The Gap into Madness: Chaos and Order (79 page)

Apparently
only Davies heard him. Vector, Sib, Morn, and Angus acted like he hadn’t
spoken.

“You
know,” Vector put in, “the thing that’s always amazed me about illegals —
including myself, of course — is the amount of ingenuity we’re willing to
expend so that we can get ourselves into trouble. It’s staggering.” As he
talked, he keyed off the console, undipped his belt, and drifted free. A push
of his foot moved him toward the command station. His tone sharpened. “Deaner
Beckmann was a brilliant man. A little wrongheaded, in my opinion, but
brilliant. Half the people there were brilliant. And now every one of them —”

He
swallowed hard and hunched over his chest as if emotions he’d forgotten long
ago were crowding out of his heart. Distress occluded his blue gaze.

“Let me
loose,” Nick repeated. His tone hinted at fever or hysteria. “I’ll stop her.”

Vector
caught himself on the arm of Angus’ g-seat. Like Davies, he seemed to want Morn
to look at him. Yet she focused on Angus as if he were the only one who
mattered, the only one who existed; the only one who could help her.

“I
think we should get out of here,” Vector told her and Angus. His voice shook. “Run
for open space and start broadcasting. Beckmann and his people were killed
because they knew about the mutagen immunity drug. Our only real defence is to
tell more people. Tell everybody. If we fight, we might lose. Then the Amnion
win, and every one of us will have died for nothing.”

“No!”
Davies protested instantly. His inner fire spiked like the readings on
Soar’s
cannon. “You can’t do that!” She killed my mother! “We have to hit her. Now, in
the swarm, where we have the advantage” — where
Trumpet’s
agility could
be most effective — “and she thinks we’ve been sabotaged. We’ll never get
another chance like this.”

Words
weren’t enough. He couldn’t articulate the fire. Only his hands on the targ
keys would be able to do that.

At last
Morn turned toward him. Stricken and reduced, she gazed at him with an ache in
her eyes. Pain compressed her mouth. Softly she sighed, “Oh, Davies,” as if she
were grieving.

“I did
this,” Nick insisted more vehemently. “It’s mine. Let me loose.”

Angus
cocked an eyebrow at his son. “You don’t think Vector makes sense?” He might
have been jeering.

A cry
mounted in Davies’ nerves, strained against the muscles of his throat. Don’t
you understand? I don’t
care
if he makes sense! I don’t
care
what
it costs.
Soar
killed my mother. If we don’t go after her, I’m
nothing
.
That’s all I have.

He
restrained himself somehow. “Morn’s already made her decision,” he retorted
weakly. “We’re going after
Soar
.” To his own ears he sounded small and
useless, like a beaten kid, but he didn’t know how else to defend what he
needed. Morn was watching him with misery on her face, as if he’d failed her. “We’re
going after
Soar
,” he repeated. “She’s killed too many people. We’re
cops, we can’t run away from this.”

Abruptly
he stopped in a flash of inspiration. His fire burned so hotly that it exalted
him. Instead of protesting further, he said the only thing he could think of
which might sway Angus.

“She
has Milos Taverner with her.”

When
Davies said that name, old rage smouldered again in Angus’ yellow eyes. His
hate was almost autonomic: so visceral that even his zone implants couldn’t
control it. His mouth twisted as if he were remembering hurts which sickened
him.

“It
might be a good thing,” he muttered, “to put Sorus Chatelaine out of her
misery.”

“Let me
loose,” Nick insisted. His fever was plain in his voice. “I’ll stop her. I know
what to do.”

“That
does it,” Sib announced; unnaturally harsh and sure. “I don’t want to listen to
this anymore. I’m going to gag him.”

Grimly
Sib shoved his gun into one pocket and retrieved his roll of strapping tape
from another.

“No!”
Davies protested again. “Don’t.” Intuition ruled him now, as commanding as
flame. Because he was desperate, he could see possibilities — “We need him.”

Slapping
at the clasp of his belts, he freed himself and swung out of the second’s
station to intercept Sib.

Sib
stopped, stared at him in consternation. Morn opened her mouth as if she wanted
to object. Vector must have swayed her; she wasn’t on Davies’ side any longer;
she withdrew her support just when he needed it most. But instead of speaking
she only watched him with dumb sorrow in her eyes.

“Him?”
Angus snorted in scorn. “You mean Captain Sheepfucker? We must be in worse
trouble than I thought. What in hell do we need
him
for?”

Davies
didn’t try to answer. When he saw Sib stop, he redirected his momentum toward
Nick.

Nick
rested against the rear bulkhead in a crumpled stance, as if his bonds
prevented him from straightening his back. So that he wouldn’t turn into a
projectile when
Trumpet
manoeuvred, Sib had strapped one of his arms to
a handgrip: he dangled there like a dressed beast.

In a
strange way, he looked like he’d been blinded by his scars. Their craziness
consumed his gaze completely. Passion throbbed in them as if they were all he
had left.

Davies
caught himself on the front of Nick’s shipsuit.

Nick
leered back at him from under his eyebrows.

Ignoring
the pressure of Morn’s dismay and Angus’ disdain, Davies met Nick’s eyes.

“How?”
he demanded. “How would you stop her?”

Nick
replied with an immured grin. “Let me loose.”

“Sure,”
Davies returned sharply; desperately. “Let you loose. Give you another chance
to kill us all. Try to imagine Angus doing that. Try to imagine Morn doing it.
Use your head, Nick. We’re going to keep you trussed up here until you rot.

“You
said you know what to do. I don’t believe you. How could you stop her?”

A look
of manic calculation came into Nick’s gaze. He glanced past Davies’ shoulders
at Angus, at Morn, then focused on Davies again. Slowly his chin came up.

“Let me
loose,” he repeated in a conspiratorial whisper, as if he didn’t want Angus or
Morn to hear him. “Give me a gun. A laser rifle — a big one. And an EVA suit.”

“Oh,
perfect,” Davies snapped. “What a great idea. That way you can fry us all
without having to worry about it if you damage
Trumpet’s
integrity.”

Nick
shook his head impatiently. “Send me outside. Leave me. I’ll stop her.

“She’s
following us,” he breathed to Davies’ hunger. Husky and strained, his voice
throbbed with his own desperation. “She knows where we are. Lab Centre assigned
us the same protocols. She’ll come after us on the same course.

“Leave
me outside. I’ll wait for her. She won’t see me because she won’t look.” His
chest heaved. “I’ll peel her open like a bloated carcass. By the time she knows
I’m there, she’ll be venting so much atmosphere she won’t be able to keep up
with it. Then I’ll cut my way inside. I’ll cut her heart out — I’ll give her
scars she can’t live with.

“Let me
loose.” He showed Davies his teeth. “I want to kill her.”

Angus
laughed like cracking wood. “You’re out of your mind, Captain Sheepfucker.
Soar
is too big. She can absorb all the damage one laser rifle would do. You won’t
even slow her down.”

Vector
nodded. “You must think we’ve all lost our minds. How do you expect us to
believe you won’t start shooting at us as soon as you get your hands on any
kind of gun?”

Davies
didn’t care what they said. He waited to hear Morn.

Vector
fell silent. Angus didn’t go on. Sib said nothing. Everyone on the bridge
waited.

After a
moment she cleared her throat.

“Davies,”
she murmured thinly, “this is impossible.” The crime which Nick and Sorus had
committed against the Lab distressed her too much: she couldn’t see what was at
stake. “What’s happening to you? You want to get
Soar
. I understand. But
if that means you’re ready to start trusting Nick —”

Her
voice trailed away as if she were sinking down to some inconsolable place where
he would never be able to reach her.

Davies
didn’t turn. If he looked at her and saw that she was beyond reach, his veins
would burst.

“
No!
”
he shouted into Nick’s madness. “I
understand
him — I understand him
better than
you
do! I remember what
you
remember.” The harm Nick
had done to her was acid-etched in the channels of his brain. “And I’m
male
.
Whatever that means. I know what he’ll do!

“He
needs this too much.”

Nick’s
blind craziness urged him on. At the same time, however, it helped him control
himself. He stopped shouting. Instead he spoke in a guttural rasp from the
centre of his chest.

“He won’t
bother to turn on us. We don’t matter. We never did. Sorus Chatelaine is
everything. She’s all there ever was.”

Nick
nodded as if Davies’ recognition pleased him.

“If we
don’t try to get
Soar
,” Davies continued roughly, “if we can stand being
that ashamed of ourselves, we might as well go into hiding for the rest of our
lives.” At last he let go of Nick so that he could confront the rest of the
bridge. “She’ll hunt us forever.

“But if
we do try to get her, he can help us. He can hit her while she still thinks
Ciro might have sabotaged us.”

Let him
pay for his own crimes. And give us a better chance.

Morn
clenched her free hand in her hair and pulled as if she wanted to tug her mind
out by the roots. “Do you think so?” she countered. “Look at him.” Her eyes
were full of darkness as she studied her son. “Do you like what you see? He isn’t
here anymore. There’s nothing left of him. He died when he lost his ship. That’s
what’s wrong with revenge. It kills you. It’s just another kind of suicide.”

God
damn you, Davies groaned to himself. I backed you when you decided to free
Angus. When you finally made up your mind, I stood with you. Why can’t you
stand with me?

He ignored
her protest. Instead he retorted softly, “Do you really think it’s
preferable
to keep him tied up here like a piece of meat?”

More
than anything he’d said, that appeared to affect the people around him. Angus
growled deep in his throat, but didn’t argue. Vector blinked as if he were
abashed; as if everything that happened surprised him with new emotions.

Pale
and tense, Sib stared at his hands. He held the gun in one, his roll of tape in
the other. He might have been weighing one against the other; choosing his
fate.

The gun
was heavier. Abruptly he shoved the tape back into his pocket, lifted his head.
A cornered look gleamed like sweat on his pale features.

“I’ll
go with him,” he announced. “Make sure he doesn’t turn against you.”

Vector
and Morn gaped at him in shock.

“You’re
right, he can’t destroy her.” Shivers of apprehension ran through his voice. “But
he could do some damage. He might hurt her enough so that you can beat her.”
His throat closed involuntarily. He needed a moment before he could force
himself to say, “When you’re done, you can come back for me.”

“Motherfucker,”
Angus muttered to no one in particular. “Motherfucking sonofabitch. It might
help.”

“
Sib
,”
Morn cried quietly. She was weeping again. Small constellations of tears
drifted in front of her face; pieces of loss. “You don’t have to do that. It’s
too much. What if something goes wrong? What if we don’t find you in time?

“What
if she takes you?”

What if
she captures you and gives you one of her mutagens?

Sib
shrugged as if he were breaking inside. “I’ve been afraid all my life. I’ve let
the Amnion have too many people. I need to make up for it.

“When I
let you out of your cabin, that was a start. Now I can’t quit.

“And I
think Davies is right. We have to stop
Soar
somehow. We can’t just run
away from her. She’s too dangerous.

“If I
go with Nick, I can protect you. And maybe I can help him damage her.”

“Sure,”
Nick pronounced with approval. “Sure.”

Morn
turned away as if she couldn’t bear to look at the men around her anymore.

Vector
studied her for a moment, his concern plain on his face. Then he turned to
Angus. “We ought to make a decision — while we still have time.” Unfamiliar
dismay and anger plucked at the corners of his mouth. “I’ve told you what I
think. You’ve heard Davies, Nick, and Sib. Now I guess it’s up to you.

“What’re
we going to do?”

Angus
bared his teeth, unconsciously mimicking Nick’s grin. He didn’t hesitate. A
feral light shone on his features as he swung toward Davies and Nick; put his
back to Morn.