The Iceman Cometh (32 page)

He grins with affectionate kidding at
WETJOEN
.

And lo and behold, who was on the neighboring bench but my old battlefield companion, the Boer that walks like a man—who, if the British Government had taken my advice, would have been removed from his fetid kraal on the veldt straight to the baboon’s cage at the London Zoo, and little children would now be asking their nurses: “Tell me, Nana, is that the Boer General, the one with the blue behind?”

They all laugh uproariously
.
LEWIS
leans over and slaps
WETJOEN
affectionately on the knee
.

No offense meant, Piet, old chap.

WETJOEN

Beaming at him
.

No offense taken, you tamned Limey!

WETJOEN
goes on
—
grinningly
.

About a job, I felt the same as you, Cecil.

At the table by the window
HUGO
speaks to
LARRY
again
.

HUGO

With uneasy insistence
.

What’s matter, Larry? You look scared. What you listen for out there?

But
LARRY
doesn’t hear, and
JOE
begins talking in the group at right
.

JOE

With drunken self-assurance
.

No, suh, I wasn’t fool enough to git in no crap game. Not while

Hickey’s around. Crazy people puts a jinx on you.

MCGLOIN
is now heard. He is leaning across in front of
WETJOEN
to talk to
ED MOSHER
on
HOPE
’s left.

MCGLOIN

With drunken earnestness
.

I know you saw how it was, Ed. There was no good trying to explain to a crazy guy, but it ain’t the right time. You know how getting reinstated is.

MOSHER

Decidedly
.

Sure, Mac. The same way with the circus. The boys tell me the rubes are wasting all their money buying food and times never was so hard. And I never was one to cheat for chicken feed.

HOPE

Looks around him in an ecstasy of bleery sentimental content
. Bejees, I’m cockeyed! Bejees, you’re all cockeyed! Bejees, we’re all all right! Let’s have another!

They pour out drinks. At the table by the window
LARRY
has unconsciously shut his eyes as he listens
.
HUGO
is peering at him frightenedly now
.

HUGO

Reiterates stupidly
.

What’s matter, Larry? Why you keep eyes shut? You look dead. What you listen for in backyard?

Then, as
LARRY
doesn’t open his eyes or answer, he gets up hastily and moves away from the table, mumbling with frightened anger
.

Crazy fool! You vas crazy like Hickey! You give me bad dreams, too.

He shrinks quickly past the table where
HICKEY
had sat to the rear of the group at right
.

ROCKY

Greets him with boisterous affection
. Hello, dere, Hugo! Welcome to de party!

HOPE

Yes, bejees, Hugo! Sit down! Have a drink! Have ten drinks, bejees!

HUGO

Forgetting
LARRY
and bad dreams, gives his familiar giggle
. Hello, leedle Harry! Hello, nice, leedle, funny monkey-faces!
Warming up, changes abruptly to his unusual declamatory denunciation
.

Gottamned stupid bourgeois! Soon comes the Day of Judgment!
They make derisive noises and tell him to sit down. He changes again, giggling good-naturedly, and sits at rear of the middle table
.

Give me ten trinks, Harry. Don’t be a fool.

They laugh
.
ROCKY
shoves a glass and bottle at him. The sound of
MARGIE
’s
and
PEARL
’s
voices is heard from the hall, drunkenly shrill. All of the group turn toward the door as the two appear. They are drunk and look blowsy and disheveled. Their manner as they enter hardens into a brazen defensive truculence
.

MARGIE

Stridently
.

Gangway for two good whores!

PEARL

Yeah! And we want a drink quick!

MARGIE

Glaring
at
ROCKY
.

Shake de lead outa your pants, Pimp! A little soivice!

ROCKY

His black bullet eyes sentimental, his round Wop face grinning welcome
.

Well, look who’s here!

He goes to them unsteadily, opening his arms
.

Hello, dere, Sweethearts! Jees, I was beginnin’ to worry about yuh, honest!

He tries to embrace them. They push his arms away, regarding him with amazed suspicion
.

PEARL

What kind of gag is dis?

HOPE

Calls to them effusively
.

Come on and join the party, you broads! Bejees, I’m glad to see you!
The girls exchange a bewildered g
la
nce, taking in the party and the changed atmosphere
.

MARGIE

Jees, what’s come off here?

PEARL

Where’s dat louse, Hickey?

ROCKY

De cops got him. He’d gone crazy and croaked his wife.

The girls exclaim
, “
Jees!
”
But there is more relief than horror in it
.
ROCKY
goes on
.

He’ll get Matteawan. He ain’t responsible. What he’s pulled don’t mean nuttin’. So forget dat whore stuff. I’ll knock de block off anyone calls you whores! I’ll fill de bastard full of lead! Yuh’re tarts, and what de hell of it? Yuh’re as good as anyone! So forget it, see?
They let him get his arms around them now. He gives them a hug. All the truculence leaves their faces. They smile and exchange maternally amused glances
.

MARGIE

With a wink
.

Our little bartender, ain’t he, Poil?

PEARL

Yeah, and a cute little Ginny at dat!

They laugh
.

MARGIE

And is he stinko!

PEARL

Stinko is right. But he ain’t got nuttin’ on us. Jees, Rocky, did we have a big time at Coney!

HOPE

Bejees, sit down, you dumb broads! Welcome home! Have a drink! Have ten drinks, bejees!

They take the empty chairs on
CHUCK
’s
left, warmly welcomed by all
.
ROCKY
stands in back of them, a hand on each of their shoulders, grinning with proud proprietorship
.
HOPE
beams over and under his crooked spectacles with the air of a host whose party is a huge success, and rambles on happily
.

Bejees, this is all right! We’ll make this my birthday party, and forget the other. We’ll get paralyzed! But who’s missing? Where’s the Old Wise Guy? Where’s Larry?

ROCKY

Over by de window, Boss. Jees, he’s got his eyes shut. De old bastard’s asleep.

They turn to look
.
ROCKY
dismisses him
.

Aw, to hell wid him. Let’s have a drink.

They turn away and forget him
.

LARRY

Torturedly arguing to himself in a shaken whisper
.

It’s the only way out for him! For the peace of all concerned, as Hickey said!

Snapping
.

God damn his yellow soul, if he doesn’t soon, I’ll go up and throw him off!—like a dog with its guts ripped out you’d put out of misery!
He half rises from his chair just as from outside the window comes the sound of something hurtling down, followed by a muffled, crunching thud
.
LARRY
gasps
and drops back on his chair, shuddering, hiding his face in his hands. The group at right hear it but are too preoccupied with drinks to pay much attention
.

HOPE

Wonderingly
.

What the hell was that?

ROCKY

Aw, nuttin’. Someting fell off de fire escape. A mattress, I’ll bet. Some of dese bums been sleepin’ on de fire escapes.

HOPE

His interest diverted by this excuse to beef—testily
.

They’ve got to cut it out! Bejees, this ain’t a fresh-air cure. Mattresses cost money.

MOSHER

Now don’t start crabbing at the party, Harry. Let’s drink up.
HOPE
forgets it and grabs his glass, and they all drink
.

LARRY

In a whisper of horrified pity
.

Poor devil!

A long-forgotten faith returns to him for a moment and he mumbles
.

God rest his soul in peace.

He opens his eyes
—
with a bitter self derision
.

Ah, the damned pity—the wrong kind, as Hickey said! Be God, there’s no hope! I’ll never be a success in the grandstand—or anywhere else! Life is too much for me! I’ll be a weak fool looking with pity at the two sides of everything till the day I die!
With an intense bitter sincerity
. May that day come soon!

He pauses startledly, surprised at himself—then with a sardonic grin
. Be God, I’m the only real convert to death Hickey made here. From the bottom of my coward’s heart I mean that now!

HOPE

Calls effusively
.

Hey there, Larry! Come over and get paralyzed! What the hell you doing, sitting there?

Then as
LARRY
doesn’t reply he immediately forgets him and turns to the party. They are all very drunk now, just a few drinks ahead of the passing-out stage, and hilariously happy about it
.

Bejees, let’s sing! Let’s celebrate! It’s my birthday party! Bejees, I’m oreyeyed! I want to sing!

He starts the chorus of
“
She’s the Sunshine of Paradise Alley
,”
and instantly they all burst into song. But not the same song. Each starts the chorus of his or her choice
.
JIMMY TOMORROW
’s is “
A Wee Dock and Doris
”;
ED MOSHER
’s, “
Break the News to Mother
”;
WILLIE OBAN
’s,
the Sailor Ladditty he sang in Act One;
GENERAL WETJOEN
’s, “
Waiting at the Church
”;
MCGLOIN
’s, “
Tammany
”;
CAPTAIN LEWIS
’s, “
The Old Kent Road
”;
JOE
’s, “
All I Got Was Sympathy
”;
PEARL
’s
and
MARGIE
’s, “
Everybody’s Doing It
”;
ROCKY
’s, “
You Great Big Beautiful Doll
”;
CHUCK
’s, “
The Curse of an Aching Heart
”;
CORA
’s,
‘The Oceana Roll
”;
while
HUGO
jumps to his feet and, pounding on the table with his fist, bellows in his guttural basso the French Revolutionary
“
Carmagnole
. ”
A weird cacophony results from this mixture and they stop singing to roar with laughter. All but
HUGO
,
who keeps on with drunken fervor
.

HUGO

Dansons la Carmagnole!

Vive le son! Vive le son!

Dansons la Carmagnole!

Vive le son des canons!

They all turn on him and howl him down with amused derision. He stops singing to denounce them in his most fiery style
.

Capitalist svine! Stupid bourgeois monkeys!

He declaims
.

“The days grow hot, O Babylon!”

They all take it up and shout in enthusiastic jeering chorus
.

“’Tis cool beneath thy willow trees!”

They pound their glasses on the table, roaring with laughter, and
HUGO
giggles with them. In his chair by the window
,
LARRY
stares in front of him, oblivious to their racket
.

CURTAIN

Eugene O’Neill (1888–1953) was born in New York City, the son of James O’Neill, a popular actor, and Mary Ellen Quinlan. During his childhood years he lived mainly in hotels with his family, following the tours of his father’s company; the only permanent home the young O’Neill knew was a summer cottage in New London, Connecticut, which later became the setting for
Long Day’s Journey into Night
.