The Hired Wife (10 page)

“What’s a
stammer?”

“People who
stammer can’t speak easily, especially when they’re nervous or
afraid. The tongue catches on a letter and repeats it. Doubtless
faced with being pummelled Lord Adderbury probably wasn’t able to
speak at all.”

“Henry would
have told me if Adderbury had a stammer.”

“I doubt
it.”

“What did you
say?”

“If Adderbury
is so proud, why did he marry his housekeeper’s daughter?”

“He did
what?”

“Morley must
have forgotten to mention it.”

“I know you
don’t like Henry, but he’s my only friend. He’s treated me like a
brother since the day we met. I expect you to treat him with
respect. That’s an order!”

“Yes my
Lord.”

“Address me
like a God and you’ll feel my wrath! I’m in no mood for
impudence.”

Mary’s heart
collapsed as the sharp words inflicted pain. “As you wish Mr
Godfrey.”

“What’s wrong
with you? Have you forgotten my name? Are you sulking?”

“No Marshall.”
She bit her lip as she was steered into the house.

“Don’t sulk; I
can’t stand people who sulk. I’ve asked you to be polite and I
expect to be obeyed.” If he’d wanted to remind her she’d been hired
to do a job, he’d succeeded. She felt sick with hunger and a
strange ache in her chest that made her long for privacy.

…

Marshall’s loud
rebuke drew four pairs of concerned black eyes. The shy twenty year
old Charles Smirke turned to his eldest brother and whispered, “Am
I losing my mind or is there something…magical about Lady
Raynham?”

Cecil Smirke
watched the thin woman disappear into the house from the advantage
of his twenty-two years, “If you wish to fall in love with a pauper
you’d best pay a visit to Cousin William, the one dying of the pox
who thinks his diamonds are crystallised thoughts. He hasn’t made a
will yet.”

“Yes he has,
he’s leaving all his ‘thoughts’ to his favourite nephew.”

“Not Cosmo
again?”

“Yes…Cosmo the
greedy mesmerizing pig!

“I’m a charming
pig.”

Twenty-one year
old George Smirke snorted, “They only leave you their money so
they’ll be spared your sewer jokes in the afterlife. If I was a
wealthy old dame I’d leave my money to me. I’m an extremely
pleasant fellow and unlike you, I don’t flatter people to death
with blatant lies. I can’t believe great Aunt Tilly left you all
her money when I was the one who carried her up and down the stairs
every day her last three months. All you did was spoon-feed her
tall tales about her non-existent beauty. You’re nineteen; what do
you need six estates for?”

Cosmo’s voice
took on a tone of smug satisfaction, “Perhaps if you used a little
flattery instead of muscle, you’d inherit something before Uncle
John dies again and leaves you his widow to feed.”

George expelled
a heavy sigh, “With my luck Uncle John will outlive me.”

Cecil put an
arm around George’s shoulders, “Smile, you may find a wealthy wife
today. Bucky may only want us to protect his rich sisters from
Morley, but he didn’t say we couldn’t fall in love with them and
carry them off to a vicar. I think Papa would be pleased if one of
us returned to London with a wealthy fiancé. Repeat after me; I
love rabbits. Rabbit’s are adorable with their little tails
twitching as they jump. Rabbits are graceful and eat a lot of
grass. Rabbits taste like chicken…”

Cosmo elbowed
George, “I’d rather marry a rabbit than that cow, Alyce Godfrey!
When I kissed her hand and told her she was a divine creature she
took it as her due and gave me no more notice than if I’d been an
ugly footman. I’ve seen better looking women churning butter in
Adderbury!”

George sighed
as he silently agreed, “When I kissed Lady Alyce’s hand she laughed
at my cravat and whispered loudly to Morley that I walked as if my
smalls were too small. How is a man supposed to defend himself
against a private whisper?”

Cecil filled
his lungs for a brotherly discourse, “As Papa says, ‘When a woman
says something unkind…”

Cosmo elbowed
Cecil in the chest, “We all know what Papa says. Never mind
George’s silly walk, let’s go see if our hearts will dance for some
rabbits.”

“I don’t have a
silly walk.”

Charles
scowled, “Stop referring to Bucky’s sisters as rabbits. We don’t
even know if his sisters have buck teeth or not. We don’t want
Cecil calling them rabbits in their hearing or none of us will be
hopping to the altar.”

Cecil shook his
head, “You don’t understand women Charles. Women adore rabbits;
they’re small, furry and cute.”

Charles wasn’t
going to lose the argument, “Except for Mamma, god rest her soul,
and our female servants; you haven’t yet had a single conversation
with a woman without saying something stupid and making yourself
look like a fool. Didn’t you see poor Lady Raynham blush when you
admired her hair and told her it looked like someone had poured a
bucket of honey over her head? Women don’t want to be thought of as
dripping with honey or compared with a rabbit muff…”

“Lady Raynham
said the comment was charming.”

George Smirke
rolled his black eyes, “She’s a kind woman. She’d probably think
you charming if you had two heads and one of them spoke French and
called himself Napoleon. Cecil, I have that bad feeling again. Are
you sure we did the right thing in leaving London without telling
Papa?”

“We left him a
letter; besides you know he’d be livid if we dragged him away from
Brighton if he’s courting that friend of Aunt Agnes. I hope she
doesn’t cringe or laugh at his stammer.”

“But Papa is so
protective of Robert…where is Robert? Robert?”

“I’m over here.
Look at this snail; I’ve never seen one like it.”

“That’s
exciting Robert, don’t eat any poisonous mushrooms or drown in the
lake. Papa will kill us if you so much as bruise.”

“I’m seventeen
not seven. Cecil, I’m hungry…can we eat now?”

Cecil rolled
his black eyes in exasperation. “You’re always hungry…”

“He could eat
the snail.”

“Shut up
Cosmo!”

“I say we feed
him the snail.”

Cecil
confiscated the tiny creature and flung it into the grass. “Leave
Robert and his snails alone or I’ll demand satisfaction here and
now and you know I can beat you.”

“Only because
you’re three decrepit years older; I’ll have the pleasure of living
three whole years longer than you.”

“Only if you
don’t die first…Oh look, Bucky’s waving at us to hurry. Papa’s life
must be hell if this is parenting…Robert! Leave the snail. You can
find one to take home later.” The five young men cheerfully jabbed
each other in the ribs as they crossed the drive and ran up the
steps into the house unaware of hate filled eyes watching them from
one of the windows.

Mary winced as
her stomach audibly rumbled through the peach and white drawing
room. Glancing at the clock she found another thirty seconds of
life were over and still no sign of Lady Morley or Alyce. She could
hear Emily whispering to Buckingham to send another servant to tell
the two women to hurry, but as he’d already sent three maids to
speed up the dawdling guests he could only shrug his shoulders and
send another servant. Mary tuned her ears into the five Smirkes
elegantly draping several nearby sofas, the youngest, a tall
handsome lad with wavy black hair was clutching his empty stomach,
“What are we waiting for Cecil? I’m so hungry I could eat that
snail.”

The blonde
Adonis rolled his black eyes toward his baby brother, “We’re
waiting for two females to hear the mirror on the wall tell them
they’re the fairest of all. As neither has the faintest hope of
realising their dream, we can only hope Bucky will teach them a
lesson by leading us into dinner before we die of starvation.”

Lord Henry
Morley lifted his monocle and sneered at the collective Smirkes,
“You insult my mother Sir. Do you wish to apologise or meet me at
dawn?”

Cecil’s
eyebrows rose fractionally, “Are those your only two options?”

“At last, a
Smirke who can admit he’s a coward. Speaking of mothers, I
understand yours was a servant; how elevating. You must be so
proud.”

Emily’s eyes
filled with horror as she glanced at Mary’s embarrassed flush,
“Really Henry, not everyone’s mother has a title. I’m sure if we
were to inspect your family tree we’d find more than a few
insignificant branches.”

“Breeding, my
dear Emily involves one’s parents not one’s ancestors. If Mr.
Smirke’s mother hadn’t been a domestic drudge he may have been
taught some manners, but then his father’s mother was no better.
Wasn’t Lady Jemima a French prostitute before being plucked out of
obscurity by your grandfather? What with your Uncle James impaled
on an iceberg and your Uncle John defying death, your abysmal
family connections must cause you considerable discomfort Mr.
Smirke.”

“I’ve never
thought of Aunt Agnes as an iceberg, but as Papa says, ‘The man who
humiliates others to preserve his own vanity is a cannibal of the
soul and not worth one’s notice.’”

“I’ve killed
men for less.”

“So has Uncle
John; we find him a source of great amusement. I accept your
challenge Lord Morley. Be so good as to remove your coat and put up
your fists. Papa says it’s only polite to give satisfaction to old
men even if one knows they’ll end up on the floor.”

Emily laughed
out loud, “I believe he’s just won the verbal duel Henry. Do take
off your coat and entertain us while we wait for your mother. You
can throw out lines from Shakespeare in-between blows. When you get
a black eye you can stop and give us, ‘to be or not to be…’ It’ll
be your punishment for being so horrid to my Bucky!” Buckingham’s
love for Emily ballooned as he celebrated her kindness with a
lingering kiss on her inner wrist.

Morley’s lips
twisted with scorn. “I’m disappointed in you Emily. I thought you a
gently bred female.”

Buckingham’s
eyes narrowed at the sneering insult, but Emily fobbed it off with
a shrug, “As long as I’m gentle enough for Bucky.”

“You’re as
gentle as a summer breeze.”

“Oh
Bucky…you’re the loveliest man…”

Cecil Smirke
slouched in complete relaxation, “Are you going to take off your
coat my Lord or do you wish to annul your challenge?”

“Gentlemen do
not spar in the drawing room child. We shall meet outside later
this evening when I shall teach you a lesson in manners.”

Cecil snorted
his contempt, “I’ve been challenged, I set the time. We fight now
or never…old man.”

Lady Morley
sailed into the room trailing rose water spattered silk. “Who’s an
old man?”

The younger
Smirkes appeared unconcerned for their elder brother. George Smirke
elbowed his older brother, “I’ll wager you two pounds Morley falls
within the first five blows. Make sure you break his nose and
blacken both his eyes.”

“Henry? What
are those devil-Smirkes talking about?”

“The infant
Smirke wishes to pummel me here and now Mother.”

“Here? In the
drawing room?” The fossilized beauty glared at the Smirkes.
“Typical Smirke; ill-bred to the marrow.”

Cecil raised a
sculptured eyebrow, “I’m no more ill-bred Madam than the lady who
forces her host and fellow guests to starve while she lingers over
her mirror. An activity I might point out…ouch! Watch your feet
George; that was my leg…”

Lady Morley
gawped in horror, “Well! Henry, are you going to allow that, that
Smirke to insult me?”

“Of course not
Mother. I shall pummel him after dinner.”

Cecil shook his
head, “You’ll have to punch yourself in the nose if you want an
after dinner fight. I’ll be playing card games while you entertain
yourself by the lake.”

“What’s so
funny?” Marshall’s booming question sobered the room as Mary
quickly rose to speak into his ear.

“Lord Morley
and Mr. Smirke have been trading clever insults.”

Marshall eyed
Cecil with distaste, “He doesn’t look very clever to me.”

Cecil rose from
his seat and crossed the room to Marshall’s ear, “Your friend
desires an after dinner pummel. I will fight him here and now, but
he insists on waiting. If you’re feeling kind, perhaps you might
pummel him after dinner?”

“Don’t be
absurd; who wants to fight on a full stomach?”

“Exactly, I
shall be playing cards. You and Lady Raynham may join me.”

“My wife and I
are going straight to bed after dinner.”

Mary pink
cheeks flushed deep red as Lord Morley crossed his legs and
sneered, “I hope Lady Mary is able to bear up under the weight of
her wifely duties.”

“What’s wrong
Woman? You look like a cooked lobster.”

Mary ignored
Morley’s leer. “I…I need my dinner.”

Lady Morley
snapped open her fan, “Newlyweds! I suppose the generations must be
spawned, but why must we know of it? When you marry Morley, do
spare my sensibilities. I’ve no desire to hear your bed ropes
creaking.”

“I shall obey
as soon as my bride appears.”

“I’m sure
you’ll soon find her…Oh at last, Alyce darling, what took you so
long?”

Robert Smirke
elbowed his brother George as he whispered, “Isn’t she lovely?”

“Who?”

“Alyce Godfrey
you idiot; I’m going to ask her to let me escort her into the
dining room.”

“Spare your
youthful heart for a female who won’t eat it.”

“I’ll wager you
a pound of Christmas money…”

“Cosmo won the
rest of your Christmas money last week.”

“If you’re
afraid to loose…”

“If you can get
that harpy to walk into the dining room while touching your arm
I’ll give you five pounds.”

“Done!” Robert
leapt off the sofa and straightened his waistcoat as he approached
Alyce. The lady was distracted from Lord Morley’s whispers as the
handsome youth stepped into her line of vision with a smile.