocking out and a thin trail of sweat drips down the back of my neck as I eyeball his offered hand with reluctance.

Just take his hand. A simple hand hold. Don’t let it mean anything more.

I’m not sure I can do this, and I hate myself for acting weak.

It’s just dancing.

But it’s so much more.

As if sensing my panic attack, Luca gently threads our fingers together then reaches for my other hand. He lightly places my palms on his shoulders then steps closer to me until the tips of his sneakers brush my toes.

“See, not so bad,” he says, looping his arms around my waist. His fingers tremble the slightest as they spread across my lower back, contradicting his words.

I try not to notice the smell of his cologne or that he’s not wearing his glasses. But I notice. A lot. “Not so bad? We’re being forced to dance in my living room. I feel like I’m at a middle school prom.”

“Just be thankful there’s no one watching us,” he jokes with a half smile.

“Yeah, right.” I raise my voice loud enough so Easton can hear me. “There’s a creepy old dude watching us in the corner.”

“I’m not that old,” Easton argues, crossing his arms. “Now, come on. Move faster and do a few spins.”

Panic seizes my throat. “I can’t spin. I’ll fall on my ass.”

“Just go slow,” he instructs, sitting down on the armrest of the sofa. “And let Luca hold most of your weight.” When I hesitate, he adds, “You can do this, Anna. Otherwise, I wouldn’t push you.”

“I’m going to fall,” I whine, my fingertips stabbing into Luca’s shoulders.

“No, you won’t.” Easton props his foot on his knee and sits back, completely at ease. “Just trust Luca, and you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, just trust me,” Luca teases, softly pinching my side.

A shiver tingles up my spine. “Please, just don’t let me fall,” I beg, our gazes locking.

Luca’s expression softens. “I promise I won’t.”

I shove down the lump in my throat and nod. We start swaying, turning in a slow circle. Luca leads and supports most of my weight. I feel like someone’s strangling me, and I can’t get air into my lungs as my head spins with a foggy memory.

“Anna, you look so beautiful on stage,” my mom says, pulling me in for a hug. “You’re becoming such an amazing dancer. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I wrap my arms around her and breathe in deep, feeling so loved. “And thanks for supporting my dream and always driving me to lessons. I know you’re busy.”

“I’m never too busy to support your dreams.” She kisses the top of my head then steps back to look at me. “You’ll always come first, no matter what. All of my kids will.”

I breathe in and out as my blood boils with anger.

Lies! All lies! Where are you now, Mom? Not here to drive me to lessons, to help Alexis with her art, to watch Nikoli play football, or to obsess over books with Zhara. That’s all been put on Loki.

“Anna, are you okay?” Luca asks, concerned.

I nod my head up and down and step closer to him, holding on tighter than I probably should. But I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll fall, and I might never want to get up. His breath tickles against my skin, and quickens the nearer we get. His fingers are unsteady on my back, and I feel sickly gratified that I’m not the only one who’s nervous.

We continue to dance through the entire length of the song, and I gradually calm down enough to rest my head on his shoulder. We’re so offbeat, though, that the dancer hiding inside me just about loses her mind. I want to take over, show them how it’s done, but I’m scared to death to step into those shoes again. They no longer fit on the foot of my scarred leg that doesn’t move as flawlessly as it used to.

“So what’s up with the zombie movie on the TV?” Luca whispers in my ear, brushing my hair out of the way. “Seems like an odd choice, considering it’s Christmas Eve, but I’m betting you have your own weird reasons.”

“I find it calming.” I shudder from the feel of his fingers sketching a path back and forth across my back.

A low chuckle reverberates through his chest. “For some reason, I’m not surprised. I mean, we did establish that you were a little crazy.”

I close my eyes, a faint smile touching my lips. Fortunately, my head is turned to the side so no one can it. “You don’t know me that well, Luca Benton, so don’t assume you do.”

“But I do,
Annabella Baker
. You’re the girl who likes to wear leather jackets and sweaters in ninety-six degree weather, who hates getting help, who wanders more than anyone I’ve ever met, who loves Snickers and M&Ms mixed together, and who secretly likes classic rock and guys who are old school.” He leans back, looks at me, and grins.

I suck my bottom lip between my teeth.  He knows more about me than I thought.

His grin expands, and he tugs me back against him, crashing our bodies together.

There’s something intimate about the way our chests and legs are aligned, how my head is resting against his shoulder, and how he grazes his fingers across my back. I can tell he’s nervous by the faltering exhales he keeps taking and it makes me like him. And I mean, really, really like him. I like the way he smells. The way he doesn’t offer me a chemical escape from reality. The way he teases me. The way he sends me little texts. They’re all little things, but it’s the way I always imagined dating would be. Cute and sweet instead of sloppy and rushed. Just like how I thought my parents were. Their relationship may not have been what I thought it was, but I still want what I thought they had. And I don’t know what to do with that.

Luca trips and stomps my toe with his foot. “Sorry,” he apologizes as a flush creeps across his cheeks.

“You’re fine.” I heave a sigh and glance at Easton. “How long do we have to do this?”

He’s messing around with his phone and singing the lyrics under his breath. “I’ll let you know when time’s up.”

Knowing Easton, he’ll make me do this until my leg hurts so badly I’m in tears. I make a choice, mostly blaming the decision on Easton, but just thinking about it breathes life into my veins for the first time since the car wreck.

Loosening up, I move left and right, then back and forth with flawlessly timed steps.

Luca stares down at our feet. “What are you doing?”

“Dancing.” My fingernails dig into his shirt when my leg wobbles.
I won’t fall. I won’t fall.
“What’re you doing?”

Our gazes collide and his lips quirk. “Apparently, taking the chick’s role.”

I snort a laugh, and Easton’s head whips in our direction, his face contorted in confusion. “Are you okay?” He looks at me like my laugh is on the endangered species list or something.

To distract Easton, and myself, from my temporary loss of sanity, I tell Luca, “Spin me.”

He pulls a wary face. “Are you sure? I kind of suck at all of this.”

I’ll do anything for Easton to forget about my laughing because he’s going to tell Loki and then Loki’s going to make assumptions about the nerdy guy next door and how he makes me feel.

I bob my head up and down. “Do it. Just don’t let me fall.”

“I promised I wouldn’t,” he reminds me as his hand skates up my arm.

His fingers circle my wrist right above my hammering pulse. He has to know I’m nervous but, thankfully, doesn’t comment. Lifting my arm above my head, he braces his hand on my back and guides me around in a circle. I lean into him, keep my scarred leg straight, and holding my breath, I spin around on my good foot.

When I make a full circle, relief sweeps over me. I clutch one of Luca’s arms and free the air trapped in my chest.

“You good?” Luca asks, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“I-I think so.”

“I’m impressed,” Easton says, clapping his hands. “I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“I knew you’d bug the crap out of me until I did.” I feel like I’m going to vomit. Feel like I’m going to cry. Feel so much that I almost fall to the floor.

Luca pulls me against him as I sway dizzily. “You going to make it there?”

I shake my head but then nod, confusing the hell out of him and myself.

“No, you’re not okay,” he says gently. “Anna, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I can’t.” My voice is hoarse.

I try to suck it up, but sadness consumes me. I miss dancing so much. Miss the past. The future I once had. Miss my parents. My family. But most of all, I miss the sunshine and rainbows girl I used to be. The one that could only see the sunshine because she’d never noticed the clouds until they completely covered the sky.

 “Sit down and take a break.” Easton rises to his feet and turns off the song.

I wipe my sweaty palms off on the side of my shorts and sit on the edge of the coffee table. I can feel Luca’s and Easton’s eyes on me, but I’m too close to crying to look up.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Just breathe.

“Just breathe. I know it’s hard getting on stage, but you’ll do great,” my mom says as we wait backstage.

Sounds of violins and the light brushes of pointe shoes fill the air. My hair is pulled into such a tight bun my brain hurts. But all I can focus on is how terrified I am to go out there and dance in front of the crowd.

I fold my arm around my stomach and hunch over. “I feel like I’m going to throw up . . . I don’t think I can do this.”

“Stage fright is perfectly normal.” She smoothes her hand down my back. “With time, you’ll get over it.”