The Hating Game (24 page)

“You would be amazed by the damage to arteries caused by high-fat diets,” Anthony pipes up.

“Would you say the occasional treat is okay? I hope so.” I'm forking the cake into my mouth.

“Ideally, no. Saturated fat, trans fats, once they go into your arteries, they aren't coming out. Unless you have a heart attack and someone like Elaine has to fix you.”

“He's a little strict with himself,” Elaine assures me as I drop my fork with a clatter and press my hands to my chest. “Treats are okay. They're better than okay.”

“She asked my opinion,” Anthony points out gravely. “And I gave it.”

I notice he's got no cake in front of him. I'm reminded of the all-staff meeting. Josh didn't eat any cake then, either. I glance sideways, and to my surprise Josh picks up his fork and begins eating cake too. It's a great big giant fuck-you to his dad. Over and over we fork cake into our greedy faces until Anthony's forehead pinches in distaste, clearly unused to having his sage advice ignored.

“Self-indulgence is a tricky thing. It can be hard to get yourself back on track once you begin indulging trivial little impulses.”
Anthony is not talking about cake. Josh drops his fork with a clatter.

Elaine looks wretched. “Anthony, please. Leave him alone.”

“Come with me,” I tell him, and to my mild surprise he rises obediently and walks with me to the shadowed edge of the empty dance floor.

“Can you please explain what's going on? This tension is excruciating. I'm sorry, but your dad is being a dick. Is he always like this?”

He jams a hand into his hair. “Like father, like son.”

“No, you're not like this. He's being bitchy and your mom is upset. His speech was so weird.” Every single time I feel protective of Josh, the realization pings me right in the solar plexus. I take his hand, which is folded into a fist, and smooth my hand over the knuckles.

He watches my fingers. “Dinner's over. We've gotten through it. That's all I care about.”

“But why does it feel like all eyes are on you? It seems like everyone in this room is looking at you, wondering if you're coping okay. It's like,
Hang in there, sport
.”

“I think they'll assume I'm not suffering too badly.” He loops a hand around my waist, and the glow of his flattery hits my bloodstream, along with probably two thousand premium cake calories.

“They're wrong. No one makes you suffer like I do.” I receive a smile for my cleverness. “Are you okay? Please tell me about this Big Scandal that they're all whispering about. I cannot fathom that you deciding to not be a doctor could cause such a fuss.”

It's rare to see Josh procrastinate, but he does now. “It's a long story. Bathroom first.”

“If you climb out the window, I'm going to be really mad.”

“I'll be back, I promise. I'll tell you the whole sorry tale. Will you be okay for a minute?”

“I've had to make friends with half the people in this room, remember? I'm sure I'll find someone to hang out with.” I watch him go and strike the most casual pose I can manage.

I haven't actually spoken to Mindy yet. Outside, she was always being moved around by the photographers, but she'd smiled at me and I have the impression that she is nice. She's nearby speaking animatedly to an older couple. When they move away, I smile and wave tentatively. I feel bad she has to have strangers at her wedding.

“Hello, Mindy, I'm Lucy. I'm Joshua's, ah, plus-one. Thank you so much for having me here. The ceremony was lovely. And I love your dress.”

“Nice to meet you. I've been dying to.” She smiles broadly, her dark eyes lit with undisguised interest as she looks me over.

“You're the girl who's melted the ice man.”

“Oh! Um. I don't know about melted . . . Ice man?” I'm at my articulate best.

“You know Josh and I dated for a year?” She waves her hand quickly as if it were nothing.

“What? No.” My stomach folds in half. And in half again. She puts one hand to her hair and smoothes the already perfect style. It's blond. She's tall, tan, and brown eyed. She's Tall Blondie.

My mouth is probably a perfect circle. I am speechless. It is all dropping into place. How humiliating would it be to go alone to your ex-girlfriend's wedding? Especially when she's marrying your brother?

“How long ago did you meet Patrick?” I am trying to keep my voice modulated. I sound like my car's GPS.

“I'd known him while dating Josh, of course. When all that
business with Josh's work going through the merger, I started talking to Patrick to try to understand why Josh was being so distant. He isn't much of a talker, as you know.”

I look at all the strangers who have been staring at Josh all night. They've been wondering how he's coping with seeing this beautiful woman marry his brother. A year. They would have definitely slept together. This willowy, immaculate blonde has lain in his bed. Kissed his mouth. I swallow acid.

“Patrick and I just clicked. It's been a bit of a whirlwind; we only got engaged six months ago. I still feel bad about it, but Josh and I were not a good fit. I found his moods to be scary sometimes. I still hardly know what to talk to him about. I'm sorry, I'm being rude. Please don't tell him I said that.”

I feel like I'm about to burst into tears and Mindy watches me with growing alarm.

“I'm sorry, Lucy, I thought he would have told you. He's so happy with you. I never would have imagined he'd be so completely smitten. He never was with me. I suppose it does make sense. Intense men like him usually fall pretty hard, when they eventually do.”

I force myself to smile, but it's not convincing. I can't be responsible for ruining Mindy's happy wedding buzz, but inside I'm breaking. How could I have been so stupid to think he was walking me around, showing me off, for nothing? I'm moral support while he attends his ex-girlfriend's wedding. If that isn't the definition of a rent-a-date I don't know what is.

“Oh, Lucy. Sorry to upset you, especially if you two are early days. But Josh is yours.”

I manage a weak laugh. He's really not.

“Patrick is especially surprised. What did he say? Something like,
I've never seen Josh look like he has a heart
.”

“He has a heart.”
A self-serving heart, but a heart nonetheless.

A wedding-planner-type person indicates to Mindy and she waves.

“His heart is all yours,” Mindy says and pats my arm. “I'll be tossing the bouquet now. I'll aim right for you.”

She weaves through her guests, as poised and gorgeous as I'll never be.

Arms slide around me from behind. A kiss on the back of my neck, diluted by my hair. The effect is still so potent I have to gulp. The DJ has begun calling the single ladies onto the dance floor. The freak-out is building in my gut. My palms sweat. I need to get out.

“Hi. Where's all your new friends?” He begins to push me into the growing group of contenders.

“No, Josh. I can't.”

People are watching us. I'm on the knife-edge of needing to make a scene but knowing I can't. The tears and panic are welling up inside me. Usually perceptive, he doesn't see them this time.

“Where's your competitive spirit?” Josh gives me one last firm push and I'm propelled into a ragtag bunch of females, ranging from a lisping flower girl to a woman in her early fifties who seems to be doing hamstring stretches. Everyone looks at the bouquet. It's lovely. We all want it.

I see Josh's mom on the sidelines. She smiles at me, and then it fades, concern filling her eyes. Who knows what my face looks like. Mindy catches my eye and I can see her genuine regret that she has upset me. Josh repositions for a better view and he and his mother swap glances. She gestures to him, he bends his head and she tells him something. He looks at me sharply.

It's all too much.

“Here we go!” Mindy turns her back on us and mimes doing some practice swings. The bouquet is a pink-lily confection.

I hardly register the slap of the flowers against my chest. They drop down into the waiting arms of the flower girl, who screams in delight. The entire audience is shaking their heads and laughing at my lack of coordination. Everyone turns to the person next to them and says,
She could have caught that.

I'm so disappointed in
not
catching them the freak-out is triggered in full.

I politely laugh and manage to walk slowly from the other end of the dance floor, weaving through the spectators. Now I'm running. I need to get out of this room. I know he'll be coming after me, so instead of choosing the most obvious sanctuary—the ladies room—I go down the waitstaff passageway and find myself in the garden beside the hotel.

A few boys in white shirts and ties are smoking and fiddling with their cell phones. They look at me with bored expressions. I pick up my pace until I'm trotting, running, the spikes of my heels barely touching the ground. I want to run until I reach the water. I want to leap into a rowboat and sail to a deserted island.

Only then will I be able to face up to it.

I have feelings for Joshua Templeman. Irreversible, stupid, and ill-advised feelings. Why else would this hurt so much? Why did everything in me ache to wrap my arms around the wedding bouquet and see him smile? I dither along the water's edge.

The footsteps approaching come too fast. I bite back a swell of impatience and open my mouth to give him a piece of my mind.

Then I see it's Joshua's mother.

O
h, hi,” I manage to say. “Just . . . getting some air.”

Elaine looks at me, and opens her purse and finds her pack of Kleenex. I'm confused by it until I press it to my eye and it comes away wet.

We stand, looking at the water glittering darkly under the fading sunset sky. I'm too upset to comprehend I'm about to unload to his mother. Any sympathetic ear at this point will do me. It's not like I'll ever see her again.

“He never told me about Mindy.”

She is aggrieved, and frowns back across the lawns. “He should have. You shouldn't have found out this way.”

“It all makes so much sense. I can't believe I've been so stupid. The way he's been acting has been pretty unbelievable.”

“Like he's in love with you.”

“Yes.” My voice breaks a little. “He told me once he's a good actor. I can't believe this.”

She says nothing and puts her hand on my shoulder. Every single glimmer of foolish hope feels extinguished in this moment.

“I don't think he has been playing a game.” Elaine's mouth twists.

The word
game
only crystallizes further the hurt in my gut.

“Oh, I'm sorry, but you have no idea how good at games he is. Every day of our working relationship, Monday to Friday. This has got to be the first time he's played me on the weekend, though.”

Elaine looks past me, and I can see Josh's silhouette pacing along the side of the building in agitation. She shakes her head and he stops.

“Why did you come today?” She is genuinely curious.

“I owed him a favor. He told me I was coming along for moral support. I didn't know why, but I came anyway. I thought it was something to do with him dropping out of medicine. And now I find out his ex-girlfriend is marrying his brother? I'm in a soap opera right now.”

Elaine steadies me with a hand on my elbow. When she speaks, she's got a fond smile teasing at the edge of her lips.

“I speak to him on Sundays, and I've known you for as long as he's known you. A beautiful girl, bluest eyes, reddest lips, blackest hair. He describes you like a fairy-tale character. He's never quite decided on princess or villain.”

I put my hands into my hair and make two fists. “Villain. I feel like the world's biggest idiot to even believe for one day he could be so . . .” I can't finish.

“You're the girl he calls Shortcake. When I first heard your nickname, I knew. I will tell you now, he's never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.”

I am starting to feel irritated with this lovely woman. It's pretty clear she's so biased I can no longer use her as a sounding board. She cannot believe her son would do anything so hurtful. I open my mouth but she silences me firmly.

“He dated Mindy. I'm so glad to have her for a daughter-in-law. Sweet as pie. Cinderella hasn't got anything on Mindy.”

“She's lovely. She's not my issue.”

“But she never challenged Josh. You have since the first day you met him. You make him angry. You've never been scared of him. You've taken the time to try to understand him, just to get the upper hand in your little office skirmishes. You
notice
him.”

“I've tried not to.”

“Neither Josh nor his father are easy men. Some men are a delight. Patrick, for example. Reasonable, calm, ready with a smile. Josh has a nickname for him, too. Mr. Nice Guy. It's true. He is. It takes a strong woman to love someone like Josh, and I think it's you. Patrick's an open book. Josh is a safety-deposit box. But he's worth it. You won't believe me, and I can't blame you tonight, but so is his father.”

Elaine waves Josh over and he begins striding toward us.

“Please go easy on him. You could have caught the bouquet,” she admonishes me. “If you'd put your arms out a little.”

“I couldn't.”

She kisses my cheek and hugs me with such kind familiarity I close my eyes.

“You will one day. If you decide to stay, we're having a family breakfast at ten
A.M.
in the restaurant. I'd really love to see you both.” She walks back down the path, where she intercepts Josh.

They begin urgently conferring. Great. She's giving the enemy a warning of what he's in for. I am so tired of being in this place, by this water, under this sky. I go and sit on a low concrete bench and try to cram my heart back into my chest. Even his mother thought Josh was in love.

“You found out about the Mindy thing.” In the twenty yards it took for him to get to me, he's no doubt framed his argument.

“Yep. Well done. You sure fooled me.”

“Fooled you?” He sits beside me and reaches for my hand but I pull away.

“Cut the shit. I know you've been parading me around in front of Mindy and her family. Maybe you should have hired someone better looking than me.”

“Do you seriously believe that's why you're here?” He has the audacity to look shaken.

“Imagine being in my position. I take you to my ex-boyfriend's wedding and I'm all over you like a rash. I make you feel special. Important. I make you feel beautiful.”

There's a tremor in my voice. “And then you find out, and suddenly you're left wondering if it was real.”

“You being here has nothing to do with Mindy. At all.”

“But she's the Tall Blondie you broke up with after the merger, right? She's the one we talked about in bed this morning. Your big old heartbreak. Why didn't you just tell me this morning?” I put my hands over my face and lean my elbows on my knees.

Josh turns sideways in his seat. “We were in bed, and you were just starting to look at me like you didn't hate me. And she's not my heartbreak.”

I cut him off. “I could handle being a rent-a-date, but you really should have been clear with me up front. That was a dick move, and frankly, I'm mad at myself for not expecting you'd do something like this.”

Josh's urgency is growing. He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me gently toward him. We stare into each other's eyes.

“I wanted you here because I always want you with me. I don't care that she's just married Patrick. It's ancient history to me. How could I tell you this morning, and ruin the moment? I knew how you'd react. Just like this.”

“You're damn right I'm reacting like this.” Like a teary fire-breathing dragon. “Didn't I specifically ask you if there was any touchy subject I needed to know about, so I'd be forewarned? You could have told me back in the office. Days ago. Not now.”

“You would never have agreed to come under those circumstances, had you known. You would have refused to believe this weekend could be anything more than an act. Whatever your reaction, it wouldn't have been good.”

I grudgingly admit to myself that he's probably right. Even if he had managed to get me to come, I probably would have invented a character and I definitely would have worn false eyelashes.

He touches a fingertip to my wrist. “I've had my focus on other things, believe it or not. Mom's flower arrangements. Dad's mood. Your blood sugar. Telling you about this just faded away to the edges.” He looks across the water and pulls his tie loose. “Mindy is a nice person. But I didn't bring you here to show her how well I've moved on. I don't care what she thinks.”

“I don't believe you can be so cool about this situation.” I can't detect any emotion in his eyes at all as he casts his eyes back across the water, contemplating.

“She was never going to be my wife, put it that way. We were wrong for each other.”

Hearing his voice say
my wife
makes me go too still. Eyes frozen and unblinking. Pupils dilated to black coins. Terror and panic and possession torches my throat dry. I don't want to examine why I feel this way. I'd rather jump in the water and start swimming.

He looks at me sideways, his face tense. “Now that I've promised that you're not here as some part of an elaborate revenge scenario, can you tell me the real reason this bothers you so much?
Other than my lie by omission, and people staring at us? People that you never have to see again?”

This is skating way too close to my tangled-up new feelings. I try for several long moments to come up with an answer that sounds even halfway credible, but when I can't I get to my feet and walk so fast back to the hotel he has to lengthen his stride to keep up.

“Wait.”

“I'm getting a bus home.” I try to close the elevator door on him but he shoulders in easily. I press the button for our floor and dig for my phone to look up a bus schedule. I have no idea what time it is. I have several missed calls. Josh tries to speak but I put my hand up until he crosses his arms, exasperated.

I click through them distractedly; Danny has been trying to get ahold of me a couple of times throughout the afternoon. I have a few texts along the lines of,
Do you have a font preference? . . . I'll choose then . . . Could you call me back when you can?

The elevator bings.

Josh looks like he's one second away from going stark-raving insane. I know the feeling.

“Leave me alone,” I tell him with as much dignity as I can and walk to the far end of the corridor, where a pair of armchairs are arranged beside a bay window. During the day, this would be a nice spot to sit with a book. In the evening, as the last peach glows of sun leave the sky, it's the perfect place to fume.

I sit down and dial a local bus company. A late-night express is leaving at seven fifteen, and they are already stopping by the hotel to pick up someone else. The gods are smiling upon me.

Going back to the room will mean having to finish things with Josh, and I am burned-out. A husk. I have nothing left. I need to procrastinate.

Danny answers on the second ring.

“Hi,” he says, tone a little stiff. Nothing more annoying than an uncontactable client, I imagine. Especially one you're doing a favor for.

“Hi, sorry I've been out of touch. I've been at a wedding and my phone is on silent.”

“It's okay. I just finished.”

“Thank you so much. Did it all go okay?”

“Yep, for the most part. I'm at home now checking it on my iPad, flipping through the pages. The formatting looks good. Whose wedding is it?”

“The brother of a complete asshole.”

“You're with Joshua.”

“How'd you guess?”

“I had a feeling.” He laughs. “Don't worry. Your secrets are all safe with me.”

“I hope so.” I couldn't care less at this point. It would serve me right to be humiliated in the halls of B&G.

“When are you back? I'd like to show you the final product.”

“Tomorrow at some point. I'll call you when I'm back in town and I can meet you.”

“If you come over on Monday evening it would work for me. I've kept the spreadsheet that you wanted. It breaks down the time it took, along with what I think costs would be by a designer in a usual commercial setting, but also a salaried staff member.”

“I'm impressed. Maybe I should bring you a thank-you pizza.”

“Yes, please.” Danny's voice drops a cheeky half octave. “So, what did you wear to this wedding?”

“A blue dress?” I see Josh's reflection over me in the window and jump in fright. He takes the phone out of my hand and looks at the caller ID.

“It's Joshua. Don't call her again. Yes, I'm serious.” He hangs it up and slides it into his pocket.

“Hey. Give it
back
.”

“No fucking chance. He's who you had to sneak off and call?” The look in his eyes is getting sharper, blacker.

“It's work related!”

He tugs on my hands to make me stand up. A door opens near us, too close to other rooms to indulge in one of our signature yelling matches. We both purse our lips and march into our room. I try not to slam the door.

“Well?” Josh crosses his arms.

“It was
work related
.”

“Sure. A work-related call. Dinner? What are you wearing?” He skates narrowed eyes over me, like he's contemplating ripping the skin right off me. I can relate. I want to punch him in the face. Energy and anger is making the air almost sulfuric. The thing about Joshua is, even when he's furious, he's still exquisite to look at. Maybe even more so than usual. He's all glittery black eyes and an angry tensing jaw. Messed-up hair and a hand on his hip, pulling his blue shirt tight. It makes being angry back with him just that little bit harder, because I have to try to not notice. It's an unachievable endeavor that I have always struggled with, as long as I've known him. But still, I persevere.

“You've got no right to lecture me. I knew this was a disaster the second I got into your car.” I kick off both my shoes across the room. “I'm leaving soon. There's a bus.” I grab at my bag and he stops me with a raised hand.

“In between Danny and Mindy, we've kind of had our fair share of jealous revelations today, don't you think? I'm going to crack if you don't just listen to me for once.” He wrenches out his cuff links and tosses them on the dresser and shoves up his
sleeves, muttering to himself. “Little fucking asshole. What is she wearing? That guy has a fucking death wish.”

The expression on his face makes me wonder if I've got a death wish too. I try to position myself behind the armchair, just to give myself the illusion of space, but he points between his leather shoes.

“Don't hide. Get over here.”

“This better be good.” I cross the room to stand in front of him and put my hands on my hips, just to puff myself up. He takes a few long moments to decide how to proceed.

“Two simple issues first. Danny and Mindy.” He looks like he's taking control of a board meeting. He practically has a presentation slide behind him.

“Do you care about Danny? Could you love him one day?” Those eyes belong to the king of the serial killers.