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Authors: Ayn Rand

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The Fountainhead (67 page)

BOOK: The Fountainhead
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He stopped. He looked at her. She thought that she was standing straight; that it was simple and normal, she was seeing the gray eyes and the orange hair as she had always seen them. She was astonished that he moved toward her with a kind of urgent haste, that his hand closed over her elbow too firmly and he said: “You’d better sit down.”

Then she knew she could not have stood up without that hand on her elbow. He took her suitcase. He led her across the dark side street and made her sit down on the steps of a vacant house. She leaned back against a closed door. He sat down beside her. He kept his hand tight on her elbow, not a caress, but an impersonal hold of control over both of them.

After a while he dropped his hand. She knew that she was safe now. She could speak.

“That’s your new building?”

“Yes. You walked here from the station?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a long walk.”

“I think it was.”

She thought that they had not greeted each other and that it was right. This was not a reunion, but just one moment out of something that had never been interrupted. She thought how strange it would be if she ever said “Hello” to him; one did not greet oneself each morning.

“What time did you get up today?” she asked.

“At seven.”

“I was in New York then. In a cab, going to Grand Central. Where did you have breakfast?”

“In a lunch wagon.”

“The kind that stays open all night?”

“Yes. Mostly for truck drivers.”

“Do you go there often?”

“Whenever I want a cup of coffee.”

“And you sit at a counter? And there are people around, looking at you?”

“I sit at a counter when I have the time. There are people around. I don’t think they look at me much.”

“And afterward? You walk to work?”

“Yes.”

“You walk every day? Down any of these streets? Past any window? So that if one just wanted to reach and open the window ...”

“People don’t stare out of windows here.”

From the vantage of the high stoop they could see the excavation across the street, the earth, the workmen, the rising steel columns in a glare of harsh light. She thought it was strange to see fresh earth in the midst of pavements and cobblestones; as if a piece had been torn from the clothing of a town, showing naked flesh. She said:

“You’ve done two country homes in the last two years.”

“Yes. One in Pennsylvania and one near Boston.”

“They were unimportant houses.”

“Inexpensive, if that’s what you mean. But very interesting to do.”

“How long will you remain here?”

“Another month.”

“Why do you work at night?”

“It’s a rush job.”

Across the street the derrick was moving, balancing a long girder in the air. She saw him watching it, and she knew he was not thinking of it, but there was the instinctive response in his eyes, something physically personal, intimacy with any action taken for his building.

“Roark ...”

They had not pronounced each other’s names. It had the sensuous pleasure of a surrender long delayed—to pronounce the name and to have him hear it.

“Roark, it’s the quarry again.”

He smiled. “If you wish. Only it isn’t.”

“After the Enright House? After the Cord Building?”

“I don’t think of it that way.”

“How do you think of it?”

“I love doing it. Every building is like a person. Single and unrepeatable.”

He was looking across the street. He had not changed. There was the old sense of lightness in him, of ease in motion, in action, in thought. She said, her sentence without beginning or end:

“... doing five-story buildings for the rest of your life ...”

“If necessary. But I don’t think it will be like that.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“I’m not waiting.”

She closed her eyes, but she could not hide her mouth; her mouth held bitterness, anger and pain.

“Roark, if you’d been in the city, I wouldn’t have come to see you.”

“I know it.”

“But it was you—in another place—in some nameless hole of a place like this. I had to see it. I had to see the place.”

“When are you going back?”

“You know I haven’t come to remain?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You’re still afraid of lunch wagons and windows.”

“I’m not going back to New York. Not at once.”

“No?”

“You haven’t asked me anything, Roark. Only whether I walked from the station.”

“What do you want me to ask you?”

“I got off the train when I saw the name of the station,” she said, her voice dull. “I didn’t intend coming here. I was on my way to Reno.”

“And after that?”

“I will marry again.”

“Do I know your fiancé?”

“You’ve heard of him. His name is Gail Wynand.”

She saw his eyes. She thought she should want to laugh; she had brought him at last to a shock she had never expected to achieve. But she did not laugh. He thought of Henry Cameron; of Cameron saying: “I have no answer to give them, Howard. I’m leaving you to face them. You’ll answer them. All of them, the Wynand papers and what makes the Wynand papers possible and what lies behind that.”

“Roark.”

He didn’t answer.

“That’s worse than Peter Keating, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Much worse.”

“Do you want to stop me?”

“No.”

He had not touched her since he had released her elbow, and that had been only a touch proper in an ambulance. She moved her hand and let it rest against his. He did not withdraw his fingers and he did not pretend indifference. She bent over, holding his hand, not raising it from his knee, and she pressed her lips to his hand. Her hat fell off, he saw the blond head at his knees, he felt her mouth kissing his hand again and again. His fingers held hers, answering, but that was the only answer.

She raised her head and looked at the street. A lighted window hung in the distance, behind a grillwork of bare branches. Small houses stretched off into the darkness, and trees stood by the narrow sidewalks.

She noticed her hat on the steps below and bent to pick it up. She leaned with her bare hand flat against the steps. The stone was old, worn smooth, icy. She felt comfort in the touch. She sat for a moment, bent over, palm pressed to the stone; to feel these steps—no matter how many feet had used them—to feel them as she had felt the fire hydrant.

“Roark, where do you live?”

“In a rooming house.”

“What kind of room?”

“Just a room.”

“What’s in it? What kind of walls?”

“Some sort of wallpaper. Faded.”

“What furniture?”

“A table, chairs, a bed.”

“No, tell me in detail.”

“There’s a clothes closet, then a chest of drawers, the bed in the corner by the window, a large table at the other side——”

“By the wall?”

“No, I put it across the corner, to the window—I work there. Then there’s a straight chair, an armchair with a bridge lamp and a magazine rack I never use. I think that’s all.”

“No rugs? Or curtains?”

“I think there’s something at the window and some kind of rug. The floor is nicely polished, it’s beautiful old wood.”

“I want to think of your room tonight—on the train.”

He sat looking across the street. She said:

“Roark, let me stay with you tonight.”

“No.”

She let her glance follow his to the grinding machinery below. After a while she asked:

“How did you get this store to design?”

“The owner saw my buildings in New York and liked them.”

A man in overalls stepped out of the excavation pit, peered into the darkness at them and called: “Is that you up there, boss?”

“Yes,” Roark called back.

“Come here a minute, will you?”

Roark walked to him across the street. She could not hear their conversation, but she heard Roark saying gaily: “That’s easy,” and then they both walked down the planks to the bottom. The man stood talking, pointing up, explaining. Roark threw his head back, to glance up at the rising steel frame; the light was full on his face, and she saw his look of concentration, not a smile, but an expression that gave her a joyous feeling of competence, of disciplined reason in action. He bent, picked up a piece of board, took a pencil from his pocket. He stood with one foot on a pile of planks, the board propped on his knee, and drew rapidly, explaining something to the man who nodded, pleased. She could not hear the words, but she felt the quality of Roark’s relation to that man, to all the other men in that pit, an odd sense of loyalty and of brotherhood, but not the kind she had ever heard named by these words. He finished, handed the board to the man, and they both laughed at something. Then he came back and sat down on the steps beside her.

“Roark,” she said, “I want to remain here with you for all the years we might have.”

He looked at her, attentively, waiting.

“I want to live here.” Her voice had the sound of pressure against a dam. “I want to live as you live. Not to touch my money—I’ll give it away, to anyone, to Steve Mallory, if you wish, or to one of Toohey’s organizations, it doesn’t matter. We’ll take a house here—like one of these—and I’ll keep it for you—don’t laugh, I can—I’ll cook, I’ll wash your clothes, I’ll scrub the floor. And you’ll give up architecture.”

He had not laughed. She saw nothing but an unmoving attention prepared to listen on.

“Roark, try to understand, please try to understand. I can’t bear to see what they’re doing to you, what they’re going to do. It’s too great—you and building and what you feel about it. You can’t go on like that for long. It won’t last. They won’t let you. You’re moving to some terrible kind of disaster. It can’t end any other way. Give it up. Take some meaningless job—like the quarry. We’ll live here. We’ll have little and we’ll give nothing. We’ll live only for what we are and for what we know.”

He laughed. She heard, in the sound of it, a surprising touch of consideration for her—the attempt not to laugh; but he couldn’t stop it.

“Dominique.” The way he pronounced the name remained with her and made it easier to hear the words that followed: “I wish I could tell you that it was a temptation, at least for a moment. But it wasn’t.” He added: “If I were very cruel, I’d accept it. Just to see how soon you’d beg me to go back to building.”

“Yes ... Probably ...”

“Marry Wynand and stay married to him. It will be better than what you’re doing to yourself right now.”

“Do you mind ... if we just sit here for a little while longer ... and not talk about that ... but just talk, as if everything were right ... just an armistice for half an hour out of years.... Tell me what you’ve done every day you’ve been here, everything you can remember....”

Then they talked, as if the stoop of the vacant house were an airplane hanging in space, without sight of earth or sky; he did not look across the street.

Then he glanced at his wrist watch and said:

“There’s a train for the West in an hour. Shall I go with you to the station?”

“Do you mind if we walk there?”

“All right.”

She stood up. She asked:

“Until—when, Roark?”

His hand moved over the streets. “Until you stop hating all this, stop being afraid of it, learn not to notice it.”

They walked together to the station. She listened to the sound of his steps with hers in the empty streets. She let her glance drag along the walls they passed, like a clinging touch. She loved this place, this town and everything that was part of it.

They were walking past a vacant lot. The wind blew an old sheet of newspaper against her legs. It clung to her with a tight insistence that seemed conscious, like the peremptory caress of a cat. She thought, anything of this town had that intimate right to her. She bent, picked up the paper and began folding it, to keep it.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Something to read on the train,” she said stupidly.

He snatched the paper from her, crumpled it and flung it away into the weeds. She said nothing and they walked on.

A single light bulb hung over the empty station platform. They waited. He stood looking up the tracks, where the train was to appear. When the tracks rang, shuddering, when the white ball of a headlight spurted out of the distance and stood still in the sky, not approaching, only widening, growing in furious speed, he did not move or turn to her. The rushing beam flung his shadow across the platform, made it sweep over the planks and vanish. For an instant she saw the tall, straight line of his body against the glare. The engine passed them and the cars rattled, slowing down. He looked at the windows rolling past. She could not see his face, only the outline of his cheekbone.

When the train stopped, he turned to her. They did not shake hands, they did not speak. They stood straight, facing each other for a moment, as if at attention; it was almost like a military salute. Then she picked up her suitcase and went aboard the train. The train started moving a minute later.

VI

C
HUCK:
AND WHY NOT A MUSKRAT? WHY SHOULD MAN IMAGINE himself superior to a muskrat? Life beats in all the small creatures of field and wood. Life singing of eternal sorrow. An old sorrow. The Song of Songs. We don’t understand—but who cares about understanding? Only public accountants and chiropodists. Also mailmen. We only love. The Sweet Mystery of Love. That’s all there is to it. Give me love and shove all your philosophers up your stovepipe. When Mary took the homeless muskrat, her heart broke open and life and love rushed in. Muskrats make good imitation mink coats, but that’s not the point. Life is the point.

“Jake:
(rushing in) Say, folks, who’s got a stamp with a picture of George Washington on it?

“Curtain.”

Ike slammed his manuscript shut and took a long swig of air. His voice was hoarse after two hours of reading aloud and he had read the climax of his play on a single long breath. He looked at his audience, his mouth smiling in self-mockery, his eyebrows raised insolently, but his eyes pleading.

Ellsworth Toohey, sitting on the floor, scratched his spine against a chair leg and yawned. Gus Webb, stretched out on his stomach in the middle of the room, rolled over on his back. Lancelot Clokey, the foreign correspondent, reached for his highball glass and finished it off. Jules Fougler, the new drama critic of the
Banner,
sat without moving; he had not moved for two hours. Lois Cook, hostess, raised her arms, twisting them, stretching, and said:

“Jesus, Ike, it’s awful.”

Lancelot Clokey drawled, “Lois, my girl, where do you keep your gin? Don’t be such a damn miser. You’re the worst hostess I know.”

Gus Webb said, “I don’t understand literature. It’s nonproductive and a waste of time. Authors will be liquidated.”

Ike laughed shrilly. “A stinker, huh?” He waved his script. “A real super-stinker. What do you think I wrote it for? Just show me anyone who can write a bigger flop. Worst play you’ll ever hear in your life.”

It was not a formal meeting of the Council of American Writers, but an unofficial gathering. Ike had asked a few of his friends to listen to his latest work. At twenty-six he had written eleven plays, but had never had one produced.

“You’d better give up the theater, Ike,” said Lancelot Clokey. “Writing is a serious business and not for any stray bastard that wants to try it.” Lancelot Clokey’s first book—an account of his personal adventures in foreign countries—was in its tenth week on the best-seller list.

“Why, isn’t it, Lance?” Toohey drawled sweetly.

“All right,” snapped Clokey, “all right. Give me a drink.”

“It’s awful,” said Lois Cook, her head lolling wearily from side to side. “It’s perfectly awful. It’s so awful it’s wonderful.”

“Balls,” said Gus Webb. “Why do I ever come here?”

Ike flung his script at the fireplace, it struck against the wire screen and landed, face down, open, the thin pages crushed.

“If Ibsen can write plays, why can’t I?” he asked. “He’s good and I’m lousy, but that’s not a sufficient reason.”

“Not in the cosmic sense,” said Lancelot Clokey. “Still, you’re lousy.”

“You don’t have to say it. I said so first.”

“This is a great play,” said a voice.

The voice was slow, nasal and bored. It had spoken for the first time that evening, and they all turned to Jules Fougler. A cartoonist had once drawn a famous picture of him; it consisted of two sagging circles, a large one and a small one: the large one was his stomach, the small one—his lower lip. He wore a suit, beautifully tailored, of a color to which he referred as
“merde d’oie.”
He kept his gloves on at all times and he carried a cane. He was an eminent drama critic.

Jules Fougler stretched out his cane, caught the playscript with the hook of the handle and dragged it across the floor to his feet. He did not pick it up, but he repeated, looking at it:

“This is a great play.”

“Why?” asked Lancelot Clokey.

“Because I say so,” said Jules Fougler.

“Is that a gag, Jules?” asked Lois Cook.

“I never gag,” said Jules Fougler. “It is vulgar.”

“Send me a coupla seats to the opening,” sneered Lancelot Clokey.

“Eight-eighty for two seats to the opening,” said Jules Fougler. “It will be the biggest hit of the season.”

Jules Fougler turned and saw Toohey looking at him. Toohey smiled but the smile was not light or careless; it was an approving commentary upon something he considered as very serious indeed. Fougler’s glance was contemptuous when turned to the others, but it relaxed for a moment of understanding when it rested on Toohey.

“Why don’t you join the Council of American Writers, Jules?” asked Toohey.

“I am an individualist,” said Fougler. “I don’t believe in organizations. Besides, is it necessary?”

“No, not necessary at all,” said Toohey cheerfully. “Not for you, Jules. There’s nothing I can teach you.”

“What I like about you, Ellsworth, is that it’s never necessary to explain myself to you.”

“Hell, why explain anything here? We’re six of a kind.”

“Five,” said Fougler. “I don’t like Gus Webb.”

“Why don’t you?” asked Gus. He was not offended.

“Because he doesn’t wash his ears,” answered Fougler, as if the question had been asked by a third party.

“Oh, that,” said Gus.

Ike had risen and stood staring at Fougler, not quite certain whether he should breathe.

“You like my play, Mr. Fougler?” he asked at last, his voice small.

“I haven’t said I like it,” Fougler answered coldly. “I think it smells. That is why it’s great.”

“Oh,” said Ike. He laughed. He seemed relieved. His glance went around the faces in the room, a glance of sly triumph.

“Yes,” said Fougler, “my approach to its criticism is the same as your approach to its writing. Our motives are identical.”

“You’re a grand guy, Jules.”

“Mr. Fougler, please.”

“You’re a grand guy and the swellest bastard on earth, Mr. Fougler.”

Fougler turned the pages of the script at his feet with the tip of his cane.

“Your typing is atrocious, Ike,” he said.

“Hell, I’m not a stenographer. I’m a creative artist.”

“You will be able to afford a secretary after this show opens. I shall be obliged to praise it—if for no other reason than to prevent any further abuse of a typewriter, such as this. The typewriter is a splendid instrument, not to be outraged.”

“All right, Jules,” said Lancelot Clokey, “it’s all very witty and smart and you’re sophisticated and brilliant as all get-out-but what do you actually want to praise that crap for?”

“Because it is—as you put it—crap.”

“You’re not logical, Lance,” said Ike. “Not in the cosmic sense you aren’t. To write a good play and to have it praised is nothing. Anybody can do that. Anybody with talent—and talent is only a glandular accident. But to write a piece of crap and have it praised—well, you match that.”

“He has,” said Toohey.

“That’s a matter of opinion,” said Lancelot Clokey. He upturned his empty glass over his mouth and sucked at a last piece of ice.

“Ike understands things much better than you do, Lance,” said Jules Fougler. “He has just proved himself to be a real thinker—in that little speech of his. Which, incidentally, was better than his whole play.”

“I’ll write my next play about that,” said Ike.

“Ike has stated his reasons,” Fougler continued. “And mine. And also yours, Lance. Examine my case, if you wish. What achievement is there for a critic in praising a good play? None whatever. The critic is then nothing but a kind of glorified messenger boy between author and public. What’s there in that for me? I’m sick of it. I have a right to wish to impress my own personality upon people. Otherwise I shall become frustrated—and I do not believe in frustration. But if a critic is able to put over a perfectly worthless play—ah, you do perceive the difference! Therefore, I shall make a hit out of—what’s the name of your play, Ike?”

“No skin off your ass,” said Ike.

“I beg your pardon?”

“That’s the title.”

“Oh, I see. Therefore, I shall make a hit out of No Skin
Off
Your
Ass.”

Lois Cook laughed loudly.

“You all make too damn much fuss about everything,” said Gus Webb, lying flat, his hands entwined under his head.

“Now if you wish to consider your own case, Lance,” Fougler went on. “What satisfaction is there for a correspondent in reporting on world events? The public reads about all sorts of international crises and you’re lucky if they even notice your by-line. But you’re every bit as good as any general, admiral or ambassador. You have a right to make people conscious of yourself. So you’ve done the wise thing. You’ve written a remarkable collection of bilge—yes, bilge—but morally justified. A clever book. World catastrophes used as a backdrop for your own nasty little personality. How Lancelot Clokey got drunk at an international conference. What beauties slept with Lancelot Clokey during an invasion. How Lancelot Clokey got dysentery in a land of famine. Well, why not, Lance? It went over, didn’t it? Ellsworth put it over, didn’t he?”

“The public appreciates good human-interest stuff,” said Lancelot Clokey, looking angrily into his glass.

“Oh, can the crap, Lance!” cried Lois Cook. “Who’re you acting for here? You know damn well it wasn’t any kind of a human interest, but plain Ellsworth Toohey.”

“I don’t forget what I owe Ellsworth,” said Clokey sullenly. “Ellsworth’s my best friend. Still, he couldn’t have done it if he didn’t have a good book to do it with.”

Eight months ago Lancelot Clokey had stood with a manuscript in his hand before Ellsworth Toohey, as Ike stood before Fougler now, not believing it when Toohey told him that his book would top the best-seller list. But two hundred thousand copies sold had made it impossible for Clokey ever to recognize any truth again in any form.

“Well, he did it with The
Gallant Gallstone,”
said Lois Cook placidly, “and a worse piece of trash never was put down on paper. I ought to know. But he did it.”

“And almost lost my job doing it,” said Toohey indifferently.

“What do you do with your liquor, Lois?” snapped Clokey. “Save it to take a bath in?”

“All right, blotter,” said Lois Cook, rising lazily.

She shuffled across the room, picked somebody’s unfinished drink off the floor, drank the remnant, walked out and came back with an assortment of expensive bottles. Clokey and Ike hurried to help themselves.

“I think you’re unfair to Lance, Lois,” said Toohey. “Why shouldn’t he write an autobiography?”

“Because his life wasn’t worth living, let alone recording.”

“Ah, but that is precisely why I made it a best-seller.”

“You’re telling me?”

“I like to tell someone.”

There were many comfortable chairs around him, but Toohey preferred to remain on the floor. He rolled over to his stomach, propping his torso upright on his elbows, and he lolled pleasurably, switching his weight from elbow to elbow, his legs spread out in a wide fork on the carpet. He seemed to enjoy unrestraint.

“I like to tell someone. Next month I’m pushing the autobiography of a small-town dentist who’s really a remarkable person—because there’s not a single remarkable day in his life nor sentence in his book. You’ll like it, Lois. Can you imagine a solid bromide undressing his soul as if it were a revelation?”

“The little people,” said Ike tenderly. “I love the little people. We must love the little people of this earth.”

“Save that for your next play,” said Toohey.

“I can’t,” said Ike. “It’s in this one.”

“What’s the big idea, Ellsworth?” snapped Clokey.

“Why, it’s simple, Lance. When the fact that one is a total nonentity who’s done nothing more outstanding than eating, sleeping and chatting with neighbors becomes a fact worthy of pride, of announcement to the world and of diligent study by millions of readers—the fact that one has built a cathedral becomes unrecordable and unannounceable. A matter of perspectives and relativity. The distance permissible between the extremes of any particular capacity is limited. The sound perception of an ant does not include thunder.”

“You talk like a decadent bourgeois, Ellsworth,” said Gus Webb.

“Pipe down, Sweetie-pie,” said Toohey without resentment.

“It’s all very wonderful,” said Lois Cook, “except that you’re doing too well, Ellsworth. You’ll run me out of business. Pretty soon if I still want to be noticed, I’ll have to write something that’s actually good.”

“Not in this century, Lois,” said Toohey. “And perhaps not in the next. It’s later than you think.”

“But you haven’t said ... !” Ike cried suddenly, worried.

“What haven’t I said?”

“You haven’t said who’s going to produce my play!”

“Leave that to me,” said Jules Fougler.

“I forgot to thank you, Ellsworth,” said Ike solemnly. “So now I thank you. There are lots of bum plays, but you picked mine. You and Mr. Fougler.”

“Your bumness is serviceable, Ike.”

“Well, that’s something.”

“It’s a great deal.”

“How—for instance?”

“Don’t talk too much, Ellsworth,” said Gus Webb. “You’ve got a talking jag.”

“Shut your face, Kewpie-doll. I like to talk. For instance, Ike? Well, for instance, suppose I didn’t like Ibsen——”

“Ibsen is good,” said Ike.

“Sure he’s good, but suppose I didn’t like him. Suppose I wanted to stop people from seeing his plays. It would do me no good whatever to tell them so. But if I sold them the idea that you’re just as great as Ibsen—pretty soon they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

“Jesus, can you?”

“It’s only an example, Ike.”

“But it would be wonderful!”

“Yes. It would be wonderful. And then it wouldn’t matter what they went to see at all. Then nothing would matter—neither the writers nor those for whom they wrote.”

“How’s that, Ellsworth?”

“Look, Ike, there’s no room in the theater for both Ibsen and you. You do understand that, don’t you?”

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