The Ice Marathon (14 page)

Admittedly, in the darkness, it was hard to determine
colour. I looked at the number plate; it did seem familiar. But why would she
be here? Weren’t she and Dave supposed to be up country with family? If they’d
come back early then Nicky would have called me. Had they followed Simon too?
No, they couldn’t have done. We’d have seen their car.

“What’s the matter?” asked Tina, seeing me gawping at the
car.

“It’s my best friend’s car. The girl I used to live with.”

“Nicky?”

“Yes.”

“Well, what’s she doing here?”

“I have no idea.”

I hurried up towards the house. I rushed at the front door.
Suddenly, I felt a firm hand, pulling me back. I turned and was relived to note
that it was just Tina.

“Christ! You scared the hell out of me.”

“I didn’t want to shout and draw attention to ourselves.
They probably wouldn’t have heard me over the storm, but …”

“Why stop me?”

“Don’t go blazing in there.”

“Why not?”

“That’s what you always told me.”

“Well, what do you suggest?” I asked, frustrated.

“If people
are
lying to you, they’ll just continue to
lie.”

I thought about it; she was probably right.

“Why don’t we just … watch and listen, at least at
first.”

“How?”

She had already disappeared around the side of the house.
She came running back. “Not that side.” We hurried around to the other side.
Conveniently, there was a large window, but the curtains were shut.

“Around the back,” said Tina. “There might be a way in.”

“Tina, we can’t
sneak
in.”

“Emma, they kidnapped your baby!”

“Good point.”

However, when we turned the corner, my heart skipped a beat.
I saw Joseph! My little boy! The rain on the glass interrupted my view but it
was clearly him. My body prickled with a blizzard of sensations. My heart began
to race, I forgot to breathe and my legs felt like slush.

Here, at the back of the house, was another window, and only
one of the curtains had been pulled. I felt my throat tightening. It took all
the will I had not to run in there and grab him. I had to play this wisely. He
was so close to me, yet so far away.

Familiar, lovely, cuddly Nicky cradled him in her arms. I
felt warm – somebody on my team was in there, presumably fighting my corner.

But why was she there? It didn’t make sense. She had told me
that she was hundreds of miles away. Even if Simon had called her the moment he
touched down, she wouldn’t have been able to get here so quickly. She would
have had to
plan
to be here by now.

I began to feel dizzy. There was something decidedly wrong
about this scene, and I couldn’t work out what it was.

Suddenly it hit me, like a lead bar striking the back of my
head; Nicky and Dave were desperate for a child –
any
child. I looked at
Joseph in her arms, his mouth searching for my breast. She looked so happy – so
complete.

But they wouldn’t do
this
! They wouldn’t take my baby
away from me. She couldn’t possibly agree that Joseph would be better off with
anybody besides me! They knew, more than anybody, how stable I was, how capable
I was of looking after my son.

Watching Joseph now, I felt that I would stop at nothing to
be reunited with him. Could being infertile generate the same intensity of
feelings? Could it make you literally do anything for a child? Did it matter
whose child? Could you become so single-minded that you just wanted to be a
mother, no matter what it took?

How much of it had been set up? Did they see an opportunity
and swoop in there, or had they planned to take him from me all along? Had
Simon been part of the setup? Had he not really gone to the South Pole? Was that
just an excuse to leave me vulnerable?

No wonder Nicky was always so keen to set me up with Dave’s
‘friends’. They were planning this all along! How much had they paid Simon to
be part of this scheme? Was that why he had slept with me despite our rocky
beginning? How many other men had they approached to take part in their sick
scheme?

I couldn’t believe this. Nicky was my best friend. We’d
known each other for ten years, since university. I didn’t think she would hurt
me for the world.

But the facts said otherwise. I could see her with my own
eyes, cradling my baby. Dave entered the scene wearing his distinctive glasses,
the crotch of his sloppy jeans half way down to his knees. He was carrying a
bottle, which he passed it to Nicky.

“No!” I cried. “That’s
my
baby!” But my words were
lost in the torrential rain.

“Is that Nicky?” asked Tina.

I could barely bring myself to nod.

“Do you think she’s come to argue your case?”

I tried to shake my head, but I was paralysed. There was
only a pane of glass between me and the scene inside, but it felt like I was
watching from another planet. Apart from Tina, everybody I cared about was in
that room. I’d been betrayed by them all.

At what point had Nicky looked at her bipolar friend and
started seeing me as a baby factory – somebody vulnerable enough to undermine
when the time came?

“Can we get inside?” I wondered, more through morbid
curiosity than anything. I still had no form of coherent plan. My brain was
whirring, wondering how I could outwit these five adults.

Tina tugged the backdoor. It opened into a small hallway. We
snuck inside.

Now, sheltered from the rain, I could hear talking. I felt
uneasy being unable to see Joseph from here, but perhaps I could glean
something useful from what was being said – anything that could help me get my
boy back. I may have an incurable mental health problem, but at least honesty
was on my side.

“I’ve known her since university,” explained Nicky. “For at
least two years, she was a mess.”

You conniving little cow!

“She wouldn’t take her medication; she was in and out of
hospital …”

Yes! But then I got better!

“The police detained her under the mental health act
twice
.”

But then I got better!

“But then she got better.”

Hang on, what?

“Look at him,” she said, playing with Joseph’s little
fingers. “He’s perfect. I know Emma is my best friend, but friendship or no
friendship, I wouldn’t recommend anything that would hurt this little fellow.”

What was going on? Was my apparently duplicitous, conniving
cow of a best friend now fighting my corner? Perhaps my theory was entirely
wrong.

“She only came off lithium to protect Joseph,” she
explained, “from heart disease, I mean.”

Of course! The lithium – the threat to Joseph’s little heart
and other health risks. And suddenly, there was blood pumping through my veins
once again. Nicky couldn’t have staged this. She knew the dangers of taking
lithium during pregnancy. There was no way that she would have risked bringing
a severely disabled baby into the world. No matter how much she and Dave wanted
a child, they wouldn’t risk that.

I began to feel ashamed of myself. How could I have believed
that two of my best friends were trying to steal my baby behind my back, when
here was Nicky, defending me?

“She gave her baby up at the drop of a hat!” barked Gerald.

“It wasn’t the drop of a hat, though, was it Dad?”

Hearing Simon’s voice stopped my breath in my windpipe; my
lungs froze – half full, half empty. It was then that I realised that Simon’s
part in all this was of paramount importance to me – even more important that
my best friend’s involvement. I really did care about him.

“She gave him up,” repeated Gerald, gruff.

“Only for a few days, so she could recover,” Simon pointed
out.

“Well, where is she then? Where is she now? Huh?” Gerald
demanded, aggressively.

“I told her that I didn’t know where you were.”

“That’s proof that you think she’s unstable, if ever I heard
it!” he boomed.

“No it’s not!” cried Nicky and Dave in unison.

“I just didn’t want you upsetting her any further. And I
didn’t want to get her hopes up. I hope I can appeal to your common sense, but
I knew how unreasonable you can be.”

“Don’t talk to your mother like that!”

“I was talking to you, Dad.”

Tina whispered to me, “Do you think we should go in there?”

I was shaking. “No, not yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because … Because I have faith in Simon.”

Tina raised her eyebrows. Admittedly, I was being particularly
inconsistent, but there were emotions flying at me from every angle, as events
unfolded before me. It really did sound as though Simon was on my side.

“Emma is one of the most loving, caring women I have ever
met,” said Simon, with conviction. “She’s remarkable, in every way. And, if you
take our son away from her, you will be robbing a little boy of the best mother
he could ever have.”

Wow.

For a moment, nobody spoke.

There was a lump in my throat.

I felt myself welling up.

Best mother? Seriously? This man was deluded. But at least
he appeared to be deluded in my favour.

Finally, I heard Judy say, “And what’s your involvement
going to be?”

“Keep out of this,” growled Gerald.

Simon spoke, “I’m his father. I’ll be a father to him
whatever happens. But I promise you this, if you try to keep him away from his
mother, his brilliant, loving mother, I will fight you every step of the way.”

I threw the door open. I didn’t mean to. I was just overcome
by a sudden desire to do it. I stood there, staring into the room. Five faces
stared back at me.

My eyes scanned the room for Joseph. Where was he? Why was
he no longer in Nicky’s arms? I realised that Judy was holding him. She gazed
back at me, like a frightened rabbit in the headlights.

I found myself walking forward. I didn’t instruct my limbs
to do it, they just did. I stopped, a foot short of Judy, and held out my arms.
“Judy, please,” I muttered.

“Judy, if you hand our grandson over to that insane woman,
I’ll …” Gerald stumbled on his words.

“You’ll what, Dad?” asked Simon.

“Judy,” he said, in the same firm tone. “We talked about
this.”

I noticed that Judy was trembling. I looked into her eyes.
“Please,” I whispered.
From one mother, to another, please!

She wobbled, for a moment I thought she was going to give
Joseph back to me, but she continued to hold him firm.

“Do you love him?” I asked her.

She nodded.

“So do I,” I said, smiling at her kindly. All the other
people in the room seemed to slip away, and it felt as though it was just Judy,
Joseph and me. I remembered the day that she took me to the park; I remembered
her looking after Joseph so that I could nap. This was a woman who could
empathise with people, a woman who cared. She cared about Joseph and she cared
about me.

She stared back at me. She had big blue eyes like her son
and grandson – familiar eyes, eyes that I’d grown to love and trust. All of a
sudden, I knew she was going to do the right thing. I watched her defiant
expression thaw. Slowly, she held Joseph forward. I scooped him up in my arms –
my little boy.

I held him, feeling his warmth against me. It struck me that
I’d forgotten how warm he was – three days apart, and already I’d forgotten
this little detail. But remembering the tiny things, like the little horizontal
indent on his nose, and the wrinkle by his left ear, made the moment even
sweeter. He felt slightly heavier and his red hair was a touch thicker. I felt
aggrieved to think that I’d missed him gain an ounce, but he was back now, and
that was all that mattered.

I was vaguely aware of some noises in the room, shouting, I
think – it all seemed muffled, as if Joseph was omitting serene silence. I was
aware that somebody was behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, looking
over my shoulder. Then, one by one, I became aware of faces in front of me.

Finally, the sounds grew louder and the sights around me
moved back into focus. I turned and looked at Simon. I didn’t need to say
anything; the baby in my arms said it all.

“Let’s get you home,” he said, softly.

I nodded. “Did you find the car seat?”

“Dammit!”

“Are you all right?” asked Nicky, stroking my arm.

I looked at Joseph and smiled.

All I wanted now was to get my baby home. I was just about
to walk out through the front door, without ever looking back, when I realised
there was something I needed to do.

Still holding Joseph, I walked into the kitchen, to where
Judy was pretending to boil a kettle. Her eyes were red and puffy. “Thank you,”
I said, “Grandma.”

She tried to smile, but her lower lip trembled, betraying
her.

“Will you be okay?” I asked quietly.

She tried to nod, but it was more of a head tremble.

“We’ll call you tomorrow.”

I could hear Nicky calling, and I hurried to catch up with
her in the porch. When I reached her, she was full of words. I didn’t need to
hear them – I had my baby back and that was all that mattered – but perhaps she
needed to say them.

“We came back from Dave’s parents’ early. I couldn’t leave
you down here going through … all that.”

“Just as we were nearing home, Simon called,” said Dave.

“I managed to call mum while you were in the bathroom,”
explained Simon. “She told me where they were and asked me to come.”

“So you really did leave your charger at mine?”

“Yes. Wait, you didn’t
believe
me?”

“Now is not a time for one of your rows,” said Nicky,
firmly.

“I’m sorry,” said Simon. “I wanted to tell you where I was
going. But I thought you’d come marching in, all guns blazing.”

“That doesn’t sound like me,” I said, in a self-mocking
tone.