The Holly Project (14 page)

I retreated to my bedroom and instinctively reached for my journal. Holding Mum’s charm bracelet in one hand, my journal in the other, Audrey and Zara’s words ran through my brain. Both were convinced Ryan was good for me. Perhaps I could let things go on a little bit longer. He could be my safe haven. Was that so selfish? It was his idea in the first place to keep it casual, so perhaps I could let him be the one to end it.

When I arrived at work Monday morning, I was surprised to see Ryan coming out of Slater’s office. We locked eyes immediately. He walked towards me, never breaking eye contact.

“You’re working from my offices this week.” His tone was cold and demanding. “My car is downstairs.”

“Um… okay,” I stuttered. “I’ll just get my things together.”

“I’ll meet you at our café.” The fact that he referred to the café where we’d met as “our café” gave me hope he wasn’t too mad at me for ignoring his calls yesterday.

When I walked into the café, he was sitting at the same table we’d first sat at. It was hard to believe that only two weeks had passed since then. So much had happened in that time.

“Hi.” I sat down opposite him and picked up my coffee. “Thanks.”

“What’s going on, Holly?” he asked. “Why have you been ignoring my calls? I was worried.” He stared down at his coffee.

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “I was confused.”

“Confused about what?” He shuffled his seat around so it was closer to mine. “I thought we agreed we had the perfect arrangement.”

“I know. We do. I just have a nasty tendency to overthink everything. Ask my friends.” I attempted a laugh to lighten the mood. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

“Are you sure?” He frowned, looking unconvinced.

“I promise. I’m sorry. I just had to get my head straight.”

“Hey.” His hand gently took hold of my chin to hold my gaze. “You talk to me when you’re overthinking anything. Especially if you’re overthinking us, okay?”

“Okay. I’m sorry you were worried.”

His hand released my chin. “I thought you were going to end this.”

“Nope. You’re stuck with me for a while yet I’m afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of that, Holly.” His relief was clear and his smile returned.

That one sentence made me wonder if he too was getting in deeper than he had anticipated. Maybe we were still on the same page – we’d just moved to the next chapter.

A week working at the Davenport offices turned into a month. Our arrangement had been working out perfectly. During the week, we would keep our distance. The project progressed faster than expected and the mood in the office was upbeat. We hadn’t talked again about the status of our relationship.

Ryan rented a new apartment in Milsons Point, overlooking the northern pillars of the Harbour Bridge. Friday afternoons couldn’t come soon enough.

“When’s your birthday?” he asked out of the blue, as we lay in each other’s arms after a particularly athletic workout in the bedroom.

“July twenty-fifth.” I hoped he wouldn’t remember it was the day we met.

“Oh really? I thought your name might have meant you were a Christmas baby.”

“Close.” I cringed at the memory. “Dad took Mum for a weekend away to the Blue Mountains. I think they call it a babymoon. She was eight months pregnant with me. They were doing the whole Christmas in July thing and I decided to enter the world a month early. I was born in the hotel lobby, surrounded by Christmas decorations. So they named me Holly.”

“Wow. That would have been an unforgettable experience for your parents.”

“And the hotel staff, I imagine.” I couldn’t help laughing.

“Well, it’s not your birthday, but I have something for you.”

“Really? Why would you get me something?” I felt nervous for some reason.

“Don’t freak out, babe,” he said, laughing at the shocked look on my face. “It’s only very small.”

He got out of bed and strode across the room naked. The man was spectacular. He reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved a small, velvet pouch. Turning around, he dazzled me with his smile and the now-unmistakeable look of adoration in his eyes. I was completely in love with him and I suspected the feeling was mutual. But neither of us was going to say it.

Every time we were apart, I tried to talk myself into breaking it off. But the second I saw him, I was helpless to his magnetic draw. There were no longer crevices in the protective walls I’d built. The crevices had turned into giant canyons, leaving my heart completely vulnerable.

As he handed me the black pouch, my hands started to shake. I slowly untied the drawstring. I could feel something small and hard and I instantly knew it was a charm. Tears welled in my eyes as I retrieved the tiny piece of silver.

“It’s a hummingbird,” Ryan whispered.

“I know,” I choked, trying to hold onto my threatening tears. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.” I leaned over and kissed him. “I love it.”

“You’re welcome, beautiful.” He pushed my hair behind my ears and wiped up the tears that had spilled down my cheeks. “I wanted you to have a reminder of me.”

“Why would I need a reminder?” I asked, suddenly wary. “I see you all the time.”

“I’m heading to London on Sunday for a while. I told you I’d have to meet with investors at some point. The meeting has been scheduled for next week.”

“Oh.” I took some deep breaths, desperately trying to stop the tears, which continued to fall. “That’s okay. I’m sure I can find a replacement while you’re away.” I don’t know why I said it. I think I was trying to conceal my attachment to him.

“What the fuck, Holly?” Suddenly Ryan was on top of me. “Please don’t say things like that. No one touches you but me.”

My head was telling me to address this out of control situation immediately. When had our “perfect casual arrangement” turned into an exclusive and jealous relationship? Unfortunately, the rest of my body was enjoying the attention he was paying my breasts. When he started to feather kisses down my stomach, I could barely remember my own name. He always had that effect on me.

“Will you come to a work function with me tomorrow night?” he asked later, when we were almost asleep.

“What?” I asked, groggily. “Do you think that’s a good idea, being seen together? We’ve been so lucky so far.”

“It’s just a construction company putting on drinks. I’m thinking of using them for a future development. It would be much more bearable if you came. No one from Slater Jenkins will be there.”

“Okay. I don’t see the harm.” Famous last words.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan’s outburst the night before. It might have been just a knee-jerk reaction to my joke about replacing him, but something about it bothered me.

Knowing he was leaving for London the next day, I decided to just let it go. Perhaps some space was exactly what we needed.

“Let’s have lunch at Watsons Bay today,” Ryan suggested as we walked down the street to get a coffee. “It’s a perfect day to sit outside. Invite your friends if you like. I’ll see if Mark and Toby are free.”

I had met his best mates from school a few times and really liked them.

“Okay, I’ll give Audrey a call.”

Audrey was keen – and she was bringing Corey, Zara and Jason, too. Zara had broken up with Jake a few weeks ago. She appeared unfazed, as far as I could tell.

“I’ll pop in to see Mum and Dad quickly if that’s okay? It’s on our way, and I haven’t seen them in ages.”

“Sure. Okay.” I hadn’t been back to their place since the morning we flew to the Hummingbird. “I haven’t met your mum.”

“I have to warn you, Mum and Dad can be a bit hard to take when you get them together. I apologise in advance for their behaviour. It’s just their way.”

Ryan parked the Aston in the visitor’s parking spot and we walked, hand in hand, into the luxury apartment building.

Ryan’s mother looked shocked, possibly even horrified to see us. “What are you doing here, Ryan?” She was still tying her pink robe around her waist. I thought that was odd, given it was nearly lunchtime.

“Good to see you too, Mother,” Ryan replied sarcastically.

“Oh, sorry, son. How are you?” She gave him a kiss on the cheek, but was clearly agitated by his presence.

“I’m good. Mum, this is Holly Ashton. Holly, this is my mother, Jessica Davenport.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Davenport,” I said politely.

“Oh good God, girl. Call me Jessica.”

“Okay. Jessica.” I laughed a little. There was something about her I liked immediately.

Jessica glanced behind her. “How about I get dressed and we pop out for a coffee?”

Ryan stepped past her. “What’s going on, Mum? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

“Of course I’m happy to see you, darling. I’m just a bit tied up at the moment.” Her cheeks flamed.

I was struck by the horrible thought that we’d interrupted his parents having sex.

“Who’s at the door?” a man’s voice called out from another room.

The flush on Jessica’s cheeks drained and she suddenly looked pale.

“Who is that?” Ryan asked in barely more than a strained whisper. “That’s not Dad’s voice. Are you having an affair?”

Jessica’s lack of response was all the confirmation required.

“Oh my God. You’re having an affair.” Ryan started pacing the room, looking disoriented.

I just stood in the doorway like a deer in headlights. I had braced myself for some discomfort, but this was out of the ballpark.

“You should’ve called,” Jessica replied, eventually.

“Why? So you could’ve hidden this from me?”

Snapping out of my stupor, I moved to stand next to Ryan. He seemed oblivious to my existence, but that was understandable.

He picked up a frame off the bookshelf next to us. It was his parents’ wedding photo.

“Yes. That’s exactly why. This is none of your business, Ryan.”

“My mother having an affair behind my father’s back is none of my business?” he seethed.

“Your father knows. We are getting a divorce. He’s been seeing other women for years.”

The frame dropped out of Ryan’s hands and crashed to the hardwood floor. All I could do was stare at the photo, now covered with shattered glass.

“I heard a crash. Is everything ok?” The man whose voice we’d heard earlier appeared in the lounge room. Well, this was awkward.

“Please, Jonathan. This isn’t the time for introductions,” Jessica said.

Jonathan looked at Ryan, then at me before disappearing back to the bedroom.

I stepped forward and grabbed Ryan’s hand, squeezing it gently. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. He just kept staring at the closed bedroom door. I thought maybe he was in shock.

Jessica grabbed a dustpan and brush and started nervously cleaning up the mess. I just stared at her, trying desperately to work out the best way to handle this.

“I’m really sorry, darling,” she said, glancing up. “But it’s been a long time coming and it’s for the best.”

“How could you do this? And where the hell is Dad?”

“He hasn’t lived here for a long time, Ryan.”

“What are you talking about? I visited him here a couple of months ago.”

“He’s not meant to be here but he turns up from time to time when he’s had a few too many drinks. I don’t have the heart to take his key.”

“I need to leave,” Ryan whispered, more to himself than to his mother. “I have a plane to catch tomorrow. Jonathan seems really great.”

I could hear the sarcasm dripping off his last comment.

He strode towards the door, dragging me behind him. I managed to glance back and mouth a rushed goodbye.

We sat in the car in silence for a long time. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I spoke quietly. “Do you want to go home? I can just call the guys and tell them something came up.”

He didn’t look at me, but he nodded his head a fraction.

I called Audrey, then used Ryan’s phone to call Toby. There was no way Ryan could be social right now.

We drove in silence all the way back to my apartment. I wasn’t sure what he needed from me – if he needed anything at all.

“Do you want to come up?” I asked, when he didn’t make a move to get out of the car.

“I need some time to think, Holly.” He looked at me and I was shocked by the hurt in his eyes. He was crushed. “I’d like to be alone.” He turned his gaze back to the windscreen.

“Okay. Whatever you need. I presume we won’t be going to the function tonight?”

“No. I need to go. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“I’ll come.” I reached over and kissed his cheek. He flinched at my touch. “See you later, then.” As I started opening the door, he grabbed my arm.

“Wait. I’m sorry about all of this, Holly. I’ll pick you up at seven okay?”

“Don’t be sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but I know how consuming grief can be.” I kissed him again, on the lips this time. He returned my kiss briefly, then squeezed his eyes shut and pulled back.

“I’ll see you later.”

As I watched him roar off, it occurred to me that I’d never really pushed him to explain why he was so averse to serious relationships. Today’s drama would no doubt be the last nail in the coffin for him. I guess we were both as screwed up as each other.

“You look stunning,” Ryan said as I walked out of my apartment building.

I had put Audrey in charge of my outfit and judging by Ryan’s lustful stare, she had met the brief. She had talked me into a short, black, satin dress with shoestring straps and silver detailing. It was sexy, yet elegant. I knew Ryan would love it. She had also insisted I complete the outfit with her silver, strappy Jimmy Choos. I left my hair out and wore a little more makeup than usual. Ryan was hurting and I didn’t know how to help him. But I did know how to distract him.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I replied as I approached.

“Let’s just skip the drinks and head back to my place.” He kissed me with an urgency that I suspected had more to do with today’s events than with me.

“I’m all dressed up now, and you did say it was important.”

“You’re right,” he groaned. “Let’s go.”