The Grey Man (31 page)

I know I've been critical of some other NGOs in telling my story, but I do want to place on the record here that The Grey Man has been fortunate enough to work with a number of good people as well. Organisations in Thailand such as Kids Ark, Childlife, New Life Center and Buddies Along the Roadside, Childlife, and COSA have been fantastic, as have the Sao Sary Foundation, and Geraldine Cox's Sunrise Children's Villages in Cambodia and the Esther Benjamin's Trust in Nepal. To be fair to IJM, they do great work in Africa and India rescuing people from dispossession and labour trafficking.

Sompop once said of The Grey Man: ‘They are like monks, with the hearts of police'. I love that description, and the work we've done over the years, but there have been times since Cambodia, just as there were over the years before then, when I wanted to be done with The Grey Man, and hand over the work to someone else.

Twenty-five years ago I went to a workshop with Robert Kiyosaki, a successful businessman and author of
Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
During the session he asked three questions: what would you do if you inherited fifteen million dollars and weren't allowed to work again; what would you do if you found you had only six months to live; and finally, what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

It is a series of questions we should all ask ourselves. The key driver in my life from when I was very young was finding my purpose in life and I found that in rescuing children. That would be my answer to all three of Kiyosaki's questions: that I would do what I've done (though the fifteen million might have made the job easier). I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders when I found my purpose, but there was still something missing.

I had a dream recently that I was in a large American automobile sitting in the car park of a museum and there was something creepy in the darkness. I was afraid of whatever was in the basement and tried to drive the car up the levels of the car park exit ramp. The car, however, was too wide and it was scraping the concrete walls as I drove up the spiral. The wheels were spinning and losing traction and started sliding back down. I think the car was my own ego trying to push its way through life and the darkness was my fear of losing my ego as I immersed myself more and more in the spiritual side of life. We don't realise that although our egos help us achieve things, they can only get us so far and don't ultimately assist with our happiness.

The dream made me wonder how much of my altruism is about self-interest. I wanted to do something that made my life worthwhile and meaningful before I died. I think minimising suffering is a worthy cause but I also did it for myself.

I realised at the age of fifty-two that my future lay in returning to the spiritual journey I had started in my teen years. I had found purpose, and that was a great thing, but I came to the realisation that The Grey Man was just an expression of my life's purpose, not the purpose itself. The Grey Man spoke to that part of people that wanted to make a difference in the world before they left it and maybe we inspired some people to work towards their own purpose in life. I liked that part of my life, but the next phase of my life, though hazy, is to go inward and touch the core of what we truly are beneath the façade of the human ego. That is the missing ingredient. Buddhists believe we are all basically pure beings but we cover that essential nature with the cloak of ego and that is where our problems begin.

Seven years ago I was prepared to die because the world had not answered my need for purpose. It was arrogant of me to expect it to. Over the years with The Grey Man I have become a different person to the selfish, small-minded ego that I was. I have found it is not at the final destination where happiness lies, but in the journey. More importantly, it's the journey you take for others that brings happiness.

As soon as I stopped trying to achieve for me and started trying to achieve my goals for the benefit of others, my life became better. If there have been any lessons I learned in this life, I think that one is perhaps the biggest, and also that our purpose is not necessarily written in stone by the hand of God. It is something we can choose.

I love Misao, but even now she finds it difficult to be with me – justifiably so – because I still devote too much of my time to the organisation. I wonder if setting up The Grey Man and rescuing those first five kids was a bit like earning my green beret in the commandos. The journey towards achieving a goal is often more exciting, fun and fulfilling than arriving at the destination. I felt that the award of my green beret was an anticlimax, and to a large extent the work we do at The Grey Man is similarly anticlimactic. There are no orchestras playing, no children crying with happiness at their newfound freedom, and few truly uplifting moments. So many of our operations become more difficult than they have to be due to lack of commitment on the part of local police, or bureaucratic red tape, or crossed wires and turf wars between NGOs.

Having said that, after many false starts I think I have found my purpose in life. It does not always make me happy, but every day now I wake up with gratitude for this life and I can die knowing I fulfilled a promise to my daughter, and that maybe I've helped some other children get a second shot at happiness.

I suppose it's the scale of the problem that keeps me going, and that is not uplifting at all. Just when I think that we have made a small difference to some children, I learn something new about the extent and depravity of the child-trafficking trade that nearly crushes my will to go on. Then, when I'm just about to chuck it all in, I think of the kids we're putting through school in the hill tribe villages, of my friend Sila who wants to free his people from exploitation, of the many great people in Australia and overseas who are so dedicated to our organisation, and of Misao who has stood by me for better for worse, and I know I can't just walk away.

After I'd rescued the first few kids, and before I set up The Grey Man, I felt great for a while. For the first time in my life I felt fulfilled, and that I had a real purpose here on earth, but I don't feel that way anymore. The endless administration, the politics and dealing with people wear me down and chip away at my soul. That, I suppose, is the price I must pay for setting aside the second half of my life to do something for other people.

Managing a charity is not my forte – I'm the first to admit it – but I've invested so much time in this thing that it has become part of me. However, I was happiest, if that is the right word, when I was working solo, in the field rescuing kids. I long to go back to those days, of being in the shadows – of being the Grey Man.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

There are many people I'd like to thank, starting with my mother. Thanks for my education even though it was a struggle for you. If there is any nobility in me, it came from you. Thank you, also, to Minnie, the best grandmother of all.

My beautiful wife, Misao, didn't understand what it was I was into at the start of our relationship, but once she did, she became my greatest supporter. I'd like to thank her for sharing my journey when very few would have. It hasn't been easy for her, I know, but she is the best. My gorgeous daughter is the reason I started this journey and I thank her for calling me her hero. I can die happy.

I had previously considered writing a book about The Grey Man but the demands on my time were so great I thought it would never happen. Luckily, Tony Park approached me and although others had asked to write a book about us, Tony had a military background and I liked his style. I also liked his adventure novels, so the choice was easy. He inspired me in that he had chased his dreams and was achieving them so I consider him a role model as well. Thanks Tony.

I'd like to thank the people at my publishers, Pan Macmillan, for their kindness and help to a newcomer. Thanks especially to deputy publishing director Tom Gilliatt, senior editor Emma Rafferty, copy editor Clara Finlay, and publicist Louise Cornegé. Thanks, too, to my agent Isobel Dixon from the Blake Friedmann literary agency for all her hard work.

If I was the one to start the ball rolling with The Grey Man then the only reason it is still rolling is because of Russell Hawksford. Adventurer, business consultant and friend, Russell appeared at just the right time and co-founded The Grey Man organisation with me. We have been through a lot together and thanks to Russell I have managed to keep my sense of humour and not kill anyone . . . yet. Without him there would be no Grey Man because he took on the tasks that I couldn't handle or that would have driven me to distraction. I hope you are as proud of what we created together as I am, in spite of the impact on our lives.

Geoff McGlashan was also there at the start and through his efforts The Grey Man now has chapters in seven cities in Australia. For your sense of humour and dedication, thank you

Thanks to Tony, our Director of Operations, for, as he puts it, ‘making me look good' and for his enlightening conversations and sense of humour about life, the universe and everything while trolling the world's dark places. I'd like to assure Tony there are still crapholes I haven't taken him to yet.

Our admin person Julie is still with us despite the crippling workload. I would be in an asylum for the administratively challenged if Julie had not taken on the role of admin and ‘other duties as directed' person. We are where we are because of her efforts.

There are many other people whose help and support over the years The Grey Man has valued. So, thanks to Liz Christiansen for handling our PR and newsletter and Felicity for the newsletter layout and graphics; Colin Rowley, formerly of the AFP for smoothing the way and for so much more; Niel Lake, also ex-AFP, for advice and assistance; former British SAS operator Simon, for inspiration and his ‘can do' attitude; Nisha for her ongoing support and fundraising prowess; Niel, Pip, Tash, Sophie, Greg Ramsay, and Robbie Maygers, for their support when we needed it; Laurel for rescue admin and reliability; Bruce Molloy who set up our initial website for free, then to Rhett of Northern Beaches Web Designs, who expanded it and finally John Mason of Adimage (
www.adimage.net.au
) for making it even better; Dave the journo for his help in the early days in Thailand; Phil the expat for having the balls to act when so many others looked the other way; Karl and JD from 538 Pty Ltd for ongoing support and unarmed combat training (
www.mdta.com.au
); Grandmaster Henry Sue; Noelene Evans and SKAL Albany for their great support; Colin Sheehan for so much that can never be repaid; Danna, for being a role model for generosity and the warrior spirit; James for his friendship and the positive impact he had on my life that allowed me to set up The Grey Man; Don, formerly of military intelligence, for his advice and contacts; Captain Graham Brammer (retired), of the Australian SAS, for his advice on selection processes; the People Factor Group for our HR support and The Rogers Group for our psychological profiling; Lt Commander Shane Doolin, RAN, and the crew of AWARE 2 for their support; and Ron Boston, our first treasurer. I wish he could have stayed on earth longer and I look forward to meeting him again.

As I've pointed out in the book our people on the ground in south-east Asia and India and Nepal face many obstacles and frustrations yet they do a fantastic job. I'd like to thank Panom and ‘The Major' in Thailand – it may have ended badly but I thank them for all their work and assistance during the early days of The Grey Man. Thanks to our volunteers in the frontline – our ‘shooters' – Craig, Steve, Mick, Dean, Bruce, Tony, Amanda, Domino, Molly, Dave, Bernard, Ted, Wayne, Elliot, Geoff, David, Elton and many others over the years who prefer to remain anonymous; and to our country directors, Dennis, Tony, Patrick, Paul, and our other operatives Atisa, Peter, Liam, Phalla and Cousin.

I'd also like to express my thanks to the police we've worked with including the Anti-Human Trafficking Division of the Royal Thai police for a job well done, and the officers of Police region 5 for their assistance.

We've been lucky enough to work with some excellent NGOs over the years and I'd like to particularly thank Rita Holmes Gustaffson of Kids Ark Foundation (
www.kidsarkfoundation.com
) for getting me started, and Philip Holmes of the Esther Benjamins Trust (
www.ebtrust.org.uk
), our partners in Nepal and India.

In closing I'd like to thank and pay tribute to everyone who has supported The Grey Man, through donations of time, energy, money or all of the above; and I'd like to thank all those who have opposed our organisation – you made us stronger.