The Glass Coffin (12 page)

“I don’t know,” I said. “Probably.”

Jill lit her cigarette. “Can you believe that I didn’t even know Evan was shooting that movie until the night of the rehearsal dinner?”

“How could you not know?” I asked.

“As it turns out, there’s a lot I didn’t know,” she said. “What’s that old saw? ‘Marry in haste; repent at leisure.’ My opportunities for penance seem to be coming at warp speed. I might as well tell you this because you’ll find out soon enough. Evan and I had a pretty heated argument after the rehearsal. When we got back to the hotel, I suggested we have a drink and hash out the question of the morality of what he was doing to Bryn. I thought the footage should be destroyed; Evan had other ideas. We went into the hotel bar, and I guess we forgot to keep the decibels down. The one shining nugget Felix and I uncovered at NationTV today was the fact that at least half a dozen people remember overhearing Evan and me fighting.”

“So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the police are expressing a more than casual interest in you.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Jill drew on her cigarette and blew two perfect rings, the second inside the first. “Remember when doing this was an accomplishment?” she said.

“I remember,” I said.

“Life gets harder,” she said. “All the more reason to keep one step ahead of the other guy.” She stood up. “Evan has a binder he carries with him everywhere. He calls it ‘his Bible’ – it’s an update on the status of his works-in-progress. I’ll dig that up. And I’ll call our office manager, Larissa, in Toronto and get her to courier everything connected to Evan’s work out here. Now the question is where should she send it?”

“I have an idea,” I said.

As soon as the arrangements were made, I called Kevin Hynd. “We’re rolling,” I said.

“Is the stuff coming to your place?” Kevin asked.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Nope. As long as I can go through everything as soon as it gets there.”

“Not the most festive way to spend December 24.”

“Helping somebody else? Hey, it’s Christmas, Joanne. As the man says, loving well is one way of participating in the mystery.”

CHAPTER

7

When you live close to the 50th parallel, darkness comes early in deep winter. Sometimes as people gather on these long evenings, the awareness that we are separated from the cold and dark by a glass-thin membrane can create a sense of community that is almost mystical. On the evening of December 23, there was no transcendence at my dinner table, but there was civility, and that was miracle enough for me. Late that afternoon, Claudia and Tracy had stopped by with a new robe and pyjamas for Bryn. While the golden child was checking out her gifts, Claudia had leaned towards me. “I hate shopping,” she whispered, “but even a trip to the mall beats sitting around a hotel room watching reruns of ‘Magictown’ with Tracy.”

The women in Jill’s new family had brought me no joy. More than once I had made some rough calculations about when they might cease to be part of my life. But it
was
Christmas, and Kevin Hynd was right. Loving well was one way of participating in the mystery.

I turned to Claudia. “Why don’t you two come for dinner,” I said.

And the die was cast. An hour and a half later, Claudia and I had put a meal together, Jill and Bryn were wrapping Christmas gifts in their room, and Tracy, Taylor, and Taylor’s cats were in the front hall marvelling at the new tree and listening to “The Way We Were.”

Claudia and I had agreed to do our bodies a favour and order takeout from my family’s favourite vegan restaurant, Heliotrope. But when we stopped by the liquor store, Claudia threw a bottle of Jack Daniel’s into the basket. “Perfect antidote to virtuous eating,” she said. And it was.

Standing side by side, sipping bourbon and ladling out Moroccan stew, Claudia and I achieved harmony. “Great menu,” I said, handing her a piece of desem pita.

“Great company,” Claudia said. “Being in an enclosed space with Tracy is like ancient water torture – drip, drip, drip till the victim goes insane.”

“How have you managed to share living space all these years?”

Claudia shrugged. “It’s a big house,” she said. “Lots of room to hide. And that’s what we do – lead separate lives.”

“But your lives must intersect,” I said. “And you must have spent a lot of time with Bryn.”

Claudia’s face grew soft. “As much as she’d let me.”

“Are you worried about her?” I asked.

Suddenly, Claudia was wary. “Worried in general or worried because of what happened to Evan?”

“Both, I guess. I know there were tensions between Bryn and her father, but he
was
her father. Even Angus, who’s not exactly Mr. Touchy-Feely, thinks that Bryn may not be dealing with Evan’s death in the healthiest way.”

Claudia’s mouth tightened. “Who decides what’s healthy? People do what they do. Look at me. I loved my brother, but I’m not going to let you or anyone else see me wailing and rending my clothing. When I woke up this morning, I made a mental list of what I needed to do. Take care of Tracy. Take care of Bryn. Endure. Three items, and I’m handling them all. I don’t need anyone second-guessing me.”

“I didn’t mean to sound judgmental,” I said.

Claudia’s shoulders slumped. “I know, and I know Angus is right to be concerned about Bryn. I am too. But Joanne, Bryn isn’t like Angus – she’s not like anyone I’ve ever known. I’ve tried to make her more … 
aware
of other people. But the truth is she’s just not hard-wired for empathy, no more than Evan was.” Claudia began placing the filled bowls on a tray. “There’s only so much you can do. You know that. You have kids.”

“Nature versus nurture?”

“And nature wins every time,” Claudia said. “All we can do is look at our kids honestly, and do the best with what we have.”

I touched her hand. “You’re right,” I said. “That is all we can do.”

We both had tears in our eyes. “Oh for God’s sake,” Claudia said. “Enough already. Soup’s on. Let’s declare this house a grief-free zone and spend the evening getting to know each other.”

And so we did. During dinner, the seven of us took part in a no-holds-barred, rapid-fire, round-robin exchange of personal trivia. We identified our favourite colours, Christmas movies, actors, brands of toothpaste, poets, kids’ books, and breakfast foods. By the time we were onto the peach cobbler, we were relaxed and easy, and Bryn had confided that she never really got the point of
Charlotte’s Web
and that, in her opinion, taupe was seriously underrated.

Buoyed by our new camaraderie, we sailed through the after-dinner cleanup and when Bryn stood in the shining kitchen and slid her hand into my son’s, he did not look uncomfortable. “This has been the best evening,” she said. “Why don’t we all take Willie for his walk? Like a real family.”

It was a poignant statement of longing by a young woman who didn’t often reveal herself, and the people who loved her were quick to respond.

“We
are
a real family,” Jill said.

“All
of us,” Tracy said. “Nothing can ever change that.”

“I wonder how Evan would have felt if he’d seen us like this,” Jill said.

“Who knows,” Claudia said. “I never knew how my brother felt about anything. Maybe if I had understood him more, I could have helped.”

“I’ve been thinking about that too,” Jill said, and it seemed she was speaking more to herself than to us. “I never really got to know Evan. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth. I never knew my husband. I wonder now if anyone did.”

Jill’s voice was wistful. It was the first time I’d heard her speak of Evan with emotion, and I wondered if the moment for grief had come. “The night I met Evan we talked about that illumination I gave you,” I said.

Jill smiled. “Not many people can claim that Philo of Alexandria brought them together, but that’s what happened with Evan and me. Felix introduced us, but it wasn’t until Evan saw that illumination hanging in my living room that our relationship moved from the professional to the personal.” Jill’s voice was filled with pain. “Evan never talked about his feelings, but those words seemed to resonate for him. I guess he wanted me to ask about the great battles he was fighting, but I never did.”

Had we been alone, Jill’s remembrance of things past might have opened the door for an intimate discussion. But we weren’t alone.

Tracy had listened to Jill’s words without interest, drumming her fingers on the kitchen counter to indicate her impatience. Finally, she offered an opinion that was as astringent as a bucket of cold water in the face. “It’s too late to talk about what Evan wanted,” she said. “He’s dead. But we’re not, so we might as well go for that walk Bryn’s so keen on.”

We stepped out into a star-bright night. The cold air was wisped with smoke from wood-burning fireplaces, and across the creek, kids screamed with delight as their toboggans ripped down the bank onto ice made thick by six straight weeks of temperatures stuck at twenty below. It was good to be alive on such a night, and from a distance we really could have passed for an extended family that had special cause for gratitude. The house we had come from, like all the houses that backed onto Wascana Creek, was substantial and handsome. We were well fed and expensively clothed. We moved easily, laughed often, and seemed content in one another’s company. Enviable people leading enviable lives, but there were fault lines in the image we presented, and we knew it. And so, as we walked along the levee, we kept it light: reminiscing about other winters; vying with one another to see who could arc a snowball over the shining ice to the bank across the creek; running with Willie as he swam through the snow.

Carefree times, but as we started for home, Willie ceased to be a diversion and became a problem. When he failed puppy socialization class, I had been too humiliated to re-enrol him, and he was making me pay for my cowardice. Inside the house, Willie was the best of dogs: sweet, compliant, and loyal; outside he was a brute and a brat who demanded his own way. That night as he recognized the landmarks that meant his walk was winding down, he balked: dragging me towards every garbage bin in the alley to check out what Taylor called the dog mail; barking when I called him to heel. Finally, when he grabbed at the leash and began a game of tug-of-war with me, Claudia intervened.

“Why don’t you let me take him?” she said.

It was an offer I couldn’t refuse. I handed her the leash. “He’s all yours,” I said.

She grabbed Willie’s collar. “Time to learn some manners,” she said. With two quick manoeuvres, she flipped him into the snow and pinned him on his back, then she began talking to him. At first he flailed, but as he calmed, her words became endearments. Finally, she put her mouth beside his ear and cooed, “Ready to try again, big boy?” When Claudia brushed herself off and started down the alley, Willie trotted beside her like a show dog.

I opened the back gate for them. “That was nothing short of amazing,” I said.

“It was just a first step. There’s no quick fix. You’re going to have to do this every day, and you’re going to have to enrol him in obedience school. Willie is never going to earn a Ph.D., but he might surprise you.” Suddenly, Claudia laughed her wonderful wry, throaty laugh. “What a life I have – Bouviers and Broken Wand Fairies.”

I was basking in the self-generated glow of the doer of good deeds when Jill and I drove Claudia and Tracy back to their hotel. The evening was nearing an end and, given the players and the circumstances, it had been a triumph. The first time we stopped for a light, Jill gave me a surreptitious thumbs-up. The second time we stopped for a light, Tracy unsnapped her seat belt, leaned into the front seat, and, without preamble, dropped her bombshell. “Claudia and I have decided Bryn should come back to Toronto with us.”

“Nice build up there, kiddo,” Claudia said furiously. “At least you could have waited until the car stopped.”

“I’m not taking the flak for this one,” Tracy snapped. “It was your idea.”

Jill turned in her seat so she could see Claudia’s face. “Why didn’t you bring this up back at Joanne’s?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t exactly leap at our suggestions, and I didn’t want Bryn to hear us fighting,” Claudia said. “She has enough to deal with as it is.”

Jill’s hands were clenched, but she kept her temper in check. “Bryn does have enough to deal with,” she said levelly. “That’s why she doesn’t need the three of us tearing at her as if she were a doll. There’s nothing to discuss here. The moment I took those marriage vows, Bryn became my daughter. I want her with me. She wants to be with me. Before we left Toronto, Evan and I talked to a lawyer about arranging for an adoption. We wanted to make certain my relationship with Bryn was protected.”

“You can’t do that,” Tracy said.

“Don’t say anything stupid,” Claudia said, and her tone was the same one she had used on Willie in the back alley.

“Evan was the one being stupid if he thought he could get away with this,” Tracy said furiously.

Claudia was conciliatory. “Why don’t we just drop this for now? Jill, if things get complicated, the offer is always open.”

“That’s right,” Tracy said. “Something could happen to make you change your mind.” She laughed her trilling Broken Wand Fairy laugh. “You never know, do you?”

We watched in silence as the two women walked into the hotel. “Felix was right,” Jill said.

“About what?”

“About Evan’s family. After we went to NationTV this morning, he came back to the house to talk. He told me not to trust anyone in Evan’s family. He said they’re the kind of people who don’t stop until they get what they want.”

“How well does he know them?” I said.

Jill shrugged. “Obviously better than I do,” she said.

We came home to more surprises. Bryn and Angus were cuddled on the couch watching
A Christmas Story
and Taylor, the archetypal younger sibling, was sitting on the floor blocking their view.

As soon as she spotted us, Bryn was on her feet. “Come sit down with us,” she said, and her smile was winning. “This is exactly the kind of movie we should be watching together. It’s about this boy named Ralphie. All he wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder air rifle, but everybody keeps telling him he’ll get his eye shot out. It is so sweet.”

“Thanks for asking,” Jill said, embracing her stepdaughter. “But Jo and I have some things to discuss.”

Bryn’s eyes narrowed, and the cheerleader glow left her translucent ivory skin. “You’re not changing your mind about me moving to New York?”

“Of course not,” Jill said. “I don’t want you to worry about that or about anything else. Now, get back to your movie. Jo and I are going to grab a beer and find a quiet place to talk.”

We took our bottles of Great Western into the living room where the traditional Kilbourn tree still held sway. I plugged in the lights. “Beautiful,” Jill said. “It looks exactly the same every year.”

“That’s why Taylor hates it,” I said.

“She’ll appreciate it some day. Bryn already does. She told me she thought it would be wonderful to have a tree with homemade decorations.” Jill sipped her beer. “It’s been good for her to be here, Jo. I think she’s starting to connect more with other people.”

When I didn’t jump in to agree, Jill pressed me. “You’ll have to admit it was thoughtful of her to ask us to watch the movie with them.”

“It was thoughtful,” I said.

“But you still don’t like her,” Jill said.

“I don’t know her,” I said, “and I’m not sure you do either. Claudia and I were talking about this today. She told me she thinks Bryn just isn’t hard-wired for empathy.”

Jill tensed. “And when did Claudia become an expert on genetics?”

“She may not be an expert,” I said, “but she
has
cared for Bryn since she came home from the hospital. That has to count for something.”

The Christmas lights played out the spectrum of colours across Jill’s face, but she looked wan and abstracted. “Nobody told me,” she said. “No wonder she wants to hang on to Bryn.”

“Jill, how long did you and Evan know each other before you got married.”

“Seven weeks.” Jill chewed her lip savagely. “What the hell was I thinking of? Why wasn’t I asking questions? Why wasn’t I paying attention?”