The Grace Series (Book 3): Dark Grace (16 page)

“You done in there, Zoe?” Gus asked quietly from just the other side of the door.

“Hang on,” I answered back as I wrapped a towel around myself.  “’Kay, come in.”

He pulled the door open and smiled.  “You smell good.”

“Thanks.”  I would have smiled back, but was too tired.  “Find anything?”

I scooted around him into the small bedroom, careful to keep hold of my towel. 

“A few little things.  Let me use the shower and I’ll tell you about it in a bit, ok?”

“Ya, sure.”

“Oh, I set clothes out on the bed for you.  Try to keep the flashlight away from any windows, just in case anyone’s out there to take notice.  I won’t be long.”

I walked to the twin bed and found the clothes Gus had set out, if you can call them that.  Whoever had ‘lived’ here was about his size, which is larger than me.  I pulled on a pair of boxer shorts, trusting them to at least be clean, and an oversized plain white t-shirt.  Even with my gravid belly, the shirt was loose.  It was soft cotton and felt deliciously clean.  I sat on the bed and lost track of time as I listened to the noises coming from the bathroom.

“Hey Zoe,” whispered Gus.

I had been thinking about Emilie and looked up.  “Huh?”

“I found some good stuff in the boxes in here.”

Gus had a towel wrapped around his waist.  I felt guilty admiring his nearly naked body in the glow of the flashlight.  I could see his stab wounds even in the dim lighting, but couldn’t tell how they were fairing.

“What kind of stuff?”

“Toothpaste, lotion, shower caps.”

“Whoooo shower caps!” I teased him, followed by a yawn.

“There’s also an unwrapped toothbrush in the medicine cabinet.  Do you mind if we share it?”

“Are you serious?” I asked.  “Oh God, clean teeth would be so nice.  Can I go first?”

He chuckled.  “Yes, but let’s get this stuff back to the room.  I found some plastic bags too, so I’ll pack our dirty clothes up.  If you don’t mind carrying that, I’ll grab the box of goodies I packed.”

“Awesome,” I said, with another yawn.

Within a few minutes, Gus had pulled on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt that matched my own and we were ready to head back to the room that we had claimed for ourselves.  The walk back proved colder than I anticipated, and the wind was picking up again.  Rain began falling just as we reached the front door.

“We’ll need to clear the room, darlin’.  Let’s set things just inside the door and then take a look around.”

He opened the door and I half expected someone to jump us.  The room was dark, quiet, and cold.  We set our loads on the floor to the side of the door.  As both of our flashlights shone around the room, nothing evil emerged. 

“Lock the door and I’ll just make sure the bathroom’s clear,” said Gus.  He sounded tired. 

I engaged the lock, and made sure the heavy curtain was fully covering the front window.  I felt far from secure in this new location.  I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to stay warm.

“You should climb under the covers,” said Gus as he emerged from the bathroom.  “It’s colder than a witch’s tit in here.”

“A witch’s tit huh?”  I rolled my eyes in the dark.  “You’re so weird, Gus.”

“I try my best.”

“I’ll look for an extra blanket.”

I walked the short distance to a small closet and opened the bi-fold door, which squeaked lightly.  Just as I hoped, there were two spare blankets folded on the top shelf.  I carried them to the bed and spread them out, hoping they’d keep out the chill of the night.  The room was suddenly bathed in soft candlelight, causing me to turn.

“Where’d you get candles?” I asked in surprise.

“Back at the manager’s desk.  Go brush your teeth while I unpack the rest of the load.” 

He held the toothbrush, a small tube of toothpaste, and a half bottle of drinking water out for me.  I took the items gratefully and wandered off to the small bathroom.  I scrubbed my teeth for longer than I can recall ever having done so before, and emerged feeling minty fresh.

“No way!” I squealed when I saw a bag of Doritos and a jar of nacho cheese dip sitting in the middle of the bed.  “No freaking way!”

“Way,” said Gus, mimicking a teenager.

“Dork,” I chided while I hopped onto the bed.

“On a more serious note, I found the snacks in a drawer behind the manager’s desk.  Next to some nudie
mags.”

“
Eww.”

Gus winked at me.  “Not only that,” he added as he held an arm behind his back.  “I found a six pack of Coke.”  He pulled his arm out from behind him, producing the soda.

I smiled as he set them on the bed.  “Awesome.  Mind if I eat?”

“Help yourself, darlin’.”

I opened the sack noisily and inhaled the scent of the fake cheese.  Gus lit a second candle and placed it on the small nightstand that held a non-working alarm clock and lamp.  I felt the mattress depress as he sat across from me.  I was struggling to open the metal lid on the jar of cheese dip, so he took it from me and helped without being asked.  I heard the ‘pop’ of the vacuum seal break.  I shoved a chip into my mouth and chewed quickly, too hungry to worry about savoring the flavor.

“We’ll try for something healthier tomorrow,” said Gus.  He looked exhausted.

“How are your wounds?” I asked.

“Much better.  Nearly healed, see?”  He lifted his t-shirt up to expose the scars on his abdomen.

I rubbed my own swollen belly, reminded that my baby was growing far too quickly.

“Try not to worry, Zoe.  No point in worrying.”

We both ate chips and dip for the next several minutes without speaking.  My fingers were coated in orange already, so I wiped them on the blanket beneath us.   The sound of a soda can opening made me look up.  Gus, always the gentleman, held the first one out to me.  I drank deeply from the can as he opened his own.  I was able to finish half of it before my stomach grew full.  I reached over and set it on the nightstand and then lay down against the pillows.

“Full already?” Gus chuckled as he popped another chip into his mouth.

“Ya,” I said with a satisfied sigh. 

“I never used to eat this crap,” he said as he crinkled the bag closed.  “We should get some sleep.  Want me to sleep on the floor?”

“Nah.  You can imagine how nasty that carpet is.”  I climbed under the covers.  “Besides, we’ll stay warmer in the same bed.”

The chill of the night was worsening and sitting in a t-shirt and boxers had probably been unwise.  I was starting to shiver as Gus climbed in beside me.  He pulled his t-shirt off.

“Sorry,” he said.  “I’ve never been able to sleep well in a shirt.”

“It’s fine.  At least you’re clean,” I smiled with a grin.

Gus leaned over and blew the small candles out, immersing the room in rich darkness.

“It’s so cold,” I whispered.

Without thinking, I scooted closer and settled in at his side, and rested my head on his chest.  I felt him tense.

“Is this ok?” I asked. 

“Of course.”  His body relaxed.

“I’m not hurting you?”

“Nah.”

“Gus?”

“Huh?”

“He left us.”

“Boggs?”

“Ya.  He left me and the baby.”  My mind was still a bit numb over this fact. 

“We’ll find him, Zoe.”  He kissed my forehead gently.  “I made a promise to him once, that I’d always take care of you.  And I will.”

“I know.  I was awake that night, in the bed and breakfast, when you were talking with him.”

“I don’t think any of them meant to take off.  I think they had to, in order to survive.  Try not to hold it against him, ok?  We still don’t know just what happened exactly.”

I didn’t answer.  Trying to hold my emotions in was hard enough.  Gus wrapped his arm around me tighter as he turned onto his side to face me.  Moonlight was creeping in through the seam in the drapes, making it possible to just barely see his face.  I could tell that his eyes were intense.

“You know I’m good for my word.  No matter what’s happened between you and him, or me and you, I’ll do my best to keep you and your baby safe.”

I felt the warmth of
his free hand as he set it on my belly, over where my baby was nestled beneath.  I met his eyes and breathed slowly.  He unhurriedly leaned down and let his lips linger just above my own.  The warmth of his breath felt was soothing.  He kissed me softly on the lips, the scruff of his growing beard stroking my face.  My heart skipped a beat as he lingered, as if asking for permission to continue.  When I didn’t respond he pressed his lips against mine again, with a bit more force.  He parted my lips with his tongue, and I closed my eyes knowing that I should fight the desires growing within me.   He deepened the kiss, exploring my mouth with his.  His hand ran up my t-shirt, creating a trail of warmth on my chilled skin.   When he found my left breast and began kneading, I broke the kiss.

“We can’t, Gus,” I said between short breaths.  “We’ve already hurt so many people.”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have crossed the line,” he sighed as he backed away by just a couple of inches. 

His hand remained on my breast and while he seemed to be struggling with something internal, he leaned
back down and kissed me more deeply than before.  His hand slid down my side, sending shivers of pleasure into my core. 

“Tell me to stop, Zoe,
” he breathed.

I moaned in response, arching my back involuntarily.  Gus’ hand found its way behind my butt and he pulled my too-large boxers down over my hips.

“Oh God, tell me to stop,” he repeated a bit more loudly.  His pleading was driving me wild.  He shifted his weight, pulling his pinned arm out from under me.  He trailed kisses down the center of my chest, his lips hot and wanting.  When he reached the top of my pregnant belly, he nuzzled me gently while he reached down past my knees and I felt him slip my boxers over my feet.  He finally moved back up in the bed to look me in the eyes.

“You are so beautiful.  Even more so pregnant.
  You have no idea how much I want you,” he groaned.

Before I could answer, his lips were on my neck,
kissing me tenderly.  I could feel his erection on my leg and moaned as one of his fingers slid inside of me.

“Oh Lord, girl, you’re so fucking wet.”  His excitement was palpable.

“This is wrong, Gus,” I moaned.  I was panting and knew I didn’t sound sincere.

His finger began moving inside of me, sliding in and out rhythmically.  I felt my desire rising and was about to become lost in orgasm when Gus took his finger away.

“Not yet,” he whispered. 

He rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him.  “Not yet,” he repeated as he frantically pulled my t-shirt up over my head. 

His eyes were taking in every inch of my motherly figure as I sat on his abdomen.  He reached up and held my swollen breasts in his large hands, his breath deepening.

“Ride it for me
, Zoe?” he begged.  “Ride it hard for me?”

I shifted my weight forward and leaned down to kiss him.  My belly was in the way, so he raised himself onto his elbows to meet me halfway.  The kiss was deep and hot, and full of an emotion I hadn’t experienced before.  It was something between emotional pain and sheer joy, bound together with desire.  Our arms wrapped tightly around each other, hands exploring bare skin.  I gently lifted my bottom off of him, adjusted, and slid down onto his hard shaft.  Like the only other time I had been with him, his large size caused me to inhale sharply.

“Slow down, darlin’, let it stretch so you don’t get hurt,” he whispered.

He held onto my sides to keep me from moving too fast.  It was agony waiting, when all I wanted to do was take it faster.

“You ok?” he asked quietly as he began moving rhythmically into me, very slowly.

I answered by leaning backward and placing my hands on his upper thighs, and joining his rhythm.  As our pace picked up, he began grunting loudly.  My sorrows and fears were drowned out by the pleasure of our bodies intertwining.  It was the first time that I became so lost in pleasure that I cried out uncontrollably as my body found its release.

We collapsed together, our bodies entangled on the bed.  We lay quietly as our breathing slowed, and I felt a sense of peace. Gus stroked my hair gently as I fell asleep.

“It’s ok, you know.”

Emilie was sitting on the ground, looking up at me. The grass beneath us was a surreal shade of green.  I couldn’t see her face clearly because the sun was behind it, just as it had been when I saw her in a field of flowers.  “He’ll always be there for you and you both deserve to be happy.”

“I know,” I replied.  “But he was yours first.”

She shrugged.  “True, but I’m gone now.  Just be happy, ok?”

I nodded. 

“I mean it, Zoe.  No tears, no regrets.  No second thoughts.”

“Jane’s gone,” I said.

“She’s here with me.  She’s ok.”

“No, they killed her.  She’s gone,” I repeated.

“I know.  She’s ok now.”

I looked down at my best friend, still not able to make out her face.  Sitting beside her was a small girl with red hair.  Her face, too, was impossible to see.

“It’s ok Zoe, it’s fun here!” she said.  “I have my own
fishin’ poe and everything!”

I heard a baby cry and looked from Jane to Emilie, who now held a tiny baby in her arms.

“Where’d you get the baby, Emilie?” I asked. 

“She’s mine,” said Em.

The baby cooed.  Swaddled in flowing white blankets, I was unable to see the infant within.

“She looks like you,” said Jane.

“I can’t see her,” I said.

“You can’t see her yet,” said Emilie.  “But she’ll be ready for you soon.”

“I don’t understand,” I said.

The bundle in her arms moved as the baby within began to cry.  A tiny arm lifted out of the swaddling blankets, its skin black and red and cracked.  The small cry became shrill and otherworldly.

***

I woke in a cold sweat.  Sitting upright in the bed the best I could, I tried to catch my breath. 

“Zoe?  What’s wrong?”  Gus was instantly alarmed.

“Just a terrible dream,” I mumbled.  “Sorry I woke you.”

“Want to talk about it?” he offered as he also sat upright. 

“No.”  It felt as if a great sadness had been planted in my heart by the dream. 

I heard the familiar sound of Gus’ lighter and within a brief moment the room was again bathed in the soft glow of candlelight.

“Hey,
shhhh,” said Gus as he shifted to face me.  “Zoe, you’re crying.”

I hadn’t been aware that tears were falling down my cheeks.  Gus used his thumb to wipe one away.

“It’s ok, darlin’, I’m here.  We’re ok,” he tried to soothe me.

I looked into his eyes and wished I could get lost in them.  I shook my head back and forth.

“I don’t think we’ll ever be ok,” I said solemnly. 

He pulled me to him and held me close, his hands stroking my still-bare back.

“I don’t think I can sleep anymore.  I’m too hungry,” I mumbled, hoping to change the subject.

“Ok.  Let’s get dressed.  It’s freezing in here.” 

He let go of me and stood.  I averted my eyes, still not fully comfortable seeing him nude.  Looking down at my belly, I was startled when my baby began moving.  She had been so quiet lately.  So still.  Gus was busy pulling his pants on.

“She’s moving again,” I said, looking up at him.

“Told you she was just asleep.  Ah man, see, now you have me calling it
she
too.”  He winked at me.

He tossed my t-shirt at me and I pulled it over my head.

“Are there any chips left?” I asked.

“A few.  Go ahead and eat what’s left and then we should head
outta here.  We need to find some decent food soon, and I want to put some distance between us and that last town.”

“You don’t think we should try going back?”

“No way.”

“What if the others went back for us?”

“They’re smart, Zoe.  They’ll get our notes.”

“Ya, I guess.” 

I tossed a chip into my mouth and crunched on it loudly.  Gus was busy buckling his belt.  There was only a handful of Doritos left, so I ate half and passed the sack over to Gus.

“Nah, I’ll be ok.  You go ahead.”

I shook my head ‘no.’  “I’m not feeling too great, and you need to eat too.  Go ahead.”

He finally took the near-empty bag from me and sat on the bed beside me.  As his weight caused the mattress to move, the slight feeling of nausea that was building took on a life of its own.  I quickly stood and ran to the small bathroom, where I dropped to my knees in front of the toilet.  The stagnant water in the bowl had begun to grow red algae and my over-sensitive sense of smell caused me to retch harder than I might have otherwise.  My stomach cramped and my baby complained by stretching her legs, making the pain worse.  My eyes had filled with tears from vomiting, making my vision blurry.  Just as the wave of nausea and the cramps were easing up, I was filled with the urge to retch again.  Doritos had mixed with bile, leaving me with a very offensive
and bitter taste in my mouth.

“Hey, you ok?” whispered Gus. 

I hadn’t been aware that he had joined me in the small, cold room.  I felt his hands gently hold my hair back, and I answered by vomiting again.

“Just let it out.  You’ll feel better soon.”

I heaved one more time as my stomach cramped again, but nothing came up.  I was exhausted and felt dizzy.

“I’m so sorry,” I moaned quietly.

“Nah, don’t be.  Let’s get you back to the bed, ok?”

He handed me a dry wash cloth, which I took gratefully and then used it to wipe my mouth.  I accepted
an outstretched hand and stood.  My legs were shaky.

“Do we have anything left to drink?” I asked as we walked back to the bed.

“One can of soda, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea.  Might make you feel worse.”

“I’m really thirsty.”I

“Let’s get you under the covers and then I’ll go fetch a gallon of water from the manager’s office.  Fair enough?”

I nodded
and climbed into the bed, which had grown cold.  As Gus began covering me, my abdomen grew tight again.  I winced.

“Gus?”

“Ya?”

“I think I might be having contractions.”

He sat beside me, suddenly looking worried.  He placed his hands on my belly, gently feeling.

“You might be dehydrated.  When my wife was expecting our first, she had issues with that.  Let’s get some fluids into you and see what happens.  Let me know if it happens again, ok?”

“Ok.”

He kept his hands on me, apparently waiting for me to let him know if it happened again.

“Just rest, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths.”

I did as instructed, but found it difficult to relax.  After a few long moments I felt my belly begin to tighten again.  This round didn’t seem quite as strong or painful.

“Do you feel it?” I asked in a whisper.

“I do.  Hopefully it’s just Braxton Hicks.”

“What’s that?”

“Think of them as practice contractions,” he said in a soothing voice.

I opened my eyes and looked at him.  He was looking at me with softness in his eyes, and I felt instantly pacified.  I knew that he would take care of me, and that in some way he loved me.

“I’ll only be gone a few minutes,” he said.  “I’ll go out the back window so you don’t have to get up to lock the door behind me.  Try to stay in bed till I get back.  If you need to throw up use the trash can; I’ll set it next to the bed for you.”

“Thanks, Gus.  Try to hurry back?”

“You know it.”  He fetched a small trash can from below the little table in the corner of the room, placed it on the floor beside the bed, and then leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips.  “See you in a few.”

I gave him a small forced smile.  I didn’t want him to leave, but knew we needed the water.  As he walked to the bathroom to make his exit, I turned onto my left side and attempted to get comfortable.  I began shivering despite being warm under the covers, and groaned quietly as another wave of nausea came over me.  Just as the nausea was passing, my belly tightened again, this time harder than before.  As the pain eased, I felt my baby twist inside of me.  The sensation alone brought more nausea, and I leaned over the edge of the bed hoping that I was in the right spot to at least aim for the waste basket.  My stomach still empty, I dry heaved again.  My head was starting to ache from the pressure of retching.  As I heaved one more time, I felt a warm sensation spread around my legs.  Mortified over wetting the bed, I threw the covers back and swung my legs over the edge.  I forced myself to stand and waddled to the bathroom in hopes of cleaning up with some towels.  The last thing I wanted was for Gus to know that I had peed myself.  I pulled my boxers off, and then dried my legs and feet with a hand towel.  I took two larger bath towels back to the bed, and set them down as a barrier.  I had a brief memory of my mother doing this when I was a little girl and would have a middle-of-the-night accident.

As I was covering the puddle in the bed with the towels, I heard the commotion of Gus climbing back in through the bathroom window.  I climbed back into the bed and was getting myself situated when Gus came in with the water.

“Zoe, what are you doing up?”  He sounded concerned.

“I had to pee,” I said.  I figured it wasn’t far from the truth.

“I’ll pour you a glass of water.”

“Thanks.”

My belly tightened again, this time painfully so.  I winced and closed my eyes trying to cope with it.  I felt Gus’ hands on my belly again, this time pressing harder.

“Gus, no,” I moaned.  “That hurts.”

“Sorry.”

The pain slowly eased, and I was too aware that I had
wet the bed again.

“Oh God, no,” I whimpered.

“What is it?”

“I didn’t want to tell you.  I wet the bed while you were gone and I just did it again.”

“Zoe, you can tell me anything.  Always.”

“Oh my God this is embarrassing.”

“I need to look, ok?”

“No you don’t.  I put towels down.”

“No, seriously, I need to check you out.  Don’t be embarrassed.  It’s just me.  I’m gonna pull the covers back, ok?”

I nodded.  He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead, and then gently drew the covers back. 

“Ok, hun, I need you to let your knees fall open.  I just want to make sure your water didn’t break.”

“Oh God, no,” I moaned.  “It’s too soon for that.”

“I know, but this pregnancy is following its own rules and timelines.  We both know that.”

I felt his hands on my inner thighs, encouraging me to open my legs.  I took a shuddering breath and tried to relax.

“Good girl.  I’m just going to wipe you with the end of this towel, ok?”

“’Kay.”

As he was wiping me with the terry cloth towel, my belly began to tighten again.  Like the one prior, I had to close my eyes and focus on breathing.  I felt a gush between my legs, immediately wiped at by Gus.

“Zoe?”

I opened my eyes as the pain eased and looked at Gus.

“It looks like amniotic fluid.  I think we’ll be staying put for the next day or two.”

His words didn’t make much sense.

“We need to get to Neah Bay.”

“Not today, darlin’.  Looks like you’re having your baby.”