The Girlfriend (Single Wide Female in Love, Book 2) (8 page)

“No, nothing like that. He’s a good man. I just find it hard to believe that he could really be in love with me.”
 

“Oh.” He nodded. “I know what your problem is.”
 

“You do?” My eyes widened. Even though I knew it was impossible, I wanted to believe that he would have the answer for me.
 

“Sure. You’ve spent too much time alone.”
 

“Huh? We’ve been together for a year.”
 

“But what about before that?” He tapped his heart lightly. “If the heart isn’t used to being open, to being vulnerable, it will fight tooth and nail to stay closed. If you’re used to being alone, you’re not used to being vulnerable.”
 

“Wow. I never thought of it that way.” I hadn’t been vulnerable. My heart hadn’t been in the hands of someone else.
 

“It’s okay. You just have to be patient with yourself. Some things can’t be forced or sped up, you know.”
 

“Thanks.” I smiled at him as he walked away.

I was feeling much better than I had before, but I didn’t agree with his last words. I wanted to speed it up. With all of my studies and introspective skills, I was sure I could master my issues with vulnerability in time for dessert with Max.

I found Stephanie on the dance floor.
 

“Do you mind if we go?”
 

“Sure.” She shrugged. She said goodbye to the man she was dancing with. “Is everything okay?”
 

“Yes. I just want a little time to sort some things out before Max comes over.”
 

“Oh, okay.” Stephanie smiled. “I’m glad you’re feeling better about that.”
 

I flashed back for a moment to how I felt when I thought Stephanie and Max were playing around behind my back. I’d felt so horrible. But here she was, being the best friend I could have, and supporting me. I knew that I had to keep my anxiety in check.

On the way home Stephanie told me about the men she had danced with.
 

“I think my biggest problem is that I’m not picky.” She laughed.
 

“Not at all?”
 

“Not really. As long as a guy has a great smile, I’m willing to give it a shot. I guess I try to see the potential in everyone. Even if it isn’t really there.”
 

“That’s hard. Because then you have so many to choose from.”
 

“The hard part is not being able to see their flaws. I should have seen them with my ex, but his good qualities seemed more important. That’s why I need to take a break from dating. I need to get things clear in my head.”
 

I frowned. I agreed with what she was saying, but I hoped that it didn’t hold true for me. Had I rushed into things with Max without getting things clear in my head? I tried not to think too much about it.

Chapter 17

I ran back and forth throughout my apartment gathering all the pieces to my plan. I set up candles on the coffee table. I put my favorite playlist on at just the right volume level. I made sure the kitchen was spotless and that wine glasses were conveniently within reach. I checked on the state of my bedroom to ensure that nothing embarrassing could be stumbled upon. I even dumped my bathroom trash. I made sure that the couch cushions were fluffed. Then I changed into my sexiest pajamas.

Okay, they weren’t really that sexy. They had a low-cut top, but only because the top was too big on me since losing some weight. The pants were silky and felt nice against my skin. I spent a little time making sure my hair looked mussed, but appealing. Once I was sure that I looked as good as I could for a dessert date, I headed back into the living room to wait.

It was hard to be still. I kept glancing at my phone to check the time and to check for texts. It was getting late. What if he’d forgotten all about our plans? Could I have been wrong about what might be happening tonight? It was obvious to me that Max and Stephanie had had a secret meeting. It had to be about me and it had to be about proposing. This had to be the night.

I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath. I wanted more than anything to be able to control my anxiety and emotions.

I was just about to text Max, to see if he was still coming, when there was a knock on the door. My heart jumped into my throat. This was it. This was the moment that I’d been waiting for. It didn’t matter to me any more that there was no photographer to take a picture of the special moment; I just wanted it to happen.

I lunged toward the door and caught my foot on the leg of one of the barstools at the breakfast bar. I tried to catch myself and succeeded in knocking the perfectly placed wine glasses right off the counter.

The crash must have alarmed Max, because he knocked louder.
 

“Sammy, are you okay?”
 

I looked at the shattered glass all over the floor. I was not okay. I’d tried to make everything perfect, and now everything was a mess.
 

“Just a second, Max!”
 

I grabbed the broom and dustpan. I tried to hurry to clean up the mess but finding the clear glass on the white tile floor was very difficult.
 

“Sammy, the ice cream is melting.”
 

I sighed and walked over to the door. I was covered in sweat from trying to hurry to clean up the mess. My sexy pajamas stuck to my skin. I opened the door and looked at Max.
 

“Hi.” I frowned.
 

“Hi.” He smiled at me.
 

“Come in. Just be careful, there’s glass on the floor.”
 

“Okay.” He nodded and glanced at the mess in the kitchen. “What happened?” He set the white paper bag that held our ice creams down on the breakfast bar.
 

“Oh, I slipped and knocked over the wine glasses.” I picked up the broom and dustpan again.
 

“Here, let me get it.” He took them from me. I protested, but he ignored me.
 

“Did you have fun with Stephanie?”
 

“Yes.”
 

He swept the last of the glass into the dustpan. Then he straightened up and looked into my eyes.
 

“Did you dance with anyone?”
 

I smiled a little at the question. “Yes.”
 

“Hm.” He tossed the glass into the trash and then put the dustpan and broom away. “I’m trying not to be jealous.”
 

“Oh, please, Max, you’re not jealous.” I rolled my eyes.
 

“No?” He slid his arms around my waist. I felt his fingertips glide along the silky material that covered my hips. “To think of some strange man with his hands on you…” He pulled me close. “It was driving me crazy.”
 

I kissed his cheek. “You’re just trying to make me feel good.”
 

“Nope. If I wanted to do that, I’d do this.” He kissed me with such passion that I stumbled back a step. Luckily he held me tight to keep me from falling. When he broke the kiss I laughed.
 

“Okay, maybe you were a little jealous.”
 

“I trust you, Sammy. That doesn’t mean I have to like the idea of some other guy dancing with you, when it should have been me. Sorry I couldn’t join you tonight.”
 

“Oh, that’s okay. I know you were busy.” I bit my tongue to keep from blurting out what I suspected. “Let’s get to that ice cream before it melts.”
 

“Good idea.”
 

He carried the bag over to the living room.
 

“Oh, candles.” He winked. “Nice.”
 

“Thanks. I just thought tonight might be special.”
 

“Any night with you is special.” He sat down beside me and opened up the bag. He handed me my ice cream. I took the lid off carefully.
 

“You remembered the cherry. Thank you.”
 

“Of course. And I like the music.” He swayed a little. “Maybe we’ll get to dance after all.”
 

“Maybe.” I smiled.

I used the long plastic spoon that came with the ice cream to poke around through the chocolate sauce. I was sure that the ring had to be hidden somewhere inside. The more I moved the ice cream around, the more sure I became.
 

“Is there something wrong with it?” Max looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
 

“No, it’s fine.”
 

“Then why aren’t you eating it?”
 

“Oh, right.” I laughed and took a careful bite. I swirled the ice cream around to be sure there was nothing hidden in it before swallowing. “Yum.”
 

“Sammy, I wanted to talk to you about the other day. I mean, I know I said it was fine but—”
 

I braced myself. I knew that it would get to him eventually. He would see that I hadn’t trusted him and that it was a problem.
 

“I know, Max, I know.”
 

‘You do?” He looked at me with surprise.
 

“I mean I know why you’re upset.”
 

“You’re the one that should be upset.” He shook his head. “I never should have walked out. I should have stayed and we could have talked it through. It’s just, if I feel myself getting angry, I try to avoid it. I don’t like to get worked up.”

Chapter 18

I stared at Max in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that he was apologizing to me.
 

“Max, you did the right thing.”
 

“Did I?” He shook his head and took a bite of his ice cream. “When we’re married, I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m walking out on you.”
 

My heart fluttered at the mention of the “m” word. Was he telling me this to iron things out before I found the ring? I was so excited that I almost forgot to respond.
 

“Max, I love you. I shouldn’t have been so upset.”
 

“Hey, things are going to happen in our lives that makes us angry, or jealous, or upset. We have to be ready to handle that, right? Walking away is not handling it.”
 

“Maybe, but it gives us both a chance to cool off.” I scraped the bottom of the container.
 

So far I’d not found a ring. My heart sank when I realized there wasn’t one hidden there. Maybe he had it in his pocket instead? Maybe he worried that the ice cream would ruin the stone?
 

“Sammy, I just want you to know how important you are to me. No matter what happens in our lives, we should be there for each other—just like we always have been. I don’t want anything to change that.”
 

“Nothing will.” I took his hand in mine and looked into his eyes. “Nothing can.”
 

“Are you sure? Because I think if we let things go as they were going the other morning, it could have gotten very difficult.”
 

I frowned. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I was being unreasonable.”
 

“I don’t know that you were. All I know is that I want to be confident that our relationship is strong—that we can overcome anything we need to.”
 

“Max.” I squeezed his hand. When he met my eyes it dawned on me. It was something that had never occurred to me before. Max was scared. “Are you afraid?”
 

“I’d be lying if I said no.” He frowned. “Before I realized that I was in love with you, I thought I had my life figured out. I thought I knew everything about how my life should go. But you know, going forward—starting our lives together—that’s a big change.”
 

I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and hugged him. “Oh, Max, it’s not that much of a change if you think about it. We’ve been part of each other’s lives for so long. That part is never going to change.”
 

“You know I love you, don’t you, Sammy?” He kissed my forehead. “Nothing will ever change that.”
 

I nodded. Still, I felt a pang in my heart. Did I really know that? There was obviously no ring in the ice cream. Now Max was talking as if he was getting cold feet. So how could I know that?
 

“I love you too, Max.”
 

“I know you do.” He smiled. He leaned close for a kiss.

It was a sweet kiss with traces of ice cream left on our lips. It should have been a perfect moment. Instead it was tainted by my concern. I was lying to Max, and he was worried about the future. He had every reason to worry, since I could not bring myself to be honest with him.
 

“I guess I should get going.”
 

The last thread of hope in my heart that he might surprise me with a proposal snapped. There was no special night planned. Whatever he had been talking to Stephanie about didn’t pertain to our dessert.
 

“I guess.”
 

I sat back and stared at the empty styrofoam cup on the table.
 

“Why does it feel like you’re not telling me something?” There was clear frustration in Max’s voice.
 

My stomach twisted with conflict. I knew that Max wanted me to tell him how I was feeling, and in the past when we were best friends, I never would have hesitated to. Now I felt like if I told him the truth he would see the crazy I was trying to hide from him and want nothing to do with me. How could I tell him that I didn’t understand why he hadn’t proposed?
 

“I just overheard something tonight that I probably shouldn’t have.”
 

“What do you mean?”
 

“I mean why were you and Stephanie together tonight, when neither of you told me you would be?”
 

I might have imagined it, but it seemed to me Max’s skin grew pale.
 

“Oh, you saw us?”
 

“I heard you.”
 

“Why didn’t you say something?”
 

“I don’t know.”