The Heart That Lies (19 page)

Silence fell as they entered and all eyes turned to them. Anna loosened her grip on his arm, but he pulled his arm against his body, trapping her there.

“Please do me the honour of opening the ball.”

“But I can’t...”

How could Anna Smith open the Earl of Meldon’s ball?

“Yes, you can.”

“There are women of higher rank here.”

“Possibly.”

“Very well.”

The longer they stood here, the worse it would be. Better by far to let the ball start than to be seen to be arguing with the earl.

Meldon left his stick in the care of a footman and led her out for a cotillion. If Meldon had struggled with the waltz, he was elegance itself now, his lameness barely noticeable. Anna tried not to be too aware of the surprise shown by the other guests. She had known it must cause comment when Meldon danced with her after abstaining for so long, for Lady Caroline, her husband, her son and her father-in-law had all told her that he did not dance, not knowing that she had already observed him at a dance. She could only put his desire to dance with her down to his wish to marry her off as quickly as possible. She knew she looked her best and danced well. By making her the centre of attention he was saving her a great deal of time.

The
dance ended and a waltz began. Meldon took her confidently and led her around the room.

Nothing
distracted her from him now. Anna was aware of the way he touched her hand, the weight of his other hand on her waist, the way she seemed to know how he was going to move before he moved. Time stopped and there was only the two of them moving across the floor together.

When it was
over they were both breathless.

“Perhaps you should meet my guests now, while we recover.”

Meldon signalled to the footman, who brought his stick. Once again he tucked her hand into his arm and she found that it was comfortable there, as if it belonged to him, as if she were an extension of his body. Shaking off this fanciful notion, she walked with him around the room and met his neighbours she did not already know. Anna found that he was the same as he had been with his tenants. He knew them all and he knew enough of their business to ask questions that pleased them. For a man who spent so little time here, he was remarkably knowledgeable about everything that happened in the neighbourhood. All of them seemed pleased to meet her, although she noticed how quickly Meldon moved her away from the single men. She was about to question him about this when she thought she saw Carstairs out of the corner of her eye. He had not approached her and she had Meldon’s presence to thank for that, but she could not avoid him all evening.

When they were only a few feet away from Carstairs, Meldon asked if she would like another waltz. She
could not refuse and they danced two dances together.

“I see Mr Carstairs is going to be tiresome,” he said as they waited for the
music to start for a third time.

“Then allow me to save you the tedium of his company,” she said. “I think he wants me, rather than you.”

“I’m sure he wants you.”

Anna was shocked by his
outspokenness.

“Miss Smith, Lord Meldon.” Carstairs stood beside them. Meldon
squeezed her hand, bowed to her and excused himself.

“Good evening, Miss
Smith, I thought Lord Meldon was never going to let you go.”

Anna wished that he had not and felt her resolve desert her.

“Shall we dance?”

“No, thank you. I need some air.”
The thought of Carstairs holding her in the same way that Meldon had just held her made her almost ill.

“It’s cold outside.”

“Nonetheless...” she started to move into the entrance hall. What she wanted to do could not be done in the sight of all these people.

Carstairs followed her outside. She led him to the side of the house away from the ballroom. He
had been right; it was cold. She wished she had asked Simpson for a shawl when she had seen him in the hall.

“Have you thought about my offer?” Carstairs asked when she stopped and turned towards him.

“I have thought of little else,” she said honestly.

“And have you come to a decision?” He
stepped closer and took her hands in his and raised them to his lips.

Anna had expected to feel nothing and was not disappointed.
While her father had been alive she had known her chances of marrying for love were slim and, before he met Harriet, James had shared his father’s opinions. Even so, Anna could have persuaded him otherwise, had she ever met a man she could have loved. Her suitors had all been men like Carstairs. They were not the men she read about or the friends James had told her about. James had told her that her intelligence was a curse and she would have to hide it if she wished to marry. Anna had known that she could not live a lie; she must either find a clever husband or a man who would not mind having a clever wife. She felt that Carstairs fulfilled neither criterion, but he was passionate about her. Increasingly, however, she felt his passion was false. There was something wrong about a man who could love so much and give such unrestrained proofs of it on such short acquaintance.

Now she raised her face to him and parted her lips slightly. As she had thought, Carstairs needed no
more encouragement to kiss her. Despite her fears, Anna gave herself to the kiss; her plan would not work otherwise. Carstairs let go of her hands and pulled her roughly against him. One hand caught the back of her head and moved it with more force than was necessary. In this moment she made up her mind. Still she did not break away from the kiss interested, despite herself, in what he would do next. She concentrated on what Carstairs’ tongue was doing and thought that there could be pleasure there if only he wanted to give it. Against her better judgement she opened her lips as he seemed to want her to do. Immediately his tongue was in her mouth. Shocked Anna almost pulled away, but there was, again, that feeling this, too, could be pleasurable. Perhaps someone else would consider her pleasure as much as his own. Tentatively she responded and Carstairs gripped her tighter. She guessed that she had done the right thing. Now she became aware of Carstairs’ hands as he explored her back and lower.

“What are you doing, you blackguard?”

Carstairs released her but Finch was already pulling him away from her.

“
Mr Finch, please, no. This is my fault.”

Finch had pulled back his arm to punch Carstairs and Anna grabbed it.

“You mean he wasn’t assaulting you?”

“
No.”

Finch
lowered his arm, his face still angry.

“Leave now, Carstairs. Leave and go home.”

“But, Miss Smith...”

“Your behaviour was disgusting.
Miss Smith is an innocent and you take advantage of her. You are not ready to be in polite society. Go now or I will knock you down, even if it is in front of Miss Smith.”

Anna saw the look of fear on Carstairs’ face. Finch was the shorter man, but there was no doubt in her mind that he could do what he threatened
and more. Carstairs must see that as well.

Carstairs glanced i
n her direction and turned away. She thought he looked sulky. He walked away. Anna sighed and realised that her knees were weak. She put out a hand to grasp Finch’s arm.

Finch turned his attention to her. “Now, Miss Smith. Damn!
He did assault you after all.”

Anna looked at him in surprise and realised she was
crying. Finch slipped out of his jacket and placed it round her shoulders. Then he put his arms around her, Anna was so comforted by his kind attention that she gave herself up to her tears and rested her head against his chest.

“What’s
happening?”

“Go
away, Meldon.” Finch’s voice was quiet, but, even in her wretchedness, Anna recognised the command in it.

“But, Miss Smith...”

“Is rather emotional. There’s nothing you can do here.”

“Finch, don’t...”

“Go away!”

Anna jumped at the force of Finch’s voice
, although it was no louder than it had been before, then heard Meldon’s angry footsteps as he left them. Anna felt even more wretched; the light from the full moon could have hidden little of what she had done from them.

“I’m sorry, Miss Smith.” Finch stroked her back and Anna’s sobs quietened.
“I wish I had some whisky for you, but we must manage without. Come.”

Finch led her to a stone bench
where they both sat.

“Miss Smith, you need a friend and I’m conceited enough to believe that I’m the friend you need.”

“Mr Finch, I have lied to you and cheated you. Why would you be my friend?”

“
Because I am Meldon’s friend. No, don’t think about that for now. You said what Carstairs was doing was your fault.”

“I encouraged him. I wanted to know...”

Anna shook her head.

“Take a deep breath and give me your hands.”

Anna placed her hands in his.

“They’re cold
. You must be cold. I’m sorry, but we should agree what you’re going to tell Meldon when we go in.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want Meldon to call Carstairs out. He’s so angry, he won’t wait to follow the rules. He’ll want to do it now and he won’t be able to hit the side of his house from five feet away and Carstairs will kill him.”

Anna nodded. “Yes, it’s a great insult to Lord Meldon, as I’m his guest.”

“Miss Smith, please forgive the impertinence, but are you in love with Meldon?”

Anna snatched her hands away and crossed her arms over her breasts.

“You are impertinent.”

Finch smiled. “I remind you
that I am your friend.”

“
Because you are Lord Meldon’s friend.”

“I will tell him only what you allow me to tell him. You can tell me that you love him, or I can simply proceed on that assumption.”

“I love him,” she whispered.

“And you do not love Carstairs.”

She shook her head. “But I must marry. I cannot stay here and Lord Meldon will not allow me to go back to being Jonas Smith.”

“I should think not!”

“So I must marry.”

“And you allowed Carstairs to kiss you to see if you might
learn to love him?”

Anna shivered. “I kissed him to see if he loved me.”

“Ah. I could have answered that question for you, but I quite understand that you didn’t feel you could ask. He does not. You know that now, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know why he doesn’t. He must be an even bigger fool than...”

Finch fell silent and Anna drew his jacket
tighter around her shoulders.

“
I don’t understand why, since he doesn’t love you, but I fear Carstairs will propose to you, despite the events of this evening. He doesn’t appear to me to have the good manners to leave you alone.”

“I believe that, too.”
She shivered as she thought about the possibility that she might ever be alone with Carstairs again.

“
Miss Smith, I’m going to be impertinent again.”

Anna smiled. “I’m glad to be forewarned.”

“If you must be married, marry me. No, wait.” He held up his hand to stop her objection. “Please hear me out. I am serious. I have a son who needs a mother. I do not propose this to you as a lover, but as a friend. You need not tell the world of my offer, but you will be able to turn down Carstairs and anyone else you do not wish to accept. If you wish to accept someone else, you may do so. I fear if that were to happen, I would be disappointed, but not broken-hearted.”

“I am in love with your friend.
Would that not disappoint you as well?”

“Miss Smith, if I can keep Meldon’s friendship until tomorrow, we shall be
friends for the rest of our lives. Until today I never thought there was anything that could prevent that.”

“I cannot pretend to understand you, Mr Finch.”

“Just accept my offer, then I need not worry about you putting yourself in danger with any of these young men.”

Anna gave his offer serious thought. As a man he appealed to her far more than Carstairs ever
had, but he was Meldon’s friend. She would always be in his company.

“No, Mr Finch, I cannot. Wait a moment and I will tell you why.”

“It is for Meldon’s sake.”

“Yes. If I marry Mr Carstairs I shall not be much in his society.”

“I understand. And if I gave up Meldon’s friendship?”

“
You would not do that, Mr Finch. Your friendship with Lord Meldon is very important to you.”

“
You are very observant. You’re right, of course. Still, you must not marry Carstairs.