The Hour of Dreams (22 page)

I sat down. “Well, I think you should send him an actual card and pictures. It’s more personal and will strike a chord more than a text. He needs to know what he’s missing.”

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized I needed to follow my own advice. Maybe Wes’ mind was too cluttered with other stuff to realize what we were missing. Hmm. I needed a way to change that. Several ideas popped in my mind. Candlelight dinner. Cliché. Romantic getaway. Cliché. Date night. Cliché. I had no clue how to restore that sorely missed spark, but I’d think of something.

I stayed hopeful until I got home that evening and there was a note on the counter from Wes, saying he’d gone to the race track.
What? Where did that come from?
He just took off on his own, without even inviting or calling me?
I took deep breaths and then scooped up my keys. Yes, I was being
that
girl. The one who chased down her man even when he was out with the guys. Sometimes it’s important, and I wouldn't have had to go to such measures if he wasn’t so out of sorts. I was worried about him.

Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot. The lights were on, but Wes’ car was the only one there. I pulled my jeep in right beside it and went to the front door of the hangar. It was locked and wasn’t budging, no matter how many times I shook it or rang the bell. After getting no answer and hearing the deafening sounds of a car engine, I walked around to the side fence for a better view. One of Wes’ sponsored cars was making its way on to the track, squealing its tires as it darted around the far bend. It flew around the track with a vengeance. I looked around for Wes, watching as he usually did, but he was nowhere in sight.

Not ready to give up, I decided to climb the fence. So, there I was, in the dark, in my jean capris, tank top, and flip flops, straddling the chain-link fence.

I dropped to the grass and made my way to the back side of the hangar. One garage door was up and I stepped inside to find Wes, but he wasn't there. It sank in then that Wes must have been
in
the car, which caused me to turn toward the track and pay closer attention. The car was flying around the turns dangerously. What was he doing?

He’d told me several times that he no longer drove because he’d passed the stage of needing the rush. Yet there he was, zooming around the track at night, all alone.

I pressed my lips together and stepped closer to the railing so that he could see me on the next pass. Which he did. At the sight of me, he applied the brakes, spun the car around, and rolled up next to me. He hoisted himself out of the window, wearing only jeans and a t-shirt. Not even a helmet.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, looking shocked.

“What are
you
doing here?” I retorted, crossing my arms. He didn’t answer. “Are you trying to hurt yourself?” He exhaled heavily, shrugged his shoulders, and looked away. “Well, why are you out here?” I pressed.

He looked back to me and leaned against the car. “I just wanted to feel the rush. To feel myself again.”

“How does this help you?”

“Because I feel like my mind is working so slowly now. I just want to speed it up so I can think more clearly.”

“Why didn’t you ask me to come with you?”

“Because. I can’t think while worrying about us all the time.”

I felt like someone had kneed me in the gut. A sharp breath escaped my chest, and I turned to walk away, furious and hurt. And then I thought about my conversation with Dawn. No matter what, I needed to be honest with myself and figure out where we fit. And that meant no more leaving things unsaid.

I turned back and stood directly in front of him. “Well, I’m sorry that worrying about us is such a chore. Sorry that I’m still nineteen. I may be healthy now, but I could get hit by a falling rock tomorrow. And every single thing we worked for would be for nothing. And you don’t want to worry about it?”

He was shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Really? Well, fill me in, please. Because one minute you’re telling me you love me more than anything, for
all
time. The next, you’re plotting behind my back to find a cure that’s supposedly for me, but completely risks your life. Then you don’t even remember me, but you say that you don’t need to remember me, because you ‘just know’ how you feel. Then you throw a fit when your cure gets wind under it without your consent, and now you don’t want to worry about us. Tell me, Wes. What is it that I missed on this ride?”

He took another frustrated, deep breath and shrugged. “I don’t know, Sophie. I’ve always had a purpose. This responsibility to carry on these memories for so long, and to find a cure. To save you. And all of that is done. Dr. Carter obviously doesn’t need me anymore. You don’t need me.”

“I do need you,” I said, feeling completely naked in front of him.

“No, you don’t. You’ve saved me so many times, I've lost count.”

“And you just saved me, Wes.”

“Okay. So now what? You’re married to me and what do I have to offer you now?”

“Are you serious?” He didn’t reply. “What happened to knowing we belonged together? Even when things didn’t make sense, ‘we belonged together.’ Don’t you still believe that?”

“I don’t know.”

“What?” My eyes started to water. “How could you say that?”

“I don’t know.”

I scowled, and was about to say something, when he swayed backward, stumbling against the car. He pressed his palm to his temple, and I rushed to steady him. Trying to offer support, I grabbed for his elbows, but he jerked them back. “Stop,” he snapped.

“Let me help you.”

“I’m fine. My equilibrium is just off. I’ll be fine.”

“Let me help you,” I pressed.

“No,” he said, fixing his gaze on me. “Stop helping me.”

His words shocked me. I looked into his eyes and saw that he was completely serious. “So, do you want me to go?” I asked.

“Yes, please,” he replied.

Okay. That pill was hard to swallow, and I couldn’t help but give him exactly what he wanted—before I said something I regretted. Without a word, I gave him one hard stare and then turned on my heels and started walking. He didn’t try to stop me, which hurt even worse.

When I reached my car, I was sobbing. Part of me wanted to turn around and fight for what I wanted, but the other part was too upset that he wasn’t doing exactly that.

I was fumbling with the door handle when I finally heard my name. Wes came jogging out, and, not wanting him to see my face, I hurried with the lock. He came upon me so fast, I jumped in panic.

“I’m sorry,” he said, grabbing me and turning me toward him.

My body was tense against his, but he held me tightly until I settled down. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Please. Don’t be upset. I have no idea what I was saying back there.”

I stood silent, tears still trailing, glad he couldn’t see my face. After several minutes, he repeated, “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to figure everything out. I woke up thinking I had a crush on you. Then I realized that everything I’d wanted had come true. Then I learned that I’d spent decades one way, fighting for a cure and your existence, to find it was all taken care of. I’m not sure where that leaves me in all this now. What do I do?”

My gaze finally settled on his. His brown eyes looked tired and his lids looked heavy. What to do didn’t seem that hard to me. “You love me,” I said.

He looked down. “I’m afraid to,” he whispered.

“Afraid of what?”

He was as uncomfortable as I’d seen him. “You and Dr. Carter have a clean slate now. You can do anything you want. Your future doesn’t have to depend on me anymore.”

Some of this was starting to make sense. It was like we were at another beginning all over again. “Has this been your way of pushing me away, for fear that I want something else? That I don’t need you?” He shrugged. “Wes…” I weaved my arms around him and pressed myself into a hug. “I am not going to choose any sort of life without you. It’s that simple. I just want you to be with me. That’s all. And you distancing yourself from me isn’t any sort of guarantee for my future.” He rested his cheek on my hair and gently squeezed me. “Can’t you feel it? We belong like this. Please don’t push me away,” I said.

He shook his head, so I gave him a shake to rouse him. To make him see. And in a bold move, I kissed him. It was a long overdue encounter that felt as intense as the first time we kissed. He held me tightly, as if he never wanted to let me go, and that was when I knew we would be okay.

Somehow, we’d managed to weed through all the in-between hills and valley stuff that real life had dealt, and we found our happy place that night. I was proud of that, because living life sounds fun and easy, but in reality it’s the hardest thing people have to do. And we were doing it. Maybe not gracefully, but we were doing it. And standing there, feeling like we’d won another battle, I did everything I could to push aside the thought in the back of my head —that I was still only nineteen.

Maybe it was selfish not to let Wes distance himself from me. After everything, if something did happen to me, it would be even more devastating for him. And even more so for us. Because now that he wasn’t guaranteed to age slowly or be nearly impenetrable, we weren’t guaranteed to meet again in the future, with him privy to our past. He’d given up his near immortality for unconfirmed dreams, but he insisted that it was worth it. He simply said he’d rather experience life normally, as we were meant to, and was sure it was the right thing to do.

The stakes were definitely high, and, with three months left until my birthday, all I could do was hang on to my now and keep myself busy. Wes convinced me to register for the fall semester of college, and my mom gave me the idea to throw Dawn a baby shower.

Dawn hated the idea of drawing attention to herself, so my mom and I took charge. I actually sent Jackson an invite, along with his parents. He was their son, so they should do the right thing, just like Jackson should. Whether they would show up or not was beyond me, but they got the invite.

The other invitees were Dawn’s parents, her brother, my mom, and Tom. It was small and intimate, so we decided to have it at my mom’s house. Spending the day there was comforting. My mom and Tom busied themselves in the kitchen, like old times. After setting up decorations, Wes and I took a break and sat on the couch. It was hard not to remember all of the times we'd sat there. Our first date, when my mom grilled him about his money. I laughed out loud at the thought. The time when we told my mom about our past. It was all there, and it felt nice knowing my mom and Tom were still so close to us.

The doorbell rang a few minutes early. I was expecting it to be Dawn, with a grumpy face, but when I swung open the door, standing there in a summer dress was Jackson’s mom, next to a taller man in khaki pants. And behind them stood Jackson and his brother.

I could not believe it. “Um, come in,” I said, offering a pathway with my hand.

“Thank you,” his mom spoke up, stepping in first.

Jackson nodded nervously as he passed. My mom came around the corner from the kitchen and stopped short in her tracks, but she regained her composure quickly. She played the perfect hostess, taking their gifts and setting them down in the living room. As I was about to offer them drinks, the bell rang again.

“I’ll get it,” I said, wondering how this was going to go down.

Now standing on my mom’s porch was Dawn, her parents, and brother, Danny. When I opened the door, she had a confused expression on her face. “Is that Jackson’s parents’ car?” she asked.

I nodded and offered a smile. She and her father looked annoyed, but her mother nodded back and led the way into the foyer. I could tell that Dawn was afraid to be seen, but she looked so cute in her black leggings and an off-the-shoulder, plum-colored princess-style shirt that flowed past her growing belly.

“Come on,” I said, taking her hand. I led her into the living room and, upon her entrance, Jackson stood up, locking eyes with her. She looked away quickly. My mom interrupted the awkward moment by talking about how amazing Dawn looked.

I gave Dawn a subtle shrug, hopefully signaling that I didn’t set up the awkwardness on purpose. I really didn’t think they would come.

After a few more minutes of uncomfortable small talk, we sat down to brunch. My mom and Tom took charge of the conversation with expert poise. By the middle of brunch, we’d learned that Jackson was attending college on a scholarship, but had decided to attend one within driving distance so that he could visit as much as possible. His parents assured their financial support, and, although Dawn was ridiculously quiet, she went with the flow.

At the end, it occurred to me that we really hadn’t talked much about Dawn’s future, and I found myself looking at her with pity. I didn’t want that, so I spoke up.

“Dawn’s already received a scholarship to attend Berkeley when she graduates. If she keeps her grades up.”

“Really?” Mr. Healey asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s from the California Blood Research Lab.” Dawn always talked about her interest in psychology, so I went with it. “Yes, there’s a new program studying the way medical procedures affect people mentally, so they’re offering a full ride to a psychology major interested in that track.”

Thankfully, Wes chimed in. “Yes, Sophie applied for her. She can dual enroll this fall, if she wants. The scholarship will be there.”

“I can’t accept,” Dawn said.

“Of course you can,” I urged. “You’ll be hanging out on campus with me. I’m going in the fall too.”

“Really?” my mom chimed in.

“Yes.” I smiled. “Wes encouraged me to register. So it will be me and Dawn together on campus.”

And for the first time, that was something that struck a nerve with Jackson, who shifted noticeably in his seat. Perhaps he was jealous that she would have a life too and meet new people? I wanted to smile, but then realized Dawn was upset with all the attention.

Setting her napkin down, she excused herself from the table. Maybe I’d pushed the situation a bit much. I was about to go after her when Jackson completely surprised us all. He quickly stood, cleared his throat, and followed her without a word.