The Game That Breaks Us (9 page)

My lips twitch ever so slightly with the urge to laugh. “They’re called
puck
bunnies.”

She wrinkles her nose again and we move forward in line. “I like my term better. It’s more accurate.”

She’s got that right. 

“I’m going to the bar, you wanna come?” I find myself asking before I even thought about what I was going to say.
What the fuck is the matter with me?

“Um …” She looks up at me with wide, doe-like eyes. “Bars aren’t really my thing.”

“Come on,” I find myself coaxing. “It’ll be fun. You’ll be with me.”

She bites her lip. “I’m supposed to meet Elle and Ryland,” she hedges.

The monster named Jealousy rears up inside me when I hear the name Ryland, but I quickly douse it. I have no right to feel jealous. “Tell them to come.”

She bites her lip and I know she’s caving. “Let me text Elle.”

We step out of line so that other people can get their caffeine fix. I shuffle beside her as she texts her friend. I’ve never been so awkward around a girl before. It’s kind of alarming. I lean against a lamppost and stare down at the ground; it’s riddled with splotches of gum and pebbles and dirt. 

“Elle says they’re in.” Grace puts her phone away and looks up at me. Her hair blows slightly in the wind, a stray piece getting caught in her lip gloss. Before I can stop myself, I reach out and grab the strand of hair, plucking it away.

I swallow thickly; the way my heart’s beating in my chest is something I’ve never felt before. My gut tells me to run, run far and fast, away from this girl, and yet my feet are planted firmly to the ground. I’m frozen, locked in her gaze. We stare at each other, neither of us saying a word. I wish I could read her mind, to know if she’s as confused by this as I am, but I’m scared if I open my mouth I’ll discover I’m the only one with these thoughts, and for some reason, I can’t bear the thought of that.

“Cool,” I finally say in response to what she said. “Shall we go?” I point over my shoulder in the direction I’d originally been headed. 

She looks away and then back up at me with uncertainty in her gaze. “Just tell me the place. Ryland has a car; he’ll make sure we get there.”

I’ve never hated a person I’ve never met before the way I hate this Ryland guy. It’s a bit—no, a lot—ridiculous. I don’t want to argue with her. I mean, I
do
but I don’t want to wave my asshole flag, so I sigh and say, “Yeah it’s Costello’s down on the corner of 5th and Main. You can’t miss it.”

She nods. “I’ll see you in an hour then?” She starts to move away and her backpack strap starts to slip. She quickly hikes it back up before it falls. 

“Yeah, see you then,” I say.

She smiles one last time and hurries down the cobblestone walkway to her dorm.

I watch her go. When I can no longer see her, I finally force my legs to move back to my dorm—still sounds fucking ridiculous to say
dorm
—so I can change. If Grace isn’t going to be there for another hour, there’s no point to rush. 

It doesn’t take me long to change, and I spend the rest of my time trying to figure out what’s so different about Grace and why I can’t get her out of my head. 

The bar is packed with college kids and what looks like a few professionals enjoying an after work drink. 

“Do you know if Bennett is here?” Elle asks, shouting to be heard above the noise. “I still can’t believe you know Bennett James.”

I shake my head. “I don’t have his number.”

“Girl, you have to get his number,” she says with a look like I’m crazy. 

“I think he’s back there.” Ryland points to a horseshoe-shaped booth in the back where someone has an arm raised, waving. I can’t see them, but I head that way, dragging Elle along by her arm with me. Ryland moves behind her, paving his own way with his wider body. 

I’ve only been at school for a week, but in that time, Ryland and Elle have become my friends. I’m beyond shocked by how much Elle and I actually have in common, considering she probably wanted to slit my throat when she first saw me. I’m learning that’s just
Elle,
though. She’s like that with everyone until she gets to know you—except Ryland: she let him right on through her fortress, but I think that’s in part to him saving her that first night and the crush she has on him which she won’t admit to.

I finally break through the crowd, and sure enough, Bennett occupies the booth. I slide in beside him with Elle on my other side and Ryland beside her.

“Hey,” I say in greeting to Bennett. A glass of beer sits in front of him, half-empty. 

He gives me a close-lipped smile back. “Hi.” He lifts his fingers in greeting at Elle and Ryland.

“Oh, this is my roommate Elle, and my friend Ryland,” I introduce.

“Hey, man.” Ryland holds his fist out for a bump, and Bennett reluctantly returns it, giving Ryland a disgruntled look. 

“I’m a huge fan,” Elle chimes in, lighting up. Her obsession with hockey cracks me up considering her dark princess persona she insists on wearing. “That one play you did in your last game was
ah-mazing
. I’ve never seen anything like it. You’re a rock star on ice.”

Bennett chuckles and lifts his glass of beer to his lips. “Thanks.” He signals for a waitress. “Order whatever you want. It’s on me,” he says. 

Elle and Ryland both order beers, and I’m shocked when the waitress doesn’t card Elle. I’ve drank before, at parties, sure, but never in a bar like this. “Water for me,” I say. “And some food. What do you guys want?” I ask.

“We’ll take an order of cheesy fries and nachos,” Bennett tells her. 

“Sure thing. I’ll be right back with your drinks.” She smiles up at Bennett, and I swear she bats her long, obviously fake lashes. It shouldn’t bother me—it
doesn’t
bother me. Bennett’s not mine, and we barely even know each other. Women are free to check him out, and he’s allowed to return the favor. Although, at this particular moment, he’s not returning it. Instead, he’s staring at me.

“You don’t want a beer?” he asks, twirling a coaster between his fingers.

I shrug and trace my fingernail over the word DICK carved into the top of the table. People are so amusingly base. “Beer’s not my thing.”

His lips twitch. “Maybe you’d prefer one of those girly fruit drinks with the little umbrellas.”

I suppress the urge to laugh. “Yeah, that’s probably more my speed,” I agree.

Beside me, Ryland and Elle chat, and for the moment it feels like Bennett and I are alone, when in reality that’s the farthest thing from the truth.

Bennett’s brows draw together, and he seems to be mulling over what he wants to say. I don’t pester him, knowing he’ll speak when he’s ready. “You really didn’t know who I was, did you?” he asks.

“Honestly? No,” I admit. “My dad and older brother are into cars, not sports, and the only sport my little brother likes is football, so I hate to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen any hockey games ever in my life.”

Bennett grins—I get the feeling he doesn’t smile like that very often. At least around me it seems like he’s always trying
not
to smile. Like he has to keep up some bravado of the big bag hockey player that’s going to hurt you. My gut tells me that’s not the
real
Bennett.

“We’re going to have to change that,” he says.

I raise a brow. “Oh, are
we
?” I emphasize the word. 

He lifts his beer to his lips. “Yes,
we
are.”

Elle punches my arm. “I have to go pee.”

I snap my head in her direction. “What does that have to do with me?”

“
Girl code
,” she hisses under her breath. 

I roll my eyes and glance at Bennett. “We’ll be right back.”

Ryland slides out of the booth so Elle and I can pass. She takes my hand and pulls me into the bathroom. The noise from the bar dulls and only one stall is in use so we’re relatively alone. 

“I think Ryland likes me,” she states.

“You dragged me into the bathroom for this?”

“Grace,” she whines. “What do I do? I’m not good at this kind of thing. I mean, you saw what happened at the party—the kinds of guys I tend to go after. Ryland is … He’s sweet and he makes me laugh. I
like
him.”

I lift my hands at my sides. “I don’t know what to tell you other than to just be yourself.”

She rolls her eyes. “You sound like a damn fortune cookie.”

I sigh. “It’s the truth, though. You are your own most unique quality about yourself. Embrace it.”

She heads over to the sink, gripping the white porcelain between her fingers. “That’s hard for me,” she says softly.

“It’s hard for everybody,” I agree. “We think if we can’t love ourselves for who we are that nobody else can. We rarely see the beauty in who we are and just the ugliness. We all focus too much on what’s
wrong
and not what’s
right
. I promise you, even if you can’t see it, you’re pretty amazing.”

“Really?” she asks with wide puppy dog eyes.

“Really,” I concur.

“How can you even say that, though? I was such a bitch to you that first day.”

“And that’s not who you really are, is it?” I counter. “Just like I’m not the uppity rich girl you thought I was.” Well, technically, I
am
rich but I certainly am
not
uppity. In fact, in high school, I was noted for letting people walk all over me. I just wanted to be liked, but something I learned is you can’t roll over and expect people to love you—they’ll only use you.

The girl in the stall comes out, washes her hands, and leaves all without sparing us a single glance. 

Elle inhales a deep breath, looking at her reflection in the mirror. “I’m overthinking this, aren’t I? I’ve only known the guy a week.”

“Yeah, you are. Just let things play out.”

“Okay.” She nods and takes a step back. “Now I really do have to pee.”

I laugh as she scurries into the stall. I figure since I’m in the bathroom, I might as well do the same. 

When we head back to the table, Bennett looks at us with a knowing smile. Ryland stands, and I slide back into my original spot. Bennett now has his arm stretched along the back of the booth and his fingers dangle dangerously close my shoulder when I settle.

“It doesn’t really take girls
that
long to pee.” His lips graze my ear when he speaks, and I can’t stop the shiver that runs down my spine. He notices and grins, his hazel eyes twinkling. 

“Sure it does,” I say. I hate how breathless I sound, like he’s stolen all the air from my body. Our drinks now sit on the table, and I reach for my water, stick the straw in, and slurp down half of it. My throat feels as dry as the Sahara with him staring at me like that.

“Mmhmm,” he hums, and I swear his eyes flick down to my lips. 

I feel like I’m in the same predicament as Elle—liking a guy I just met. It seems wrong to like someone so quickly, but I think sometimes there are people you meet and there’s just this immediate connection. Good
or
bad.

“Cheese fries and nachos,” the waitress announces loudly above the din in the bar. I have to admit both look delicious and my stomach rumbles. I’ve barely eaten anything all day. All I had was a muffin for breakfast, and I didn’t have time for lunch so I’m running on fumes. “I’ll be right back with some plates for you guys,” she says, speaking only to Bennett. 

“Bring some napkins too,” he tells her, already picking up a nacho and shoving it in his mouth. I guess I should feel sorry for her, since he’s paying more attention to the nachos than her. 

“Anything else?”

He lifts his empty beer glass. “Of course.” She curtsies.

I’m the only one that notices and I snort. She realizes what she’s done and her whole face turns as red as a tomato.

“Day made,” I whisper under my breath.

“What’s that?” Bennett asks, grabbing another nacho.

“Nothing,” I say quickly. I might’ve not liked the waitress checking him out, but I wouldn’t make fun of her for making a bluff. That just wasn’t me.

As my mom likes to say, I am nice to a fault.