The Ghost House (14 page)

In the space of a year I have known so much death and tragedy it can sometimes be too much to bear. They say death comes in three’s and I fear they are not wrong. First there was my mother, then Lady Hannah and then his Lordship. Thank God for Edward. Although he spends more time in London at medical school than he does here I know that one day he will become a great doctor. He told me at the moment he is working on what is called a casual ward in the hospital where the poor, unfortunate people can walk in to get treatment for any illnesses and ailments, even if they have no money to pay. On our last telephone call he told me he had his eyes opened on a daily basis and has never met so many women who were drunkards and who sell their bodies to men for the price of a cheap drink of gin.

It is my dream that he will return home when his studies are complete and we will be able to open up a place in town to treat all the poor people who are not as fortunate as ourselves. Edward has promised to take me to London soon to meet his doctor friends and see the hospital that he works so hard in.

Cook has a new kitchen maid, for Millie disappeared without a trace last time Edward was home to visit. She left no note and gave no indication she wanted to leave so it came as a great shock to us all. Millie was there when we said goodnight and was gone by the morning. It is most strange but Cook is adamant there is a young man involved and thinks that Millie may have eloped. I hope so because it seems a far more romantic gesture than the fear I have that something awful has happened to her.

Edward keeps insisting we should take on a new housekeeper but I have told him many times it is not necessary and that I am quite capable of running this house without relying on outside help. I should also tell him that I don’t want anyone to replace my mother but it seems it is never the right time.

Alfie left to go into the army after the wedding. I know it was all too much for him and that he could not bear to see Edward as my husband. How I wish he was here now because I miss him so much and Edward is rarely home to keep me company.

Edward was not in the best of moods last time he was home; he was very quiet and rather sullen. He went back to London in a terrible mood and I have not the slightest inclination why. I know he has endured so much in such a short space of time and that he misses his parents dearly. His lovemaking was so rough and not like him, he left me with bruises on my wrists and bite marks on my breasts, which smart. The morning after he saw the marks he had left and apologised profusely, crying and begging me for his forgiveness. I did forgive him because I do not want to be angry with him. I love him so much.

Edward left for London today after a terrible argument. He came home two days ago to surprise me. He brought me the most beautiful bunch of white lilies, which are my favourite flowers, and a pearl necklace with a dainty diamond clasp. He carried me up to bed where we spent two days doing nothing but making love and talking. He was in such a good mood I thought it was now the right time to mention my longing for a baby; I have thought of nothing but since his last visit home and have been waiting for the right moment to tell him.

He exploded with fury when I mentioned it to him. He threw a vase at the wall and tore down one of Lady Hannah’s favourite paintings. He then left the drawing room and went down into the cellar. Harold told me he had taken a decanter of whisky and a glass with him. I wanted to go and see him but decided I should let him be until he calmed down. I thought that he would be excited to be a father. How could I have been so wrong? Where has my charming Edward gone? Instead he has been replaced with the black eyed, mean hurtful Edward from two years ago.

When he finally came back up to see me he was so drunk he could hardly speak. His fists were not affected in any way for he struck me so hard across the face my eye swelled shut and I ran and spent the night in my old bedroom, praying he would not come looking for me.

He never spoke to me before he left but I hope once he gets back there and thinks about his appalling behaviour he will write and apologise for his outburst. Surely he must realise that for us to become parents will make our lives complete.

As I took my breakfast in the dining room I read in
The Times
of a terrible murder that has occurred in a part of London called Whitechapel. The body of a woman named Polly Nichols was found and her throat had been cut from ear to ear. It said the woman also had terrible wounds to her abdomen and when she was found there was a clean white handkerchief placed across her throat. I am so glad that I live in such a beautiful, secluded house surrounded by our very own woodland and quite far from the nearest town. Nothing happens like that around here, thank the good Lord.

The newspaper described the woman as living the life of an ‘unfortunate’. I will have to ask Edward exactly what that means. I have a good idea but would hate to be wrong. I could ask Cook but she would give me one of her looks and I cannot stand to be looked down upon by her.

Edward finally telephoned me this afternoon to apologise about his dreadful behaviour when he was home last. He begged my forgiveness for hurting me so much after our last argument and asked if I was still angry with him. I laughed and told him I could not be angry with him for long. I mentioned the newspaper article and he told me not to worry about what happens down in London for it is a long way from Abbey Wood and it is a big city full of strange people. He explained what an unfortunate was and I was right. He said they were the women he treated on a daily basis on the casual ward and that made me feel even sadder. The poor woman had led an awful life and it had ended in the most horrific way. Surely she must have gone on to a better place. When I said my prayers tonight I prayed for her soul. Before I got into bed for some reason I could not get the image of Polly Nichols out of my mind and it took a long time before I fell asleep.

Once again, as I took my breakfast I read in the newspaper that another woman had been murdered in the most despicable way in Whitechapel. Annie Chapman had her throat cut just like the last one. The report went on describe her other injuries which were atrocious and it made my blood run cold to think of the pain and suffering these poor women endured. I have no idea why it affects me so. Maybe it is because I know Edward is in London and has dealings with such poor women that it brings it home to me. This woman was also found with a clean white handkerchief placed on her throat. Did the killer feel guilty about what he had done and tried to cover it over? I will never know, thankfully. I will have to ask Edward if he lives anywhere near to this dreadful Whitechapel place. I hope he does not for it sounds as if the people who live in this place have very little money. Edward does not have to worry about that for he is fortunate enough to have plenty.

I have felt sick and tired all day but I don’t know if it because these murders sicken me so and I cannot get them out of my mind or whether it is because I am coming down with something. I feel so drained and sick to the stomach all the time.

Edwards’s guilty conscience must have got the better of him for he arrived home unexpectedly today. I still feel no better and at dinner he wanted to know why I was picking at my food and not eating. He lectured me on the effects of a poor diet. I told him I had been feeling unwell and he insisted on me telling him my symptoms and checking my pulse and temperature. He did not think there was anything serious but insisted that we call out Doctor Smith first thing to confirm everything was fine. I told him to stop making a fuss but he would not listen.

As we sat in the library and talked about our plans for the future he told me he could not stop thinking about how cruel he had been on his last visit home. He apologised again but never mentioned my wanting a baby.

He had given the staff the evening off so we had the house to ourselves, which was a rare treat. For a time it was like it used to be and we made love so tenderly, just like all those months ago. Then he carried me upstairs where we lay in each other’s arms until we fell asleep.

Alfie came home on leave from the army today and I could not hide my excitement to see him again: I have missed him so dearly. I waited outside with Cook and Harold for him to arrive. When the horse and carriage pulled up in front of the house I ran down the steps and threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He hugged me back for a short time and then stepped back as if I were burning him. I turned to see Edward watching from the billiard room window and I felt my cheeks flush. Edward was angry. I could tell by the way he was holding himself so stiff and upright. I felt my stomach clench.

Harold helped Alfie inside with his case and I retreated to go and find Edward. He was nowhere to be seen. Cook informed me he was in the cellar again. I reached the cellar door and then stopped myself. To this day I cannot bear to go down there, it still scares me so I left him to it. He told me the last time I asked him what it was he did down there that he was sorting through his parents belongings and did not want me to interrupt him. He said there were too many memories that belonged to him alone. I went back to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Cook placed a plate of freshly baked gingerbread on the table in front of me and for the first time in a week I felt my stomach growl with hunger. Gingerbread is Alfie’s favourite although if you asked her if she had made it especially for him she would no doubt deny it. Next she placed the big, tin teapot on the table and an assortment of cups and saucers. Alfie and Harold walked in and I was mother and poured the tea. We all listened to Alfie’s tales of faraway places and laughed for he was so funny. Even Harold, who normally took notice of no one nor nothing, was intrigued.

I have no idea how long we had been sitting there when Edward came into the kitchen. He nodded at Alfie and told me to come with him to the morning room. I excused myself and followed him. I knew he was furious with me and I was terrified of what was about to follow. I always knew he was jealous of Alfie but I had no idea just how much. He slammed the door shut and demanded that I was never to go and sit in the kitchen again; he told me it was a place for servants and not the Lady of the House. He was pacing back and forth across the floor. Suddenly he stopped abruptly and turned to stare at me: his eyes were black. Then he told me that if he caught me talking or touching Alfie again he would beat me until not one person on this earth would ever look at me again. I was scared because I knew that he meant every word he had just spoken. I apologised and tried to explain that Alfie was like a brother to me and we had grown up in this house with only each other for company. He struck me so hard that my head snapped back and my face began to burn. He grabbed my hair, which I had spent so long dressing this morning, and pulled it so hard the tears began to stream down my face. When he let go I ran out of the room and up the stairs to my attic bedroom and slammed the door shut. I threw myself onto the bed and cried myself to sleep. Edward never came looking for me and for that I was thankful.

Edward has not spoken to me for over a week now. The atmosphere in the house is horrid. The doctor called this morning to tell me why the sickness has not improved. He told me that I am with child. I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I was so relieved that I wasn’t seriously ill but I was also scared to tell Edward. Surely he would not still be angry with me when he finds out he is to be a father, for there is no greater gift than that of a child. I am hoping that this will bring back the Edward that I miss so much, the Edward who loves me and does not want to hurt me.

I could not stop myself and rushed to go and find him to tell him the good news. I found him in his study, head bent and writing a letter. He did not even look up at me he was so absorbed in his writing. I coughed and startled him for he looked up and slid the paper underneath the blotter. I walked in, closing the door behind me. He asked me what I wanted and I told him our wonderful news. I expected him to scoop me into his arms and kiss me. Instead he pushed himself up from his chair, the colour drained from his face leaving it a deathly white mask, his black eyes glared and he walked past me out of the room without speaking. I do not know what goes on in his mind. One moment he is happy and kind, the next he is cruel and violent.

I wondered how things would have been if it was Alfie I had married and was telling this news to. I know for a fact he would have picked me up and swung me around the room, whooping with joy. Dear happy Alfie who would no more lift a hand to swat a fly and rather die than hit me, unlike Edward, who I think takes great pleasure in hurting me.

I fear that the Edward I married was an illusion but I have no idea why. He is returning to London tomorrow so I busied myself packing his trunk and bags. I asked Harold if he knew where Edward was and he told me that he had gone down into the cellar. I smiled, thanking him for I do not want anyone to know of the difficulties between Edward and myself, it is my problem and mine alone.

How foolish I was thinking that becoming a father would put an end to his brutal outbursts. Last night he forced himself upon me and it hurt so much I was afraid I would lose my baby. He kept on biting me and holding my arms down so hard that today I am covered in bruises, the marks all down my arms and over my chest. I was so terrified for the child inside me that I did not struggle but lay there with silent tears of sadness rolling down my cheeks. He then went downstairs and drank so much of that awful whisky he likes so much that when he came back up he reeked of it. He was so drunk that he collapsed onto the bed fully clothed and fell asleep. His snores were so loud and he repulsed me enough that I crept from our marital bed up to my old bedroom.