The Gladiator’s Master (20 page)

“Wounds happen on the sands. It’s a part of the life, Dominus. You know that.” Gaidres brushed his lips over Caelius’s. “You worry overmuch.”

He hated how Gaidres stopped using his name once their bodies were spent. “Perhaps I do.” Though he might not worry so much if he knew for sure whether or not Gaidres still sought death or not. His hands came up to frame Gaidres’s face, thumbs brushing over the other man’s jaw as his fingers shook. “Will you come with me back to my rooms?”

Gaidres smiled and it struck Caelius’s heart with a hard aching pang. He opened his mouth to tell Gaidres that he loved him again, but then Gaidres was kissing him and the words were lost.
I love you. I love you, Gaidres.
The words turned over and over in Caelius’s mind, yet only he could hear them.

His lover broke the kiss and eased himself from Caelius’s body with a soft groan. “I will.” He rose and helped Caelius to his feet. “Do you suppose we can get to your rooms unseen?”

“I think anyone who had wished to watch will make themselves scarce and those who didn’t have long since disappeared to another part of the villa.” Caelius spied his tattered robes and scooped them up with a shake of his head. “I’m going to need more garments if we keep doing this,” he murmured, trying not to think of all the things he wanted to say once he knew they were alone.

Gaidres snickered, grabbing his
subligar
from the floor as well and glancing around as he followed Caelius through the hall to his chambers. It appeared the villa was deserted, at least in this part. Which was for the best, because they hadn’t been anywhere close to circumspect this evening.

Once inside Caelius’s chambers, they took a moment to wash at the basin of water on a table near the bed and Caelius drew on another robe as Gaidres rewound his
subligar
around his hips.

He tilted his head as Caelius sat on one of the low couches. “What is on your mind, Dominus? I sense the words pricking your tongue.”

Caelius drew a deep breath, then exhaled, looking up to meet Gaidres’s eyes. “Do you still wish to die in the arena, Gaidres? Months ago you told me as much, and I wonder if anything has changed since then.”

Gaidres sat as well, pondering the question for a moment. “I do not know. I know it is the likely course. I am resigned to it, I suppose. It is what a gladiator does, Dominus. We die.”

He frowned, shaking his head. “That is not what I asked. I asked if you still seek it, if you wish it for yourself.”

Gaidres frowned. “Why do you ask for an answer to that? I am what I am, you told me that yourself once. I am a slave and death in the arena is my fate.”

“I would have you free, Gaidres.” Caelius took Gaidres’s hands in his. He hated seeing the grin on Gaidres’s face die and a part of him wished that he hadn’t spoken. But the sight of Gaidres in a cage was fresh in his mind and it infuriated him. Gaidres belonged with him, living and loving.

But if he did not speak now, when? When it was too late and Gaidres’s life spilled out on the sands? “I see you in that cage and it is unnatural to me. Let me free you if you do not seek death anymore.”

“Why? What else is left for me? Fighting, I know. It is all I know anymore. You saw us tonight, Dominus. You saw the pride we took in our battle.”

“Tonight was a mock battle, a test of skill. It is different when you fight to the death. How much pleasure is there then?” Caelius rose, agitation forcing him to his feet, before he turned again to face Gaidres. “I beg of you, Gaidres. I cannot watch you die. You cannot ask me to send you out to a meaningless death.”

Surely he was the only Roman in the world cursed with a slave who refused to be freed. No doubt if he freed the stubborn man anyway, Gaidres would march himself down to his cell and sit there in defiance. It was maddening. And rather ironic, considering that it was the slave making these rules and the master who found himself helpless. He would laugh if his heart didn’t ache so.

Gaidres’s expression darkened. “You place too much importance on this notion of freedom. What would freedom do for me?”

Caelius sat beside him, searching Gaidres’s face. “It would allow you to live the life stolen from you three years ago!”

Gaidres pushed to his feet. “That life is gone and well you know it, Dominus. There is nothing for me in Thrace, or anywhere else for that matter.” He threw his arms out, gesturing to the villa and the
ludus
beyond. “This is all there is.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Freedom for you is a dream I will never experience. For you to be a free man means a villa in Caere, one here, slaves to do your bidding and your pick of lovers to fulfill your every desire.”

He reared back as if Gaidres had struck him. In truth it felt as if he had. “You insult me, Gaidres, that you think my thoughts are so shallow.”

“No, Dominus. I merely point out the very grave differences between you and I. Freedom for me means nothing. My family is gone. My home is gone. My friends and my neighbors. I doubt even the remains of my village were left standing by the time your uncle’s men were through. Here…” He sighed, as if he found some of what he said hard to admit. “Here I have a purpose. Here I fight, I win, I bed you…I would sooner stay and have that and die a quick death than spend any number of long, empty years out there as your glorified ‘free man.’”

“Would being free with me be such an empty existence? It can be how it was in Caere all the time.” It could be more than that, so much more if Gaidres would but take it. Only the incredulous look that crossed Gaidres’s face told Caelius that he didn’t see such a future.

“You are mad, Dominus.” Gaidres barked a laugh, shaking his head. “You have no idea what you are saying. You’re a dreamer and a fool.”

Kerses was a dreamer. Caelius remembered Gaidres telling him that and his eyes stung. How could he compete against a memory? “Kerses was a dreamer.” He said it without thinking and Gaidres straightened, a furious mask falling over his face.

“And it got him nowhere but an early death. Your kind of dreaming is dangerous. Do you think what you do here with your slaves makes a difference? You do not think anyone would notice if you freed a gladiator and gave him rights and privileges that they know he should not have? Sometimes I do not think your mind is in the same world as your body. You have an image of harmony in your head that doesn’t exist in this world.”

“Why can’t it?” Caelius jutted out his chin, even as his heart was breaking. “Gaidres, don’t you see? I love you.”

Gaidres shook his head, taking a step backward. “You speak of what you do not understand! You love me? You love a fantasy! You love a slave who will do your bidding and whom you can control!”

Caelius’s eyes flashed and he surged to his feet with a harsh laugh that held no humor. “My bidding? Control? Of whom do you speak, Gaidres, because it is not yourself!” Caelius strode forward, glaring at Gaidres in challenge. “Who is this slave who bends to my will? Whom I can control? You? You, who at every turn shakes the bars of the cage he is within and yet cowers when I would open the door for him? What control do you speak of, then?”

Gaidres glared back at him, shaking his head. “I do not cower! I live in the real world, the one all around us, Caelius, and you live in some dream where…what? Where you think there could be more than what exists between us? Where love rules and the world bends to become something it is not and will never be?” He scowled. “You are a fool!”

“Perhaps I am, but if so then I am not a fool alone! You, my gladiator, are the greatest fool I have ever known!” Caelius threw his hands up and turned away, pacing for a second before spinning to glare at Gaidres again. “If I have such control, then this is me asserting it, by the gods. You will
not
fight in the Lupercalia! I forbid it!”

Gaidres’s eyes widened and he stalked forward, but Caelius held his ground, unintimidated by his lover’s fury. “You
forbid
it?” Gaidres clenched his fists. “And then what, Dominus? And then
what?
” He shouted the last. “You will
not
turn me into a laughingstock, nothing but your personal whore, by the gods you will not, do you hear me?”

“You are not my whore. And I refuse to live by others’ dictates about what is right and wrong. I’ll follow my own heart and conscience as I’ve always done,” Caelius replied, his roiling emotions eating at him. “Don’t you find it ludicrous that you, of all people, are worried what Romans might say behind your back?”

“You damned blind, arrogant bastard. You’re so besotted with your dream you cannot even see the danger to yourself. Your career will mean nothing if the right people take offense.” He stabbed a finger at Caelius’s chest. “I will fight in the Lupercalia. You swore to let me make my own decision in that regard. Do not act like every other Roman now.”

Caelius stared at Gaidres, torn between anger and an aching heart. He cursed himself for agreeing in the first place and cursed himself even more now for not being able to be so autocratic as to continue to forbid Gaidres. “Gaidres, please, I beg you, please, don’t fight.”

“Then you will allow me this?” Gaidres demanded with an intent look. Caelius pressed his lips together, his heart breaking even more.

“I’ll allow it.” He conceded when Gaidres’s stare wouldn’t relent.

“Gratitude. May I return to my cell, Dominus?” Gaidres asked in a way that made a mockery of the request.

“Do what you will, Gaidres,” Caelius replied, his voice turning to ice. “You find a way to do it anyway. Hide away from me if that is what gives you comfort. May you sleep well tonight.”

Gaidres cast him a hard look and then turned, striding from the room and leaving the slave who waited outside to scurry to catch up with him. Caelius sank down on his couch and dropped his head in his hands as he listened to the sounds of Gaidres storming toward the
ludus
and away from him.

Caelius glanced up as the guard brought in the doctoré and Hierocles. He almost wished he had arranged for this confrontation to happen later on. He was exhausted from a sleepless night after his fight with Gaidres. His frustration over his lover had him on edge and it didn’t help matters that he was still angry over the accident at the exhibition.

Still, making the two of them wait would not be fair either. Caelius knew that the rumors of his displeasure had already circulated among the servants and slaves. They would worry overmuch if he delayed matters. The doctoré looked calm, standing straight with his hands clasped behind his back while Hierocles shifted from foot to foot with an uneasy expression. That was hardly new. The former gladiator always seemed uneasy in his presence.

“Gratitude.” Caelius gestured to the guard. “You may wait outside. I’ll call for you when I’m ready.”

Caelius rose and whisked away the cloth on the table, revealing the shattered remnants of Gaidres’s weapon. Hierocles glanced at the shards of steel uneasily and the doctoré scowled.

Felix had found the merchant who had sold the blades, but the trail to the blacksmith had died there unless Caelius wished to send guards to question other merchants several days away from Fidena.

His scribe had spoken to several other blacksmiths in the area. Men renowned for their skill and they had examined what they could of what remained. The only thing they could say for certain was that the blade did not appear to have any rust damage. Their opinion had been that either the weapon had a flaw or it had been badly tempered.

Caelius hated unanswered questions.

“Doctoré, Hierocles.” He sounded calm, but every time he looked at that shattered blade he remembered the terror of that moment. He saw the blood on Gaidres’s cheek. And felt the same acute sorrow when his lover refused to withdraw from the Lupercalia. “I want to know what went wrong.”

“Accidents happen, Dominus.” The doctoré threw Hierocles a sharp glance at his words. “It is the way of things.”

Gaidres could have been killed. He wanted to scream it. He wanted to shake them both until they felt the same urgency that he did. “I do not care for your careless demeanor,” he said in a cold voice. “I want answers, not excuses.”

“I do not understand how it happened, Dominus.” The doctoré picked up one of the shattered pieces. “I tested all the weapons myself when they arrived. I would have sworn they all were sound.”

Caelius’s lips tightened as another thought occurred to him. Petronius had known of his plans for the exhibition. Perhaps he had not been as cozened as he appeared. He could not imagine the man being able to do any tampering in Caere, but here in Fidena…Caelius still didn’t know every one of the slaves as well as he would’ve liked to. He had not had a chance to earn their loyalty.

Nor did his people from Caere know the people here very well or the other way around. Not everyone. Perhaps by sight, but possibly enough to challenge someone who seemed strange. If Petronius had managed to slip someone in to wreak havoc, one of his people wouldn’t have needed to help them on purpose.

No…he could not picture that either. The villa itself may be a hive of activity but not the
ludus
and he had not increased it by many men either. If a stranger had been spotted where no stranger should be there would have been an outcry. It was a ludicrous thought and only showed how tired he was. If someone had ruined one of the weapons in an attempt to harm the
ludus,
they would have ruined more.

Caelius resisted rubbing a hand over his face. “I want them all tested again, just to be sure. The Lupercalia is only a month away and I’ll not have the same thing happening again.”

“I did last eve, Dominus, after the mishap,” Hierocles said, his eyes bright. “I found no other weaknesses.”

The doctoré’s brows came together in a frown. “I checked as well this morning and I have to agree with him. But there were problems with some of the armor. When I examined them this morning several of the leather straps had stretched. It might have happened in the bouts last night. If they are not repaired it will make the gladiator who wears it more vulnerable.”

Caelius pinned Hierocles with a sharp look. Judging from the nervous expression on his face he had either known about the problem and had chosen not to tell him or he had overlooked the condition of the armor in his zeal to examine the weapons. Either way, the thought of Hierocles being in charge of the equipment anymore with the Lupercalia looming was unpalatable at best.

“Gratitude, Doctoré.” Caelius almost sent him away to deal with Hierocles in private so the man wouldn’t be humiliated by his presence and then changed his mind. The doctoré was in charge of the
ludus
and he should be present to hear his decision since it would affect the doctoré’s domain.

“Hierocles, you are being moved to other duties starting today.” Hierocles’s mouth opened in protest and Caelius waved him silent with an abrupt gesture, too aggravated to listen to his excuses. “You swore to me that you were up to the duties, that you had experience with weaponry and armor.”

“Dominus, I do and I have taken excellent care. I would have noticed the armor and cared for it given time.” Hierocles glared at the doctoré who looked back at him with an impassive expression.

Caelius straightened, furious again. Well, that answered one question. Hierocles had not known that the armor needed tending to. “May I ask what you were doing this morning while the doctoré was seeing to your tasks?”

Hierocles turned a dull red and Caelius decided that he was done with hearing any more. He rose and thanked the doctoré again, dismissing him before returning to Hierocles, who tried again to argue his case.

“Enough,” Caelius cut in with a hard stare. “My decision has been made, Hierocles, and you only have your own carelessness to blame. Report to Felix and he will assign new duties to you. Now.”

“You are summoned.”

Gaidres looked up from his meal at the guard who stood there looking as though he wished he had been given any other duty in the world. Gaidres didn’t say anything and went back to eating.

No more. He was through playing along with Caelius’s fantasy of life and the world and their relationship. Relationship. The son of a whore had tried to
order
him. If nothing else would have reaffirmed Gaidres’s status as nothing more than a slave, that had. Caelius could prattle on about love and equality and life being what you make it, but the truth was Gaidres’s life had been decided for him and there was no remolding it now. He was done letting anyone try and fool him to think otherwise. And to think he had been on the verge of telling Caelius of his decision to lay aside his plans for revenge.

Demos sat across from him, glancing back and forth between Gaidres and the perplexed guard, now looking as though he wasn’t sure whether he ought to force Gaidres or not. Gaidres dared him to try.

“Dominus requires your presence.”

Gaidres didn’t blink, just kept eating.

“Argon…” Demos began.

Gaidres cut him a sharp glance. “Cease.” He sat upright and turned to face the guard, eyes narrowing. “You may tell Dominus that if he wishes to speak to me he can come and try to drag me to his rooms himself.” Gaidres snorted as he turned back to his bowl. “I wager he hasn’t the balls to do so.” Though the image of Caelius storming into the
ludus
and attempting to drag Gaidres anywhere was amusing.

The guard stayed for another moment or two, then scowled and disappeared. Gaidres had expected as much. His dominus was too gentle to ever condone the guard physically forcing Gaidres to obey, and the guard knew it. He’d be more likely to be reprimanded for such a thing than thanked for following orders.

Demos watched the guard go and then gave Gaidres a confused look. “Did I miss some important scene in your play? Why are you refusing Dominus’s summons?”

Gaidres flicked his gaze up, then back down, tearing a bite off his bread. “It is none of your concern.”

Demos laughed. “I beg to differ. ’Tis the master of us both that you deny, remember. I somehow doubt his mood will be so congenial if you refuse him his favorite pastime.”

Gaidres bristled, tossed what remained of his bread down into his bowl and looked up at his friend. “And that is why I have no intention of bending to him.”

Demos looked as if Gaidres were speaking a foreign language. He shook his head and narrowed his eyes. “Have I mentioned that you are a fool?”

“More than once, yes.”

“Well, I am mentioning it again. It bears repeating.”

Gaidres snorted. “You know not of what you speak. Keep to your business, friend, and I shall keep to mine.”

By the gods, Caelius and the way he’d seemed to overtake every aspect of Gaidres’s life was infuriating! Gaidres had made more than one concession last night and it had not been enough. Hide away from him, Caelius had said. Gaidres scowled. He was not hiding. He was accepting his fate.

“Your business?” Demos gave him a hard look. “You forget that your rebellion against
our
dominus affects us all.”

“He asks too much, Demos. I will say nothing more.”

Demos sighed, his demeanor softening. “Perhaps it is time you take notice that he asks at all, when by all rights he could simply take.” With that, Demos rose, leaving Gaidres to his spinning thoughts.

Gaidres watched him go with a scowl before returning to his fuming thoughts. Caelius was wrong. Gaidres did not care what the Romans thought of him. What he cared about was the fact that the Romans would not stand for it. Slaves had been freed before, and he was not blind to that fact. In fact, the arena where he would be competing during the Lupercalia was built by a former slave. It happened.

But that was not what this was. Caelius had skipped one crucial step in his daydream plan. Gaidres would never, could never, love a Roman.

Their argument the night before was fresh and he was certain Caelius would not be surprised to hear his refusal. Caelius had said once that if Gaidres were to refuse him he would allow it and would find someone else to serve him in that way. Well…let him now.

A tense line seemed to be burrowing its way between Caelius’s brow and had been ever since his fight with Gaidres. He frowned down at the papers scattering the table, realizing that once again his thoughts had drifted back to his stubborn lover. For two weeks Gaidres had ignored his summons every night. Caelius’s emotions had swung from astonishment, to hurt, to exasperation. He didn’t know what to do to talk with him again short of dragging him from the cell and angering him further.

Perhaps he could empty the
ludus
of everyone but Gaidres. That was an idea. The infuriating man couldn’t ignore him then. Caelius’s fingers drummed on the table, the papers forgotten until Felix gave him a discreet cough. Caelius sighed and tried to concentrate on the reports before him until the sound of Faustus wailing came as a welcome relief.

Caelius looked up as Helene entered with an apologetic expression. “Apologies, Dominus, but he refuses to settle down. I don’t understand what has been bothering him of late.”

Caelius rose, holding out his arms for his son. “Here, I’ll take him for a while. Maybe he just needs a change of hands. I’ll walk with him.”

Faustus’s face was red with temper, screwed up into a grimace and his body wiggled within his wrappings. Caelius cradled him in the crook of his arm and brushed his son’s cheek with his finger. “Stop that.” Faustus’s eyes popped open to stare in astonishment at him and then his mouth opened on another wail.

Caelius strode away, making soothing sounds as he did. Faustus no doubt was picking up on the tension in him and when Caelius was tense, the whole household seemed to echo his emotions.

“You miss him too, don’t you?” Even after they’d returned to Fidena, Caelius had made sure that Gaidres had some time with his son every day, knowing how much Gaidres had enjoyed the visits. Only they hadn’t happened lately. “Maybe if I tell him how miserable you are he’ll stop being so stubborn.”

Caelius felt just as miserable and alone, only he didn’t think telling Gaidres that would get him anywhere. Maybe he had been wrong about Gaidres’s changing feelings toward him.

“Dominus!”

Caelius’s head jerked up at the sound of Nikodemos’s grim voice. The guard stood in the doorway, his expression strained. “What is it?”

“Word from Caere, Dominus. There was a fire in the stables.”

Caelius’s heart lurched. “Was anyone killed?”

“No, Dominus, there were some injuries and some of the horses had to be destroyed. All of the fodder is gone as well and the stable was gutted.”

Caelius’s mind raced. It was only two weeks until the Lupercalia and he was torn between his dueling duties. He could get to Caere, oversee the cleanup and make sure everything was well in hand and still return in time for the festival that he dreaded. He would be tired but it was doable. For a moment he was inspired. He could take Gaidres with him and linger overlong. If Gaidres missed the Lupercalia…Caelius sighed. He’d lose whatever chance he had of winning Gaidres’s heart. If his gladiator was furious with him now, he’d be doubly so then.

“Ready your guard, Nikodemos. We leave for Caere at dawn.” Then he looked down at his son as a thought occurred to him. If bringing Faustus to Gaidres destroyed some of his lover’s defenses, Caelius refused to feel guilty for his tactics. Gaidres should be reminded of what he was missing in his self-imposed isolation. It might give his stubborn lover something to think of while they were parted.

Gaidres stared up at the ceiling, one arm under his head. A moment later, he noticed that the
ludus
had grown very quiet. With a frown, he sat up, glancing around. It was never this quiet. There was always the sound of snoring, or shifting, or someone pleasuring himself or on occasion a pair pleasuring each other. But now there was only silence.

What was going on?

Scowling, Gaidres pushed to his feet, approaching the slatted door to his cell and glancing out. The
ludus
was empty. How distracted must he have been by his own thoughts to not have noticed the
ludus
being emptied? And why?