The Hidden (The Hidden Trilogy) (24 page)

He was probably being distant because of the whole “virgin” thing, thinking there was all this pressure on him to make it perfect and then I’d expect us to live happily ever after, or some trite bullshit like that. But that wasn’t the case at all. I had realistic expectations about us and sex. I knew my first time wouldn’t be like in the movies. And I knew that if I lost my virginity to him, it didn’t guarantee that we’d live happily ever after.

I just wanted to take things one day at a time. And on this particular day, I wanted to sleep with my boyfriend.
So what
if it would be my first time? I’d thought this through plenty, and I didn’t want to sleep with him just because he gave me huge lust. It was more than that. I wanted to be as physically close to him as I could.

I… I loved him.

The realization hit me the other day as I drove to Thomas’s house, beyond giddy and anxious to see him. We’d only been apart for a few hours, but it seemed like forever. He made me so happy, and I was damn near euphoric just being in his presence, and I’d never felt this way before, and–

That’s when I knew. This thrilling, intense, cloud nine feeling was love. I
loved
Thomas. The realization was both terrifying and empowering.

The movie ended and we glanced at each other. He shifted and scratched his head. “Do you want to watch something else?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

I nodded, and he stood. He held his hand out for me and I took it, letting him pull me up from the couch. Thomas led me up the stairs, towards his bedroom. It was the first time I’d ever been upstairs, so I didn’t know what to expect. If it was anything like the rest of his house, it would be tidy and well-decorated.

We came to a darkened room at the end of the hall, Thomas stepping in before me to flip on the light switch. I blinked at the sudden light. Once adjusted, my eyes landed right on his king-sized bed. It was a dark, ornately carved four-poster bed, with plush, pale blue bedding and a sea of throw pillows. It was beautiful and seemed like the only thing in the room, silently mocking us. I tried not to look directly at it because I knew it would make me blush. So I looked around at everything else.

His room looked like it was straight out of a furniture catalogue, with its oversized dark wood pieces, beige walls, and perfectly accented wall art. A huge flat screen TV hung on the wall opposite his bed.

He cleared his throat and gestured to a door across the room. “The bathroom’s right there if you need it.”

“Oh… I forgot my bag downstairs.”

“I, uh, already brought it up for you. It’s in the bathroom.”

“Thanks.” I disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind me as I turned on the lights.

His bathroom was just as nice, with gray slate floors that extended up the walls of the shower, which was a work of art in and of itself. Floor to ceiling glass enclosed the giant space, and it had multiple sprays, some overhead and some on the wall next to the shower’s handles. It even had a seating area, tiled with the same gray slate. A set of double sinks sat opposite the shower, and the countertops to the vanity were black granite, with shimmering flecks of blue and gray. A
very
large mirror hung above the sinks. I saw my reflection, wide-eyed and gaping as I took in everything.

Somewhat reluctantly, I set my bag on the counter. I was afraid I might mess up his bathroom somehow. It felt akin to being a bull in a china shop. I dug out some clean clothes and my body wash, then set them on the edge of the giant Jacuzzi tub adjacent to the shower. I bit my lip, looking at the expanse of the deep tub and its many massaging nozzles. I was
definitely
gonna have to try this bad boy out at some point.

After a quick shower, I brushed my teeth and deliberated on what to wear. I had absolutely no idea. I wanted to wear something a little sexier to bed than my usual tank-top and boxers, but I also didn’t want to appear like I was trying too hard. So instead of going for sexy, I went for practical–something that could be removed fairly quickly. I pulled on an oversized white t-shirt that reached down to the tops of my thighs, little white lacy underwear, and a matching bra.

Reaching for the doorknob, I hesitated when I saw my trembling hand. My heart accelerated as my breath caught in my throat. This was really about to happen. I swallowed, shaking the jitters out of my hands as I rolled my neck.

You can do this.

Heat spread across my face, but it didn’t stop there. It burned as it spread over my body, building slowly in my core. I
wanted
what was on the other side of this door, and I would have it. Awkwardness and insecurities be damned.

I opened the door to find his bedroom dimly lit by the lamp on the nightstand. Thomas stood on the other side of the bed, in his boxers and t-shirt. His eyes raked over me–twice. I smiled inwardly at my little accomplishment and walked over to the bed. As he pulled down the covers, I noticed the throw pillows were missing.

I climbed atop his high bed, my shirt falling back to reveal my panties. Suddenly aware of how little clothing I wore, I pulled the covers over me as I lay down.

Thomas took his shirt off and tossed it into the laundry hamper, then slid in next to me. He leaned away to turn the brightness down on the lamp next to him, making the room glow softly. When he rolled over to face me, he looked pissed.

Chapter Thirty-Five

I was
furious
with Emily for not telling me about her virginity beforehand. To think that I’d almost–

I pushed the thought away, feeling like a hypocritical douche for being upset with her in the first place, when
I
was the one who’d wished for this. Then I felt like an even bigger hypocrite because
I
wasn’t a virgin, so I had no right to want that from her. And it wasn’t even that I wanted her to be pure, I just…couldn’t stand the thought of another guy kissing her, or touching her.
I
wanted to be the only person to do that, and I wanted the same for her. If I could go back and erase the few women I’d been with, just so Emily would be my one and only, I would. No question.

Irrational anger seethed in me again as we settled into bed. How could she not–

My nostrils flared as I stopped the thought in its tracks and turned down the light, rolling over to stare at her. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your first time?” I asked, trying
really
hard not to yell.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Uh, I did.”

I was not amused, and conveyed as much with a pointed look.

She shrugged, looking away as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “I didn’t want to make it a big deal.” Her indifference didn’t fool me for a second, and I realized I was an even bigger idiot than I thought.

Lying down, I lowered my voice. “Being a virgin’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Her eyes shot over to me. “I’m
not
, I just–” She looked away again. “Never mind.”

I sat up. “What?”

“I just–” She sank further into the bed and covered her face with the sheet. “
God
, this is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it.”

I exhaled sharply, growing irritated. “Just tell me.”

Throwing the covers off her, she got up and snapped, “I didn’t want you to freak out, okay? I know how guys can get, and I didn’t want you to think I was…” She stuck her chin out, her voice taking on a harder edge. “I know it’s just sex. I’m not trying to make anything more out of it.”

Ouch.

I stared at her incredulously, momentarily stunned into silence. “You… You really think that I–”

She tried to drop her gaze, but I wouldn’t let her. I lifted her chin until she met my eyes. “With us, it’ll
never
be just sex.”

She gave me a small smile.

“And it
is
a big deal,” I continued, moving my hand to swipe away the hair from her forehead. “Your first time is something you’ll always remember.”

I wished I could forget mine. It’d been about a month after I matured, in late spring of 1737. My parents were hosting a ball at their London estate in Mel and mine’s honor. Only the most prestigious of our race were invited. It was a tradition among our kind to have a huge party shortly after one matured. Kind of like a debutante ball, it was our way of introducing new members to society.

The ball was the first time I’d really been around others of my kind since I’d matured, other than my family, as newly matured Healers were sequestered until their “proper” introduction to society. For the first time in my life, women paid attention to me. I was no longer the gangly wallflower, deemed too “immature” for real consideration by females. I was mating material now, available for proper courtship. Women actually
initiated
conversation with me, which was something that had never happened before. A few were even brazen enough to openly flirt with me.

One of those few was a friend of my mother’s. She was older than me–a little over fifty, though she didn’t look a day over twenty. She’d cornered me in the hall, on my way back inside from relieving myself against a tree. I’d had too much to drink, and my bladder was being punished for it. As was the tree.

She pushed me up against the wall of the darkened corridor, her body pressing into mine. The corset she wore heaved her breasts up and together, to the point where they were almost to her neck. With her blond hair piled atop her head and her cheeks rouged, she leaned into my ear and whispered, “Fancy my bosom? I saw your stare from across the room. I fear
everyone
did.” Her voice purred in my ear, my shaft instantly growing hard and pressing against my trews.

My eyes were glued to her chest, to the creamy cleavage she had pressed against me. I swallowed, both the alcohol and my inexperience preventing me from answering her.

Her small hand reached out and gripped my cock, stroking it through the fabric. My eyes slid closed as I moaned, tilting my head back against the wall.

She laughed and released me. “Ah, ’twould be a ‘yes’ I say.” She stepped back and grabbed my hand, leading me away with her. “Come. I wish to lay with you.”

A few minutes later, I was on top of her in one of the empty stalls of the stable, shuddering my release into her. I’d lasted maybe twenty seconds.

I rolled off her and tucked my softening length back into my trews. She stood, adjusting her petticoat and hoop skirt before picking off stray pieces of hay from her clothes and hair. It was impossible to miss the disappointed look on her face.

I stood, dusting off my clothes as well, and asked, “Shall I walk you back?” I couldn’t even meet her eyes. I’d never been so shamed in my life. My first experience as a man and I’d failed–she’d been left wanting.

She shook her head. “ ’Tis not necessary.”

Those were the last words we spoke to each other.

Chapter Thirty-Six

I should’ve known better than to think Thomas was just a regular guy. He was unlike any guy I’d ever met, and had proved to be quite
ir
regular.
Of course
he wouldn’t react the same way.

I sighed. “I’m sorry, but I
did
tell you. Isn’t that what counts?”

His jaw twitched as it clenched. “Waiting until I’m inside you doesn’t really count. You should’ve told me sooner.”

I wanted to point out he hadn’t gotten very
far
inside me before I told him, but I didn’t. Something told me he wouldn’t appreciate it right now. “So what, are you telling me you wouldn’t have gone through with it if you knew?”

He looked thoughtful as he said, “No, probably not. At least not like that.”

“Not like
what
?” My eyes turned into little slits as I scrutinized his face.

He sighed and lay back, pulling me down with him. “We rushed into it, Em.”

I frowned, even though my back was to him. “We’ve been dating for a month. That’s not exactly rushing.”

“That’s not exactly a long time, either.”

I flopped over to face him and pressed myself into him, kissing his chest and neck. “Don’t you want to?”

He rolled his eyes and rocked his hips, pushing his erection against me. “Does that answer your question?”

“Then why can’t we–”

“Up until today, all we’ve done is kiss. Hell, I haven’t even seen you naked yet and you want to jump right into sex? I’m not saying we
can’t
, just…not today.”

He was right. I was trying to skip all the bases and run straight to home plate. Geez, I was such a slut. But that’s what he did to me. Thomas brought out my inner whore like no one else ever could. And I’d learned today that those bases I’d tried to skip were
really
fun. And hot. It wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time on them before rounding home.

I gave him a rueful smile. “You’re right.”

“I’m always right.” Propping himself up on his elbow, he grinned at me. “We don’t have to do anything, you know. We can just go to sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

He laughed and rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re not,” he said, leaning down to kiss my head.

I breathed in his odd, sugary-sweet scent, mixed with undeniably masculine undertones. Like vanilla cupcakes and Irish Spring soap. It was a strange combination, but I loved it. It was
Thomas
.

Heat radiated from him as he lay next to me. I wanted him closer, though. I wanted him on me.
In
me.

I cocked an eyebrow at him and said, “So you want to see me naked, huh?”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

My face burned as I averted my eyes. No use denying it. “Yes,” I murmured, looking up. “I do.”

Emily bit her lip and smiled. “I think that can be arranged.”

Before I had time to process her words, she climbed on top of me, straddling my waist. Lifting her shirt by the hem, she pulled it over her head, her dark hair cascading around her shoulders as she threw it aside.

Goddamn, her porcelain skin was flawless. And I could not
wait
to see what was under that little white lace bra of hers.