The Homework Machine (2 page)

BRENTON DAMAGATCHl, GRAPE 5

What does “cool” mean, anyway? Did you know that Abraham Lincoln once said “That is cool”? It's true. I looked it up. He said it in his famous Cooper Union speech. Google it if you don't believe me.

I feel that a person can change himself or herself no more than a giraffe can decide it doesn't like having a long neck. It would be easy enough to buy the latest clothes and watch the hot new TV shows and surround myself with cool things. But that wouldn't make me cool. Nothing will ever make me cool. Some people are simply destined not to be cool. And I'm cool with that.

If everybody was cool, everybody would be the same. Nobody would be cooler than anyone else. There would be nobody to make fun of. So I suppose I serve a purpose, in a weird way.

MISS RASMUSSEN, FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER

Our claim to fame at the Grand Canyon School is that we are the closest school to the Grand Canyon. We're about a half a mile from the South Rim. If you've ever been to the canyon, our school is south of El Tovar and near Bright Angel.
We go all the way from kindergarten to twelfth grade, and I believe we have the only high school that is in a national park.

By September, most of the tourists have gone back to work and school. It gets pretty quiet around here. But it's nice in a way, because we have the canyon to ourselves. We've got a lot of great teachers, nice parents, and good kids here. But sometimes, I guess, good kids do bad things.

SAM DAWKINS, GRADE 5

Somebody told me that the human brain isn't fully formed until we're about twenty years old. That's why kids do dumb things sometimes. And that's why we're not allowed to vote and drink and stuff. So can you really blame us for the dumb thing we did? I don't think so. Our brains aren't fully formed yet,

MISS RASMUSSEN, FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER

Some teachers like to have the desks arranged in perfect columns and rows. In graduate school, one of my professors told me that the children learn better when they work in small groups. I divided the class into six groups of four kids, and we pushed the desks together in those groups.

I had no big plan to put Brenton, Kelsey, Judy, and Sam together. I did it alphabetically. All their last names started with D. We called them the D Squad.

Every child is unique, of course. It's necessary to treat them as individuals. Just like me, Sam was new to this area, and he had some initial problems adjusting to the curriculum and the other students. Judy seemed very studious from the start, and I could tell that it was very important for her to be a high achiever. Kelsey was the opposite. She didn't appear to like school very much. And Brenton, well, Brenton was … different.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHI, GRADE 5

It makes no difference to me where I sit. I'll get the same information whether I'm sitting on one side of the room or the other. I don't ordinarily strike up friendships with my classmates. Snik, Judy, and Kelsey pretty much ignored me, and I ignored them. At least in September. It was fine.

BRENTON'S MOM

He was always different, from the moment he was born. I don't think he ever cried when he was a baby. Not even once. When he was
hungry, he would just look at me with this look that said, “If I could speak, I would be saying I need a bottle.”

He spoke very early. He had no interest in watching television or playing with other children. Instead, he would play chess against himself. He taught himself how to play the piano as soon as he was big enough to climb up on the bench. When he was just six, he wrote a concerto. Really! And that's what he called it, too. “My concerto.” I don't know where he got the word “concerto.” I still don't know what it means. He was very special.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHl, GRADE 5

I was thinking of starting a club for kids like me, who don't particularly enjoy the company of other people. We could call it The Antisocial Club. We could hold meetings and talk about the best ways to avoid other people. But then I decided that the best way to avoid other people would be to not start the club.

KELSEY DONNELLY, GRADE 5

The good thing about sitting at Brenton's table was that you could copy answers off him. He
knew everything, and he didn't care if you peeked at his papers. That's the only reason I got a B in math for the first marking period. I copied off Brenton.

SAM DAWKINS, GRADE 5

What did I think of the other kids at my table when I first met them? Let me think. First impressions? Judy: stuck-up. Kelsey: a loser. Brenton: mutant dork from another planet. I was the only cool one.

JUDY DOUGLAS, GRADE 5

Oh, I didn't like Snik at all in the beginning. He had really long hair, which I personally think looks terrible on a boy. And he had this very smart-alecky “I hate the world” attitude. It's typical of boys with low self-esteem, I understand. He struck me as, and I hate to say this, but he struck me as stupid.

Kelsey, well, she just didn't seem to care about anything, and I found it very hard to relate to her because I care so much about everything. She and Snik were not the kind of people I would ever hang around with.

Brenton … What can I say about him? I was
in awe of him. I've been in Brenton's class ever since first grade, and he was always smarter than me. I try so hard all the time and he never seemed like he was trying at all. I was in awe of his natural intelligence. I had never met anyone who was smarter than me. I almost felt like nobody should be allowed to be that brilliant. I never made fun of Brenton the way other kids did.

RONNIE TEOTWAWKI, GRADE 5

My name is Ronnie Teotwawki. I sat on the other side of the room, near the cloakroom. Why do I have to be here? I didn't have anything to do with it.

I never wanted to sit with any of those D Squad losers. Snikwad is a jerk. Everybody knows he got thrown out of his last school. Personally, I loved it when the four of them got in trouble. It took the attention off me.

KELSEY DONNELLY, GRADE 5

I guess it all started because of homework. Homework sucks, but I do it. It would suck even worse to fail and have to repeat a grade because I didn't do my homework.

SAM DAWKINS, GRADE 5

I've always been antihomework, and I'll tell you why. We work at school all day long. Then, finally, three o'clock comes and we can go home. And what do we have to do at home? More schoolwork! It's not fair. When I get home from school, my brain needs a rest. I want to hang out and watch some TV or play video games. Homework is like punishment you get just for being a kid.

MISS RASMUSSEN, FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER

I came across a worksheet titled “The Ten Commandments of Homework.” I made a copy for everyone in the class. For their first homework assignment of the year, I asked everyone to write his or her feelings about it.

1. Homework is an essential part of learning.
   
2. Not doing your homework because you do not believe in homework is self-defeating behavior.
   
3. Keep track of your daily assignments.
   
4. The more you review information, the easier it is to remember and the longer you are able to retain it. Even though you may not have written work to
   do, you can always review or reread assignments.
   
5. It is your responsibility to find out what you have missed when you are absent. Take the initiative to ask a classmate or teacher what you need to make up.
   
6. Have a place to study that works for you, one that is free from distractions. Be honest with yourself about how well you study when the TV or stereo is playing.
   
7. Make sure you have everything you need before you begin to work.
   
8. Develop a schedule you can follow.
   
9. Be rested when you study. It is okay to study in short blocks of time. Marathon study sessions may be self-defeating. Study for 30 to 40 minutes at a time, then take a 5-to 10-minute break. Estimate the amount of time it will take to do an assignment and plan your break time accordingly.
   
10. Prioritize your homework so that you begin with the most important assignment first. For instance, study for a test and then do the daily assignment.
    

SAM DAWKINS, GRADE 5

Miss R. gave us this dumb assignment to write about those Ten Commandments of Homework. This is what I turned in:

1. We live in a democracy, where we have freedom, right? We're entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. So how can I pursue happiness if I have to spend every night doing homework? Homework is cruel, totalitarian punishment created by grown-ups to take away the freedoms of poor, defenseless children.
   
2. Nobody ever saved a life, won a war, stopped a crime, or cured a disease while they were doing homework. Think of all the good things we could be accomplishing if we didn't have to spend so much time doing homework.
   
3. Doing homework causes eyestrain, fatigue, insomnia, and other physical ailments.
   
4. Thomas Edison went to school for four months. He never did any homework, and look how he turned out.
   
5. There's a name for working without getting paid. It's called slavery, and it was banned during the Civil War. If kids are forced to do homework, they should be paid for it.
   
6. Homework is proof of teacher incompetence. If a teacher is any good, students would learn the stuff in school and wouldn't have to learn it again at home.
   
7. Doing homework wastes valuable natural resources.
   We have to use lots of energy to keep all those lightbulbs burning. We have to cut down trees to make paper and pencils. We'd save a lot of energy by banning homework.
   
8. I keep hearing that American kids are way too fat, and that's because we don't get enough exercise. For every minute kids are doing homework, we are getting fatter. Kids should be outside running around and getting exercise, not inside doing worksheets.
   
9. Virtually every known murderer, bank robber, and criminal did homework when they were children. How can we be sure the homework didn't cause the criminal behavior?
   
10. Homework sucks. There should be a constitutional amendment banning it.
    

MISS RASMUSSEN, FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER

I didn't like what Sam wrote, but I gave him a B for using his creativity.

SAM'S MOM

We've had to move around a lot, and Sam never got to stay in one school very long. My husband was stationed in Oregon and we liked living there. But Sam was going through a difficult phase and
he got suspended from school last year. We thought it would be a good idea to move and get a fresh start somewhere else. There's an air force base near Phoenix. My husband requested a transfer, and that's what brought us here. That was before the war broke out, of course.

Back in Oregon, Sam simply refused to get a haircut, and he refused to do his homework. We couldn't do anything to help him. What are you supposed to do, strap your child to a chair and whip him? Kids reach an age when they naturally become defiant.

So we made a deal with Sam. He didn't have to get a haircut if he would do his homework. We figured that homework was more important than hair. When it comes to raising kids, you have to choose your battles. His hair looked horrible, but at least he was doing his homework.

JUDY DOUGLAS, GRADE 5

Okay, I admit it. I
like
homework. Kids make fun of me and all, but I think it's necessary and a part of our education. Homework reinforces what we learn in school each day. My friends and I used to go over each other's houses and do our homework together. It was fun. It was a social
thing. I always thought Snik made a big deal out of nothing. It's just homework.

MISS RASMUSSEN, FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER

Compared to other teachers, I don't even really assign that much homework. I give the students about forty-five minutes a night. That's it. It was a lot different when I was a child. I remember spending hours every night doing homework. I practically lived in the library. I never complained. Back in those days, if you didn't do your homework or you misbehaved, you might get a yardstick rapped against your knuckles. Today, of course, we don't do that. Then again, I'd say the kids aren't as motivated these days, either.

We study a lot about Arizona history and geography of the western United States in fifth grade, so we devote a lot of time to that. We also cover the solar system. Explorers. Things like that. I thought the kids would like it. The homework isn't hard.

SAM DAWKINS, GRADE 5

So one day back in September, Miss Rasmussen passes out our homework assignment just as the
bell rings. I'm in a bad mood because it's been a long day and I just don't feel like going home to do more schoolwork. You know what I mean. And I look over at Brenton. He sticks the homework assignment in his backpack like it doesn't bother him at all. You could give him
ten
hours of homework and he'd be perfectly happy. The kid is like a human computer.

So I start in on him, saying he probably spends all his free time doing homework. And he says something in that voice of his like, “Well, no, actually I don't spend
any
time at all doing homework.”

Say what? I ask him if he's got a brother or sister who does his homework for him. That would be a sweet deal, right? He says no. He says he invented a machine that does his homework for him. I said, “Get outta town!”

That's the first I heard of the homework machine.

BRENTON DAMAGATCHI, GRADE 5

It was a mistake on my part. I allowed my emotions to govern my behavior. But I have never understood why average and under-average students feel a necessity to poke fun at those of us
who work hard and do well in school. If anything, it should be the other way around. I suppose I didn't appreciate Snik making fun of me. But it was a fatal blunder on my part to have told him about the homework machine. I accept full responsibility.