The House on Blackberry Hill: Jewell Cove #1 (Jewel Cove) (30 page)

Abby sighed, resting her forehead on his broad chest. She was in love with him, she finally admitted to herself. And it wasn’t just because he’d rescued her but because the very act of it had showed her the kind of man he was. He was the one she went to with her secrets. It didn’t matter anymore that his heart belonged to someone else and probably always would. That was completely separate from the demands of
her
heart. And right now hers was telling her that Tom was the most amazing thing to ever happen to her. It was, in that moment, the most thrilling and terrifying realization of her life.

“I wasn’t running away from you,” she said, reaching up and touching his face. “I just needed to clear my head.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know. But maybe it’s time you do. Can we sit down?”

Her knees ached as she followed him to the sofa. The cushions were deep and thick and she sank into them with a sigh. His cottage wasn’t big but it was cozy. She thought she could probably sit here and watch the birds and the ocean for hours.

“This place suits you, you know. Peaceful. A good place to hide away from the world.”

“You know me too well.” He sat beside her and tucked one foot beneath him so he was half turned in her direction. “And sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all.”

“And I feel like you know me better than anyone I’ve ever met.” She smiled a little. “I’m being cryptic, aren’t I?”

“A bit.”

She looked down at her lap. “You’ve been very open with me, Tom, far more than I’ve been with you.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “You told me about Erin, and that couldn’t have been easy. I trust you, and that’s something very new for me. And more than a bit scary.”

Their fingers were still joined and she rubbed her thumb over the warm, rough skin of his hand. Tom had working hands. Caring hands. Strong hands that had pulled her from danger. Hands that had touched her skin and set her on fire. She lifted his hand and pressed his palm to her lips.

“I’ve never really had what you’d call a stable home life. When my father died, my whole world got turned upside down. My mother ran out on us when I was just a baby, so when she got custody of me, I had no stability. We were always moving around. I didn’t make many friends because I knew I wouldn’t have them for long. I blended in. I missed my father so much, but Mom didn’t want to hear it. She just wanted to have fun and a kid didn’t really fit the image she was going for. I tried running away once and social services put me in foster care for a short while before sending me back to my mom. God, she was so angry that I’d drawn any attention to us.”

“I’m sorry, Abby, but I don’t get—”

She smiled sadly. “Bear with me.”

He squeezed her hand. “Okay.”

“My mom was killed in an accident when I was fifteen. She was driving drunk and hit a tree, and as much as I thought I hated her, she was still my mother, you know? By then my grandmother was all I had left. I finished high school, stayed close to her for college, but then she died, too. And I was all alone. Then I found out that there was this whole family out there that I never had the chance to know. I felt like my relationship with Gram had been meaningless, because she’d kept so much hidden. I never really knew her, you know? Every person I’d cared about, the people I’d trusted to be there for me … suddenly all gone.”

“Abs,” Tom said, softer now, and he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

“That was the lowest I’d ever been, losing her,” she confessed. “Gram had always told us that her parents died when she was a baby and she had been raised by her grandparents. They were in their seventies and died right before she got pregnant with my dad. And that was that.”

She leaned back, away from his embrace. “Don’t you see? Coming here, meeting you, all of it, it’s just been so confusing. I’ve never really had a home before. I’m not sure I’d even know what to do with one.”

She swallowed, looked out the window. “Everyone I’ve ever cared about has disappeared,” she murmured. “It hurts so much. If I stay here, if I start to care about this place … about the people … Today, I wasn’t avoiding you. I was just trying to get some clarity.”

C
HAPTER
20

Tom felt like all the air had been sucked from his lungs. Things that hadn’t made sense suddenly clicked into place. Her insecurities and her independence. The way she stood on the fringes, holding herself away from getting too close to anyone. Her need for control.

He closed his eyes. The way she’d melted in his arms, and the way she’d stopped him before he could make love to her. The way he’d yelled at her at the cemetery. Just as he’d started holding bits of himself back after that night at the Rusty Fern, Abby had built walls around herself. Walls that, if he were right, were in danger of being broken down—if he were willing to push.

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” he murmured, opening his eyes and looking into her pale face. “I would have been…”

“What? More sympathetic? The last thing I want is anyone’s pity.”

She was so much stronger than she gave herself credit for. “That day in your room. When you asked me to stop…”

Why was it he couldn’t seem to finish a thought? Even now, he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Of revealing too much.

She smiled at him. It wobbled a bit and her cheeks flushed. “You’re going to think me terribly innocent now. But the morning with you on my bed … I meant it when I said it had been a long time. I’ve never even—” She broke off and looked away. “Well, it wouldn’t have been my first time, but let’s just say I’ve yet to have my mind blown.”

What was she saying? That she’d never experienced good sex? A climax? The idea made him instantly hard. He would have made damn sure it was as good for her as for him.

Tom looked at her, dressed in his baggy clothes, her hair loose around her collar, her rain-washed skin glowing in the lamplight. She was a beautiful, confident, scarred woman. He thought briefly about Erin, who had sat on this very sofa and begged him to run away with her. Who had said she couldn’t make it without him. Tom had felt guilty that he couldn’t love her anymore, couldn’t take care of her. Erin had needed him and made no secret of it.

Abby was different. Abby didn’t expect anyone to take care of her. She relied on herself. From the first day, she’d gone toe-to-toe with him as he’d put his foot through her porch floor.

She was far more fearless than she realized.

He reached over and touched a finger to her cheek. “You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known.”

She smiled so sweetly his heart ached with it.

“I don’t know about that. But it’s nice of you to say so.”

She deserved so much better than the hand she’d been dealt. A home and security. A man who loved her. Maybe a couple of kids running around. She was kind but firm—she’d be a great mother. And he was torn between wanting to be the one to give those things to her and afraid he couldn’t. Time and circumstances had conditioned Tom not to fight. And while she’d opened up to him this afternoon, the whole tone of the conversation felt like a prologue to a new chapter called Moving On.

But that didn’t stop the chemistry from fizzing between them. Their gazes clung, and without saying anything more to ruin the moment, they began drifting closer, closer. His gaze dropped to her lips and they parted slightly, anticipating the touch of his mouth on hers—

When the phone rang they both jumped. “It can wait,” he said, his voice soft and husky. “Let it ring.”

She sat back. “No, answer it. With the storm it might be something important.”

He squeezed her hand and got up, going to the kitchen for the handset, disappointed at the interruption. When he returned to the living room moments later, he sat heavily on the sofa. There was a stinging behind his eyes that he couldn’t quite blink away.

“What is it?” she asked immediately. “What’s happened? It’s bad, isn’t it?”

He shook his head and gazed into her worried eyes. “That was Jess. It’s Sarah. She lost the baby.”

Abby’s eyes instantly filled. “Oh, God.”

“She’s in the hospital in Portland. They want to keep her overnight just in case.”

“They were so excited,” Abby said quietly. “After trying so long, for this to happen…”

Sadness settled around them. “The whole family is there,” he said. “One thing you have to say for the Collinses. They stick together when the going is rough.”

He used to be a part of that circle. Still was, but only to a point. It hurt sometimes, because he was as close to his cousins as if they were his sisters … and brother.

“You need to be there. Go.”

“What about you?”

“I’m going with you.”

She surprised him by standing up. The Abby he’d come to know shied away from anything bordering on personal involvement.

“I’m not sure my being there would be the best thing,” he suggested.

“Well, here’s a newsflash, Tom. This isn’t about you. This is about your cousin. And if Jess didn’t think you should be there, she wouldn’t have called you.” She tugged at his hand. “They are your family. Do you know how lucky you are to have them? Don’t you think I’d give anything to have mine again?”

She was right. But, big man that he was, Tom was scared. Of reaching out and of having his hand slapped back again.

“Jess and Sarah are right about one thing. This thing with Josh has gone on too long. Put it aside for this one day and just be there for her.”

How could he argue with that? She was absolutely right. There was just one problem.

What were the chances Josh would be on the same page?

*   *   *

Josh paced the hallway, away from Jess and away from the knowing eyes of his mother. Meggie saw too much when she looked at him and being here wasn’t easy. Right now he wished he was just about anywhere else.

But Sarah needed the family around her. He’d heard a lot of talk about God’s will lately. Well, if this was God’s will, it sucked.

And now they were all left outside in the hall, waiting for Mark to come out of Sarah’s room, waiting to go hold her hand or kiss her cheek and fumble about with trying to find the right words to say when there weren’t any right words at all. Nothing could make this better.

He stopped and looked out the window, staring unseeing into the sunny afternoon. The thunderstorms in Jewell Cove had blown through here earlier, leaving everything scoured and clean, like nature’s pressure washer. Pristine and beautiful while inside his guts were churning.

He’d wanted babies. Erin’s babies. He’d secretly hoped that she’d retire from the military with him, that she’d get pregnant with their child and opt not to do another tour. They’d talked about it, even. About starting a family and leaving the military life behind them for good.

But she had shipped out one last time. One final chance to do her part, she’d said, before coming back to Hartford. But he’d known all along. It wasn’t about duty or patriotism that last time. It had been to put distance between them and the marriage that never quite seemed to work.

After she was gone he’d discovered the receipts for her birth control. She’d been on them for months. The whole time they’d talked about having a baby and lamenting each month when she got her period, she’d been secretly taking them to prevent it.

He knew why she’d done it. It wasn’t that she didn’t want babies. She didn’t want
his
babies. And that hurt most of all.

Jess went by him, focused on something down the corridor, and he turned his head to follow her movement. “You came,” he heard her say, and he saw Tom walking toward them.

Josh’s fingers tightened into fists.

That woman was with him. Abby Foster, the one who’d inherited the mansion and had so coolly made him feel like an idiot at Sarah’s barbecue. She was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt that fit so loosely on her tiny frame that he knew they were Tom’s.

Maybe he should be grateful that Tom had managed to do what Josh, so far, had not. He’d moved on. Instead he just felt angry and jealous.

“How is she, Jess?” Abby’s voice reached him, and he had to give her credit. She seemed genuinely concerned.

“About how you’d expect.”

“The whole family’s here,” Tom said, and his gaze slid to Josh.

There was no animosity in the way his cousin looked at him. He simply waited … for what? For Josh to say he was sorry? For them to bury the hatchet? Josh knew he hadn’t always played fair. At the barbecue Tom had said that Josh won, but he was wrong. Josh had always known exactly where he stood in Erin’s heart. And he’d let that fact eat away at him a little each day.

And for what? Erin was gone.

He and Tom had been like brothers growing up. To say that he’d missed that closeness would be an understatement. Seeing Tom on the docks had hurt. It brought back memories of how things used to be along with a knowledge that they could never be the same again.

Since Erin’s death, holding on to his resentment had been all that had kept him going sometimes. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t live with the poison of it eating up his soul.

He stepped forward, his heart knocking around a little bit as he wasn’t used to either backing down or apologizing. But maybe Jess was right. Maybe it was time to put pride aside. For the sake of the family.

“Tom,” he said, holding out his hand.

Josh was dimly aware of Jess’s mouth dropping open and Abby’s eyes widening, but he made sure he kept his gaze solidly on Tom. A muscle ticked in Tom’s jaw and then he reached out and clasped Josh’s hand, a firm grip that transported Josh far into the past, to a time when they had sworn to always be brothers, not cousins. To stand up for each other, not against. Josh had so many regrets. God, he’d made a lot of mistakes. He didn’t quite know how to go about fixing any of them. But as Tom’s fingers tightened around his, he felt, for the first time in years, like he wanted to try.

“Thanks for coming,” he managed, but his voice sounded all strange and choked.

“It’s what family does,” Tom answered roughly. “Sticks together. Though it took Abby kicking my sorry ass to make me see it.”