The Grimm Diaries Prequels Volume 11- 14: Children of Hamlin, Jar of Hearts, Tooth & Nail & Fairy Tale, Ember in the Wind, Welcome to Sorrow, and Happy Valentine's Slay. (11 page)

On the other hand, this eerie moment didn’t bother Gretel a bit. She tiptoed and leaned forward like a witch’s broom, squeezing the heavy book to her bosom.

“The Queen of Sorrow is using Sweeny Todd to investigate if we are vampires by checking our teeth,” Wendy flicked her snaky tongue.

I was anticipating that she would draw out her fangs and kill everyone around, but it didn’t happen—she didn’t turn into a vampire then.

“Aha,” Gretel clicked her fingers, the book almost slipping from her other hand. She also wiggled her nose a little, which turned out to be a witchy gesture, only we learned about that many years later. “That sounds even more interesting.”

“We’re not supposed to talk about the intruders who are trying to tear through the kingdom,” Hansel said. “We’re not even sure they are vampires.”

“You got it all wrong,” Wendy said. “I like you better when your mouth is stuffed with candy so you can’t utter ridiculous words.”

I didn’t think Hansel was ready for candy after hearing about the demon worm minutes ago, although it’d take him just about until dawn before he craved sweeties again.

“Are you saying that dentists are the best people to expose a vampire?” Gretel asked Wendy. Again, Hansel was just that nagging fly they both shushed away.

“So I heard,” Wendy said. Her fascination with London and vampires was obvious; her face shined when she mentioned them. No wonder she’d been turned into a vampire in London many years later—well, none of us really knew what happened to Wendy after that horrifying night. “I surely don’t know how Sweeny knows, but he must have the tools that show that certain teeth—or fangs— could grow longer and sharper.”

“I heard that if you hammer a small nail into fangs, they will have a reaction,” Gretel said. “But Hansel is right. We aren’t supposed to talk about vampires. I know students who got expelled for it.”

“The hell with rules,” Wendy said. “We’re being punished already, aren’t we? Look at this place. The school looks like a haunted house at night. We don’t even know if there are malevolent spirits with us here. All we know is that behind this door, a fellow student is being tortured by a barber.”

“Don’t get me started,” Gretel said. “I heard he killed women back there in London, chopped them with his razor, and made meat pie out of them—“

“I love meat pie,” Hansel was about to rant about it, only he was suddenly aware that he might have committed cannibalism if his weird sister’s story was true. He swallowed so hard he produced a loud noise like a croaking frog.

“You’re a little slow in comprehending, aren’t you?” Wendy pursed her lips. “And stop making those weird noises. I tell you what; the next time you want to say something, do me a favor and go puke in the bathroom. There is no difference, really.”

“Stop treating him like that,” Gretel snapped suddenly. Although she liked sharing stories with Wendy, she had always felt responsible for her brother.

Wendy shot her a humiliating look. Gretel had to avert her eyes again.

“That’s right,” Wendy snickered. “I like it when the woodcutter’s children behave. So, where was I?”

“Vampires,” Gretel mumbled. She mildly hated herself for not standing up for her brother, but she couldn’t resist the charm of wicked stories. Rarely did she meet someone with the same taste in creepy things like her. “Can I ask a question?”

“You can,” Wendy checked her finger nails. “He, should just eat mice.”

“Why is the Queen so keen about finding vampires in Sorrow? I know the King is always fighting them to protect us from them, but why does it interest the Queen so much.”

“I really don’t know,” Wendy shrugged her shoulders. “But we’ve all heard the stories about the crazy things that go on up there on the hill in the castle. There is a lot of talk about the Queen’s daughter. They say she is a vampire herself and that the intruders are interested in her. Maybe the Queen’s daughter isn’t her real daughter, just maybe,” Wendy raised her eyebrows.

“It doesn’t make sense,” Gretel considered. “If that was the case, why wouldn’t they just give the intruders what they want, and why would the king and queen even have a daughter that isn’t theirs,” she sighed. “We haven’t figured out what we should do about Sweeny Todd checking out teeth. We need a plan.”

Suddenly, they heard the girl inside the office scream. I supposed she was screaming from the pain the dentist bestowed on her, but it was hard to be sure.

The three of them stood staring at each other, and not only Hansel made the frog sound now, but all of them.

“That’s it,” Wendy snapped. “I am out of here and I don’t care if I get expelled. I hate school anyways.”

I sneaked a peek back at the window and saw the snow had piled up to the window’s edge and goblins were circling the school trying to get in. I had no choice; I had to warn them before they opened the door and let the goblins inside. While I didn’t care for Wendy, I pretty much cared for Hansel and Gretel. It was how we became friends later.

“Good afternoon, misfits,” I showed myself in without adjusting my hat—I hadn’t got it yet. I was twelve.

“Who the heck are you?” Wendy turned to me.

“Easy with the attitude,” I chewed on a match. “I’m here to save your asses—and your teeth. And by that, I mean Hansel and Gretel. You could join if you like, Wendy; but I’d have to think about it first.”

Wendy was dumbstruck for a moment. Gretel let out a shallow laugh. Hansel was afraid to express himself unable to offend Wendy.

I explained the situation briefly; that we were all trapped in here because of the goblins outside, and that we needed a plan to escape the school; each for his own reasons.

“You’re the boy who steals the Goblin Fruit!” Hansel cheered out of nowhere. I have to admit, he might have been my first fan.

“At your service,” I bowed my head humbly, watching Wendy despising the attention I got from the corner of my eye.

“It’s an honor,” Hansel stretched his hand and I shook it.

“So you’re famous like me,” Wendy changed the color of her resentful tone, pushed Hansel away and shook my hand. Wendy never shook hands with anyone. She just couldn’t stand to lose the spotlight, even for a thief. I watched her blink seductively at me. I wasn’t interested. Not because I was twelve, but because I was smart; girls like Wendy were bad luck and trouble. I already had plenty of those. I also didn’t like her pushing Hansel away. He was sincere.

“If I were you, I’d count my fingers after shaking my hand,” I said as I released hers. “People usually do. I also steal hearts sometime, but I am not fond of yours.”

Gretel couldn’t hide her amusement as Wendy’s eyes flashed with anger again; that damn red flashing in her eyes. What was it?

“So you’re in school with us, Jack,” Gretel asked.

“No, I’m not fond of learning either,” I said. “There’s nothing valuable to steal in school.”

“Enough with the talking,” Wendy interrupted. “What are we going to do now?”

“I have no idea. Negotiating with the goblins is useless, although I wonder why they haven’t broke into the school yet,” I said.

“It’s an enchantment,” Gretel raised one hand as if she were in class. “I read that someone had cast a spell that prevented goblins from entering the school and hurting the children.”

The girl inside Sweeny Todd’s office screamed again. We heard the sound of a nail being hammered. Hansel’s hair spiked up for a moment. Even hedgehogs couldn’t do it that good.

“I wonder why no one invented an enchantment against dentists,” I said. “What’s that Sweeny Todd really doing to the girl? She’s been inside too long.”

“Once you sit on a dentist’s chair, you’re his slave,” Hansel said. “My father used to say that. He preferred the pain of pulling his teeth with pliers than being tortured by a dentist. I heard you get sedated with magic dust once you enter. It lasts long enough so you don’t feel the pain. Maybe the girl’s dust started to wear off.”

I couldn’t help but approach the corridor that led to the office.

“What are you doing?” Gretel said. “You can’t get in.”

They were all following me by then.

“I’m just going to sneak a peak,” I said over my shoulder. “It’s what I do. I am a thief.”

“You can’t get near the office without permission you fool,” Wendy said behind me. “Because of—“

Suddenly, I stopped about five steps before the office’s door, which had a logo of a man in a white smock nailing a hammer into a child’s tooth the way a hunter crucified a vampire.

But that wasn’t what caused me to stop. It was something else that I had never seen before. I stopped before a monstrous sized set of chattering teeth.

The chattering teeth were as big as someone’s face, which made me assume they belonged to a giant. Its gums were reddish pink and its teeth extra-white. It walked on the floor by the chattering force of its teeth, jumping like a mechanical frog.

It was pretty scary; not because it supposedly bit, but because it talked.

“What is your business here, stranger?” The set of teeth asked me.

“See?” Gretel bestowed a guilty look on me. “Yakkity Tak protects the office so we can’t enter.”

“Yakkity Tak?” I frowned.

“Got a problem with my name?” Yakkity Tak, the chattering teeth, asked. If chattering teeth had souls then this one had an obnoxious one. I could sense it in its hollow voice, which reminded me of people who smoked all the time and ended up with a rough voice.

“How many times can you say
yakkity tak
without biting your tongue?” I said.

Gretel elbowed me immediately. I assumed the three of them really feared Mr. Yakkity Tak.

Unexpectedly, Yakttity Tak tried to say yakkity tak, clamping its jaw and moving nervously on the floor.

“All teeth, no brains, eh?” I chewed my matchstick.

“Shut up, stranger,” Yakkity Tak suddenly stopped. “I don’t have a tongue! But I can rip your flesh from your
brain
.”

“Don’t mess with him, Jack,” Hansel warned me. “I heard he really bites. I’ve even heard rumored he grows fangs.”

“It’s true,” Yakkity Tak’s voice sneered at me. “Want to see my fangs?”

“Can you grow a beard?” I wondered. “But nah, you’re too short for that.”

Even Wendy laughed.

Yakkity Tak suddenly grew legs, big ones, floppy and pink—an odd color for an aspiring monster, I thought. He ran toward Hansel and climbed up the boy’s body like a speedy lizard. Hansel was paralyzed while Yakkity Tak stood on his shoulder to talk to me. “How do you like me now, smartass? Tall enough for you?”

“Please don’t upset it, Jack,” Hansel shivered.

“Stop shaking, fat boy,” Yakkity Tak growled. He really had one scary voice, too big for his size, like a patch-eyed old grandpa. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to Hansel—although I felt offended by talking to a chattering set of teeth. I prayed it would turn out to be a princess but I wasn’t going to kiss it, even then.

“How about if we start all over again,” I tried to fake a sincere smile, but I knew I sucked at it. Somehow, I was a good thief, but a very bad liar. I couldn’t stop saying how I felt even if I was about to hang—which did happen once; I told you my adventures are many—, but I still tried. “How about a toothpick? You must like those,” I offered Yakkity Tak.

“No, thanks,” Yakkity Tak seemed to talk reasonably. “I don’t need those. I use a toothbroom.”

“Toothbroom?” I pretended I didn’t know. It was always amusing when evil characters bragged about things they thought you didn’t know. Classic.

“What you fools call a toothbrush, which most of you still don’t know about,” Yakkity Tak said proudly. “I work for Mr. Sweeny Todd, and I follow his instructions.”

“Speaking of that,” Gretel interrupted. “What’s Mr. Sweeny doing to the poor girl inside?”

“Exorcising the demon worm,” Yakkity Tak annonunced.

Hansel blushed, feeling his cheeks. The poor boy was in deep trouble; Yakkity Tak on his shoulders and an imaginary demon worm in his tooth. It doesn’t get worse.

“With a hammer and nail?” I wondered.

“An enchanted hammer and a nail, ignorant,” Yakkity Tak bounced on his legs. I wondered if he could pull out boxing gloves, too.

“But that’s awful,” Gretel said. “The poor girl must be in pain.”

“Can’t Mr. Sweeny Talk the demon worm out?” I wondered, and I was serious. “Decent talk results in miracles sometimes.”

“No. Pain, or no gain. The demon must be exorcised, even if it means the host dies. Mr. Sweeny’s motto is, “Your demon worm, or your life.’”

“She could die?” Wendy said with her hands on her waist. “See?” she snapped at me. “Now we’re trapped in here because of your goblins waiting for you outside, and if we stay we might die in here being exorcized.”

“Did you say goblins?” Yakkity Tak said.

“What? Are you afraid of goblins?” I smirked.

“Yakkity Tak isn’t afraid of anyone but his master, Mr. Sweeny Todd. I was just wondering if I could ask them to taste one of their fruits. I heard they’re delicious,” Yakkity Tak rubbed his gummy lips together.

“I can arrange that,” I rubbed my chin. “I’m Jack Madly, you must’ve heard of me. I’m an expert in stealing goblin food.”

“It’s you?” Yakkity Tak opened its mouth wide and jumped again. “I knew smartasses always had something going for them. Tell me about the fruit, is it really that delicious?”

It occurred to me to ask Yakkity Tak how he swallowed and where the food went if he ate. As far as I saw, he was an open ended hollow thing to me. Maybe the food went down to his feet; that’s why they were too big. Contrary to common belief, I had manners and didn’t ask him. It wasn’t nice to point out people’s insecurities, even if they were mean and evil.

“It’s delicious,” I kissed my fingers and blew him a kiss. Another fake gesture that didn’t work. “So juicy and sweet, and it’s also light on the stomach. You wouldn’t find yourself whizzing in and out of the bathroom.”

Gretel wanted to laugh. The thought of Yakkity Tak going to the bathroom was pretty unimaginable. If the fellow had an ass, then it he did a great job of hiding it.

“I will help you lose the goblins,” Yakkity Tak said. “Only if you promise to get me a fruit. Deal?”