The Goodbye Bride (30 page)

A cold fist locked around her heart.

Zac's movements were quick and angry as he muttered about a no-show band, complaining customers, unreliable employees, needy brothers, but the sound of his voice was drowned out by the
whoosh
of blood in her ears.

Her breath felt stuffed into her lungs as her heart thrashed against her ribs. She worked hard at the basic task of breathing.

He's leaving. He's leaving you. You knew he would.

Of course she did. That's what people did. They left her. First Mama, then Daddy. How had she been so stupid as to give her heart away? The walls of her chest closed in.

Idiot!

Her heart pummeled her ribs. She should've known. She should've known!

You're not enough to hold anyone. When will you learn?

The backs of her eyes burned as she remembered clinging to her dad, begging him to take her with him. But he handed her off to Mrs. Wilmington as if she were a sack of garbage, and he never came back.

“Lucy, hurry up!” The words snapped her back to the present.

The rain pounded her, running down her face in rivulets. Zac was putting the last things into the bag, and her eyes settled on him, seeing him in a new light.

She remembered the days following her concussion,
remembered what he'd told her about the end of their relationship. She'd been so confused at his explanation. It hadn't made any sense—that she would just leave for no reason at all. Up and disappear. Not from Zac. She never would've done that.

Her eyes narrowed in on his face. “You lied.” The storm snatched her words, swallowing them whole.

He zipped the bag, hitching it on his shoulder as he stood. His eyes drifted past her, then came back, concern lining his forehead. “What's wrong?”

“You lied,” she said, louder this time.

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, shaking the ground beneath them.

“What?” He reached out. “Come on, let's get out of the rain.”

She frowned at his outstretched hand, rain dripping into her eyes. She blinked the moisture away. “
You
left
me.
”

His brows pulled together. “What are you talking about?”

Her heart pounded in her ears. The sand dug into her knees. A gust of wind tugged at her damp hair. “I remember now. That last day.” She fixed her eyes on his. “You left me.”

He tilted his head, his stormy eyes searching hers. “When I went to Bangor for the weekend?”

Her eyes burned, filling. “You left me.”

Something flickered in his eyes. Something warm and tempting. He planted his knees in the sand across from her, reaching out.

She flinched away.

“No, Lucy.”

“Yes, you did!”

“It was just a break.”

“Exactly,” she said over the howling wind. That was what people said when they left you forever.

He shook his head. “I was stressed out and upset, still dealing with losing my dad. We were getting married in a week. I went to Bangor to blow off some steam with my friends, that's all.”

“That's not what you said.”

“Yes, I did. I must've. Why would I leave? This is where I live. I have family here. I have a business here.”

“So did my dad, and that didn't stop him.”

The dark, ugly feeling inside expanded until she felt she'd burst with it. She needed to get away. Far away. She stumbled to her feet and turned toward the woods.

Chapter 37

Z
ac's mind spun with everything Lucy had just said. Why would she think he'd left her? He'd loved her so much. Still did. Maybe he hadn't come out and said where he was going or for how long, but this was his home. Their wedding day had been right around the corner. It made no sense.

“Lucy, wait.” He dashed after her, wiping the rain from his face.

She kept going toward the trail back to town, struggling in the deep sand, the wind ripping at her clothes, the rain pummeling her.

“Lucy!” In three long strides he caught up with her. He grabbed her arm and turned her.

“Let go!” Her hair was plastered to her head, her blue eyes frantic, filled with pain. Her lashes were wet, with tears or rain, he wasn't sure.

He'd never seen her like this. “Wait . . . Think about it, Lucy. I came back a couple days later, didn't I?” He skipped the part where he'd found her gone. Where he'd panicked, calling her dozens of times before finally admitting she'd left of her own free will. Where he'd ended the night bawling like a baby.

“You misunderstood.”

“You barely looked at me. You were angry.”

He loosened his grip, stroking her arms. “Not at you. I was dealing with a lot of stuff. I shouldn't have run out on you like that, but, honey . . . you were the best thing in my life. There was no chance of me not coming back. No chance at all.”

Something hopeful flickered in her face before her eyes shuttered.

She pulled, already backing away.

He tightened his grip. “Talk to me.” Something she'd said earlier surfaced like a buoy. “Your dad . . . you told me he died, but you just said he left you. I don't understand.”

She tugged for release again, giving him a flinty look. “I don't want to talk about it.”

She gave a final pull, so hard he was afraid he'd bruise her if he didn't let go.

She stumbled backward as he released her, backpedaling until she caught herself. She turned and scrambled for the trail.

He stepped forward. “Lucy, come back!”

Dangit!

“I'll take you home.” He rocked on his feet, the urge to go after her fighting with the instinct to give her space. He ditched the duffel bag and traipsed after her. “Lucy! Come on! Just let me take you home.”

“Leave me alone, Zac!”

He barely heard her words over the howling wind. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, shaking the ground. The rain came harder, shards of water drilling into his skin.

She entered the trail, her quick strides taking her under the canopy of the forest. A moment later she was lost in the maze of pines.

Chapter 38

L
ucy had no idea how much later it was when she entered town. The sun had sunk over the hills and darkness was closing in. Her clothes were stuck to her skin, her hair plastered to her head. Water had seeped into her sandals, turning her toes to prunes. But none of the physical discomfort rivaled the hollow ache that had opened up inside, dark and yawning.

Her feet moved quickly, her legs hurting, but she couldn't stop. Stopping would mean she'd have to think, and she didn't want to think.

Why did her memory have to come back now? Just when things were going so well? Just when she and Zac were finally happy?

Why, God? Why can't things work out, just once?

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, but she ignored it. Her eyes burned, and she blinked against the pain. Lightning flashed over Mulligan's Hill, and a sharp clap of thunder followed, making her jump. Her eyes dropped to the Roadhouse, a hulking shadow in the distance.

Where was she going?
What am I supposed to do now, God? Help me.

Her pace slowed as she stared at the building through the rain. She couldn't go back there. She wasn't ready to face Zac yet. She was confused and angry. And the fear . . . it raked its cold fingers inside, clawing for the surface.

His words began playing in her head, but she chased them away. She couldn't think about it anymore.

She had half a mind to leave. Go back to Portland. Her feet itched with the desire to run. Her heart raced, thudding in her chest like a kick drum. Her throat closed up, blocked by a knot the size of a golf ball.

Help me, God.

Something pulled inside. Something she'd never felt before. A hard tug in her spirit, telling her to stay. She balked at the notion.

A rumble sounded. Thunder, she thought at first. But the sound grew closer. An engine.

Please, God, not Zac. Not yet. I just can't face him.

She kept moving toward town, head down against the driving rain. She was too vulnerable to face him just yet. Too weak. She'd fall into his arms regardless of her better judgment. Regardless of the fact that she'd fallen way too hard. He'd gotten all the way down to the soft spot of her heart, and already it was breaking in two.

Again.

As the rumble grew louder, she made herself turn. A red truck eased alongside the curb. Eden's worried face appeared through the rain-dotted window as she inched it down. “Lucy?”

The truck rolled to a stop beside her. Beau was driving, Eden's son in the middle.

“Get in,” Eden said.

Lucy crossed her arms against the chill. “That—that's okay. There's no room, and I'll—I'll get everything all wet.”

“Lucy Lovett, get in this truck right now.” Eden threw open the door, lifted Micah into her lap, and dropped the booster seat in the back.

Lucy grabbed the door and slid inside, shutting it quickly. Water trickled down her legs and into the upholstery.

As Beau pulled away from the curb, Eden reached over and raised the window.

Lucy wasn't thinking straight. “Sorry. I'm getting your seat all wet.”

“No worries.” Beau reached behind the seat and handed her a jacket.

“Thanks.” The word wobbled between her chattering teeth.

“What in the world?” Eden studied her with concern in her eyes. “Why are you out in this? And what's wrong? Did something happen?”

“W-we were over at S-Seal's Cove. We—we had an argument.”

“You and Zac?” Eden asked.

Lucy nodded and clamped down on her chattering teeth.

Beau turned his sharp eyes on her, emotion tightening the corners of his mouth. “And he let you walk home? In this?”

“I—I ran off.”

“I'm going to knock him upside the head.” He accelerated through the green light.

Lucy suddenly realized he was headed for the Roadhouse. A chill passed over her, pebbling her skin.

She grabbed Eden's knee. “Wait. Wait, I c-can't go home. Please, I don't want to go there. Just—just drop me at the library or something.”

Eden gave her a look. “We're not dropping you at the library. We'll just go to my place. You can get a shower and change into something dry.”

“I don't want to r-ruin your plans.”

“You're not ruining anything,” Beau said. “I'll drop off you girls, then I'll take Micah for ice cream.”

“Yes!” The boy pumped a fist.

“If you're sure.” Lucy turned to look out the window, watching raindrops slide down the pane like tears.

The shower chased the chill from Lucy's skin, but deep inside a cold fist remained clamped around her heart. She slipped into a pair of yoga pants and a faded blue T-shirt. Her clothes tumbled in the dryer off the kitchen, the metal of her shorts button clanging intermittently. Eden had offered to let her use Micah's bed for the night, and Lucy was taking her up on it.

She tucked her feet under her on the sofa. Her left temple throbbed with the pain of an oncoming migraine, and Lucy massaged it. She'd checked her phone after her shower. Zac had called twice and sent several texts. She sent a quick response letting him know she was at Eden's. He immediately offered to come get her, but she told him she needed a little time.

She looked up when Eden entered the room with a steaming mug.

“Thought you could use some hot coffee.”

“Thanks.” She took the mug and sipped. The hot brew warmed her esophagus, but the strange chill inside remained, reaching down to her bones.

Eden moved a pile of Legos from the other end of the sofa and sat down. “Want to talk about it?”

Lucy shook her head. “I'm so confused.”

“What happened?”

The memory of that day last fall pushed to the surface again, replaying in her mind, bringing familiar pain with it.

“I remembered. I remembered what happened all those months ago when I left.”

Eden's brows lifted. “But that's good . . . isn't it?”

“I don't think so.” Lucy filled her in on what had happened, how she'd come to Zac's apartment to find him packing. How he'd been so angry and distant. How she'd panicked and left.

“But at the beach he said he was only going away for the weekend—that he had to blow off some steam with friends. That I'd misunderstood.”

“Why would you have thought he was leaving for good?”

“I don't know, I—now I realize it doesn't make any sense. But then it made perfect sense. He'd been distant and he was so angry, and he said he needed a break.”

“And you thought he meant a break from you?”

The dark feeling surged inside, vast and heavy, weighing her down in its awfulness. Her chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. Her eyes burned, and she dug her nails into her palms.

“It—it just brought everything right back.” Her throat closed over the rest of the words. What was wrong with her? It was so long ago. How many tears would she shed over her dad's abandonment before she finally got beyond it?

The couch squeaked as Eden shifted toward her. “Brought what back?”

Lucy released a humorless laugh as tears slid down her face. “It's a long story.” A painful one. One she wasn't sure she wanted to relive again.

“I don't have anywhere to be.”

She'd never told anyone. She'd locked the memory up tight in
a shadowed corner of her heart. Would letting it out ease the suffocating feeling? It was hard to believe it would get anything but worse.

“I know it's scary,” Eden said. “But talking might help. Shoot, I needed therapy after everything my late husband put me through. If you push stuff down long enough, it'll eat away at you. I hope you know you can trust me.”

Eden was the closest thing to a best friend Lucy'd ever had. That was downright pathetic, seeing as how she'd only known her two months.